2 February 2010
Five things you should NEVER say on a first date
by eHarmony
Nerves sometimes get the better of us all on a first date, and we say things we regret as soon as we leave the restaurant. Conversation on a date is key, but saying some of these things will have you relegated to the ‘never see again’ pile.
The way you communicate on a first date is very important; it lets your date know about you and vice versa, and it shows you if that essential ‘spark’ is there. But there are some subjects that should never be touched on during those first tentative weeks, especially not on a first date.
Want to get to date number two? Then you’ll want to avoid these…
1. When are you planning on walking down the aisle?
Light and airy should be the tone of a first date. Conversation surrounding similar interests, jobs and musical tastes is perfect – asking about your date’s life plans is not. Keep in mind that that you are pretty much strangers, and questions like ‘What kind of wedding do you want?’ could be classed as rude or straight up scary. This applies whether you see yourself in the wedding photos or not. If you really want to know if your date is looking for a long-term relationship, look at their lifestyle, career and living arrangements which should give you good clues as to where they are in their lives.
2. You’re how old?
Your date may have the odd grey hair or wrinkle (amount depending on the age range you’re dating in of course), but unless you genuinely think they’ve lied about their age, this is just plain rude. If you have the urge to ask, yet you’re having a good time with your date, ask yourself, ‘Why does it matter?’
3. Do you have any kinky secrets?
However well you’re getting on, however much you think the sexual tension is crackling between you, refrain from asking about your date’s bedroom antics. Even said as a joke, you’re asking about someone’s most intimate desires, and they may not feel that comfortable with you. At best you’ll seem a bit crass, at worst you’ll sound perverted…You’re not playing drinking games with old university mates this evening.
4. Can you lend me some cash?
As we mentioned above, your date is a virtual stranger, so borrowing money off them is an absolute no-no. Even if you have the best of intentions and hope to see them again, they don’t know that. And ultimately, it gives the impression you can’t look after yourself, which is not an attractive quality. They’re also likely to think that the reason you asked them on the date was to get a free meal or drinks.
5. You’re the man/woman of my dreams!
We all go on dates with the hope that they might lead to something more, and if it’s an especially good date, you might even have a good feeling about the future. However, this is not the time to voice this thought. Hopefully, your date is having similar positive thoughts about you, but most people take longer than a few hours to process this information. Bite your tongue on this one, whatever signals you’re getting.
1
Sara
8 February 2010 12:50
I’d like to add, moaning about previous relationships – a MASSIVE turnoff and should be avoided. Especially if you’ve had a nasty divorce or breakup!
2
Michelle
8 February 2010 20:18
I can second Sara on that, I went on a date only last night, for the guy to tell me his ex beat him, and he was so depressing, really very sad. So much so, I told him that nothing was going to become of it..
3
Kev
8 February 2010 20:42
What about what you should say?
If you enjoy the time together and want to repeat it then you should tell your date but not put any pressure on when it is to be. Just tell them that you really enjoyed it, it was a lovely time and you really hope ‘we’ can do it again soon: but,no pressure on the other person. Let them reflect on what youve said.
4
adam
8 February 2010 21:15
Wise words, Sara
5
Emma
8 February 2010 21:28
I would reiterate the advice about not asking about kinky secrets ….if you are genuinely looking for a serious long lasting relationship, talk of sex or even anything slightly sexual can be a big turn off….. it gives the impression that the reason you wated the date was to jump into bed….really not great on the first date.
6
ROBERT COOKSEY
8 February 2010 22:09
Iwould like to add, some people do moan about previous relations,THIS IS A MASSIVE TURNOFF AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED.IF YOU HAD A NASTY DIVORCE OR BREAKUP!
7
johnchapman
9 February 2010 00:16
Very valuable advice, of course, at my age I would hope to have more wisdom.
But yes it is good advice .
8
bob
9 February 2010 00:46
For boys
Don’t mention you model railway in the loft!
For girls
Don’t mention your shoe collection!
For anyone
Don’t mention your ex
9
Stephanie
9 February 2010 00:50
Sara – agreed!!!
or generally being mr passave agressive or mr moaner/winger… complaining about anything and everything! crickey, get me out of that one quick!
10
piere
9 February 2010 01:12
all these are things i said to my ex girl friend on the first date and we were together for 5years until she died in iraq bomb 2year ago mean love is not fixed science
11
Mike
9 February 2010 08:45
Not totally relevant as it’s not about what to say, or not say, but my one piece of advice would be to make sure you choose somewhere where you /can/ have a conversation. I made the mistake recently of taking a young lady to Jimmy Spices in the centre of Brum on a Friday night and it was so noisy we were shouting at each other from a foot away and still not really hearing each other. Needless to say, that date went nowhere.
