5 October 2009
Five men women avoid
by eHarmony
Discover the classic flaws that turn women cold. Are you really the match she’s looking for?
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However good-looking they might be, some men just aren’t commitment material. There’s just not enough room in their lives for someone of the opposite sex. These are the type of matches that women will steer clear of at all costs.
1. The match who behaves like a child
This man won’t let go of his glory days when life was simple and free from responsibilities. He probably still plays in his band, eats nothing but pizza and wants to spend all his time with “the boys”.
As a flash back to old-times, he might be a fun match for a date or two but doesn’t want the hassle of a serious relationship. This match should be vetoed until he grows up.
2. The man with the wandering eye
This guy looks at every female but the one he’s with. No-one is off limits, be it the woman at the bus stop or even his friend’s wife. While appreciating beauty is one thing, ogling at it is quite another.
Having to compete for a partner’s attention is very tiring. Even the most confident of women like their matches to treat them like they’re the only one there.
3. The miser
You don’t have to be a gold digger to see the difference between a man who’s a bit frugal and one who’s downright stingy. We all know someone who parks five streets away to avoid buying a £2 ticket, makes a sharp exit to the loo the minute the bill arrives or refuses to tip.
There’s nothing wrong with watching what you spend every now and then, but being with someone who is always looking for the cheapest alternative is never fun. Stealing food from work, repeatedly counting change and rationing loo paper are not what women look for in a match. In fact, it shouts control freak.
4. The gadget geek
Whether it’s the latest phone, laptop, luxury car or speed-boat, this guy always has a new toy. He has more time for his gadgets than he does for his girl and needs to constantly trade up to feed his ego and impress his friends.
Any woman who dates this match will have to fight hard for his attention. And much like he does with his toys, she’ll be left wandering if he’s about to trade her in for a new model.
5. The mummy’s boy
He probably still lives with his parents and lets his mum wash his clothes, cook his meals and generally spoil him rotten. And the mummy’s boy expects the same treatment from his match.
Instead of fighting a losing battle, most women would rather leave the parenting to his indulgent mother.
The verdict
To be fair, these men aren’t all bad. The good news is that the traits that make some men avoidable are completely… well, avoidable. A little encouragement can be all it takes for them to change. But, for women, there’s a difference between doing some gentle coaxing and fighting a battle you’re never going to win.
» Find out what it’s like to be matched on compatibility with eHarmony
1
anon
15 October 2009 19:29
Just read both the women and men avoid lists. Why is it that women avoid tend to be traits such as dizziness, neediness etc which is more a personality for either gender where as the men have things like their personal interests : computer games,being in a band etc.. Where does it say to avoid women who read books a similar solo experience to computer games? I wouldn’t dream of demanding a girl to spend less time reading and are all men meant to ‘grow out’ of being in bands. Should girls avoid all men who are musicians then? On the same key do men avoid all women into astrology?
These guides are utter rubbish and just prove the important factor that to truly love someone you allow them to be themselves.
2
Commentator
15 October 2009 20:18
I once had a date with a guy wanted to split the bill. No problem. But then when I came back from the bathroom I found that he had even split the change into neat piles. Put me off completely as I imagined the rest of my life with him being like scrooge.
3
Karine
16 October 2009 12:38
I agree with anon.
4
Karine
16 October 2009 12:46
Liars, cheaters, players…..
5
ol
18 October 2009 01:33
i completely agree with anon, just cause a guy has a hobby, like playing an instrument or likes buying the odd gadget doesnt mean hes uncapable of sharing a good relationship and should be ditched what a load of crap. the fact that he might be a musician etc surely makes him more interesting than some shallow idieot that would want him to give all that up
6
tracey
19 October 2009 13:44
Perfectly true – this list is a result of centuries of collective experience. Any guy who can trace himself back to one of these, licking his wounds wondering why he keeps getting ditched should now know WHY!!
