5 October 2009
Five women that men avoid
by eHarmony
There are some personalities that just make men want to turn and run. We've pinned down the top five - men, have you met any of these? And women, do you recognise yourselves in any of these?
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You meet a new match, speak over the phone, go out once and never see them again. Sound familiar? If so, it’s likely you’ve met one of these women.
While dating is not about putting people in boxes, there are some personalities that just make men want to flee.
1. The serial flirt
Men love a flirt. Besides being fun, a flirty match boosts their ego and makes the troublesome task of asking for a date a cinch.
But there’s a big difference between a situational flirt and a serial flirt. The former will only bat their eyelids for a select few and usually when encouraged, while the latter is someone men just don’t want to handle. A serial flirt is undiscriminating and will giggle, touch and flick their hair at everyone: the best friend, the father and the boss.
This game gets old quickly. Men will soon realise that her behaviour is simply attention-seeking – a sure sign of major self-esteem problems. Even a patient man is likely tire of this fast.
2. The commitment-phile
A man might have a fantastic first date with this match, but before he knows it she’ll be talking about the wedding, how many kids she wants, and the name of their future dog.
This is an age-old scenario. It puts too much pressure on the relationship from the start. First dates with a new match should always be kept light and a woman who tries to push things too far too soon will only accelerate a relationship to its end. Perhaps she cares more about fulfilling her plans than the person they involve.
3. The needy nuisance
This girl will cling on to her match wherever he goes, adopt his interests, call him endlessly and fly off the handle if she’s not around to keep an eye on his behaviour. Neediness is more work than a relationship deserves, stifling any chance for fun. She’ll rob him of energy and leave him feeling exhausted.
4. The party-lover
She’s wild, carefree and the girl every guy wants to catch. But she never knows when to stop. She might guarantee fun but what will this match be like in the sobering light of day?
Her riotous dance moves and hilarious antics might be good in small doses but underneath she’s a mess. It’s hard to have a serious relationship with someone who will never confront their own issues. Sooner or later she’s likely to crack.
5. The incessant talker
This is the woman with verbal diarrhoea. She never draws breath, sharing everything about her life to anyone who will listen.
Her ramblings drive men crazy for obvious reasons, but they also make men feel a little obsolete since they can never get a word in edge ways. The incessant talker doesn’t allow two-way conversation. She needs to learn the value of contented silence and that the more you talk, the less you learn.
The verdict
While nobody’s perfect and there are exceptions to every rule, these girls indicate a tough road ahead. You have been warned!
» Get matched on compatibility, not by chance – subscribe to eHarmony
1
Ratamahatta
27 February 2010 00:18
I can relate to the last one – the chatterbox. We got on great on a few dates and I realised fast that they liked to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. They knew it themselves, but a few more dates later I found myself begging in my head for them to just SHUT UP for a few minutes.
It didn’t work out, lol.
2
Mellisa
14 March 2010 16:14
I went out with a guy recently and he ended it by saying I was too needy…I saw him once/week and he ended it when I was on the other side of the world on a 2 month sabbatical doing voluntary work!…he didnt like the fact that I was calling him once a week and emailing a few times!
3
jane
16 March 2010 15:04
yes that confusses me aswell! for starters guys get insecure or fustrated when you dont call them because they want to think they are the only guy that you want to talk to…. so why get annoyed when you do and dont and when they never put effort!! but as for(mellisa)not most guys are like that..just depends on the motives of the one you were dating! needy does not ave anything to do with communicating… probably he wasnt looking for more than a relationship….
4
jo
12 April 2010 13:09
party animal…yep..that’s me. Not always of course but I think that’s the reasons I’ve missed out on opportunities to meet men as I obviously put them off dancing in an extrovert way.. it’s so hard though to stop doing it if that’s the real me…i really enjoy myself when out dancing……
5
tor
19 April 2010 08:31
Just like to point out that there are guys out there who are like this too! And Jane you are right, guys want to know they are the only one, so if you didn’t email ring etc they would think that you weren’t interested, works both ways guys. Why all these rules? It’s about respecting each others feelings.
