Breaking the Sexual Stereotype

Men can have low libidos too. I dated a guy that was like that. He was too tired for it a lot of times. It was frustrating.

Don’t Agree.
Sexual desire for women is connected to trust.
I haven’t found research to indicate that component for men.
Some of the responses from men were harsh – and chauvenistic.
Just look at the differences for men and women in the replies.

Both want it just as bad. Women just hide it because of double standards.

Paul you gotta be young or dumb or both to believe that. Pull your head out of the sand man!

Interesting to read comments. There are men and women who think of having sex all the time; there are men and women who never (or rarely) think of sex. The old bell curve applies. However, the biological imperatives of men and women differ. The male is designed to impregnate as many women as possible; women are designed to carry the rest of the burden. There are trade offs for both.
As for the poor misguided folks who say “all American women are such and such”, I feel sorry for you. I have had delightful sex with men of differing nationalities, and you’d probably be surprised at the variety of my experience. The man whose memories are warmest in my mind (1989, and I still remember) was from Argentina, a non-English speaker I met in Paris…a lawyer and soccer player…sigh. But I wouldn’t go to Argentina looking for sex because “all Argentinian men are great in bed”. It would be an idiotic assumption. Nor would I assume all non-English speakers are great in bed, which would make the same amount of sense!
Oh well. Just throwing in my two cents’ worth, from a life time of experience. I am 60 now, and look back over most of my life with no regrets and great enjoyment of the many adventures.
By the way, I was an attractive girl, and enjoyed it. But I don’t miss being a pretty girl, as I am much more into being useful now. You won’t see me getting a face lift or a tummy tuck….or bleaching my hair, which is still a lovely, long strawberry blonde.
It is nice to no longer feel the biological imperative of carrying on the specie; now I am free to relax, and sex (when I can get it) is better and more enjoyable than it ever was when I worried about getting pregnant.
You all have a nice day now, and if you have a chance to have sex, enjoy it!
Thanks and sincerely,
Claudia

I agree with what Lindsey said by about 100%. I am 40 now, but when I turned 30, my libido spiked. I stopped caring about the bubble baths and candles (that I cared about when I was in my 20′s because that is what I was “taught” was important) and just wanted to get naked and get my needs met, the quicker the better. After all, I don’t need to warm up to eating, I don’t need to warm up to sleeping, I don’t need to warm up to peeing. Sex is another physical need in which gratification comes from relief, and not so much the circumstances surrounding the act.

But how about this as food for thought… and if possible, I’d like to hear what Lindsey’s position is on this. When I turned 30 I became extremely active in the gym and turned my interest to taking care of myself. I find that how I perceive sex has everything to do with how good I look and feel about myself. When I feel sexy, I want sexy. When I feel fat, I want to cover up. I would like to see a poll where women rate their sexual desire and their self image. I would venture to say that the more attractive and sexy a woman feels, the more her man is getting it.

Does this mean only attractive women want sex. Not at all. My first husband made me feel overweight and unattractive after our child was born. He didn’t’ get much sex. In fact, I’m surprised we ever had a second child. My second husband made me feel very sexy even after our child was born. We began having sex again the day I got out of the hospital.

Lesson to learn… if you want your woman more, forget creating a romantic environment and figure out how to convince her she’s drop dead sexy. For me, comparing husband one and two, it was little things my second husband did, like rub a finger across my arm and say… “You have such beautiful skin”. Husband one would just grab my butt while I did dishes and ask if I wanted to go to the bedroom. The butt grab says… “I want sex.” Playing with a woman’s hair or rubbing her arm or sporadic hugs throughout the day says… “I want you.”

And my advice for women who want to increase their sexual desire… Don’t put it all off on your husband. Start taking care of yourself. Get your hair done, get your nails done, get some stylish clothes, eat healthier. But if nothing else, start exercising. I find that exercise is a powerful aphrodisiac. Nothing boost your feeling of “sexiness” like a getting in shape. And nothing boost your libido like feeling sexy.

Okay, I’m done here.

Weighing back in here. I wanted to mention that many of my female friends have told me that if they go a long while without sex, they won’t think about it as much, but as soon as they do have sex, they wanna have it all the time. Plus, like many people have alluded to, a woman’s sexual peak is roughly between the ages of 33 and 40. Many couples experience trouble in their relationship at this time because–just as a man’s sex drive starts going down after years of sexual frustration–the woman suddenly wants sex more than he does.
Dawn said that for women sex is connected to trust. I agree. I agree, however, because for men, trust is not an issue for the biological reasons stated in my last posting. It’s unfair, but true.

