Chat Up Lines that Actually Work

“Do you have any raisins? No? Well then, how about a date?”

Ok, chat up lines can be really funny, even if the thought of using this line seriously to meet someone makes me cringe.  Most people think – and research supports the fact – that chat up lines especially canned, insincere ones like these don’t generally work to start a conversation or a relationship.  Although people who use chat up lines like these can be seen as funny and sociable, they are also seen as less intelligent and less trustworthy (Senko & Fyffe, 2010).  Intelligence and trustworthiness being essential qualities women look for, especially in long term relationships.

An exception to the rule…

So then why are chat up lines even used?  There may be some circumstances where chat up lines actually can work. This same study showed that jokey chat up lines, like the one above, did not have the same negative impact if 1) the woman who was hit on was looking for a fling, or short-term relationship, and 2) the person picking her up was extremely attractive (Senko & Fyffe, 2010).

But instead of saving your best chat up line for just the right situation – perhaps one with good lighting and an easy relationship – consider 3 other approaches that work better.

The better ways…

Especially if you are looking for a more serious relationship, then a direct approach or innocuous approach might be your best bet (Senko & Fyffe, 2010).  Direct lines include things like, “I saw you across the room and knew I had to meet you” or “Hi, my name is….” Innocuous lines can include statements like, “This is a great band, isn’t it?”  Researchers found that people who used direct or innocuous opening lines were rated as more trustworthy and intelligent than people who used jokey chat up lines instead.

And if you have someone to introduce you to the person you’d like to meet, this might be your best option yet (Weber, Goodboy, & Cayanus, 2010).  Researchers found that this approach was rated even more effective than directly introducing yourself.  If the person making the introduction is trustworthy – like mutual friend or even another woman – then the person being introduced is also more likely to be trusted too.  Just something to keep in mind the next time you see an attractive stranger from across the room.

Further Reading:

Senko, C., Fyffe, V. (2010). An evolutionary perspective on effective vs. ineffective pick-up lines. Journal of Social Psychology,150(6), 648-67. PMID: 21166329

Weber, K., Goodboy, A. K., Cayanus, J. L. (2010) Flirting Competence: An Experimental Study on Appropriate and Effective Opening Lines. Communication Research Reports, 27, 2, 184 – 191. DOI: 10.1080/08824091003738149.