5 October 2009
Five women that men avoid
by eHarmony
There are some personalities that just make men want to turn and run. We've pinned down the top five - men, have you met any of these? And women, do you recognise yourselves in any of these?
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You meet a new match, speak over the phone, go out once and never see them again. Sound familiar? If so, it’s likely you’ve met one of these women.
While dating is not about putting people in boxes, there are some personalities that just make men want to flee.
1. The serial flirt
Men love a flirt. Besides being fun, a flirty match boosts their ego and makes the troublesome task of asking for a date a cinch.
But there’s a big difference between a situational flirt and a serial flirt. The former will only bat their eyelids for a select few and usually when encouraged, while the latter is someone men just don’t want to handle. A serial flirt is undiscriminating and will giggle, touch and flick their hair at everyone: the best friend, the father and the boss.
This game gets old quickly. Men will soon realise that her behaviour is simply attention-seeking – a sure sign of major self-esteem problems. Even a patient man is likely tire of this fast.
2. The commitment-phile
A man might have a fantastic first date with this match, but before he knows it she’ll be talking about the wedding, how many kids she wants, and the name of their future dog.
This is an age-old scenario. It puts too much pressure on the relationship from the start. First dates with a new match should always be kept light and a woman who tries to push things too far too soon will only accelerate a relationship to its end. Perhaps she cares more about fulfilling her plans than the person they involve.
3. The needy nuisance
This girl will cling on to her match wherever he goes, adopt his interests, call him endlessly and fly off the handle if she’s not around to keep an eye on his behaviour. Neediness is more work than a relationship deserves, stifling any chance for fun. She’ll rob him of energy and leave him feeling exhausted.
4. The party-lover
She’s wild, carefree and the girl every guy wants to catch. But she never knows when to stop. She might guarantee fun but what will this match be like in the sobering light of day?
Her riotous dance moves and hilarious antics might be good in small doses but underneath she’s a mess. It’s hard to have a serious relationship with someone who will never confront their own issues. Sooner or later she’s likely to crack.
5. The incessant talker
This is the woman with verbal diarrhoea. She never draws breath, sharing everything about her life to anyone who will listen.
Her ramblings drive men crazy for obvious reasons, but they also make men feel a little obsolete since they can never get a word in edge ways. The incessant talker doesn’t allow two-way conversation. She needs to learn the value of contented silence and that the more you talk, the less you learn.
The verdict
While nobody’s perfect and there are exceptions to every rule, these girls indicate a tough road ahead. You have been warned!
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1
Ratamahatta
27 February 2010 00:18
I can relate to the last one – the chatterbox. We got on great on a few dates and I realised fast that they liked to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. They knew it themselves, but a few more dates later I found myself begging in my head for them to just SHUT UP for a few minutes.
It didn’t work out, lol.
2
Mellisa
14 March 2010 16:14
I went out with a guy recently and he ended it by saying I was too needy…I saw him once/week and he ended it when I was on the other side of the world on a 2 month sabbatical doing voluntary work!…he didnt like the fact that I was calling him once a week and emailing a few times!
3
jane
16 March 2010 15:04
yes that confusses me aswell! for starters guys get insecure or fustrated when you dont call them because they want to think they are the only guy that you want to talk to…. so why get annoyed when you do and dont and when they never put effort!! but as for(mellisa)not most guys are like that..just depends on the motives of the one you were dating! needy does not ave anything to do with communicating… probably he wasnt looking for more than a relationship….
4
jo
12 April 2010 13:09
party animal…yep..that’s me. Not always of course but I think that’s the reasons I’ve missed out on opportunities to meet men as I obviously put them off dancing in an extrovert way.. it’s so hard though to stop doing it if that’s the real me…i really enjoy myself when out dancing……
5
tor
19 April 2010 08:31
Just like to point out that there are guys out there who are like this too! And Jane you are right, guys want to know they are the only one, so if you didn’t email ring etc they would think that you weren’t interested, works both ways guys. Why all these rules? It’s about respecting each others feelings.