I think that this is really dependent upon the age of the people involved. I am a 25 year old man who has mostly been in relationships and involvement with women who are between 30 and 45, and one thing I’d say is true, is that women are generally more sexually interested at that age then men are. Men’s sexual drive generally is highest in their early twenties, and it starts to go down hill around twenty five or so, whereas women generally hit their height of sexual interest somewhere in their thirties. This is purely biological- women are nearing the end of their reproductive years at that age, and their body is trying to get them to reproduce as much as possible before menopuase. Men, on the other hand, began to be tired out around their mid twenties, generally from retained stress, physical labor, etc. Their are personal changes I have noticed with myself in the past five years. I need more sleep than I used to, sometimes my back hurts in the morning, and a lot of times, I just wake up and am too lazy to really want to do anything. I wouldn’t say my desire has decreased, as so much that I am too tired to pursue it actively.

I would say that,on average women probally do want sex as much as men. But what I would like to know is,are there just as many women who wants or thinks about sex as there are men? I’m sure that everyone knows a sexully charged women, but in a study of one hundred men and women,what would the ratio be?

As I read through the different responses I found it suprising at how many people sterotyped women as needing intimacy or the promise of committment in order to desire sex. I know that generally, the idea of women wanting sex and not needing committment isn’t socially acceptable like it is for men but I do think it is more prevelant than people think. I for one am a single woman who may eventually want to have a relationship after sex but right now, I like my independance and just enjoy sex. No strings attatched! I do not think I am unusual, I think though that most women won’t admit to others that she feels this way because of the labels a woman gets for enjoying the company of men on a superficial level.

Some of the guys replying to this subject seem confused. It’s not that women don’t want sex as much as a guy does…it’s that women, *generally* (I can’t speak for everyone, obviously!) would like “warm-up” time. Sex is not just physical, it’s mental and emotional as well. If you don’t want to waste time on these things, then you aren’t going to find women who want to make love to you. We want to be wined, dined, flattered and shown you’re interested in us. This is as much a part of foreplay as what goes on in the bedroom!! That’s why some guys think women are not as interested in sex. They guy wants to get right to “the act”…women (usually) want to have some “warm up time”. Give us that, and you will find a very willing, exciting partner.

As for NIck, SoulBrotha, etc; you guys are so superficial it’s pathetic. And to categorize American women as being less romantic and satisfying than other women is ridiculous. I suspect you and your compatriots are very much the kind of male, (not man…there’s a difference), who bases his self-worth on his genetalia and how frequently he can obtain a conquest.

I think that women for too long have been viewed as wanting sex less than men but I think if we were to get honest, we would see that women want it equally as much as men. I know someone women, including myself, who seem to want it more than men. For a long time, it was “taboo” for a woman to be open about having a strong desire for sex but for many of us, it’s a fact. Sex is an incredible gift and expression of love and it’s fun and amazing when shared in the context of marriage, the way God designed it. I hope that whoever I marry can keep up with my appetite!

Talk about skewed results. The poll would be much more interesting if placed at the BEGINNING of the article. Instead, everyone reads the article, sees what the “experts” say, then — surprise, surprise — 79% of all respondents agree with the “experts.”

I am not sure men and women desire sex equally. Each of us is different in that regard. As long as you and your partner agree on and can accommodate each others needs and desires who cares what the experts say?

My libido always goes up when I have time to breathe and think about more than just getting through the next chore/task I have to get through. Sadly, my former spouse wasn’t able to grasp this concept and sex became another chore/task on my to-do list.

Istongly believe that ther isn’t an imbalnce in sex drives just reponsibilties.

I would like to meet Davicio del Toro -

My kind of man and I am probably his kind of woman.

katherine

Well if we jump out of Western culture and go back in time to ancient Jewish law, it required men to make sex available to their wives a minimum number of times per week, depending on the men’s line of work. (Men of leisure had to offer it more, and laborers less.) It didn’t require the women to reciprocate or to accept! But it seemed to assume that the woman was going to want more sex than the man, and had a right to have a minimum amount.

Men want it more 99.9% of the time. End of story.

The Q is a bit misleading. It is not the fact that sex is more important to one than the other, but to what extent sex weighs on a relationship and to what order it is in the steps of a relationship. I have observed that both want sex. Men see it as a vehicle to intimacy, while women see it as the destination. These observations are in serious relationships and not found within the clubbing scene, which is a different intent.