6
Janice
4 May 2010 21:07
Do you think guys get put off if a woman seems too independent?
7
Jessica
8 May 2010 11:02
Janice – I completely think that women who are independent are seen as not ‘needing’ men, and that many men, though not all of course, need to feel indispensable to a female partner, and therefore on a higher footing, presumably so they can take control. It’s very flattering to dump or play with someone who is very set on you…It seems to me that men are taught that they should feel this way. I wish I knew what the answer was, because I know for a fact that many, many men are not at all like this and don’t buy into that macho nonsense. They are just ‘people’ and wish to be treated as such. Saying that, it truly is frightening how many are willing to adopt the perceived persona of manhood as promoted by eHarmony, among other media. It’s a great get-out clause if you can’t think for yourself. And for ‘independent’ women – ie, ‘normal’ women who aren’t reliant on other people, this sort of man wouldn’t be any good anyway. We know this deep down perhaps, but are blinded by frustration – I’ve been there!
8
Andrew
11 May 2010 01:56
Janice – many men like there own space and therefore like independent women.
9
Jools
25 May 2010 16:07
Good grief, you really can’t win. Needy control freak if you do ring him. Not interested if you don’t!
Men like independent women then moan that you don’t need them!
Then you get ‘needy’ and want to spend time with them and they get the jitters about that as well.
Seems to me most men are a ‘little’ bit confused about what they do really want.
10
Tim
13 June 2010 10:39
Jools, theres a big diference between needy and not intersted. If the girls ringing and texting everyday it gets irritating even when a guy likes them alot, hows a man suppose to miss you if your there all the time to talk to? Defintaly be in touch at least 2-3 times a week though, maybe more just not every day.
11
Nan
17 June 2010 01:31
Well if all this is true then most relationships are doomed! Too much/too little contact is a fault-needs to be just right Too outgoing too quiet- needs to be just right! Too into commitment too flighty- needs to be just right! People are individuals and if someone doesn;t accept you for who you are then they should move on! Is anyone on this site really so desperate that they would chop and change themselves to ‘fit’? Be yourself! At least you’ll recognise tyourself in the morning even if you do wake up alone!
12
pearline
14 July 2010 01:58
I cannot commit speaking to someone every day
13
Rosemary
15 July 2010 10:37
I ain’t one of these women, but I’ve been in e-Harmony for 7 months and 90% of my mails aren’t responded to. There is an idea going around that some women are too independent. Could that be the sixth kind of woman that men avoid? – I might fall into that category :~.
14
Rachel
16 July 2010 12:49
I have been on eHarmony for 6 months and sent messages to a few men but not one has shown any interest in corresponding let alone possibly meeting. Friends, male and female have said I’m attractive and good company – I consider it courteous to reply to someone if they take the trouble to send a message. I’m going back to ‘old fashioned’ methods of meeting people. Have respect for yourself and others, meet lots of people and who knows when the ‘right one’ may turn up. Good luck to everyone
15
steve
18 July 2010 00:44
The majority of women I’ve met turn up on dates with the expectation that they will get everything paid for. I’m surprised it isn’t on the list. I delete their number after a couple of dates if they dont pay for anything or cook in return for the meal I’ve taken them out for. I think there are some girls who just go from one man to the next seeing how much they can freeload. And then the girls that don’t do that, are the classy ones.
16
neil
18 July 2010 20:18
This article is so misleading, I love flirty women and party animals if it part of their nature.
Not all men are confused about what they want.
I totally appreciate independent women who are happy to be themselves and let their partner do the same.
17
David
19 July 2010 18:17
I agree with most of these stereotypes as being uninteresting to me. I have no time for the ultra-needy type although I am happy for someone to be dependent on me if that’s the sort of woman she is. I guess that sounds contradictory but I like to know that I am the person she wants to be with and needs me around, but doesn’t expect me to phone her all the time. If she knows that I’m loyal and loving and wants to phone me a lot then that’s okay, just don’t become so needy that I have to do the same.
As for independent women, I would welcome a very independent woman BUT that assumes she was genuinely interested in me and made me quite aware that I was the only person for her. If she and I then have wonderful times together and know that we are being totally faithful, it makes perfect sense for us to enjoy our separate interests.