7
Sue
10 November 2009 20:07
I think anon has taken this rather personally! The examples given above are obviously the extreme end of a spectrum, and while many men (and women) have hobbies they do on their own, and gadgets they keep updated, it’s an obsession with these to the exclusion of a partner that is a problem. I think it’s good for people to have different interests in a relationship, and thing they can do on their own, so not becoming ‘dependent’ on doing things as a couple. Everyone needs their own space now and then… I would also point out that the female traits such as neediness can apply to men too, and vice versa!
8
Jazzie
11 November 2009 15:04
This is making it all so daunting. I met a guy who tried to talk so new york all cos am from new york. Gee, we certainly dont talk that way in NY. We women know what we are looking for and certainly dont involve with man with such insecurities n totally emotionally unstable. We women who is successfull in our own right in whatever we do become just very selective who we wanna be with.
9
Vic
11 November 2009 21:18
How come I can’t meet one of these types of bloke? They all sound fine except for Mummy’s boy. At least there is some comedy value in miser guy, albeit behind his back. The article missed out No 6: The Whiner who within 30 mins has offloaded all his problems with his mean old ex, his disobediant children, his cruel boss, his drinkdrive incident and his gambling problem for which he is completely blameless. I know lots of these if anyone’s interested?
10
Simon
18 November 2009 12:27
Musicians can be single too…
Mmmm Ok. I play in a band – it’s practically my living now. It’s a second income and we are playing with some well known bands. So does that mean I shouldn’t put what I do because it makes me sound childish?
I can’t see how that works. Most musicians I know are pretty good at what they do – whatever their age is. So what should you do then if you play in a legitimate band? Hide the fact?
11
Chris
20 November 2009 15:32
I had to roar with laughter when I read this article,especially the mummy’s boy one(I have a friend who still lives at home and he’s 45).
As suggested in the repsonses, its ok to have interest or hobbies even if they appear childish to the other person,as long as you make time for each other and put your relationship above the other things.If this isn’t adhered to the relationship is doomed or begging to be written into another sit-com script.
Instead of looking for possible things that might get on you spuds, concentrate on whether a person is happy,trustworthy,honest and capable of sharing love,not just to you but with everyone they meet(no smutty come backs please,I dont mean philanderers).
Too much does and dont’s leads to anxiety and insecurity,not rocket science,you know what to do.
12
Chris (Mark 2)
25 November 2009 03:53
The kist does seems a little unfair. Everyone has their own hobbies and lives to lead even when in a relationship.
In the beginning just get to know each other first. Then decide if the annoying gadget geek or mummies boy is that pampered or distracted.
13
DIANA
28 November 2009 13:44
The article also misses out the limpet man, who needs a woman to spend time propping him up. I even once knew one, entirely platonically who wanted people to believe that we were romantically involved, even though I’d told him in terms that I wouldn’t ever have a physical relationship with him! .
People who haven’t yet developed a backbone should be working on doing that, not expecting to lean perpetually on someone else.
14
malcolm
9 December 2009 23:32
You all need to read less !!stop reading all this pure rubbish they print on here!! just find someone you like be yourself and have fun with each other ,the rest is bla bla bla
15
Sharon
12 December 2009 00:54
How funny, my ex complained of women using more loo paper, so I bought the loo paper but shock he still wasn’t happy. If they whinge and moan (men or women) from day 1, liklehood is they will always whinge and moan.
16
J
2 January 2010 17:47
I think these lists are a bit sexist and stereotypical and not very realistic – as a lady I like musicians and creative men who are not quite ready for their pipe and slippers. I’ve found the best men to avoid are cold, shallow, aggressive, thoughtless and controlling and men are best to avoid women with the same traits. Those are the things that count. This whole battle of the sexes thing is so last year… Feel the love people! Woo!