Mike
12
Louise
9 February 2010 12:14
OK each to their own. Personally I love hearing the messy break up stories. Especially the one’s where the behaviour of either party is so outrageous you can only laugh about it now.
Maybe that says something about me, but hey, that’s who I am. So if the guy I’m with is too self conscious, shy, (read too many of these articles) that he can no longer be himself….warts and all then he isn’t the guy for me.
If he’s got the psycho ex girlfreind/wife then I want to know NOW!!!! whilst I can still make a choice about whether I want to get involved with him (or her come to that).
I much prefer open honest people who have very little to hide than people who have closets full of skeletons waiting to be let out at a future date when ‘we know each other better’.
I’m not saying it should be the first thing that pops into the conversation, but I don’t think it should be omitted out of fear of not getting a second date either if it’s relevant.
13
kerry
10 February 2010 17:57
yes, i agree with sara. also men who go on about money and what they have is a massive turn off,but nobody likes a tightwad either.
14
Adele
10 February 2010 22:22
I totally agree with Louise.- I’d want to know about the messy break-up…what she did… what he did…how it got dealt with… and i’d want to open up about myself too and the nutters i’ve encountered… some of it is quite funny! I also think that if a single or a few negative words about ex’es are supposed to put a person off, then maybe they weren’t really that into you in the first place… if they really like you and really want to be with you… a few bed stories about your ex won’t put them off. But then saying that I’d want to know if his psycho or scitzo ex is still lurking around because i wouldnt want to be around if she’s hiding somewhere!!
15
Jonno
11 February 2010 03:33
I’m with you Louise (if you’ll pardon the expression). I’d rather have an honest approach and feel that the other person has nothing to hide. Small talk is for small minds.
16
Jane
13 February 2010 00:47
I agree with Mike I have had dates in the past and it is really difficult to talk over a music system, or have a conversation inthe cinema. If you want to enjoy good company and great convesation I would not pick any of the above.
17
russell
13 February 2010 12:06
I would say dat its a two way thing,a little openness,truthfulness and being straightforword is not bad,but if you have to talk about past relationships,one should be very discreet,positive and matured. Again i quite agree with Sara,the best way to really get a good result and truthful answers from people is not by asking a direct question….
18
Nic
14 February 2010 01:18
Adele re comment 10 feb 2010 I found the part of your comment in which you referred to an ex-partner as ‘psycho’/'scitzo’ very offensive. We all get sick being bomabarded with what is and isn’t politically correct but in this instance you are way out of order using these terms. Obviously you have no clue about mental illness. I suffer from a mental health problem and I can assure you it is no fun. By using terms like you have this only adds to the stigma of mental illness. You are a very ignorant woman and if I were a guy I wouldn’t want involved with someone like you.
19
Dee
14 February 2010 18:58
I also totally agreed with Louise, Adele and Jonno also Kerry, I have to be me and would want the guy to be himself, no skeletons in the cupboard, let’s move on with foresight through experience.
20
Forward
15 February 2010 01:46
I’m in the Louise camp, especially with a long distance match with whom you’ve had extensive email, chat, voice and video (skype) contact. I find prior relationships extremely relevant and instructive and am happy to reciprocate. The ability to be honest, articulate and verbally intimate (including about one’s deepest desires) is so fundamental to me that a date who ‘stuck with the script’ wouldn’t hear from me again.
21
Donna
15 February 2010 06:37
Very good comments. A person can abide by most all of them
22
Alrick
21 February 2010 22:35
I think that it is important to have the space to be open and real….the film hitch was a good film many people could relate too…. the bottom line was about keeping it real but being sesitive to each other’s feelings…going with the flow and no painting any falsh pictures. Muturity plays a big part here , all the cards being placed on the the table. When a person reaches a certain point in their life it doesn’t take too long before being able asess whether or not this is going to work. The more open a person is the easier it is to come to a decision about future dates…
23
Caitlin
24 February 2010 20:07
I would really love a relationship with someone i would like to go on “Take me out” the show on tv.I think i would like to go on a date with Alrick he sounds like a nice guy.
24
Nadia
26 February 2010 01:23
Whilst most people would prefer to hear and learn about the person’s current life and future thoughts/plans, as opposed to the life with the ex, I equally think that it’s not necessarily the end of the world if it is discussed. Those stories provide an insight into how the person may treat you one day and their character. Additionally, our past, good or bad, makes us all who we are today — nothing wrong with being yourself and feeling comfortable enough to share. Obviously, there is the risk of ‘too much info’, so approach with caution.
25
Shirley
27 February 2010 13:01
I think the advice from Bob about shoe/model train collection is very pertinent. In the past I’ve had dates with gents who variously spent half an hour explaining how you strip the engine of a jeep, about the excitement of the stamp collection which began when Aunty Nora sent a postcard back from Beruit in 1973 and now takes over a room in the house and how to stuff a marlin – following a good fishing trip which led to a taxidermy course!