18
Andrew
7 August 2010 19:18
Rosemary and Rachel – the guys have it the same way. I’ve even been through phases where I just trust EH to send me people who could be matches and start guided communication with them all, only looking at any depth at the 10-15% of profiles who respond. The problem is that not all of the profiles you get matched with are for live, paying customers. I’ve seen some metrics elsewhere on the web that give some rather dismaying figures regarding that kind of thing (remembering it’s actually in the interests of a dating website to NOT match you, since you’ll keep paying the subscription). You will still get matched with people who might no longer monitor that email address, or who signed up on one of the free weekends but did not subscribe… but their profile remains in place until they do.
I know that for myself, I like women who are independent, intelligent individuals who know what they want. It just makes it more special if and when that becomes me
I can put up with quite a few negative traits, but ‘the doormat factor’ is an appropriate term because it’s just one small step away from them being shown the door.
19
barbara
16 August 2010 11:49
Hi
Just read all the comments and while interesting also exhausting. I think it’s good to have some guidelines and dos and don’t but at the end of the day, if there is chemistry there’s chemistry. Totally agree thought – women you can’t change a man! you either like him for who he is or move on! And all this phoning and emailing…if someone feels the need to email or phone couldn’t they…does it have to come across as needy, sure if its 5 or 6 times a day! I don’t know I am single and it’s all so complicated!
20
Jonathan
30 August 2010 15:10
If I don’t want to speak to someone every day, what the Hell am I doing speaking to them at all on a site like this? Get a grip! Can’t spare the time for a ‘phone call from someone who wants to talk to you each day? What a catch!
21
Lisa
30 August 2010 19:57
I met a guy I really liked so took the bull by the horns, but he kept saying I was too direct and that it freaked him out. I kept saying that is how women who know what they want communicate!! I guess some men just can’t handle it.
22
Steve
31 August 2010 11:55
Lisa – he sounds boring. Real men want a woman who is assertive.
23
Nicola
31 August 2010 23:21
utter rubbish none of these “types” is a deal breaker for either sex if there is chemistry or some level of common ground people will put up wuth an awfull lot for some they like and absolutely nothing from someone they dont. Everything in between is just an excuse
ugh I really am starting to dispair of this website and it trite cliches. But
heres the breakdown of my internet experiences
My Single Friend- High point was the midget dentist (lied about height) 4ft 7
Match,com- One ridiculous tit trying to getlaid after another
Parship- Close to this, overpriced and produced a desperate man looking for a thai bride
Not excellent pickings on any of these sites and a whole lot of vulnerable people being made to feel even worse about themselves by rejecting each other!
24
Steve, manchester
2 September 2010 01:16
it’s a common thing Nicola for men to
lie about their height on these sites as do the ‘ladies’! plus “curvy” = size 18 or above.
as for men looking to just get laid – my experience was that there are a lot of women just going from one man to the next seeing what they can get.
25
Celticgirl
8 September 2010 14:24
I have met one person on here and was confident and independent beforehand. However, it was clear he was only after one thing but also seemed to enjoy dangling me.. ie. promising to call and then not. I am not a needy person but surely one phone call or a nice text once a week isn’t asking for too much. Not being big headed but I am toned and athletic, intelligent and extremely attractive so the way I look at it is.. he’s the loser not me. This site is so undercover that it gives the “player” an ideal chance to log in without anyone knowing. But hey.. we learn from experiences. The dating game is not a pile of laughs but the special one is out there for us all but he may not be on here..! And if he really is the “one”…all these issues just go right out of the window!
26
Sascha
13 September 2010 00:01
Steve! “cook in return for the meal I’ve taken them out for”?? How is that reciprocal? Having ‘you’ in their home and spending hours cooking something is NOT the same as going out together somewhere neutral like a restaurant to have a meal together! Am all for going Dutch on things, always have been, and am happy to pay it all too, is not an issue for me, but I would outright refuse until I knew someone a lot better, to have them in my home just because they took me out for a meal! And have found that some (and I say some) guys I’ve known can and have taken advantage of the fact that I do pay for things. Really annoying, when they sit there like a lemon and keep their hand in their pocket when it’s time to pay the cab etc. That ‘assertive’ enough for you!? =P
27
Steve, Manchester
13 September 2010 20:27
Sascha – it isn’t reciprocal – my point was – if a date can’t afford the expense of a meal out to reciprocate then you’d expect them to at least offer to cook when it’s their turn to pay.
