Comments on: Big debate: Should you ever settle?

By: bob

bob — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:10:20 +0000

There is no such thing as a perfect partner for life (or very few). We all change overtime, what’s perfect today might be a nightmare in 10 years time.

Remember you don’t have to be single to be alone!

By: Tracey_London

Tracey_London — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:20:21 +0000

Some thought provoking stuff in all these comments!

I married at 25, knowing subconsciously that he was just “Mr almost-Right” – which was confirmed when we divorced at 30.

My belief: Mr Right does NOT have to be Mr Perfect – just Mr Right-For-Me and so no, I wouldn’t settle for anything less. I’ve been mostly single since the divorce, because of trust issues at first, but also because I’ve not found someone to ENHANCE my life – too many people want to change me, or for me to fix them – no thanks!

We’re all wonderful beings, looking to share our lives in a way that will make them bigger and more meaningful – but not at the expense of losing ourselves.

By: Jane

Jane — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:36:26 +0000

I don’t think you can settle AND be happy! I tried with the last relationship, really tried to overlook so many things…eventually these issues keep surfacing and you can’t keep lying to yourself! I believe the truth in the saying “you’d only make two people unhappy in the long run!”

By: gail

gail — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:16:32 +0000

it is all about optimism and the what if’s – there are some truly genuine people out there – and why settle for anything that does not give you the energy and desire to be yourself.

By: jean

jean — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:05:00 +0000

iv been single 9 years i would love to meet my match but lost my trust after a bad marriage i think your match is around some where but its finding him

By: Jayne

Jayne — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 12:18:19 +0000

sorry Horse mad peter ! (Not madhorse, as I previously wrote!!)) hehe

By: Jayne

Jayne — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 12:17:03 +0000

Dear ‘madhorse peter’ Number 10 above

getthrough to me on eHarmony.

I have horses too, have been on my own same length of time, through choice.

Never rush to be in the permanent/semi-permanenant company of others. If you can’t stand being alone, what chance has someone else??

Be comfortable in your own space first. I do believe that too many men rush into a new rellationship, simply because they can’t bear the silence.

By: terry thomas

terry thomas — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:03:27 +0000

Never settle just for the sake of it. O have had 3 relationships in my 62 years My first wife died at the age of 49 after 29 years of mariage.My second decided to leave me, and my last partner was happy living in a country where my work came to an end after 6 years of being together. I have now been on my own for nearly 8 months and seeking to find a partner to share my life with. I have been lucky in my love life up to now in as much as I remember the good times but I would not just settle for some one because I am on my own and fear being lonely as I grow old.I am sure there is someone out there if not a live in relationship but one where a relationship can help to share the good things we both have to share. here’s hoping.

By: Suzy

Suzy — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:00:56 +0000

I don’tthink anyone should settle. I believe there’s someone out there looking for me. It’s just a question of when and where we’ll find each other. Read before that we should be content and happy and love will come. How can one be happy and content when feeling low and having confidence issues after having been hurt badly? It’s the hardest thing ever. Should we pretend? I really don’t think it’d work…

By: Anthony

Anthony — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:03:51 +0000

‘Just settle being single’ is a thought that scares me to death. Nearing 40 and being a single man the thought of living the rest of my life alone is something I couldn’t contemplate. I would rather die than live the rest of my years alone. I don’t want to give up the search but at some time bridges will need to be crossed.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:31:08 +0000

Lesley, I’m right there with you.

I don’t want to settle but at 50 I might have to because I’m not prepared to ‘settle’ for being alone.

Pee’s right about not settling for less than you want or deserve but do my dates see me like that? Apparently not.

I guess ultimately I cannot live the next 20 odd years alone. I won’t do it!

As Richard Burton said, “Unless you love someone, nothing makes any sense.”

By: Andi

Andi — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:54:33 +0000

“Settle for being single” sounds like the consolation prize,
I’m single now after a long, happy marriage, which bizarrely ended in divorce (he had mid life affair!) and now I absolutely love being single, my own money, freedom, choices, friends, no-one to answer to etc. Occasionally I think it would be nice to be loved again and I do miss cooking for someone else, but I’ve done both and being single is definitely the best. Unfortunately society expects everyone to be part of a couple, stuff that!! life can extremely enjoyable on your own. (I’m not a good advert for e.harmony!!)

