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We need others – we long to be close, to be loved, and to belong. The closer we get, however, the more vulnerable we become, and the potential to hurt others and to be hurt increases. Not following through with a promise, forgetting a birthday, or having an affair – these violations can be hurtful, especially when they come from those we rely on and trust the most. But what happens when we are hurt? How do we evolve past these incidents so that we can maintain our closeness and connection to others?

Do birds of a feather really flock together or do opposites attract? Are we attracted to people who are similar or who compliment? Although people still have varying opinions on this question the research on the topic is pretty clear. You are more likely to be attracted to and more likely to have a satisfying relationship with someone who is similar. In fact, when Thomas Gilovich (Cornell University), Dacher Keltner (UC Berkeley), and Richard Nisbett (University of Michigan) addressed this topic in their Social Psychology text book (one that is used in psychology classes in many colleges and universities) they concluded that “Similarity is the rule and complimentarity is the exception” (page 102).

The finding that mature rats exposed to classical odor-shock conditioning soon learn to avoid the odor as a way of also avoiding the shock certainly qualifies for the school of the blooming obvious. What is less apparent, and in fact little known, is that rat pups show “paradoxical learning;” pups still confined to the nest show a strong odor preference in this classical training paradigm. This attraction to anything, even pain, occurs regardless of maternal presence.

I think I speak for most everyone when I say that statistics can be annoying. For the person reading the statistics, this is usually because they can be confusing or misleading. However, for the person or agency responsible for generating the statistics, they can often be just as annoying because they just won’t say what you want them to say.