Comments on: Big question: How much should you change for a partner?

By: tor

tor — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 08:38:01 +0000

It’s about some compromise up to a point, respect and tolerance. If you’ve been single a while then this should be even more pertinent, as you’ve built a life on your own. You have to make room for someone else and their emotions and learn to be selfless. A man and woman should mould together…it shouldn’t be hard work.

By: Siguta

Siguta — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:12:55 +0000

What you see is what you get,woman or man, you can’t change who you are.

By: bob

bob — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:02:09 +0000

You can only expect them to change the things they want to change or things they except are right to change, anything else is not going to work.

Otherwise except their traits or look elsewhere.

No one is 100% perfect – not even me

By: Bigsy

Bigsy — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:09:12 +0000

weldone Patricia i strongly agree with ya, well i recently broke up with my partner, or should i say she broke up with me because i didn’t change some things about myself and also that she doesn’t trust me, i have tried to smile often, compliment her,to talk more,to say thank you ‘you welcome’ more,clean the house, and to be as honest as i could be but all these changes were not enough to her, i feel lost, i feel very bad ’cause, we have a pretty boy (10m) together and she is about 3 months pregnant and i’m not there to help her ’cause she kicked me out of her house and she’s all there by herself i think…, first i thought it was hormones but then i realised that she hates me, i just don’t know how much or how far can a person change….

By: Patricia

Patricia — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 07:20:06 +0000

I think that women are more likely to make an effort to change but men seem to have the attitude of what you see is what you get. Also the obvious comment is that we knew what they were like when we got together etc,… If women understood and didn’t expect their man to change for their sake then relationships would last a bit longer in my opinion. It’s a matter of balance, do we love them enough to let them be themselves or do we love an idea of a couple and encourage them to make adjustments? Second time around and I will choose someone that does not need changing but I will also make more of an effort to change towards my partner’s ideal woman. It’s worth it for the right man.

By: corrie ward

corrie ward — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 18:11:20 +0000

Changing a person has been tried. Wev`e all tried it and it does not work,especially after many years.
If we love a person I guess we should be willing. Having said that, small things are possible, for example, in a loving supportive way we canencourage a partner to be more hygienic meaning they wash more often.This from experience. Noone wants to cuddle a smelly partner, but it takes diplomacy and kindness to make it work. Smoking is another no no for me. But, I would be willing to get to know a guy seriously if we could come to an agreementand as in my profile I am willing to chance that the man would understand and cut down!
So, someone is going to challenge me and say that`s changing a man!!!
Well, is it?
Corrie

By: Mike

Mike — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 13:22:46 +0000

I agree with Elizabeth. There are aspects of my personality that I wouldn’t mind changing and others that I have no intention of changing. I would expect my partner to be in the same boat.

Mike

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:41:20 +0000

I agree that it depends what needs to change. If you are being asked (or feel the need) to change your values and beliefs then approach with care as they are what makes up yourself.

However, the further aspect is how much are you being asked/feel the need to change? If you feel that you need to change your values/beliefs 100% then I would say that is unacceptable. But everybody’s values and beliefs become modified by circumstances and greater understanding as they go through life and it might be that you can modify a belief a small amount in order to compromise with your partner. Also easier if the partner is also modifying their views too – compromise is give and take, not abject surrender by one person.

It may be more acceptable to change an aspect of your behaviour or lifestyle 100%. For example if you smoke but are dating somebody who becomes worried about the health risks you might be prepared to consider the risks to yourself and give it up.

And I would say that changing a part of your behaviour in response to a partner is inevitable and necessary – again, there should be give and take on both sides not just one person making all the changes.

Essay over

By: Garry

Garry — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 14:08:12 +0000

What are you supposed to change? The person they first met is the one they were attracted to. If you start changing just to suit them then you are not being true to yourself. You will become unhappy with the situation and that will show in things you do. Conversely should you try to change someone, their clothes the way they see the world etc. The quick answer is no, and you should ask yourself why you need to make them into somebody else.

By: Nick

Nick — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:44:03 +0000

In my opinion, in a relationship you should accept your partner for who they are, if there are small parts of their personality which perhaps for example, annoy you, then you may be able to work around it. ^_^

By: jean warwick

jean warwick — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:07:02 +0000

you do not cover widows and widowers which is very difficult,from experience i know that you are compared and that you would not be there if the other person was alive not many have moved on and you are remined of days gone by i am a widow but prepared to live a new life but men are not

By: Rob

Rob — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:45:57 +0000

Generally speaking you should either accept your other half for what they are or not at all.

By: Aida

Aida — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:17:00 +0000

Depends in what needs to be changed.. some issues can be over looked and changed for a better future.. we even do that at work for better productivity.. However if we are talking about changing your beliefs and desires in life for someone else then nah.. your either take it as it is or leave it..