By: Rocket12

Rocket12 — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:37:14 +0000

Adam went to sleep one night and in the morning there she was . Why can’t life be so simple. I am saved single solvant and a nice guy why should finding love be such hard work. He that finds a wife finds a good thing so you have to look.
But it easy to see why you could give hope. But the Bible is full of examples of saints waiting a long time for God to bring things about.

By: Anita

Anita — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:45:57 +0000

I’ve done the ‘settle’ thing rather than be left on the shelf – I wasn’t even that old! It didn’t work.
I have loved many times in my life at different levels and I don’t regret any of it. Lessons learnt, lasting friendships made, wounded hearts that mend – it’s all part of lifes great journey, we are here for a good time, not a long time so just go with the flow xx

By: Marea

Marea — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:29:13 +0000

Every person deserves to loved and wanted for whatever qualities they have, not just be settled for. That said many people have unrealistic expectations in finding what they want in a partner. Yes there needs to be an initial attraction but you need a lot more to sustain a relationship than physical attributes or youth.

By: Pee

Pee — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:48:48 +0000

I am a good woman and will not ‘settle’ for less than what I what and deserve from a partner.I know my worth and what I have to offer. Nothinhg happens before time. @You can’t hurry love@ so live life to the max until love comes your way. You must complete yourself and your parnter complement you.

By: Melanie

Melanie — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:06:58 +0000

I have been on this site twice now and have yet to find a date, contacts have been unreliably in many ways, therefore i will not settle for just being with someone so as not to be alone. Either way it stinks and is a lonely experience, in an unhappy relationship or going it alone. Make the best of what you have at that time.I have decided to get on with my life and explore the big wide world.

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:16:30 +0000

It depends what is ‘settling’. My priorities have changed now I’m in my late thirties. I’ve always been so independent, so busy leading a single life, I missed the boat possibly on a few good men.

Love isn’t always like in the movies, knocking you for six when you least expect it. You at least have to be ready to let it in. Is that settling, or just reassessing what’s important to you in a partner?

By: mary

mary — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:42:23 +0000

Its fine to know what your wants and needs are. Particularly when it comes to love. It takes on many different facetts. To know is to grow, true love comes when you least expect it. its definitely not always the way we plan it. open yourself to the very best always. most of all because you deserve it. easy.

By: Sandy (also horse & dog mad)

Sandy (also horse & dog mad) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:38:45 +0000

I was widowed in July this year at the age of 55 after being married for 38 years and can’t imagine being on my own but in the same breath i am scared of dating again but i will give it a go when i feel the right person comes along but if not i won’t settle for anyone just to be with someone, i haven’t subscribed yet because no matches have come near enough for me to….so no i won’t settle….i also have my unconditional dog for company thankfully but no horse at the moment!!

By: Sheila

Sheila — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:00:59 +0000

Never never never settle,you are not being true to yourself, and it is not being fair to the other person.

By: Peter

Peter — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:42:20 +0000

Love happens when it happens. The best kind just develops through the building of a friendship. Don’t look for it. Just put yourself in the way of meeting compatible people, either through an agency like eHarmony or through social and intellectual activities. Make lots of friends and let things take their course. Nice things often happen when you are not expecting them. In any case, we sometimes have to ‘let be’ and see what we can do to help somebody else. Reality tells us that most of us are bound to end life on our own any way, which is not necessarilly a depressing thought. Grow a flower!

By: Felicia

Felicia — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:23:28 +0000

If you are looking for someone to complete you, you will never find the right person. Relationships are about sharing what you have not trying to change the other person to fit what you need. Find yourself first and the rest flows naturally. No need to settle for less because that only brings disappointment in the long term.

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:00:43 +0000

I believe that you should never give up looking for love if that’s what you really want to do, but at the same time, it is very important not to become obsessed with your quest. Fair enough you’re looking for love, but you do not need to make it the only thing on your mind.. Go out, have fun, enjoy life to the fullest, but at the same time, keep your mind open

By: frankie

frankie — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:50:55 +0000

I think it’s better to live alone than live a lie. I am not sure I am in the ready to look for love. Maybe one-day I will be ready to let someone close. The idea of being with someone just for the sake of not being single is depressing. I may be single but I am happy with what I have been dealt for the most part. Life is good.