I’ll Have What She’s Having (but only if she’s good looking)

Who could forget this iconic scene in the American film When Harry Met Sally?, in which Sally’s mid-meal outburst of pleasure entices a woman at a neighbouring table to “have what she’s having?”  Recent research suggests that the influence of endorsements made by same-sex others is not limited to diner fare or exaggerated displays, but encompasses a variety of social interactions and contextual cues, including the inherently social world of dating.   In fact, even the slightest suggestion of another’s interest in a potential romantic partner may heavily inform our assessment of that potential mate’s desirability.

A phenomenon coined “mate choice copying,” in which an animal is more likely to select a mate previously chosen by another, has been observed in a variety of nonhuman species.  From an evolutionary perspective, copying another’s mate may act as a shortcut by which the costs of active mate assessment (like time, energy, and predation risk) are diminished while also improving the mating outcome; choosing a mate who has previously mated with another helps ensure that an individual less experienced in selecting a mate will indeed mate successfully.

As humans, our tendency to copy others’ choices has been well documented by researchers across a variety of human activities, including fashion decisions, business strategies, “copycat” crimes, and, yes, restaurant orders.  Recently, mate copying has been further indicated in human mating, as humans are particularly skilled at incorporating the social cues of others as a means of determining their intentions and attitudes (Jones, DeBruine, Little, Burriss, & Feinberg, 2007).  Subtleties such as one person’s proximity to another, their facial expression, or a slight gaze potentially relay a wealth of information regarding the value of an unknown individual before you even learn their name.  Given the highly ambiguous nature of social dating, in which it seems utterly impossible to size-up every potential partner you see, mate copying may allow our already-overworked brains just the shortcut they need.

This is especially true for women, as their ideal mate preferences are influenced by those factors that best indicate that a man will be able and willing to stick around and invest in herself and her offspring, like his socioeconomic status, career, and social dominance.  Unfortunately, many of these qualities cannot be determined simply by giving a man a good onceover, and instead women must employ other means of assessing a potential mate’s value (unless Sally is around to offer her screaming approval).

So how has the female species adapted to differentiate the good guys from the bad ones with just a glance?  The “desirability enhancement effect,” offered by Hill & Buss (2008), shows that women find men more desirable when depicted with other women than when depicted alone or with other men.  Moreover, Jones et al. (2007) demonstrate that women have a heightened preference for a man’s face when observing another woman smiling at him.  This evidence mimics the nonhuman mate copying phenomenon, as women prefer a potential male previously chosen by another female.  Simply the presence of another women suggests her “stamp of approval,” indicating that he possesses at least some of the preferred mate qualities.  Utilizing another woman’s presence to provide relatively reliable information about a potential mate’s value may diminish the chances of wasting time, energy, and money (like not finding out he still has his paper route and lives at home with his parents until the third date).

Additionally, Yorzinski & Platt (2010) propose that women are most willing to engage in long-term relationships with men depicted with physically attractive females.  Women’s desirability ratings for men actually decrease when they’re shown with a less attractive female, demonstrating the value of a good recommendation (as attractive women have a higher mate value).  Interestingly, the more sexual experience a woman has, the less likely she is to adjust her attractiveness rating for a man when he is shown with any female other.  This finding further echoes the nonhuman mate copying phenomenon as a strategy utilized primarily by less experienced individuals to ensure successful mating outcomes.

Another woman’s endorsement appears so heavily weighted that women express an increased interest in a relationship with a potential mate after observing a date of him and a female displaying mutual interest.  Viewing a date with mutual disinterest decreases a woman’s expressed relationship interest (Place, Todd, Penke, & Asendorpf, 2010).  However, while it can be helpful, mate copying could be so influential that single women may be prone to being more interested in men that are less available to them.  Parker & Burkley (2009) demonstrate that single women are markedly more interested in pursuing a potential mate depicted in a relationship than pursuing a single man.  An attached man may indicate a high mate quality, as has essentially been “pre-screened.”

The influence of a woman’s implied preference for a man (whether by standing near, smiling at, or even dating him) on other women’s assessments of him has even been translated into a business model.  Websites offering “wingwomen” capitalize on our tendency for mate copying by providing women to accompany men out on the town and help with the “pickup mission.”  With companies boasting up to a 65 percent conversion rate, it appears some men have taken full advantage of women’s evolutionary adaptation to “have what she’s having.”

 
Hill, S., & Buss, D. (2008). The Mere Presence of Opposite-Sex Others on Judgments of Sexual and Romantic Desirability: Opposite Effects for Men and Women Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 (5), 635-647 DOI: 10.1177/0146167207313728

Jones, B., DeBruine, L., Little, A., Burriss, R., & Feinberg, D. (2007). Social transmission of face preferences among humans Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 274 (1611), 899-903 DOI: 10.1098/rspb.2006.0205

Parker, J., & Burkley, M. (2009). Who’s chasing whom? The impact of gender and relationship status on mate poaching Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 45 (4), 1016-1019 DOI: 10.1016/j.jesp.2009.04.022

Place, S., Todd, P., Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. (2010). Humans show mate copying after observing real mate choices☆ Evolution and Human Behavior, 31 (5), 320-325 DOI: 10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2010.02.001