6
Janice
4 May 2010 21:07
Do you think guys get put off if a woman seems too independent?
7
Jessica
8 May 2010 11:02
Janice – I completely think that women who are independent are seen as not ‘needing’ men, and that many men, though not all of course, need to feel indispensable to a female partner, and therefore on a higher footing, presumably so they can take control. It’s very flattering to dump or play with someone who is very set on you…It seems to me that men are taught that they should feel this way. I wish I knew what the answer was, because I know for a fact that many, many men are not at all like this and don’t buy into that macho nonsense. They are just ‘people’ and wish to be treated as such. Saying that, it truly is frightening how many are willing to adopt the perceived persona of manhood as promoted by eHarmony, among other media. It’s a great get-out clause if you can’t think for yourself. And for ‘independent’ women – ie, ‘normal’ women who aren’t reliant on other people, this sort of man wouldn’t be any good anyway. We know this deep down perhaps, but are blinded by frustration – I’ve been there!
8
Andrew
11 May 2010 01:56
Janice – many men like there own space and therefore like independent women.
9
Jools
25 May 2010 16:07
Good grief, you really can’t win. Needy control freak if you do ring him. Not interested if you don’t!
Men like independent women then moan that you don’t need them!
Then you get ‘needy’ and want to spend time with them and they get the jitters about that as well.
Seems to me most men are a ‘little’ bit confused about what they do really want.
10
Tim
13 June 2010 10:39
Jools, theres a big diference between needy and not intersted. If the girls ringing and texting everyday it gets irritating even when a guy likes them alot, hows a man suppose to miss you if your there all the time to talk to? Defintaly be in touch at least 2-3 times a week though, maybe more just not every day.
11
Nan
17 June 2010 01:31
Well if all this is true then most relationships are doomed! Too much/too little contact is a fault-needs to be just right Too outgoing too quiet- needs to be just right! Too into commitment too flighty- needs to be just right! People are individuals and if someone doesn;t accept you for who you are then they should move on! Is anyone on this site really so desperate that they would chop and change themselves to ‘fit’? Be yourself! At least you’ll recognise tyourself in the morning even if you do wake up alone!
12
pearline
14 July 2010 01:58
I cannot commit speaking to someone every day
13
Rosemary
15 July 2010 10:37
I ain’t one of these women, but I’ve been in e-Harmony for 7 months and 90% of my mails aren’t responded to. There is an idea going around that some women are too independent. Could that be the sixth kind of woman that men avoid? – I might fall into that category :~.
14
Rachel
16 July 2010 12:49
I have been on eHarmony for 6 months and sent messages to a few men but not one has shown any interest in corresponding let alone possibly meeting. Friends, male and female have said I’m attractive and good company – I consider it courteous to reply to someone if they take the trouble to send a message. I’m going back to ‘old fashioned’ methods of meeting people. Have respect for yourself and others, meet lots of people and who knows when the ‘right one’ may turn up. Good luck to everyone
15
steve
18 July 2010 00:44
The majority of women I’ve met turn up on dates with the expectation that they will get everything paid for. I’m surprised it isn’t on the list. I delete their number after a couple of dates if they dont pay for anything or cook in return for the meal I’ve taken them out for. I think there are some girls who just go from one man to the next seeing how much they can freeload. And then the girls that don’t do that, are the classy ones.
16
neil
18 July 2010 20:18
This article is so misleading, I love flirty women and party animals if it part of their nature.
Not all men are confused about what they want.
I totally appreciate independent women who are happy to be themselves and let their partner do the same.
17
David
19 July 2010 18:17
I agree with most of these stereotypes as being uninteresting to me. I have no time for the ultra-needy type although I am happy for someone to be dependent on me if that’s the sort of woman she is. I guess that sounds contradictory but I like to know that I am the person she wants to be with and needs me around, but doesn’t expect me to phone her all the time. If she knows that I’m loyal and loving and wants to phone me a lot then that’s okay, just don’t become so needy that I have to do the same.