28
Steve, Manchester
13 September 2010 20:30
very assertive Sascha but you’re in the tiny minority. in the last 10 days I’ve met 3 girls all whom I drove to somewhere near to where they live – all of whom didn’t get a drink in. All of whom I have deleted their number – because I know what it leads to… endless dates where they pay for nowt.
29
Diane (Glasgow)
21 September 2010 21:57
Steve I would be happy to surprise him and buy the food and wine and take it to his and we can cook it together whilst cuddling and kissing in between…. so is that acceptable??
30
Steve, manchester
23 September 2010 21:17
sounds fantastic and I wish I lived in Glasgow!
31
Rosa
1 October 2010 16:31
I don’t understand… how contradictory is this article?
You cant be outgoing yet you cant be needy… Basically what your saying is men want women with no emotions that sit on a fence????
Sorry but I am not that, and never will be and if men don’t like it then i guess I’m destined to get some stray cats!!!
32
Steve, manchester
1 October 2010 17:09
I think it’s about extremes…
it’s ok to be interested in someone but if you ring that person 15 times a day and never let them have a bit of space then you qualify as ‘needy’. I dates a girl who if she rang me and I said “I’m with someone” would ring me back 5 mins later. If I set off to her house (30min journey) I’d get bonbarded by phone calls and texts half way there asking where I was.
33
Junie
3 October 2010 07:57
Maybe if you meet the right person they won’t find all these traits as negative traits about you.
34
amy
8 October 2010 15:52
ive been reading these articles for a few days now….steve, manchester – i have found myself your cheerleader..you sound like a good bloke but with awful taste in women…..all the best to you and taking your goggles off!
35
Naomi
10 October 2010 14:45
Girls you need to learn the R not I rule of thumb.. guys don’t read this! You reciprocate you don’t instigate.. so wait for them to call / text / email you and however much you want to make contact DON’T.. and don’t always be available for them, guys like a mystery (right gys?) if you are unavailable, what are you doing? who are you with? will drive them crazy! keep your self respect, keep this rule – it works and it protects you from an early broken heart!
36
Steve, Manchester
10 October 2010 19:16
thank you Amy, I’m not sure I agree that I have awful taste in women! but you made me chuckle!
Naomi, your rule is a bit dated in my opinion. It works a bit when we’re younger but after about age 30 and with plenty of experience under our belts, we see game playing a mile off and it isn’t flattering or exciting. A man likes a woman who is keen but not in an unhealthy way – if you like someone why waste time playing the “trying to be a mystery” game? I recently met a girl who I liked but she took ages to reply to texts and I liked her but I’ve had my fingers burnt before by game players so rather than it making me more interested in her, I lost interest in someone I really liked.
37
Steve, Manchester
10 October 2010 19:21
If you want to drive a man crazy and wind him up and keep him interested then be exciting. Tell him you’re dynamite in bed but it’s going to be months down the line before he finds out ‘cos you are very fussy about who you sleep with. Text him and tease him – we like keen and exciting not standoffish and cold.
38
Naomi
10 October 2010 23:09
@Steve – I didn’t mean that we should be standoffish and cold, just that women are generally more communicative than blokes and so can scare them off.. well that is my experience, had better luck by resisting the urge to speak to them all the time – i don’t think its game playing, and there are ways to show a guy you are interested – if someone liked you and constantly rang you, you’d run a mile! So keen but not needy – hard to get the balance (even if you aren’t remotely needy!)
39
Amy
12 October 2010 09:35
Hello all! I agree with Naomi, men definately like a mystery girl, someone who is interested but not too available which isnt the same as standoffish and cold!I think a large number of men love the thrill of the chase and a girl who is a challenge, so we should have faith that if a man likes us enough he will be keen and make a big effort to phone, text and take us out. The ones who dont arent worth it!!
