What Type of Flirt Are You?

“Women often need to do nothing to promote a sexual encounter. Simply existing in time and space and being naked under their clothes is often enough to trigger approach attempts by men.” -D. Symons

Walk into any pub, coffee shop, bookstore, etc., etc.: anywhere men and women intermingle, there will be flirting.  The tendency for men and women to flirt with each other is widely accepted (and expected!) as a means of initiating romantic relationships.  Just exactly how we engage each other to communicate our romantic interests, however, allows more room for debate.  Who should make the first move?  Does flirting with someone always mean “I’m interested”?  Does a “one-night stand” flirt differently than someone interested in a long-term relationship?  And, given all the different ways there are to flirt, how much can you really determine about the flirter’s potential?

According to a recent study, you can learn quite a bit, including someone’s personality, attitudes and beliefs about courtship, self-presentation tendencies, and even past relationship behaviors.  Researchers developed the “Flirting Styles Inventory” to identify the individual differences in the communication of romantic interest (Hall, Carter, Cody, & Albright, 2010).  Specifically, they identified 5 distinct flirting styles: Traditional, Physical, Sincere, Playful, and Polite.

• Traditional: As its name implies, traditional flirts subscribe to traditional gender roles and believe that the man should pursue the woman.  Flirting in this style is intended solely for developing relationships and generally occurs between men and women that are already friends, with men approaching the women.  Women in this style assume a more passive and subdued role.  Unsurprisingly, then, women also report having trouble getting men to notice them and express less success with and confidence in their flirting.  This style is associated with less courtship success while dating, and if in a relationship, traditional female flirts report less sexual chemistry and emotional connection than women in other styles.

 

• Physical: Flirts in this style are most comfortable expressing their sexual interest in a potential partner.  Using both verbal and nonverbal cues, physical flirts want to be clear: they want you (you know, sexually).  Women are more likely than men to use this style.  Both male and female physical flirts are good at picking up on the interest of others and are more likely to have their behavior interpreted as sexual, and thus report success (as sexual interest is the intended message).  Through personal and private conversation, physical flirts are prone to quickly feeling attracted to someone.  They report having fast-paced, important and meaningful relationships with more sexual chemistry and emphasis on emotional connection.

 

• Sincere: With sincere flirts, establishing an emotional bond with a potential partner is considered the most important.  Men and women in this style easily approach potential partners and find being flirted with flattering.  Sincere flirts offer support and elicit self-disclosures in personal conversations to establish relationship potential.  Like physical flirts, these individuals develop important and meaningful relationships quickly and express strong emotional connection and sexual chemistry within those relationships.  Past research supports that this flirting style is preferred and effective, as developing an emotional connection is the most commonly reported motivation for flirting overall (Clark, Shaver, & Abrahams, 1999; Henningsen, 2004).

 

• Playful: This style is considered a “fun, self-esteem enhancing style of flirting” that isn’t necessarily tied to relationship development; playful flirts don’t take flirting too seriously.  Men and women in this style are not really worried about establishing relationship potential or how their flirtations are interpreted.  Playful flirts are less likely to be in important and meaningful relationships.  Men are more likely to use this style, and they tend to mistakenly think that a woman is flirting with them.  Playful male flirts are further prone to fast-paced, unimportant relationships with high sexual chemistry.

 

• Polite: Flirters in this style engage proper manners, nonsexual communication, and a generally cautious approach to relationship initiation.  They express interest in fewer potential partners, and men are less likely to have a polite flirting style.  Of the men that do use this style, they “often find their dating partners assume they are not interested in developing a romantic relationship.”  Women in this style are less likely to approach a man and don’t find being flirted with very flattering.

So next time you’re at happy hour or grabbing a latte (or at the drugstore, or the bookstore, or…), think about what kind of flirt you are.  Do you approach someone, or wait to be approached?  Do you think flirting is just for fun, or is being physically forward a turn-off?  And knowing a potential partner’s flirting style may make it easier to determine if their dating attitudes and beliefs are similar to yours.

Clark, C., Shaver, P., & Abrahams, M. (1999). Strategic Behaviors in Romantic Relationship Initiation Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25 (6), 709-722 DOI: 10.1177/0146167299025006006

Greer, A., & Buss, D. (1994). Tactics for promoting sexual encounters Journal of Sex Research, 31 (3), 185-201 DOI: 10.1080/00224499409551752

Hall, J.A., Carter, S., Cody, M.J., & Albright, J.M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. doi: 10.1080/01463373.2010.524874

Henningsen, D. (2004). Flirting with Meaning: An Examination of Miscommunication in Flirting Interactions Sex Roles, 50 (7/8), 481-489 DOI: 10.1023/B:SERS.0000023068.49352.4b