“I love you this many quid worth.”

The holidays are just around the corner, which means it’s almost time for cheer, goodwill toward wo/men, spending time with family, and, if you’re like me, the stress of finding the perfect gift. People have many decisions to make when it comes to gift giving: how much to spend, what type of message the gift conveys, what to do when the gift disappoints, etc. This apprehension usually leads to a pleasant outcome: I feel happy when I see a loved one excited about something I picked out for them. Likewise, I like to receive gifts that were given with thought and love.  For me, gifts are reciprocal.

After discussing this topic with my friends and co-workers, I have come to understand that there are two camps to the gift giving/receiving cycle: those who embrace it, and those who despise it. For some, a gift is an expression of the way one feels toward another. For others, giving a gift can turn into a chore for various reasons: the time of year, a significant date, returning a gesture, etc. and they would rather wait until they saw something special that reminded them of a loved one, rather than stress over some socially construed time limit.

I happen to have opposite views with my partner about this issue. While I like to plan out gift giving, he believes it should be more spontaneous. This got me thinking:

Is a relationship doomed if each partner has opposite views on gift giving?

Research from Belk and Coon (1993) found that while even though the dominant view in social science research suggests that gift giving and other generous gestures are based on exchange, most dating partners will eventually reject this idea and converge their beliefs into a joint understanding of expectation. Therefore, even if you and your partner have different views on gift giving, you will likely compromise with one another in order to achieve a happy balance. Nguyen and Munch (2011) found that for this to occur, both partners in the relationship should have healthy self-esteem and be satisfied in their relationship.

So there you have it. If you are in a healthy and happy relationship but have different views on gift giving, don’t fret; you will likely end up finding a way to balance both of your ideals. Just be sure to keep in mind that the best gift of all is the happiness you share together.

Further Reading:

Belk, R., & Coon, G. (1993). Gift Giving as Agapic Love: An Alternative to the Exchange Paradigm Based on Dating Experiences Journal of Consumer Research, 20 (3) DOI: 10.1086/209357

Nguyen, H., & Munch, J. (2011). Romantic gift giving as chore or pleasure: The effects of attachment orientations on gift giving perceptions Journal of Business Research, 64 (2), 113-118 DOI: 10.1016/j.jbusres.2010.02.006

 
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