40
Steve, Manchester
13 October 2010 00:46
It all sounds a bit like game playing to me and in my opinion you’re both interesting enough without the need to put up a mystery persona. Why are these men so sad that they feel they need a woman that gives them the thrill of the chase! I’d just like to meet someone who I can have a laugh with and isn’t to intense too soon – I’m not excited about an air of mystery but do feel a thrill if someone has a bit of a sense of adventure.
41
Jane
19 October 2010 10:15
good grief. Dont we expect just a little too much? All this is just setting us up to fail.I am not needy in the slightest but I appreciate a good morning text and maybe a naughty little message later in the day if we dont speak….isnt it just about showing someone that you are thinking about them and showing some courtesy? Making someone smile and feel good? Its all too easy to look disinterested.If i only spoke to someone twice a week I’d lose interest imbetween! Doesnt make me a psycho obsessive I hope!! And who can be bothered playing games? Easier and less damage caused by not getting involved either side. Shows total disrespect in my book. I believe in some good old fashioned values which show good manners and good upbringing..I think a guy should buy the first drink at the very least or even pay on the first date, open doors for me etc etc…. however that doesnt mean I dont reciprocate. i will hold open a door for them or anyone…stand up and give up my space for an old man/lady/womannchild on the tube…I usually pay my share on the first date especially if we’ve had dinner then he cant moan.Also doesnt make you feel bad if you dont want to see them again, girls! Better to have a drink first then it shouldnt be an issue and noone feels cheated. Actually if he does moan when you’ve started dating him about treating you then he’s probably tight and you should stay well clear! Defo too many smarmy men only after one thing…have many wonderful tales of friends and some of my dates on these sites! Not saying its not the same the other way around….but would be good to be somewhere where people are genuine…’genuine r us dating site’ maybe haha! Good luck to you all.xx
42
Steve, manchester
19 October 2010 14:52
Yes I agree, I think it’s flattering to get a text to say good morning etc and if you don’t do that stuff with me I start to wonder where your focus is and if you are actually interested/keen.
If someone takes hours to reply or replies the next day to a text even if it’s in the early days, I find it a bit off putting.
43
Victoria
25 October 2010 01:36
I have read with interest the comments made above. This is the truth it is the first time I have been on a dating website and am contemplating joining eharmony dating but am now getting scared1 No only joking I am probably a lot older than you, yes early fifties.
If a man is interested in a woman and vice versa for goodness sake we live in an age surely where we should not have to play games, all this nonsense on either being too independant or too needy what do men want?
We are grown ups and if a man is interested in a woman he should make the first call. Once a woman makes the first call then we are chasing, we should leave it up to him and if he does not call then move on. Girlies dont put up with being told we are too needy. Looks like the dating game hasn,
t changed this past twenty years. Its still a game the waiting for the text, the email, the phone call, patience is needed but only for so long. So guys want do you want?
44
Steve, manchester
25 October 2010 17:09
Victoria, why wait for the man to make the first call other than for the fear of rejection? Times have changed – people tend to text in the early days anyway to avoid this worry. So there really is no first call.
What do we want? Someone who is genuine, keen, interesting and who knows how to talk.
45
Ayrshire Girl
8 November 2010 01:21
Victoria, I’m with you on this. I’m in my early 40s and I suppose still a bit old fashioned in the sense that I feel the guy should make the first move. I’m beginning to think you need a degree in psychology to work half of the guys out on this site…There’s too much over analysing if you ask me.I really have no idea what guys want.:o(
46
Paul
11 November 2010 13:28
Jane, your attitude is spot on.
I hate games playing and it is such a huge turn off.
If you like the match then you should communicate your feelings to him / her, and a phone call / text / email a few times a week depending on where you are at in the relationship is a positive sign. If the other party doesn’t like it then move on and don’t look back as the chemistry clearly isn’t there.