However for my sake maybe it was just as well these things were mentioned at such length straight off. I was at least able to extracate myself.
On a separate note I know I am guilty of interviewing men on a date. I’ve trained as a journalist and I keep forgetting to leave the job at the door. I don’t shine a light in their eyes and demand answers but I do take perhaps an overly strong lead which perhaps is off-putting. However I’ve read that people like you to take an interest in them – so it can’t be all bad.
26
Michael
3 March 2010 00:31
At the end of the day…just be yourself – but I would say that FIRST IMPRESSIONS are extremely important. All men & women are different & it’s not easy to find your match !!! If it was, we wouldn’t all be on here !!!
Happy hunting to you all….
27
Tom
3 March 2010 23:21
So, let me get this straight: be yourself, be natural, but make sure you follow these exact rules and don’t be yourself.
28
Lynn
14 March 2010 20:17
Love the last comment by Tom – my thoughts exactly…v funny
29
Anna
13 April 2010 13:27
Dating is tough-especially as we get older. Being yourself is important because if you’re not you will soon get found out!! It’s important to be honest but maybe avoid sensitive subject areas until you know each other a little better. It’s cliche but you never get a second chance to make a first impression!!
30
Mike
24 April 2010 20:49
When I actually get a date from this site will work out what to say
I will probably be so shocked I will be speechless !!!
31
jade
25 April 2010 22:08
people, let everyone run their dates the way they see fit-
some relationships get deeper in one night whilst others will take 10 dates to grow deep-
32
Lawrence
27 April 2010 09:53
Have read these words of wisdom and can gather that the best thing to do is to put all your woes on the table ie:- your wooden leg .. false teeth.. wigs etc be up front. Frighten everyone away and then live alone …. Nooooooo surely one can forget all the dirty washing and start afresh … isn’t this what it is all about or do we like to hear the gory details ?????
33
Mike
27 April 2010 18:27
Sorry I would rather know the dirty washing, a mate tried setting me up with a colleague , all I got told was she was 35 slim and attractive …..I was given her email and we exchanged a few , it was email 3 from her that revealed she was a heavy smoker, recovering alcoholic and was partially sighted……No need to go into past relationships etc, but some things need knowing about as may waste both persons time.
34
Karen
30 April 2010 23:22
Honesty is deffinately the best policy! I would have to lay all my cards on the table on the first date, I have so much bagage I have trouble getting on flights! If a potential partner doesn’t like that, I don’t mind, it’s better for both to find out straight away so I can find someone who doesn’t mind my experiences! Hey, life’s for sharing, good and bad!
35
David
4 May 2010 00:28
So from the above mails I realise that you should not say the following:
1 – I used to come here all the time with my ex…
2 – I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
3 – Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. (1 for the ladies).
Easy…
36
Hayley
5 May 2010 14:29
On the subject of the dirty laundry…some history is inevitable. You will always have some of the history coming out, it is what makes us who we are, and how we act. But we don’t need all the gory details straight off!! After we have got to know each other, then, maybe, we can explore a little deeper into each others personalites and why we are who we are
37
James
6 May 2010 23:34
To comment on all the above,in my experience of dating is that we are all individuals and have a past and a future.
Be relaxed,open and honest,if the chemistry works it works
Love like life is a lottery and not all within it is perfect.
38
Graham
7 May 2010 22:36
Getting the date in the first place is the hard bit.I,ve paid £39.95 to view the cast of Dawn of the Dead.
39
Drew
8 May 2010 16:01
I agree with you Graham. I dread to think what the ladies with no profile pictures look like (a large proportion of my mathches). I think it should be compulsary to include at least two photos, otherwise it’s ‘archive pile’. Call me superficial, but I would very much like to know what my potential date looks like.
Anyhow, back to the subject in hand one of the biggest turn offs for me on a date is a girl who says ‘I don’t know’ in answer to every question you ask. For heaven’s sake think of something to say! Even if you don’t know, have a think, weigh up what you know about the subject and give me at least a couple of sentences in response.
40
lizzy
10 May 2010 22:55
DATERS BEWARE!!! I really must mention this as very important having had various different experiences of this type of dating have noticed a certain amount of men pretending to be single when really married and can be quite cunning and devious in their lies to trick unsuspecting single women. They are well experienced in the art of deceiving women. This type of behaviour spoils this for honest single men and can be extremely hurtful and damaging to all concerned when the truth comes out, which it invariably does. Check them out thoroughly before committing yourself to any kind of relationship.Please be warned.
41
sarah
15 May 2010 17:28
omg, Ive just paid to go on this site and now after reading these comments im very worried. i do agree with some of the comments listed and why do the men hide their pictures, how are we meant to send messages if we have to spend our time asking to see who they are? i hope it gets better from here on or maybe ill prefer to stay single.
