5 October 2009
The top turnoffs for men
Just as it’s vital to know how to spark his interest, it’s equally essential to know what douses a man’s dating flames.
As we attempt to find, attract and keep our perfect guy, we often consider what turns a man on. But, no matter how much you hone your flirting skills or perfect your pillow talk, there are certain types of behaviour that will sabotage all your efforts. Identifying these turnoffs will help you keep the spark alive from first encounter to a committed relationship. Discover the big five:
Admit it now – if you’re a regular plan changer or frequently cancel on dates at the last minute, you need to take yourself in hand. Men report that flakiness is one of their top turnoffs. By only pencilling in plans or deciding to do something else an hour before you’re meant to be meeting, you are telling them that they’ll do for now but you’re really holding out for someone better. Nobody wants to be with a person who makes them feel temporary. If you care about a man, make plans and stick to them.
2. Making him do all the work
Tradition might dictate that the man asks the woman out and plans the first date, but it’s not fair to assume he is happy to keep this up forever. If, for example, you expect him to always come to your part of town, pick you up, pay for dinner, call you the next day and generally pander to your every whim, you are asking too much. And if there’s a disagreement and you always expect to get your way, you’ll end up lonely and single. Today, chivalry goes both ways and the dating game requires input from both sides. If you can be fair in the dating game, men will appreciate it.
3. Inability to communicate
We’ve probably all done it at some stage – gone along with something that our boyfriend or date says even though we’re not happy about it, only to blow up later at an utterly inappropriate time. While this kind of behaviour is common, repeatedly acting like this is likely to ruin a relationship. How is the man supposed to know how you feel or what you want if you don’t tell him at the time? Just as you deserve to be with someone who communicates his needs and desires, so does he. So get in the habit of saying what you mean.
4. Trying to get him to fit your mould
We see, hear or read about women who try to change their man so frequently it has become a cliché. Whether it’s the way he dresses, his friends or his manners, the girl who tries to kick her man into shape usually comes off looking like a control freak. Don’t be this woman. Just as you want to be accepted for who you are, you should love him warts and all. If you can’t accept him as he is, he’s probably not right for you. Instead of trying to shape him into what you want, move on and keep dating until you find someone you have no desire to change.
There’s no bigger turnoff than a woman who gives a man ultimatums. If you communicate your needs properly, you won’t need to make such demands. It’s usually when communication breaks down and a relationship isn’t going the way that one or more people want that ultimatums are issued. They are toxic to a relationship and should be avoided at all costs.
By grasping the types of behaviour that make men want to flee, you can spend your energy on lighting his fire.
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