17
Donna
15 January 2010 11:49
what a laugh!!!!
and as J states very sexist,we’re all looking for partners hence being on this site. Honesty and getting to know who you really are what your prepared to do for the sake of realationships is what makes each of us individual
18
Brian
8 February 2010 22:02
Why have a rubbish link like this.
I agree with anon. 1st comment
19
joe
14 March 2010 15:45
Yes I agree with this. The time comes when a man has to grow out of his jack the lad ways. He has to settle down to wearing a cloth cap, slippers and maybe a pipe. A good sign for a woman that he has shrugged off his wild ways is that he openly discussed his growing affection for mature manly pursuits such as raising ferrets or pigeons. Does he have a garden shed? This is always a pointer to a settled man. If he likes tinkering with old cars then you’re home and dry- marry him immediately!
20
Jayne
14 March 2010 16:32
Joe you sound perfect!! Will you marry me please, please please!!!! I’m soooo desperate and needy I’ll settle for anyone!
21
joe
15 March 2010 12:52
Well I don’t know Jayne…I mean ..are we compatible? What are you cooking and cleaning skills like? Do you get turned on by a pair of greasy overalls poking out from under an MGB? Is there room in your shed for my toolbox?
What would you do with a troublesome bunion?
22
Amanda
18 April 2010 10:26
The sooner we all realise that men and women ARE different the easier it will all be… laughing here.. Surely even E H are allowed a slight tongue in cheek moment or two?
Why do some people take the wrtten word SO literally.. If someone says turn over a new leaf do you leap in to the nearest bush in an instant? no… so why do you all take everything you read as gospel?
If you do.. Im a goddess, a saint, drop dead gorgeous – and a liar..
definate lack of humour around here…
23
Amanda
18 April 2010 10:30
mind you having said all that.. my motor bikes usually bigger and faster than theirs.. doesnt make me a man, just a blonde in leathers !
if you cant beat them.. (do something that means you can !) join them THEN beat them at their own game.. its a scream x
24
tor
19 April 2010 08:21
Lol Amanda! And Jayne, will fight you for Joe! Lol! Interesting article, hmmm, I think it’s all about defensive loving, why can’t ppl just be themselves without all the game playing? I would just like a nice guy who may be happy to say no to his mates sometimes, puts relationship up there and wants to share his life…it’s all about tolerance, respect and love.
And p.s EHARMONY -how on earth do I ask you a question? How do I email you? Arrggh!
25
Billie
14 June 2010 01:32
Miser is definitely the one to avoid – he doesn’t value you, himself or any human being – only money.
26
Jon
14 June 2010 10:19
Friggin’ astrology. The last two girls I’ve been out with have been into astrology. Little tip, ladies: There is nothing, NOTHING (well, apart from bad breath and obesity maybe) more repellent to the generally scientific, practical mind of a bloke than wittering on about star signs. You make yourself look dumb, plain and simple. Read a proper science book (any will do, but ‘Cosmos’ by Carl Sagan is probably the best) before you share anymore of this pseudo-science claptrap with men you’re hoping to impress. It may sound harsh, I know, but I dispense this advice honestly, with the best of intentions and with YOUR best interests at heart!!
27
Luke
17 July 2010 12:37
Wow, speaking as a professional psychic, I have to disagree with you, Jon. Although I will agree that ‘Cosmos’ is a very good read. I love women who are just as interested in the psychic and spiritual as I am. I can’t say that a woman with a scientific mind or train of thought would turn me off; but she would need to retain some ability to be open to things she can’t necessarily quantify. The big turn off for me is intolerance and being self opinionated.
28
Janie
22 July 2010 00:53
So, Luke, what am i thinking then?..hee …sorry couldn’t resist. Jon, you need to lighten up mr, try yoga/relaxation exercises x
29
Julia
10 August 2010 21:33
For heaven’s sake people this is an advice article on a website, not the bible. You can take it or leave it. I think anon and Simon have completely missed the point about the mentiong of being in a band – they’re not talking about actual musicians (i.e. Simon), they’re talking about people who are stuck in the ‘band phase’ they had at e.g. uni. The difference between the two is not difficult to spot.