There is no exact science in any of this and it is all hit and miss. Everyone here will have to kiss a fair number of frogs before their princess / prince steps forth, so lets make every encounter positive and enjoy the moment even if it goes no further than the first date.
Finally, I do think that there should be an indicator with each match as to whether or not they are currently a fully paid up member, or just someone who is window shopping and hasn’t committed as I do wonder about some of the matches that I receive…..
47
Steve, Manchester
13 November 2010 12:29
I agree Paul, I think there are a lot of people on the site who are time wasters cos they are just browsing and have no intention of seriously dating let alone having a serious relationship with someone new.
48
Gill (Glasgow)
18 November 2010 12:59
To steve
I wish you lived in Glasgow too!!!
49
Steve, manchester
18 November 2010 17:19
thank you, I’m blushing! x
50
rod
20 November 2010 15:04
Steve – I totally agree with your comments about some girls just wanting everything paid for. One girl I dated had no kids, good job, new flat & car. didnt even bother bringing a purse/handbag on dates. A lot of girls are very happy in my experience to let the guy spend all his money – even if she has a good income herself.
51
Steve, manchester
22 November 2010 19:47
Rod, I agree. And I think the best rule it to walk away from a girl like that before as soon as you see the signs. Usually if I meet a girl for a drink, I’ll only see her again for a proper date if during the course of the evening she has made a trip to get her ’round’ in. I’ve dated girls who aren’t well paid but manage to pay for a drink so if they can do it then so can all the rest.
52
Julie
19 December 2010 11:08
Hi Guys
I agree with mostly all the comments above. I always pay my way, going dutch is much more comfortable for me. I would have serious doubts about anybody who expects others to pay for their drinks – be it girlfriends/boyfriends/family even, it is only good manners. I have had hundreds of matches sent to me, have sent loads of ‘icebreakers’ and have probably had only 5 replies, none of which have gone anywhere. I don’t have two heads, I am reasonably attractive, articulate, have a job, and am reasonably humerous. I have started emailing with some of them, but they don’t even have the decency to say ‘I don’t think it is working out’ or words to that effect, which I think is very rude. I have actually asked them to email me if they don’t want to continue and still heard nothing. I have been on this website for over a year and haven’t even had one date yet. It is very disheartening
53
Pauline
6 January 2011 01:29
I have found this thread to be really enlightening and entertaining!
Ayrchire Girl (#45) I completely agree with the comments you made about a degree in psycology and over analysing. I think (hope) that boundaries can be set easily once you have met your match or talked/phoned for a while. I am hoping that if you feel some chemistry then a discussion about these things would come naturally (or am I being naive?).
Paul (#46) the fully paid up member indicator is a great idea and I hope eHarmony take this on board. I have deleted about 50′ish matches already that I think come under this category, and I would rather use my time with men who are genuinely committed to finding a partner.
Julie (#52) you sound lovely and I hope you have better luck soon. I do agree that if you have made an initial contact then the least your match can do is to acknowledge receipt and kindly let you down (I received one of these earlier tonight – instead of wanting to get to know me he said the distance would be a problem for him – ok; but I know you can set up distance in your settings – so; this was obviously a knock back which I am ok about. However, how is this done without making the receiver feel disheartened and rejected? I too need to send one of these but want to be kind. Any advice would be gratefully received.
54
Pauline
6 January 2011 01:38
Anyway, back to the topic matter…
In all honesty I think I have been a little bit of all of the things listed above at some point in my life! Eek!! I can hear the sound of men running a mile!!! And, I think if we’re all honest (including you boys) most of us have to some degree.
However, as I have matured(LOL!) and experienced life, I have gained self-confidence and self-worth, I have a great group of friends and don’t need a man in my life. However, I would love to share my life with that special someone. And I mean SHARE – not be consumed by him or consume him.
It’s been great reading all the comments on here – especially those from the male perspective. Thank you.