Rich

Well…I am not sure about others, but in my last relationship I wanted more sex than the guy did. I have a few friends who share this problem. I say problem, because it is frustrating as a woman not to be pursued.
I also have two other friends who are not interested in sex as much as their guys.
I always hear that guys want more sex, but I have not met this guy yet! I wonder if this is just in the movies??
And how much you ask would I say is enough? I think every other day and even every day is nice. i wonder if a man gets this on a regular basis, if he would be less interested in wanting sex? Well I wish men DID want more sex.

Sex is intimacy. Intimacy is the need to shares yourself deeply with someone, and in sharing we release our selves of the burden of self awareness to our flaws and find ourselves enlightened and delighted in feeling others are or have become one with our special views and our special selves (the sharing of one with another) – this is a self supporting egotistical boost and works to raises our self esteem and in equal parts lower our self awareness to our flaws.
Not to mention the physiological health benefits that correlate with sex and hormones.
So in short having sex makes us feel more at ease being our selves and also feel as if we belong to something bigger than ourselves.

If we subconsciously acquire our understanding of a “sexual desire level” that we perceive others have, by equating it with our own personal level of sexual desire that we have for others.
Then this to say that for all we know others are just as interested in sex as we are, and or for all intents and purposes “should be”…

We all have “the need to share ourselves” and to find a better place where the better things we have to offer belong…
This is how we grow and develop ourselves as human beings.
Sex is personal effect that comes from human nature so is conversation.
It’s in our nature to procreate and verbally express ourselves.
Sex can also be a social anomaly so can conversation, just like sports and the construct of our work place and the television sitcoms that show us what has become of our society…

If you are good at sex share it and find a place/person where it belongs and is well received.
If you are good at conversation share it and find a place/person where it belongs and is well received.
If you are good at sports share it and find a place/person where it belongs and is well received.

By being free spirited sexually oriented people we are at the mercy of society saying where it does and does not belongs…
What works in public or mainstream society does not work well in our personal lives…

Let’s enjoy our sex and not destroy or pervert our world…
Let’s realizes where sociological respects end and we as people begin…

Let’s have patience in waiting for society to become “personaliety” and grant substance to being human beings, and embrace our human nature.
The discovery of “human nature” is where we will find our answers.

There will always be an ongoing and ever changing understanding of society and how we must nurture our proliferating sociological perception of one another.
We are not dealing with human beings and the nature of human beings when we question sex in society.
We are saying society has a say in how the nature of human beings should be sexually, so that society as a whole can become more comfortable with the sexuality of human beings and define its place in this world.

We will always be one people if we are looked at as “human beings”, and we should look closely at human nature if we are to understand our place.
But, as a society (by very definition being an all inclusive) us having an empirical definition of whom we should be or all should become, with a proliferating notion of an ever changing society, and that does justice to being human beings and human nature, I believe in an alluding goal heading in the wrong direction.

It is odd, but I really do think about sex all the time. I am a bit rounder in the rear, but still shapely and pretty, and I don’t think of sex as a confidence booster. I’d just like the feeling and my hormones wouldn’t care who gives it, as long as he is good-looking or meaningful to me in some way (that does make a man more attractive to a woman, and that is why women can find a semi-ugly man sexy). However, like others have said, I do have to consider pregnancy, abandonment, etc. and so I don’t actually follow through on any of my thoughts.

But that is still WANT, is it not? Maybe men go out and actually get it, but I’ve heard from friends and co-workers that women, especially around age 30, as I am, want sex a LOT.

And since I have chosen not to have sex til marriage, it is a constant annoyance in my mind, like a fly buzzing around during a picnic.

Guys, get it? Women, do you have the same problem?

If you are just talking about sex – not a relationship then men want it more hands down. Check out any website devoted to hooking up – ads by men looking for women outnumber those for women looking for men by an enormous amount. Now go to a site where people are looking for a relationship and the numbers change dramatically. And here’s a thought experiment – ladies walk up to any guy (that looks good to you) and ask him to have sex with you – most guys will says yes. Now guys do the same – you’ll most likely get your faced slapped. For sex and sex alone – its no contest.

As for the comments about European women vs Americans, I have some experience and have generally found women in Europe to be more sexual and more romantically inclined where American women are interested in
money and/or dieting – sex seems lower priority, but that’s not uniformly true as I found at least one American girl for whom sex was #1