30
Sterghios
15 August 2010 11:35
My profile reads I’m made of “30% music, %30 science, 10% travel…” etc. That’s because I am a professional research scientist and a semipro musician too. I’m not chasing the muso dream, but making and playing music for me is something expressive and necessary.
Equally, I received my iPhone 4 on day 1 of it’s launch. I was due an upgrade, I missed the 3GS when it had come out, and I’ve done away with computers for daily net stuff because of it. It’s a tool, like the car is a tool. Not a personality or manhood extention, nor a status symbol.
Does that make me a next top model-seeking lost in studentdom lout? I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion.
Rather, what perhaps the article is trying to explain using some extreme examples is those amongst us that are reluctant to admit their age, that need to prove something through their belongings, that see money as a goal rather than a facilitator in life, that need to incessantly prove their manhood to themselves and lack independence are probably not ready yet to attract partners that joined eharmony on account of that newlywed statistic on their adverts.
Perhaps, dear incommunicable eHarmony, this article should be served to your male clients alongside a similar, don’t jump to conclusions article or disclaimer to your female clients. The verdict section somewhat touches on this but on account of the content of a number of the replies perhaps not sufficiently.
31
JM
23 August 2010 00:22
I agree with A. I think the sterio-types are just that and not everyone wants to change into pipe and slippers man overnight and hobbies are a good attribute in my book. I’m 30 and still live with my parents but only as a stop gap. And yes my mum does cook my meals and wash my clothes, but no I would not expect a girl friend to do the same. Oh and I also used to share a flat with my sister and she used to cook and I’d do the washing up and few other things. I’m a lousy cook.
32
Paul G
26 August 2010 08:59
Ah yes, avoid the gadget geek says eHarmony. Their apps are available for the iphone and iPad!
33
Clare
30 August 2010 03:04
Well-said Sterghios!
Plus, my dream man would play the guitar.
34
anon
30 August 2010 20:00
Aren’t most men childish with a wandering eye!
35
Steve
31 August 2010 11:58
correct most men aren’t childish with a wandering eye – I’m glad you put the “n’t” in that sentence.
36
Celticgirl
8 September 2010 13:53
What about the guy who is a workaholic and is completely egotistical.Or the guy that makes a woman needy because he doesn’t give her any attention and dangles her on a string, cancels dates or even forgets that he arranged one…as he didn’t mark it in his diary (or little black book!). I would prefer a gadget geek or even a mummy’s boy any day of the week!! Let’s face it – the bad guys aren’t going to be reading these blogs beacuse they think they are perfect anyway! Those are the sort of guys that should come with a government health warning!
37
Teresa
18 September 2010 22:47
this is a true story. My ex was such a mummys boy that whenever he would stay
over at my place his mummy would make him a packed Lunch.This i put up with for EIGHT YEARS.[i had always hoped he would change and grow up] But finelly i came to my senses and dumped him.That was 10 years ago and the only regret i have was that it took so long to for me to get him out of my life.
38
celticgirl
20 September 2010 20:29
Okay.. a mummy’s boy is not such a great thing either!!
39
Diane (Glasgow)
21 September 2010 22:04
Im all for individuality but I know when I am being treated not so well and I will give someone the benefit of the doubt and explain why I am agrieved but its 2 strikes and you’re out im afraid!
40
celticgirl
21 September 2010 23:05
I need to be more like you Dianne.. unfortunately, I gave a million and one chances… but have learnt my lesson now…
41
Diane (Glasgow)
23 September 2010 00:58
celticgirl I was’nt always that way but I have learned over the years to accept that men sometimes dont think things through before they act so I make allowances when they see they have done wrong but I take the view that once is a mistake and a second time means you are a fool and I dont suffer fools gladly
42
marj
5 October 2010 10:20
No wonder you’r all single
Get a real life !!
join a club
Take up an interesting hobby
Get fit & healthy
Learn to love the child within
Change the things you can change-
and accept the things you can,t
Deal with you’r real issues
You can’t change other people-only
yourself !!
