2 February 2010
How to spot an emotionally mature man
by eHarmony
No woman worth her salt chooses to date an emotionally immature man. Here are five signs to show you what that coveted emotionally mature man looks like...
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Relationships are tough at the best of times, but when one half insists on pouting or throwing his toys out the pram, rather than talking problems through, then they become near impossible. So, how do you spot an emotionally mature man, instead of finding out the hard way? Here are five tell-tale signs:
1. He can make decisions
You know the type – he can’t decide where to go for dinner, can’t decide whether to apply for a new job, and can’t decide whether he wants to be with you. The emotionally mature man has courage in his convictions; he knows he wants to be in a relationship with you. And he knows where he’s taking you for dinner on your next date.
2. He’s responsible
The emotionally mature man doesn’t whine and blame other people or events for the unfortunate things that happen in his life. He accepts responsibility and moves on to turning the situation round. Who wants to be with someone who’s irresponsible? That doesn’t bode well for a long term relationship.
3. He’s driven
There’s something instantly attractive about a man who is passionate about his work, or a particular cause that is important to him. It shows he cares about other people, not just about himself , and the mere act of being dedicated to something shows he’s driven and proactive – both admirable qualities.
4. He’s close to his friends and family
We often mention this at eHarmony Advice, but a man who has great relationships with those around him is likely to carry that over into his romantic relationships. Most guys have mates they hang around with, but the emotionally mature man will stand out by being close to them.
5. He’s open and emotional
A mature man delivers what every woman throughout time strives for – the ability to connect with his feelings and explain them to those closest to him. He doesn’t bottle up his emotions, instead picking an appropriate time and manner to discuss them.
If you’re currently seeing an emotionally mature man, congratulations, you’ll recognise a lot of these qualities. If these five points explain the opposite of the man you’re seeing, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. We’re not saying break up with him, but don’t indulge his immature behaviour. And if you do find yourself single again, you’ll know the traits to look for in a mature man.
For the other perspective, read ‘Five ways to drive him away‘.
1
Helen B
18 February 2010 00:59
Wow…..I’ve just ealised that I WAS living with an emotionally immature man. I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I will know what to look for next time thanks………should I ever take the plunge again.
2
Nadia
27 February 2010 01:42
God this is so true. It looks like I’ve made the same mistake! Well, that was 7 years of my life, and long gone. Onwards and upwards… wish I had this article in my pocket back in 1998!
3
jen
23 March 2010 00:30
i found this and let it go. wtf was i thinking?!!?! im hoping, praying, wishing and trying to sort myself out emotionally, to maybe try and get him back somehow
4
Jackie
11 October 2010 17:21
Some of this can be faked! My ex has narcissistic personality disorder.He talked so lovingly of family and friends, introduced me within weeks – took me to family events etc. Cried about his father’s death. Great decision maker (turned into a control freak once we married!)
Best advice I had from the therapist who picked up my pieces – date for at least 2 years – not many con men can keep up the pretense that long!
5
Steve, Manchester
16 October 2010 09:59
I tend to agree, really get to know someone and don’t rush into living with someone or emotionally getting involved until you’re sure but don’t assume everyone is a bad person.
6
Swan
28 December 2010 13:39
I’ve always been in a rush to feel the rush. So I’m the emotionally immature one. I’m working on it.I feel so lucky to have finally met someone who makes sure we take our time. It upset me a lot at first, but I’ve learned that I need to break a pattern. And when he did say ‘I love you’(5 months later), it felt so worth waiting for.
7
Emily
15 March 2011 21:00
Ha Ha, I definitely went out for far to long with an emotionally immature man. Don’t bother trying to change them either, run for the hills!!
8
suz
15 July 2011 04:03
Ok I’m sure the article is very good but the model in the pic is DAMN fine.