42
Celia
16 May 2010 09:17
David’s comments (35) are the best! The cat excuse just about sums up my own sense of humour. I hope I can remember that on my imminent date. It will keep me relaxed.
43
Toni
25 May 2010 13:39
i think unloading some of your baggage on the first date is a good idea especially if you have children and ur still in contact with the father/mother, ur date needs to know, but don’t go over the top with it.
44
Steve
26 May 2010 16:29
I think it’s fine to ‘touch’ on anything and everything on a first date. The more information, the more complete your first impression will be.
BUT, don’t go into detail. Pause frequently to give your date a chance to speak. If they want to know more about anything specific, they will then have the chance to ask you.
And Graham ( comment 38 ). V funny, have’nt laughed so much in weeks!
45
polly
27 May 2010 14:39
I think it depends entirely how comfortable you feel with each other on how much detail of your pasts you need to reveal. Within the first 5 minutes of meeting a person I think you can tell if you are able to get on with them or not!
46
Karen
6 July 2010 19:12
Graham Comment 38.
Ditto
I just signed up for a year and can not believe the unsuitable matches that have been sent to me so far. I am a 50 year extremely young at heart lady who scrubs up quite well if I say so myself! I have been contacted by ONE yes ONE match so far and archived by several potential match’s within minutes of them being downloaded. One guy archived me before I even got to look at his profile 30 seconds after I received it. What are these people looking for?
47
jenna
11 July 2010 20:34
I agree with louise i like to hear what went wrong before and where they stand now… guys also have very diffrent views on why things went wrong… my EX would say i was a psycho who flipped at the littlest thing and I would say he lied about everything, including his age, stole off me and cheated on me repeatedly who is right?? lol
48
John
16 July 2010 02:57
Jenna you are a psycho stop telling people I stole off you I borrowed the money, I was gonna pay it back, I never cheated on you, I was painting the ceiling and my clothes fell off and I fell off the ladder on to her and she was naked. It only went in half way.. come back to me I love you!! psycho
49
Luke
17 July 2010 12:27
1. ‘Good God! Didn’t you ask anyone how big your bum looked when you put that outfit on?’
2. ‘Oh sorry; I didn’t recognise you at first. Your pic was quite attractive…….’
3. ‘Sorry, forgot my wallet; you don’t mind paying do you? I’ll have the caviare for starters………’
4. ‘If you could just fill out this questionniare while I go get the coffee…..’
5. ‘Would you mind leaving now? I’m meeting someone else at half past.’
Hope these help…..
50
jane
17 July 2010 13:42
I think the boys get a tough time of it as much as the girls. Finding a loving partner just doesn’t happen overnight and it is fraught and hard going at times. Comment 38 was brilliant. So funny. Comment 39 was so true. Well done guys!
51
jane
17 July 2010 13:44
Regarding comment 39 you do need to see who you are going on a date with!!
52
glenda
18 July 2010 23:42
oh dear – only on here for a look around during ‘free communication’ weekend definately will not be paying to join after reading this lot
53
Laura
19 July 2010 03:29
I agree with Sara (1) because who wants to hear about nasty break ups?? The person you’re on a date with has probably moaned about it enough to their friends and family and now they want to tell a complete stranger about it?? Yawn…. Give me some light flirting, a bit of a laugh and show me your good side because that’s what I hope to see most of in the future!!
54
Steve
21 August 2010 19:20
I met a girl via another site at a bar/restaurant. After a couple of drinks she suggested we had some tea so we got a table and chatted, after the main course she asked what hobbies I had then told me that she had a hobby of “dressing up”!
And showed me pics on her mobile of her dressed up as a dominatrix with her transvestite friend. She said something about “wanting to be up front”. My opinion was that it’s not up to me to judge people so if that’s what floats your boat fair enough but perhaps she was showing off? It didn’t impress me or put me off – what did impress me was when the bill came she insisted on paying ‘cos I’d driven to her local.
I think it was a welcome change from meeting girls who moan about their ex or have a negative attitude about life.
In my opinion it’s not just what you say to someone it’s how you behave.
She had class in her own way.
55
Anna
30 August 2010 12:59
It does annoy me when people go on about how ‘ordinary’ they are. It’s not reassuring, it’s just dull. I’d rather meet someone special.
56
Jonathan
30 August 2010 15:36
Yes, it’s hurtful being archived; but if you’re not going to ever meet someone, or if you’re not attracted to them, or if they scare you too much, you have to do it, why not straight away? If I live in Ashby de la Zouche I don’t take it personally if Donalda from Stornoway archives me. I am sure it breaks her heart to do it! :0)
PS; What do I have to put in my profile to get matched Steve’s Dominatrix?
57
Steve
31 August 2010 11:52
sorry Jonathan – she wasn’t from this site! and I’m pretty sure there are lots of other equally quirky and interesting girls out there too – you just have to keep looking. Avoid the ordinary ones!
