Need a relationship? You’re not needy, you’re normal

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Not needy, normal

If you feel like you need a relationship in your life, then don’t be scared: you’re not needy – you’re normal! Here’s why we think being upfront about what you want is nothing to be ashamed of

‘Play it cool’ is often seen as one of the most important dating rules to follow. Never seem too eager, always take your time when replying to texts, and never hint that you’re looking for a serious relationship. Slip up just once and your date will be out of the door faster than you can say ‘just kidding!’ In many respects, this is great advice. Being happy and confident on your own means that you won’t rely on a partner to boost your self-esteem, and you won’t fall into an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship. You won’t ever be needy.

That’s not to say that you should feel ashamed to want – and even feeling that you need – a relationship. We can get so worried about appearing needy that we end up denying the fact that being in a good relationship actually feels pretty great. When you’re reluctant to acknowledge that you’d really like someone special in your life, you can become complacent and start seeing the possibility of meeting a partner as pure luck.

Of course, telling yourself that you’re not needy and that you don’t need a relationship can be helpful when it comes to handling rejection. If you believe that relationships don’t matter to you, and you’ll be just as happy either way, then the search for a potential partner becomes much less painful and far less frustrating.

Regardless of how you feel about romantic relationships, loneliness takes its toll on your health. Feeling lonely can harm the immune system and suppress the body’s ability to fight disease, while good interpersonal relationships – whether romantic or platonic – can lead to improved mental health, a decrease in the production of the stress hormone cortisol, better heart health and, ultimately, a longer life.

The fact is that feeling like you need a relationship shouldn’t always been seen as a negative trait. We all need companionship, physical intimacy, and someone who can help ease the burdens of everyday life. And acknowledging that truth doesn’t mean that you’re needy, just normal!

Here’s why we believe you should shout about your need for a little romance in your life:

  1. It shows you value your potential partner

If you’re upfront about your desire for a romantic relationship, then potential partners will be able to see how they could fit into your life. Craft your profile so that it shows how you would share your life with someone. Instead of writing about how much you love relaxing with a TV box set, say that you’re looking for someone to hold your hand during the gruesome bits of Game of Thrones! You’ll still connect with people who share your interests, but you’ll also be making it clear that you’re ready to make someone part of your life.

  1. It reminds you to make your love life a priority

You wouldn’t work away at a job you hate just waiting for someone to offer you something better. You’d be proactive, send out your CV and meet with recruiters. Sure, not ever interview will lead to the perfect job, but you wouldn’t give up on that eventual goal. Try adopting a similar approach when dating. Remember your final goal and all the rewards that a relationship can bring and you’ll feel more motivated to send another message or take a chance on that second date.

  1. It demonstrates that you’re ready for a real relationship

The dating world can be a confusing place. There are thousands of single people out there but not all of them are looking for the same thing. Being upfront about wanting a relationship, means that you’re letting prospective partners know what you want straight away: no awkwardness, no mixed messages. Knowing what you want, and being confident enough to shout about it, is also a very attractive quality, so don’t be surprised if your dream becomes reality very quickly.  

  1. It shows what you need, not that you’re needy

While being desperate for a relationship can be described as being needy, ironically, being upfront and honest about the role a relationship would play in your life makes you the opposite of needy! You don’t need a partner because you’re not good enough on your own and not happy in your own skin, you need a partner because you need companionship and intimacy in your life. And there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, knowing that is what you need and being open about it puts you in a position of power.

So, why not try being more open about your desire for a relationship. Not only will it feel liberating, but that mindset shift might be just the thing that helps you find love.


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