22 February 2010
What makes the single man tick?
by eHarmony
Struggling to work out what he wants? We’ve tapped into the single guy’s mind to give you insight straight from the source.
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Single women, take note – from debunking the myths about his views on marriage to all his dating preferences, we’ve got the single man sussed. Read on to find out all you need to know about catching and keeping his attention.
Genuine men like real women
It’s no surprise that genuine men want girls who don’t play games. You don’t have to be stick thin and model pretty to catch his attention, and you definitely shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Fake behaviour is a big turnoff. So the next time you meet a single man, be yourself.
Independence is key
The beauty of being single for a man is his ability to focus on his career, his friends and his ambitions unhindered. So it’s important for you to do the same. A clingy woman will seriously cramp his style. If you are a strong, independent single woman, you will be much more likely to attract him.
Single women can make the first move
No matter how confident a man is, it can be hard for him to establish whether a girl is interested. Women are tricky to read. So it can be a huge relief for him if she makes the first move and confidence in a woman is always appealing. But be careful – if you make the first move don’t make the second, third and fourth. Men want and need to be part of the chase and you don’t want to look desperate!
Sex can mean different things to men and women
It’s vital to know that for some single men, sex and intimacy can mean two very different things. Women typically equate sex with intimacy. It’s hormonal, even biological. Even if you believe you can sleep with someone with no strings attached, when it comes to it, you are likely to at least be thinking about a relationship with him. But it’s different for single men. Sex can be more recreational. So if you’re thinking of taking your relationship further, it’s a good idea to establish his intentions first to avoid disappointment. Then you can decide for yourself if it’s the right time.
Marriage is not on the single man’s mind
Be realistic. Contrary to what some women believe, most single men are not on the prowl for a wife. He’s unlikely to be evaluating your marital potential on the first few dates. So try and relax and adopt his healthy attitude towards dating. Enjoy those early moments without putting the pressure on by thinking too far ahead.
Men aren’t all commitment-phobes
He may not have been planning his wedding since he was a child but that doesn’t mean a man won’t want to commit to you eventually. Actually, when the right woman comes along, most men are happy to commit. So if you allow a relationship to take its natural flow and don’t force things too quickly, you’ll keep him happy.
1
Shirley
23 February 2010 17:17
This is a good article as far as it goes but reads as though it is only about single men under 30. I’d be interested in a few extra paragraphs about those men who have seen a bit more of life and are either still single or find themselves single after divorce or widowerhood.
I would imagine there are some common factors but concentrating on a career will perhaps be at a different phase. There isn’t anything in the article about companionship and shared interests – do they not count as far as single men are concerned? Perhaps the writer could flesh the article out a little more?
2
Nadia
27 February 2010 01:36
Well said Shirley, it looks like the article is describing only a particular type of man. Hopefully they’ll put a bit of meat on the bone in reference to your question.
3
Tom
3 March 2010 23:18
I’m a 37 single man. It started off with me being fed up with a clingy girlfriend and once we parted I then enjoyed being free for a long time. Then I suddenly noticed that I didn’t really know any single women and I no longer had any choice about being single.
I’d say that I do worry about losing my freedom to a degree, but I am prepared to lose some things to gain others. A decent relationship would hopefully bring benefits to both parties.
4
bob
14 March 2010 17:18
Touch of stereotyping going on here – it’s like saying all single 30 year old women are looking for marriage material!
Everyone is different – fortunatly….
5
Ken
14 March 2010 19:14
I agree with Bob, but people like stereotypes, it makes them feel safe and they can go through life ticking boxes in their mind’s checklist to make sure they are “getting it right” and articles like this reinforce that. Take chances people, we are all different.
6
Amanda
18 April 2010 10:36
but this is tick box city ! Ive never been made to make boarderline sweeping statements before (puts broom away) still cant quite believe that some think that just because its written up there …makes it so.. its just a point of view, we’re ALL different and thats impossible to emcompase in a few paragraphs..
Hours of entertainment reading these comments… Im off to make a few more friends ! x
7
sarah
10 May 2010 11:00
You know that man that’s been written about in the article? Can someone tell me where he is so that I can practice not being clingy etc…??
8
Claire
20 May 2010 16:27
EHarm have missed a trick here with this list. No.1 should be wandering around the countryside.
I only say this as an awful lot of men on this site state something along the lines of “sport,cooking,music,countryside”. What is it exactly that they are doing out there in the countryside…….Are they just meandering aimlessly around?Or strolling along with great purpose?AND what is with the ticking? I do enjoy EHarms grand generalizations on the difference between the sexes no wonder so many of us are single with this kind of tosh being put about.
9
JM
23 August 2010 00:47
Tom 3, Your comments are spot on and I’m in the same boat as you. I’m single and thirty. I think its important to have a balanced attitude on life rather than assuming you will be relinquishing all freedom in an instance or never changing. I also agree with Claire that EH does generalize. But I do think this is one of the better articles EH has come up with (but not perfect by any means) and maybe I’m a bit like this single man EH is describing. I agree with Amanda. I do not think all men are like the one EH describes, also EH does not mention that what you want out of life and a relationship changes over time as you grow up and get to know one another, hopefully for the better.
10
Diane (Glasgow)
24 September 2010 21:37
Well I’ll blow that out the water!! I am an independant woman and have always stood on my own two feet and am capable of many things and am STILL single at 48!! I find it quite the opposite I see men more attracted to the silly, indescive, silly, flaky women because it makes them feel more of a man! A fiesty, descisve, intelligent, witty woman is a threat beacuse she will find out about him very quickly!!!
11
Alison
15 November 2010 17:22
Diane – I think I am like you (though a little younger) and have been told by good male friends that I am probably a little intimidating to single men. The question is how to be yourself without frightening them! Does this mean playing down achievements or just not mentioning things I’ve done too soon? I prefer to wait for someone who doesn’t feel threatened because he is my equal – i.e. independent, has travelled, reads widely, has a busy social life, creative pursuits and a career… Perhaps the answer is you find a man with a feisty mother, as he will be used to a strong self-sufficient woman!
12
Luke
31 January 2011 10:25
Sex to me is not a big deal. If anything it’s more similar to female viewpoints in that it’s more intimate. I don’t go for the whole “one night stand” stuff, it’s just morally wrong to me.
As for Point 3, no matter how much you drill this point in, no woman ever makes the first move. I’ve yet to see it happen and it’s incredibly frustrating.
13
Naomi
1 February 2011 00:55
Alison – Diane, I am totally with you! men hate independent women – we are too scarey apparently – come on fellas, independent women are that way because they have to be – you can’t get through life being a nitwit! Good for you Luke, recreational sex brings heartache for the woman… oh and I have made the first move before, wouldn’t recommend it.. seems to me the guy prefers to do that – it’s frustrating being a woman too when you have to wait for the guy to make the first move and they don’t argh.
14
Matt
23 March 2011 01:11
I love to meet a independent women it doesn’t scare. Behind a successful man is a successful woman!