20 January 2010
8 things you need to know about dating older men
You never know when you’ll find love – it often comes from the most surprising places. Find out what you need to know if you find yourself dating an older man.
You never know when you’ll find love – it often comes from the most surprising places. And at eHarmony, as we’re focused on deep-down compatibility, who you connect with can be even more surprising. You may find yourself considering dating an older man, and if it’s good enough for the likes of Demi Moore and Catherine Zeta-Jones, why not you? Here are eight things you need to consider when dating an older man.
1. Children – his and yours
There are actually two things to consider here – his children, and your potential children. Firstly, his children. As a man gets older, it becomes increasingly likely that he has fathered some children along the way. These children will take up his time, whether they live with him, or he spends his weekends with them. You will probably need to be prepared to be lower on his list of priorities sometimes, even if his children are grown up. You might be fine with this, but it’s important to consider carefully.
Secondly, your potential children. If he has children already, does he want any more? If he doesn’t, are you prepared to sacrifice your desire for children to find love? The last thing you should do is enter the relationship thinking ‘I’ll change his mind’ – you most probably won’t and it’s a huge gamble. Most importantly talk everything through; these aren’t issues that are just going to go away.
2. His mindset
Meeting someone later in life means they’re more likely to have set in their ways. Their ideas about the way the world should work will be fully formed and it’s very unlikely they’ll change. We’re not saying your older man will be completely inflexible but you shouldn’t think you can change his ways once you’re in a relationship.
3. Cultural references
We use cultural references to express who we are, and where we’ve come from. If you find it odd that his favourite bands are Genesis and ELO, then you will need to decide whether you can get used to that, or whether you will feel increasingly isolated. Also remember that he will have the same dilemma with anything references you make – they may make him feel old and distant from you.
4. His health
As a rule, the older you are the more health problems you get. He may be 45 and fit now, but when you’re reaching middle age, he might be classed as an OAP and will most likely suffer from the health issues that hit men of a certain age. These problems have to become yours too if you’re to have a happy, understanding relationship.
5. His desire for sex
It’s generally considered that women peak sexually between 25 and 40, while men peak between 18 and 25. While it doesn’t take a genius to work out the difference there, you should bear in mind that everyone is different. Also, while your older man might lack the drive of a 22 year-old, he will likely have the experience to put many younger men to shame.
6. His energy levels
Just as his health will possibly deteriorate, your older man’s energy levels will also drop over time. Yes, we all know some lazy men our own age, but your older man might need to go to bed earlier than you, and he’s probably not going to find late-night house parties very appealing. Then again, you might not either, so you might be perfect for each other.
7. Your bank balances
If you’re relatively young and single, chances are you have a bit of disposable income. Yet, while your older man probably earns a decent salary, you should remember that he might have more serious money commitments than you. While you want to go on a last minute trip to Thailand, he might prefer to put the money into his pension, or spend it on his children.
This goes hand in hand with point number two. The older you are, the more you know what you like and dislike, and the less likely you are to try new things or act in a spontaneous way. This is not to say that you get boring as you get older, it’s just that responsibilities get in the way. For a long weekend away you just need to pack a bag and go, he needs to make sure his children are cared for and square things at work too. On the plus side, you may find the stability in your life comforting and reassuring.