Let the mummy’s boys and the insecure
individuals work it out
Concentrate on letting YOUR light shine x x x
43
amy
8 October 2010 15:23
teehee this is funny….everyone seems to have gone out with one of those listed…
@jon..”generally more scientific and practical mind of a bloke” and then you went on to recommend reading…i am from both a philosophical and engineering background yet my passion is for “alternative” fields such as clairvoyance, divination etc.
Now, if a person/man looked to me and said i was dumb for not putting all of my rationale into science and pragmatics then i would look to that person as being fickle….for its science that changes so quickly from fiction to fact to fiction again…..enjoy science and be pragmatic with it by all means, but pragmatism is just that – utilising something in the appropriate manner, not for absolutely everything..its a tool, not a one size fits all at any period
And i would really have to question how one can be so closed minded when one stands by “man, man of science”…it seems like an oxymoron
and there in concludes my response to “man is aligned to pragmatics and science”
44
Martin
11 October 2010 17:06
To get on terms with a woman I would say that among the rules are:
1. Listen to her – I mean really LISTEN.
2. Ask questions based on what you hear not on what you thought you heard or wanted to hear. Do not probe too deeply or too soon.
3. Reply HONESTLY to any questions she asks you. You’ll be caught out either now or later if you lie.
4. Offer no double entendres, sexy remarks, or personal comments.
5. If you take her out for a meal then just pay. It’s easiest and provides a good return on cost. If she offers a contribution be sure she means it and think twice before accepting. Don’t discuss the tip.
6. Clean your shoes before you go and remember to smile.
45
Chezabelle 1
14 November 2010 12:12
I am in the midst of some relationship rubbish and reading this has really cheered me up!
46
G Force
14 November 2010 14:50
Does ‘miser; mean he doesn’t see why he should pay for another adult? Surely sharing the change is the right thing? What would she say if he trousered it? No win for the guy methinks
Does having hobbies mean she can’t own him? Sounds like commitment addiction
Girls generally can’t be separated from their mums: double standards?
47
Cat
16 November 2010 12:22
Not double standards at all G Force. Women are often close to their mums but they tend to have an adult relationship with them. Mummy’s boys still tend to have the adult/child relationship.
48
Bruce
4 December 2010 10:30
A lot of women have a go at the ‘mummy’s boys’ and yet want a man who has a career so they can be looked after. In short they want to be ‘daddy’s girls’. The hypocrisy of western women is amazing.
Guys, look for foreign women, they haven’t been infected with feminism and an entitlement mindset.
49
Tony
20 December 2010 00:23
….whats really so wrong with a ‘mummy’s boy”.
I mean, my father passed away some years back.
With my mother being 73 years of age, am I to let her live alone in a time of her need?
I mean, she is quite happy to have her independence and always insists that when I find someone I love that she would want to live away from all this and live independently.
So, until that time comes, is it so wrong to show some compassion for the elderly?
One day we too will be old & who will care / look after us?
Is our generation now less empathetic and becoming less compassionate?
50
Teresa
22 December 2010 23:43
i agree with you Tony about looking out for our elderly mothers but in my ex,s case it was the other way round she who was in her seventies was looking after him like cooking all his meals doing all his washing and taking care of his every whim,she has lent him thousands of pounds out of her savings to which he always promises to pay her back when this never appearing ship comes in.He has never had to work.I glad i got out of it and the only regret i have is that it took me eight years to come to my senses and dump him.Also there were other reasons besides the mummys boy thing and that was,nt the main reason but tony you don,t have the full story but trust me i am well out of it.
51
Welshdragon
3 January 2011 22:23
Good God Bruce (48) you need some new glasses mate ‘cos you’ve totally missed the point(s)!!