As for independent women, I would welcome a very independent woman BUT that assumes she was genuinely interested in me and made me quite aware that I was the only person for her. If she and I then have wonderful times together and know that we are being totally faithful, it makes perfect sense for us to enjoy our separate interests.
18
Andrew
7 August 2010 19:18
Rosemary and Rachel – the guys have it the same way. I’ve even been through phases where I just trust EH to send me people who could be matches and start guided communication with them all, only looking at any depth at the 10-15% of profiles who respond. The problem is that not all of the profiles you get matched with are for live, paying customers. I’ve seen some metrics elsewhere on the web that give some rather dismaying figures regarding that kind of thing (remembering it’s actually in the interests of a dating website to NOT match you, since you’ll keep paying the subscription). You will still get matched with people who might no longer monitor that email address, or who signed up on one of the free weekends but did not subscribe… but their profile remains in place until they do.
I know that for myself, I like women who are independent, intelligent individuals who know what they want. It just makes it more special if and when that becomes me
I can put up with quite a few negative traits, but ‘the doormat factor’ is an appropriate term because it’s just one small step away from them being shown the door.
19
barbara
16 August 2010 11:49
Hi
Just read all the comments and while interesting also exhausting. I think it’s good to have some guidelines and dos and don’t but at the end of the day, if there is chemistry there’s chemistry. Totally agree thought – women you can’t change a man! you either like him for who he is or move on! And all this phoning and emailing…if someone feels the need to email or phone couldn’t they…does it have to come across as needy, sure if its 5 or 6 times a day! I don’t know I am single and it’s all so complicated!
20
Jonathan
30 August 2010 15:10
If I don’t want to speak to someone every day, what the Hell am I doing speaking to them at all on a site like this? Get a grip! Can’t spare the time for a ‘phone call from someone who wants to talk to you each day? What a catch!
21
Lisa
30 August 2010 19:57
I met a guy I really liked so took the bull by the horns, but he kept saying I was too direct and that it freaked him out. I kept saying that is how women who know what they want communicate!! I guess some men just can’t handle it.
22
Steve
31 August 2010 11:55
Lisa – he sounds boring. Real men want a woman who is assertive.
23
Nicola
31 August 2010 23:21
utter rubbish none of these “types” is a deal breaker for either sex if there is chemistry or some level of common ground people will put up wuth an awfull lot for some they like and absolutely nothing from someone they dont. Everything in between is just an excuse
ugh I really am starting to dispair of this website and it trite cliches. But
heres the breakdown of my internet experiences
My Single Friend- High point was the midget dentist (lied about height) 4ft 7
Match,com- One ridiculous tit trying to getlaid after another
Parship- Close to this, overpriced and produced a desperate man looking for a thai bride
Not excellent pickings on any of these sites and a whole lot of vulnerable people being made to feel even worse about themselves by rejecting each other!
24
Steve, manchester
2 September 2010 01:16
it’s a common thing Nicola for men to
lie about their height on these sites as do the ‘ladies’! plus “curvy” = size 18 or above.
as for men looking to just get laid – my experience was that there are a lot of women just going from one man to the next seeing what they can get.
25
Celticgirl
8 September 2010 14:24
I have met one person on here and was confident and independent beforehand. However, it was clear he was only after one thing but also seemed to enjoy dangling me.. ie. promising to call and then not. I am not a needy person but surely one phone call or a nice text once a week isn’t asking for too much. Not being big headed but I am toned and athletic, intelligent and extremely attractive so the way I look at it is.. he’s the loser not me. This site is so undercover that it gives the “player” an ideal chance to log in without anyone knowing. But hey.. we learn from experiences. The dating game is not a pile of laughs but the special one is out there for us all but he may not be on here..! And if he really is the “one”…all these issues just go right out of the window!