16 February 2010
Five things women want in a relationship
by eHarmony
Looking at answers from our Relationship Questionnaire we've compiled a list of the five things eHarmony women seem to want in a man. Are you ticking the right boxes?
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As a companion piece to ‘five things men want‘, we’ve compiled the (just as hotly debated) ‘five things women want in a relationship’. Over the last 30 years we have become a world of career women and house husbands, and as the gender roles have blurred men have found it harder to work out what women expect of them.
At eHarmony, our Relationship Questionnaire enables us to collect lots of useful information about what women want (and don’t want) in a partner. Here are our top five observations:
A man who can speak from the heart
This isn’t a big shocker – women want a man who can talk about his feelings and know how to express themselves. Women know that sharing is good, especially in relationships. But, this doesn’t mean women want a man who will cry at the first sign of a problem. It’s a tricky line to walk guys, between sensitivity and masculinity.
An honest man
Who doesn’t want honesty? It’s the foundation of any good relationship, and lies have been the end of many a bad relationship. In the eHarmony Relationship Questionnaire honesty is consistently rated as the most important quality women are looking for in a man. Before assuming you’re honest, think through your eHarmony profile responses – are they all true to you?
An emotionally sorted man
Emotional health does not mean that you have all your problems solved, but women do want men who have a handle on their emotions. Confidence is hugely attractive, and emotional stability allows women to feel they can open up to a man – and trust him.
A peacemaker
Men are hardwired to compete to win at pretty much anything. But relationships are an exception to this rule, and women want a man who recognises that. They’re looking for someone who is comfortable with compromise and happy to say ‘I was wrong’ when the time is right.
An attractive man
We’re not saying you need to look like Brad Pitt, but women, like men, also find physical appearance important. You can help yourself, not by spending hours in the gym, but simply by making sure you upload a great photograph. At eHarmony we see thousands of profile pictures of men and women, and we have observed that on average women take more time to find the ‘right’ photograph. They dress nicely, pick a good spot and use a decent camera to take the photo.
Unfortunately, a lot of the male photos tend to be grainy, dark and at strange angles. Think about what that says about not just your appearance but your character too – if you can’t be bothered to upload a decent photo, then what else can’t you be bothered to do? When you’re choosing your profile picture, take time to pick one that really shows off your best features.
1
Shirley
23 February 2010 17:31
This is an interesting analysis of what we women say we want according the profiles we’ve compiled on EH. To some extent it sounds valid but it has a strong focus on all the worthy attributes (plus looks) with little space for fun. Most women I know always mention a sense of humour and a man’s essential ability to make them laugh and feel at ease in their company so I am surprised our profiles are not reflecting this.
Personally I think I am on the site looking for the ying to my yang (or vice versa). I’d agree that honesty/trust would be my no 1 (same with all my relationships not just the special one). But I loved the way Denis Thatcher handled his relationship with Margaret – he was a successful businessman who commanded personal self-respect but he was also discreet,self-possessed and supportive of his high profile spouse. Are there more gentlemen out there who have a subtle dynamism while letting their other half shine in her more extrovert chosen profession? This personal self-confidence/self-esteem would be my second requirement. If he looked like Phil Jupitus it would be a bonus! (not everyone is after George Clooney).
2
Andrew
2 January 2011 17:34
I have to take issue with Shirley’s comment on women wanting men to make them laugh. It’s true it commonly features strongly on a woman’s wish-list but from a male point of view it seems shallow and suggests that women want their men to be comedians. Yes, it is important that a gentleman has the ability to put a lady at her ease and this is an important part of establishing a relationship. However, it is rare to see a request from a man for a woman to make him laugh. Humour can very easily go wrong and so is well down the pecking order. I think that honesty, trust and courtesy are more important attributes in the early stages of a (potential) relationship and when these are established there is plenty of time to make each other laugh.
3
Renetia
7 March 2011 14:33
A man who treats a woman like a lady/princess. I think your two points of honesty & peacemaker are sort of the same thing… if you are honest & value honesty you own up & that includes to your own faults or wrong doing.
I so agree with speaking from the heart. Most men are afraid of opening up & revealing which reflects a fear of intimacy. Also agree with attractiveness. Make the effort & you will get noticed which doesn’t translate to losing your individuality.
4
Nick
27 June 2011 16:28
I agree with the 5 items listed above, however in my experience women can’t stand a “nice” man. Speaking from the heart, honesty, peacemaker attidtude and emotional stability are all very important. However, they can not come at the expense of confidence. If a man exibits a lack confidence, then all of the above are either redundant, or overshaddowed. Unfortunately for those who do lack some confidence, it just seems to take women a little longer to realise this, by which time it tends to be more than somewhat painful.
5
Paul
30 December 2011 13:28
It’s so tough on the internet, I do feel a lot of people are very superfical, and while I don’t look like Brad Pitt I don’t look like the back of a bus either.
I’ve always gone out with women I’ve met and got to know first, the attraction has come later. So I agree with the 5 above, it comes back to compromise also !!
6
Paul
30 December 2011 13:30
I’ll just add to that, I am not a confident person – at work I am always being told to “Push myself out there” to get on, the same has been said about my lovelife – at a large gathering I’d tend not to push myself “out there” and so I don’t speak to the girl or make the most of any opportunity. So confidence, or in my case, lack of confidence, does make a difference..