58
beata
4 September 2010 23:46
Jonathan, Ashby de la Zouche!!!the town of Adrian Mole, It appears that this is the place to be. And anyone there is a bit of genius. So, now we all hide here instead to write to each other.
59
Ania
15 September 2010 16:44
To Shirley and others. Interviewing your date is horrible. Conversation- yes, exchanging information- by all means, but asking lots of questions without giving anything back will leave the preson with the feeling he/she has been examined and manipulated. Let’s be kind and respectful!
60
Steve, Manchester
18 September 2010 10:02
I’ve been on one or 2 dates where it’s been more like an interview. Very off putting ‘cos it’s an interrogation and puts you on the defensive and the outcome usually isn’t positive.
61
Kristy
18 September 2010 21:10
If I am going to take the time and effort to go on a date, I don’t want polite conversation and basic info. I want to have some light banter and find out the good, the bad and the down right funny. My top number one tips is good manners.
62
Steve, Manchester
21 September 2010 00:58
Kristy sounds like an excellent date.
63
JJ
21 September 2010 13:04
Graham 7th May: too right!
64
Diane (Glasgow)
24 September 2010 21:26
Well I am a fun person and cant help my dry/sarcastic sense of humour it is me you either love it or hate it and thats whats happened on dates but I think when it hasn’t been appreciated its because i’ve been funnier than my date and he dosent like that and that is his insecurity not mine. If a guy was wittier than me I would say “Bring it on!” So I just see it that i’ve had lucky escapes because they would have bored me to death! Your true character will come out at the latest within 6 months (fact!) so why start differently to what you really are. There is someone out there for all of us so dont worry about it!! xxx
65
Steve, manchester
24 September 2010 23:08
re: the main subject – I think you should just be yourself on a first date and if your ‘date’ doesn’t like you then so be it.
re: Diane – I have a very similar view point, in fact reading the text it almost sounds like I’ve typed it!
66
S
11 October 2010 00:31
? how do you get to know someone on this site ???? no-one seems to reply to questions, prompts etc. Are there any real people who actually want a ??? relationship, or are they imaginary ????. Has eharmony made profiles up ……or perhaps it’s my age, 46
67
Steve, manchester
11 October 2010 11:42
S – we all have the same problem. I think it’s because a lot of people sign up on the free weekends but are too tight fisted to actually want to pay for a subscription or aren’t actually completely single and signed up on the free weekend to see what the alternatives are to their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend.
68
Naomi
11 October 2010 18:23
Hi S, if you read enough of these comments they make you feel better! The only people that write to me / respond are those that I wouldn’t look twice at in ‘real life’ call me shallow, but my gut instinct is usually right – even when I try and prove myself wrong ha ha. At least you are not alone, it seems that most people do not respond BUT I have met two really decent guys on here, the first decided that our cities were too far apart, and the second after a few conversations decided not to contact me again but he did reply initially and we did have a laugh!
Keep going, and just see if steve pops up as a match
69
Steve, manchester
12 October 2010 18:41
I haven’t been matched to any Naomi’s yet – I’ve checked my closed and current lists!
70
Ayrshire Girl
1 December 2010 01:43
All the over 40 guys I get matched to are standing next to/on a motorbike or planning to buy a motorbike and 90% of them have shaved heads( it may be more aerodynamic, but…come on guys lose it or let it go grey gracefully..some hair is better than none in my opinion)……boys and their toys, eh?… Had the date from hell recently, the profile photograph was obviously taken 2 stones ago, the ‘non-smoker’ was actually a chain smoking roll-up fiend who bluntly asked, 5 mins into the date…”Well do you like me” he seemed so surprised when In the nicest possible way I told him he wasn’t my type , but wished him all the best…as I got up to leave he muttered “You could do alot worse than me”…I had to bite my tongue from saying “No, I could do so much better”…
71
mercy
28 December 2010 11:57
In addition,talking about all the problems you have could also be a turnoff.
72
paul
28 December 2010 12:41
my views on the situation is the first impresion is 85% of weather you get a second date so say hello talk about every thing that comes up honisty and see what happens because i belive honisty is the best policy and if you cant be truthfull to someone and they take afence maybe fhere not the person you want to spend your life with
73
Steve
28 December 2010 13:23
I don’t think you should be as blunt as saying ‘no’ when someone asks you if you like them. I try to put them off in other ways, like saying ‘I see from your profile that you are an atheist and not interested in marriage, but I would like to spend a few minutes discussing the Bible with you – have you looked at what Our Lord Jesus Christ had to say about marriage?’
74
James - Plymouth
28 December 2010 18:37
I noted a post dealing with the “free weekenders” who join up and do not take membership any further and I am prompted to reply.
