Personality

…reveal much more about ourselves than we might think. A recent NY Times article provides an overview of the research that has been done by personality psychologists on how people’s stories contain themes and elements that reflect their personality. This idea is not a new one. Everyone knows the archetypal psychotherapist holding up an ink blot and asking “What do you see here?”

We need others – we long to be close, to be loved, and to belong. The closer we get, however, the more vulnerable we become, and the potential to hurt others and to be hurt increases. Not following through with a promise, forgetting a birthday, or having an affair – these violations can be hurtful, especially when they come from those we rely on and trust the most. But what happens when we are hurt? How do we evolve past these incidents so that we can maintain our closeness and connection to others?

It seems that celebrity fathers are all the rage in the news lately (sorry, couldn’t help it). But then I thought back to my own childhood and realized that starting around twelve years old I had some nasty fights of my own with my beloved dad- and my parents are still married. What does the research on divorced dads tell us about the circumstances and how/why they occur?

Of course arguing is a natural and normal component of spending a life with someone. But frequent nastiness is not. When is it too much- too often? When should you and your partner think about accessing resources? And what do other couples go to therapy for anyway (you might find you are not such a uniquely complicated and unhappy couple after all).