Feminism means being treated as equals – why is that a bad thing?
We don’t expect to be ‘kept’ and value our independence – financial and otherwise
The article is lighthearted and tongue in cheek but is still on the money in some ways. There are a lot of men out there who still behave like teenagers – always ‘out with the lads’; expecting Mummy to ‘look after them’; expecting the girlfriend to be sat at home waiting!
Miserly doesn’t mean not wanting to pay for lady too – it means being tight fisted which is a very unattractive trait. A lot of us ladies actually would prefer to pay our own way.
Finally, I think your ‘go for a foreign lady’ comment is extremely insulting to all foreign ladies!!
I’m not really surprised you’re single……
52
Miss J
9 January 2011 15:18
I think the article describes extremes of behaviours. Those in a band or owners of gadgets need not panic!
I’d add one more to the list:
‘The Bully’ – nuff said.
53
Loz
16 January 2011 18:40
Totally agree with welshdragon on her response to Bruce. In fact couldn’t have put it better myself! Very, very insulting to ‘foreign’ women….good grief I actually gasped when reading his comments!!
54
Luke
28 January 2011 10:58
The miser one is a little mis-leading. Sure it’s plain rude to not front the bill when you’re taking someone on a date, etc. But there’s nothing wrong with avoiding car parks for saving cash and getting some exercise. We are after all struggling for money now. I’m not saying we should scrounge every penny, you have to go nuts occasionally with your “other”, but Eharmony’s definition seems a tad broad.
55
Jo
21 February 2011 03:57
Oh God, why do we all bother. Men and women are different, think differently, react to one another differently.
I am now so damn disillusioned by the opposite sex I for one am taking a rest from trying to find one I can even communicate with, let alone think about having a relationship with – they are utterly impossible.
You listen to them, try to advise and sympathise, be nice and caring and what do you get in return…I’m not ready for a relationship but I would like to email…then they can’t be bothered to answer your emails or questions – even when the questions relate to THEIR lives and interests. When you DARE to pull them up or criticise their actions you are in the wrong not them.
So bye, bye boys I have better things to do. Ummm wonder if that guy called Jon on here was the one I met…
Over and out!
56
Luke
14 March 2011 02:28
Least they respond to you, we just get ignored by you, made to feel like dirt and reduce our self esteem in our looks even more.
57
James - Plymouth
14 March 2011 17:24
I just wish eHarmony would take the hint. I have told them I don’t want to date because I work too hard and fill my hours with the problems of my clients and – in my time off- rebuilding my flat in some luxurious style that means I have to watch the pennies when (rarely) I am out and about.
I know from past experience that women (used advisedly after listening to Jenni Murray on Woman’s Hour) will not put up with this type of male behaviour.
I don’t feel sad or lonely, my life is full and fulfilled, but there isn’t room for anyone else in it at this time.
So for the hundreds of offers I have received I want to say “you all have had a miraculous escape and for that special ONE, sorry I was so distracted that I didn’t notice”. I think you will agree that I don’t deserve any of you!
58
David
20 March 2011 18:45
The gadgets comment is sooo 20th century. Come on we’re all into gadgets now; hands up if you have a smartphone, ipad, use facebook, twitter, use itunes, LCD/plasma tV, Sky+, etc ,etc.
I say this as I sit here typing this with my 3D glasses on watching Chelsea v Man. City on Sky on my 50″ plasma TV. I love technology, I’m not a bad bloke either, honest! Although I do look like a total twit with my 3D glasses on.
59
Luke
28 March 2011 15:50
Lol, 3D is not needed at all, least of when you’re watching Sport!
But I agree, everyone knows technology these days. I got a smartphone, use Facebook, use music stuff online, have a big plasma tv and blu ray surround sound system, Sky HD, etc, but I’m glad I do and I’m not going to accept that some girl would be put off by that unless she’s an idiot!