Sometimes we view patterns of previous relationships ^[1] as indicators of the kind of people we are, or the kind of people we fall for – and accept that those things don’t change. However, some relationship patterns are bad habits that we carry over into new ventures. The good news is that with a little self-awareness they can be fixed, giving your next relationship a much better start.

Here are four habits we’ve picked up on – what others have you encountered?

1. Getting in too deep, too quickly
Many of us will be able to identify with the heady early days of a new relationship, when sometimes you can’t get enough of each other. You are infatuated and commit to each other emotionally and sexually – often all too prematurely. This leads to ‘implicit commitments’ which can overshadow the rest of the relationship. Of course, some relationships pan out in a more measured and even way.

There’s nothing wrong with either approach, but it’s how you handle those feelings of intense emotion that will dictate the healthiness of your relationship. No couple can maintain those early intense feelings for long, and it’s the ‘come down’ that will show how you really behave in a relationship.

2. Picking up the pace
Relationships that speed through important events – such as that first kiss, or the first time you say ‘I love you’ – are often the product of insecure, overeager partners. Think about the pacing of your last few relationships; have these events all happened at a quick pace? And were you the instigator? Remember that there’s nothing wrong with taking things slowly, your partner isn’t going to vanish. And if they do, they’re not worth a moment’s thought.

3. Sticking to a bad type
You’ll often hear people say that someone is just their type, but often they have little concept of what that really is beyond the fact that they like blonde hair, or sporty people. And the fact is that by sticking to a type, we often stick to a bad type – someone who is unreliable, emotionally unstable or needy. Think about your past relationships, are these traits prevalent? If so, carefully consider your next potential partner. Chances are, if they have the traits of your previous partners, then the relationship will end up the same way.

4. Choosing partners with similar family backgrounds
Do your previous partners have similar family backgrounds? Our families shape the people we become, and if your previous partners came from broken homes, or had volatile relationships with their parents, then you should try and work out if that contributed to the problems with your relationship. Of course we can’t choose who we fall for, especially based on whether their parents were divorced or not, but you may be subconsciously choosing a certain type, and thwarting your chances at happiness.