I am one of the “free weekenders” (otherwise known as “tight wads” and other charming adjectives). I looked at the site to see whether it was any different to many other similar sites. The questioning and psychological basis of the site is interesting but what overwhelmed me was the number of responses I got … literally hundreds of contacts. I wrote to eHarmony telling them to stop sending so many and as they did not respond I shunted the emails off to my spam folder.
The second reason for not joining in was that I am in the middle of a difficult family dispute and this family dispute impacted unfavourably on an on-going relationship which is now dissolved.
I would hope that there are many woman of my age (60) or around that vintage on the site but I am not able to maintain a relationship at this time as I do not have the time or capacity to devote the required energy to a new potential partner.
At sea, living in the desert, and working hard in unsocial occupations coupled with a self sacrificing attitude to work I have learned to live alone and have done so for much of my life.
Self reliant, confident, resourceful, sometimes arrogant, often humble in the face of others pain, I cannot see how a personal relationship is possible again. After three marriages and many girlfriends I think I have already met you all (there’s that arrogance!).
I am sorry that so many of you have had nothing but silence after emailing me but perhaps now you can gain an insight into why I am not right for you.
A non-answer might be the best escape you could hope for, and a tight wad I am not. I have my own successful business, and own my house and car, so with few of the expenses that a younger man may have I can easily afford to pay the fee demanded.
So I ask that you do not consider the “free weekenders” or the lurkers as decendants of Silas Marner or as total misanthropes … they just might not be ready for a new relationship … yet.
75
Ross
28 December 2010 22:31
I agree with a few guys on here, I don’t know how the matching system works on here but it doesn’t seem to match u with anyone that has same interests and without being totally horrible and sounding really fussy cos im not like that, im willing to give anyone a chance,but out of over 1200 matches I think there’s been maybe 20 decent looking girls who I’ve been matched with! I know looks aren’t everything but u need to b attracted to someone. I just seem to get the ones that live alone with there cats and have have major issues about everything especially men lol I’ve met up with 2 girls on here who seemed lovely at 1st, chatted for ages thru mail and got to know things about each other then when we met we got on well then they say how much they enjoyed themselves and they arrange another date then when u meet again they completely change, for the worse! It’s like they have an evil twin they send on 2nd date lol Been on here for over a year and seriously not impressed at all, waste of money I’d say.
76
Polly
2 January 2011 20:44
Steve from Manchester, I’ve missed you lots and scrolled down to hear your fine words of wisdom. I went on a day-time date last year (not from EH, Match.com, am I allowed to say that?) and instantly did not ‘click’ with the guy: he kept moaning about all the bad dates he had been on, his boring job, his looking forward to retiring. OMG, I thought, hey need a drink to make this bearable. Had a couple of glasses of white and thought, what the heck. I am a bit of a naughty minx and went on to regale him with the more salacious bits from SATC (Sex And The City, guys). You know, the bit where Samantha has sex with the guy she thinks she’s in love with for the first time and he’s got a small**** In due course, nature necessited me needing to ‘powder my nose’, came back and the chap had disappeared. Obviously, I would not be so naughty if I genuinely wanted some continuation of the meet, but was funny. I know, I know…
77
paul
9 January 2011 04:20
agree with toni(comment 43)
my children live with me but i have contact with their mum nearly everyday.our relationship is completely over but our paths still cross.she has her own life and knows & is happy that i am on eharmony.
i think that my date needs to know this early on,otherwise it will look odd if she were to find out later.i have been on dates where it was my date that asked me about it,so its not a no no,but should not by any means be the sole topic of what should be a fun interesting date for both parties.
78
Ayrshire Girl
16 January 2011 02:11
Steve #73 and Polly #76, would love to take your advice on this, but think I’d end up laughing too much…maybe leaving via the toilet window could be an option…lol
)
79
Leona
17 January 2011 15:20
I find putting someone on the spot about the next date is a turn off. I would rather reflect and wonder a bit. The mst recent date I went on, a dj, said he would happily do me a mix cd of my type of music, then added ‘but thats mean’s we would have to meet up again’. I felt really put on the spot. I have been on the second date as he’s a decent guy and prefect gentlman, but he’s just too full on – like he’s planning ahead too much, when I’m still trying to work out is there is an attraction for me or I’m just fond of him as a friend, but he’s not really giving me the space to think about this. When I said the other night I was just having a chilled night in, he straight away suggested he come over – its just repelling me. My sis says I’m mad and should enjoy the attention and go with the flow, but I’m actually just getting too anxious about it all now.
80
Lady from Manchester
19 January 2011 19:26
Hi Guys,
My experience so far one week into EH, talk to one man for a while, first date was good he was funny and interesting second date he tells me his ex lives with him and worst of all he told herhe was on a date and so, a million texts in one hour. You know the rest, I did not need to use the toilet window I just told him never ever contact me again.