55
Adele
9 January 2011 16:18
I am in my mid 40`s and have only recently joined this website,i know of 2 people who have been very successful in meeting their match off here and either got married or enjoying many happy years together therefore decided to give it a try myself.I Admit it has only been 3 weeks since i joined but like most of you i send a few friendly icebreakers to some men and get no reply so i will give it the 3 months and if still no joy then will move on with my life and feel better within myself that at least i gave it a go after all nothing ventured nothing gained.Good Luck to you all in the future
56
Costas, Edinburgh
13 January 2011 22:36
I agree with Naomi a little, a fine balance is to be had between showing affection in the dating stage, showing too little, or too much is obviously bad. Guys do like a little bit of a chase, so dont make it to easy but at the same time show in your own way that you are interested. I didnt think it was true at first but the heart really does grow fonder when the girl is away. Ill use texts mainly to arrange things (and the uncommon chat) and phonecalls to have a chat. Texting is quite bad to get to know someone or to chat as 90% of what your saying isnt whats actually coming out your mouth, so things can easily be misunderstood both ways. Im sure both men and women would appreciate a nice phonecall than the odd text. But again if the girl or guy isnt interested… let the other person know asap…its only fair, and if it was the other way around you would want the same done to you.
57
Hayley
16 January 2011 18:11
I can’t get my head around the fact that a lot of guys think its fine to put pressure on a girl with 30 texts a day and constant phone calls and youre supposed to answer everyone or you get the ‘Hoy! Where are you? Whats going on?’ texts. This can go on everyday for ages then they suddenly disappear and if YOU send THEM a ‘Hoy! Where are you? You havent rung for 3 days’ text they say youre putting them under pressure and need to chill out!
58
Lisa
21 January 2011 14:19
I have recently put my profile on this site, as I have had two very bad experiences with men who initially appeared charming and paid, but in the end I was the one paying for everything. Paul 46 makes a fair point, I have not paid up yet, and just reading some of the stuff makes me even more cautious, I would like to think that there are a few decent men in a few miles radius of me, and lets face it I am only looking for one after all. Good luck to you all
59
Luke
28 January 2011 11:47
The Needy Nusiance is the one that gets up my wick. My last ex had that issue with her. She would always imagine that if I hadn’t seen her like 2-3 times in the week minimum that I didn’t want to spend time with her. I’m a busy man, work fulltime, do professional studies, I have a life other than you therefore it’s not easy but it didnt mean I was avoiding her……………eventually though I got so sick and tired of it I didn’t want to spend time with her and ended it (there were other reasons/faults on her part that caused the breakup obviously).
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Lisa
29 January 2011 11:27
I am with Rachel 14, there is no harm in common courtesy guys, if someone takes the trouble to get in touch and you are not interested, just say so, you have not met the person, and it saves alot of anxiety, I have never done this sort of thing before and sometimes wonder what on earth is wrong with me or the guys I message, I have had no reponses, and no for a fact I am not mad, sad, damaged you name it. What do you guys want?
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Luke
30 January 2011 01:37
Usually someone sweet, funny, interesting and half decent looking whilst close to home. That would do me!
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Gina
3 February 2011 13:27
Hi All
These comments are most interesting and I have learnt a lot.
It is good not to be the only person who, in ten months has had hundreds of matches and, except once (this was the person I liked the best of all my matches), sent a reply message immediately. As I’m female it probably came over as forward (both being in older age groups so background is men usually making the running). So now I will wait for a response, perhaps not quite for ever as my membership expires in 2 months and the automatically renew is cancelled – I may still renew but not automatically.
I think it was Paul saying that matches may not be paid up people. This changes the picture as many of those I sent questions to perhaps were not paid up and so their lack of replies is nothing about me!
It would be good to know at what point matches have to be paid up – I have send Must haves and can’t stands and their instant response was to close me. This is hurtful, I have no knowledge of what they didn’t like or perhaps they were overwhelmed by others they preferred with little reflection on me. However it is a waste of my time compiling the Must haves and can’t stands and also hurtful.
Like Lisa I appreciate the courtesy of a few people who sought email contact and said distance etc for a polite not interested – this is great.
Like Paul there should be an indicator perhaps the word like Enquirer beside any match that is not paid up. I have no problem with eharmony doing this matching on non paid up people as they want to grow their business and also demonstrate reasons to pay up.
Like Julie I have not had one date or met one person via eharmony in ten months. However I was in another country for 8 of them.
