Friendship

Have you ever been afraid to rely on your partner for fear you would be thought of as weak or- gasp- dependent? Turns out that relying on your partner during stressful times- and getting the proper support- may help you act more independently in the future.

A recent article in the Washington Post by Shankar Vedantam reported some of the benefits of doing altruistic and moral things. In short, more and more research on the brain is showing that doing good makes us feel good (and doing the wrong thing makes us feel bad), and that these altruistic and moral tendencies may be rooted deeply in our biology and our evolutionary past.

We need others – we long to be close, to be loved, and to belong. The closer we get, however, the more vulnerable we become, and the potential to hurt others and to be hurt increases. Not following through with a promise, forgetting a birthday, or having an affair – these violations can be hurtful, especially when they come from those we rely on and trust the most. But what happens when we are hurt? How do we evolve past these incidents so that we can maintain our closeness and connection to others?

A lot of attention is focused on how to improve romantic relationships, to keep your man or woman happy. But all types of relationships can use a little TLC (tender loving care). If you haven’t thought about how to maintain your friendships, there are several things people usually do that are positively related to friendship satisfaction and commitment to the relationship (Oswald, Clark, & Kelly, 2004). These maintenance behaviors are grouped into four categories: openness, positivity, supportiveness, and interaction.

Tragedies like the one at Virginia Tech are terrifying and troubling. We don’t know if something like that might happen to us, or someone we love. And it makes me wonder why someone would do such a thing. Regardless if you were directly affected by this tragedy or were not, events like these can make us feel more stress and it can make it even more difficult to cope with the challenges we have in our lives.