I thought this was a mature dating site, thats is why I have withdrawn by subscription.
81
Steve
21 January 2011 05:54
Number 4 is hilarious I love it!!!
82
Lisa
21 January 2011 18:22
Steve Manchester, You you make me laugh! I am trying to work up the courage to fork out money for this site, and most of what i read puts me off completely, you have made me laugh out loud, I hope there are people out there like you in my area, I have been sent 18 matches before I have even paid out money and they all scare me!!
83
Lisa
5 February 2011 12:55
Steve and Polly, love reading your comments. Just about the only fun thing about being on here. Can’t we have a chat roon it certainly would justify the fee, considering most matches seem to be sight seeing only.
84
Paul
11 February 2011 00:23
Hmm, they don’t mention these boards on the TV adverts, that’s for sure! Opinion very much divided on the relative merits on the eHarmony service. But, at least the forum is there, something that probably can’t be said for other sites. Been pondering signing up to this service but looking at some of the comments on the various boards I recon I might have a better chance of success walking up and down Chelmsford High Street wearing a sandwich board saying ‘desperate’ on it…
On the article topic, previous relationships are bound to invite comment. As long as it’s measured and rational then things could well be fine. If you find yourself (or your date) face down in tears in the main course, inconsolable about ‘the one’ that got away well then yeah, that clearly isn’t but with any luck such instances will be rare. (And if it did happen, just think of the story you can tell your next date!) People are going to want know a bit about each other, not least why they chose to take the plunge on a dating website. It’s very much a more ‘active’ endeavour than the passive meeting people through people. If you’ve just come out of a relationship and are trying to move on, saying it out loud could be another step towards much needed closure.
(Little bit close to home, that last comment…)
To sign, or not to sign. Dunno. Whaddya say?
85
susan
6 March 2011 01:36
Lol! comment number 48 !
John you made me laugh, thanks !
86
Maria
3 April 2011 21:53
If you want to meet new people and have a new relationship then forget about the last one. Please, on the first date do not talk about the ex. Otherwise its will sound obvious that your ex is on your mind more than getting to know your date. Leave the past behind. Start a new life and let them know what you are interested in and find out what they are interested in. Do not talk about yourself all the time its a turnoff.
87
sanese
9 April 2011 21:37
hiya guys,
I am reading all those comments for the first time although I’ve being with Eh since the end of january. this is quiet challenging for me…. waw!.. piere thanks for what you’ve said about your lost partner… because this is help me to remember that there is a lots of things that behinde my control but in God hands.and ross 75 i beleive, thanks for your perceverance, and I can’t remember the name of person who been spent alots of money but not even a date… this humble me because I wanted to give up but I just realised that I’ve choosed a 6 month contract which pay off from my account automaticly…. anyway I should have being more careful than that… I thought , well as its a dating site I would easily meet the right person that it…but appearantly its hard battle I’ll keep fighting and see what God will do through it
88
sanese
9 April 2011 21:45
thanks lizzy for the warming
this is quiet scary!!…
89
Rod
29 May 2011 13:43
Strangely, “You dont sweat much for a fat lass” didnt go down too well….
90
paul
4 August 2011 00:05
cant understand why people join a dating site too make atoatall pratt off themselves insstead of making there date the special one
91
mandy
14 August 2011 19:50
Had to comment just to even up the negativity about the site. Yes you get tons of matches and some of those don’t seem to be proper users, but I’ve had pretty good experience. Got to e-mailing a few guys, and met up with 5. All pretty normal decent people. After all, I figured if i’m on here, there must be guys on here with similar motives. Now onto date 8 with a guy I met on here and looking really promising. There will be some bad dates in the mix, as you never know til you meet whether you will click but I do believe most of the people on here are looking for the same thing as me. Oh, and I came to the site because my friend has sucessfully met her long term partner through the site. Keep the faith guys!
92
Jos
6 September 2011 02:18
Loving all the comments, trying to make my mind up to stop being a ‘tightwad’ and pay for full subs. Just don’t think I am impressed enough to so though. I think the questions are misleading, take the do you like/play sport questions. Well I love watching most sports so I picked the sports I liked, so now I get matched to all the gym/sport playing people. This should be worded better to avoid this sort of thing. Waste of everyone’s time.
93
eHarmony
6 September 2011 09:40
Hi Jos,
Thanks for your comments. I think you’re referring to the ‘Something to Talk About’ section. This lets you choose what your interests are, and we will show you if your matches have the same interests as you. We don’t use this section to actually match you – that is based purely on the Relationship Questionnaire you filled out when you joined, and your own personal preferences (distance, age etc.) There aren’t any questions about which sports you like to watch or play in the questionnaire.