I think it is a brilliant new detail to have the Talking Points in the Right hand side between you and your match where you have both given the same response.
Cheers
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Jo
7 February 2011 22:26
Hi All, Steve Manchester, are you real or are you a EH plant.
What a shame they don’t have a chat room on here?
I think there’s a fine line between being busy and just not interested if I’m gonna be really busy I’d try to maintain contact if only to say hi, is anyone really too busy to send a text? As you can see i’m a talker lol
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Heather
28 February 2011 13:28
Wow! Just read all this and it’s fascinating! I’ve just joined this site but not subscribed yet. I got 6 initial matches to my profile, all of whom were totally unsuitable! I’m an outgoing socialiser, I have a big circle of friends in the city… Why would I be matched with a guy that spends his weekends gardening and fishing?!?! And this site isn’t cheap, so if I’m going to pay I’d like to think I’m going to get more than ‘flex’ matches all the time!!
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lauren
8 March 2011 23:51
Nicola, who messaged on the 31st August- your comment is firstly so apt and insightful and secondly the funniest thing I have read in a long time! I read it to my mum who has been very ill recently and it is the first time I have seen her laugh like that in so long- thank you
I hope that where ever you are you have managed to find happiness (and not with the lying midget dentist)
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Luke
14 March 2011 02:30
Heather – to be honest the site doesn’t get any better. Bugger all matches, bugger all of which are suitable matches looks wise, personalities are weird and it’s just always Flex Matches when you do get them because apparently NOT ONE DECENT MATCHABLE PERSON EXISTS WITHIN 30 BLOODY MILES or EVEN 60!!
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JEL
20 March 2011 09:51
I so agree with you guys that the site doesnt seem to have enough members to give us the ‘perfect matches’ promised – most of mine are ‘flex matches’,and not very good ones at that. 2 of them hadnt even answered any questions,and the only comment one made was that he thought he couldnt daye as he had been on his own for too long! great eh! And Steve in Manchester- you seem to spend a great deal of time emailing comments to dozens of these comments pages, and the answers seem very ‘in the know’ – do you actually work for Eharmony?
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Lesley
27 March 2011 00:53
I have to agree with message 67 and 66. Been here about a month now – had hundred or so matches – not one solitary reply to any initial contact messages I’ve made and most of the matches are totally unsuitable – I won’t be renewing my subscription – as far as I can see there is no difference between this place and any ofthe free dating sites apart from the price – and I hate the impersonal system genterated messages.
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Siobhan
30 March 2011 17:34
I also agree with comments 66-68- been only on a week but sadly paid the subscription and have been sent a small (7 to start with) selection of men that I think I would honestly struggle to find a common ground with-it seems that they all want to spent the evening prostrate on the sofa (probably mine!)watching DVDs and necking red wine, listening to jazz, having long walks in the countryside, or camping… having spent years indoors rearing the kids with no social life I am ready for a few decent nights out and a bit of fun not a future that involves trips to blockbusters, Bargain Booze and DFS for a new sofa
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john jusko
22 April 2011 05:56
Wow
This is good advice and we can think of some characters who fit the molds of women who are called the following.
Needy nancy Always late alice chatterbox christina cell phone and texting addict allison dull and boring denise.
They are all out there and the thing is this do we need these kinds to go out with.?
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JEL
10 June 2011 20:04
john jusko – we dont need anyone to go out with if they dont fit us – what is good for one will not be good for the next. Personally I think that the men on this site are for the most part very rude – they ask for honesty and kindness, and then dont have the curtesy to reply to icebreakers or emails.
As for this site, as time goes on I rarely get sent any matches, and will NOT be renewing my membership
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sonia
9 September 2011 13:15
all these experiences come with the territory of dating sites, people will big themselves up and make themselves sound like superman or wonderwoman but reality is most people are just ultra ordinary and dont actually bunjee jump off cliffs like they have written they do in their profiles just as an example. people will tell lies either lil ones or humongus ones. i try to use my intincts and judgement and if someone sounds too good to be true they wont even get a date with me let alone anything else lol.