With ‘Something to Talk About’ there is the option to choose both the sports you like to watch and the sports you like to play. However, if any of this is unclear, please either ask any more questions or call our Customer Care team on 0800 028 0308.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice
94
Nige
13 November 2011 22:00
Guys and girls, focus on the presant and future, not the past, after all if you want to be with someone, its the future you need to be focused on. I have had more dates on here than any other site. Only had a lovely date with a lovely woman on Saturday. Just be open and honest as thats what both men and women want. Was in a marrige where my ex wife was false and fake (did not meet her on here), you win some and you lose some, just be patient as everyone is different and there will always be nerves on a first date. Focus on the person’s profile and you will have something to talk about, if you like your match for their profile then you will have something to chat about. Good luck everyone and dont take rejection seriously, just remember for everyone’s miss match, there is a match…..
95
Gill
31 December 2011 17:11
96
Barbara
12 February 2012 17:21
A wealth of information on this.
97
Liz
11 March 2012 10:29
Haven’t past relationships formed a little of who we’ve become now – why we do the jobs we do, where we live where we do, the places we’ve visited, our own sense of stability and strength?
I think that a quick nod to the past to explain the present is very apt in a first date situation, but no talking in depth about the ex – no matter how painful. I’d rather meet a guy who has been in relationships than a relationship/commitment virgin and I’d rather know about it straight away.
Sexual preferences a defo no no on a first relationship seeking date.
‘Solo’ hobbies can bore very easily – it excludes a potential partner….eek…keep the hobbies locked up (esp the fishing!)
98
Top 10 dating taboos | Articleshub30.in
8 June 2012 16:50
[...] in their profile that marriage was what they are looking for, this subject tops the list of the five things you should NEVER say on a first date. In fact, the subject should be avoided for at least the first six dates. It will take that long [...]
99
onmyowntwo
1 August 2012 17:47
Lady from Manchester, I hear you! I’d have been out before the “my ex lives with me” sentence came out of his mouth. As soon as my fiance’s ex-wife heard about me, it was full-on texts, calls, problems with the daughter, problems with the dog, problems with her father, problems with a spider in the bath. He’d already paid up for a ticket for me to visit him, so I didn’t want it to go to waste. She’s calmed down a bit now – she seems resigned to it – but I don’t think he’s had the nerve to tell her we’re getting married, yet.
100
Nicky
30 September 2012 22:37
i think each date will be different so planning what to say or not say is a waste of time. go with the flow. just a few suggestions – please put an uptodate picture online,not one that makes you look like a serial killer and be honest guys about your height ! 5′ 8″ is not 6′ – girls do notice this when they meet you, even before you start talking!
101
Jack Toop
14 October 2012 20:11
Was it Shakespeare who said:
“The world is a stage and we but the actors” (or something like that)
It takes all sorts and sometimes we can be our own worst enemy!
A golden rule for the first meeting!
“Always ensure the brain is engaged
before operating the mouth”
As for photos. I am not photogenic,
I think this applies to many people.
I have seen photos with the desciption as ‘slim’ when the image would suggest a ‘sumo wrestler’
My apologise to all large ladies!!
In my long life I have had but a few
relationships. I have been lucky, each one we clicked on first sight.
You could say that the chemistry was
just right.
I do not consider myself to be a ladies man.
My last and final relationship. When
we first met the lady gave me a most beautiful smile! I was immediately hooked! Ladies take note
a lovely smile is worth more than words!
Sadly, my love is nolonger of this mortal life.
At 77 am I too old for love??
102
Adrian
10 December 2012 03:11
When it comes to relationship advice, i believe too much is made of what you should or should not say, and things like “don’t come across as….”
Its not how you come across or the things you say, its who you are that counts.
Telling someone how to come across is telling them how to fake what the other person supposedly wants to see and hear which you can’t know anyway.
All this does is to attract someone who is not going to be compatible with the real you.
If you are not into personal development and improving your character for you first and foremost then you are going to fall apart in any relationship sooner or later as the real person reveals him/herself.
So i am with Louise when she talks about openness, but also like to add that openness is balanced which means letting the other person see the best as well as the worst of you early on, not one first and the other severel weeks/months later.
103
Hilary
27 January 2013 22:26
Lots of interesting comments .
I would agree too much talk of exes can be off puuting on a first date, however it is quite interesting and enlightening to hear how a prospective boyfriend has dealt with the problem ex.
I had a date with a perfectly presentable man who kept talking about a physically abusive ex, even though I tried to steer the conversation away from this subject. I couldn’t understand why he would want to discuss such a personal issue with a virtual stranger.
Needless to say we didn’t have a second date!
Just a few more no nos (In my opinon anyway)
Talking about fishing (Why throw the fish back after all that effort?)
Attaching a mobile phone to a belt.
Asking what engine size my car has (I think it’s silver)
Commenting a woman has a ‘good figure for her age’
All cringe-making and not conducive for a second date.
Good luck everyone!