Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

Nope… none of the above works…

I have tried other dating sites and trawled through local unlikelies, and then used eharmony. If you know what you want, which you ought to being over 50, then you will find it in time. I don’t believe that women are looking for much younger men, but you have to aware that there are a lot of angry women out there who have been dumped by husbands who walk out for younger women. It is up to us to re-educate these women that there are some gentlemen out there in cyberspace, and absorb some of the anger until trust can be built. I have met some very nice women and had some good conversations with them. If you can’t find someone suitable then its time to stand back and look at why not. Its probably you!

I thought Ron was very sensible and grown-up with his comments; also very unusual in his willingness to absorb some ‘baggage’. Let’s face it, we don’t get to our age without at least some baggage and it’s only realistic to expect that, and to make an effort to learn and move on. I also believe most, though not all, men are hoping for a younger woman. Also the advice about women being positive and pro-active is fine, but many men are actually put off by an independent woman; which is fine as many women actually want to be ‘looked after’ and I hope they meet other and live happily ever after (honest!).

I like the comments above. Personally, I think that either sex, at least when they first start dating again, looks for somebody who will make them feel young again. That’s naturally associated with somebody physically younger, but if you can find your feet, and widen the scope of your recreational experiences, you can become ‘younger’ yourself, simply by enjoying your own life.

I agree with you Rosalind it is hard when you are over 50. I don’t understand guys when they say they love you and can not live without you, when you not met them yet. I want men to take things slowly and to get to know me first. I do find that they are looking for younger and good looking ladys, well i’m sorry guys most of us women are your down to earth one that just need to be loved, we do have a sense of fun so give us a chance. Plus if you e-mail a person and we answer back please reply as i find it very rude when you leave ask hanging around. Dating sites are not the same these days when you can chat to each other on the same day and at the same time not wait a day.

Ron – you’re too kind.

I wouldn’t put up with a date who has anger/resentment issues because they “have been dumped by husbands who walk out for younger women.”

Just as I wouldn’t expect a woman to put up with me if I was bitter. If someone is that bitter then they aren’t ready to date again until they get over it.

and “It is up to us to re-educate these women that there are some gentlemen out there in cyberspace, and absorb some of the anger until trust can be built”
- nope that is anyone’s job but a dates, maybe their friends or family but not a potential new partner.

I recently joined eharmony and i am 50 but look much younger but dispite down loading a photo on my pofile and sending messages to several matches i have had no replies.I am very honest and caring which is all you men are asking for.maybe it might be that i am overweight all the same i won,t be rejoining once my membership runs out no disrespect to eharmony as they do a wonderful job but i can,t be wasting my time or my hard earned cash on a load of losers.

I was going to join but being overweight myself, even though I am attractive and look younger for my age, I wonder if I would recieve the same blank as above

There seems to be tons of negativity. The first step to gain any interest from someone else is to be positive. Believe in yourself, self confidence is very attractive. Sometimes we need to act like we’re confident and suddenly it becomes easier.
Dating sites open a world of opportunity to meet someone new, it can happen immediately or take a long time. As an ex said to me it’s a numbers game. I’ve met a 50 year old and I’m smitten. Keep trying!

” If i have disrespect for any man it will only be the ones who have a problem with weight on women”

if I was overweight and someone rejected me because of it I wouldn’t respect or disrespect them – I’d accept that I wasn’t their cup of tea.

and when my weight starts to creep up, I do something about it.

“It is a sad fact but i sometimes wonder what sort of a response i would have got if i had downloaded a photo of the slim Teresa in. ”
- I don’t think it’s a sad fact, it’s reality, if you look attractive you will get attention. I have some cool pics of me from 10 years ago and of course I’d get more interest if I used those pics.

I think, if you’re overweight, accept that you will get less interest. You can either do something about it (unless it’s due to a medical condition) or if not, then accept you’re going to get less dating interest.

thank you for the insult Teresa, very charming. good luck with that very horrible attitude you have. you’ll need it if you go round calling people “losers” – I wont stoop to your level of insulting a stranger on an internet forum.

in a few days i will be off the books of eharmony as it turns out that it just was not for me.I would like to say to all you beautiful women big and small good luck in your search but do not sell yourself short to any man you do not need re eduction ha ha you just need some one that can love you strong and respect you as that is all women want and no steve althought i usually get the last word on the subject i won,t bother as i won,t stoop to your level either.

I agree with Steve on this. I put 2 stones on from last autumn to early spring and at 5’8 I weighed 14st2lbs and i am attractive but I did not feel it but I was honest enough to put up to date pictures on another site and guess what!….NO INTEREST! Well very little so I decided to lose it and in 3 months Im now at 11st 9lbs but still have some to lose but i’ll get there and I must admit I am getting more attention and Im the same person just lighter. Its a fact of life that we like what we like in life and if you ask the question “Does my bum look big in this” EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU MAY NOT LIKE LASSIES!!!

Steve from Manchester – you sound like the absolute perfect man! I can’t understand why you haven’t been snapped up and fought over by all the women on this site. Why on earth are you still here?
Perhaps it is your own high standards that are causing the problem…

Good god, for an article about over 50ies dating, I must say the level of comments is surprisingly puerile….sorry if I sound patronising, but I’ve rarely read so many generalisations about men, women, anger, being overweight etc….It sounds as if there were only two alternatives for the ladies: number one being a smoking, dried prune looking skinny harpie with yellow, wonky teeth who smokes because she is so angry because her horrible husband left her for a 20 year old barbie doll. Number two being a non smoking overweight woman who put the weight on either because angry because left by a horrible husband for a 20 year old barbie doll, or eating too much because compensating for the emotional void left by the stopping smoking….
Steve’s and Teresa’s conversation is highly entertaining….in a sad way…I don’t think Teresa is doing herself a favour in insulting not only Steve, but all men by calling them losers. Teresa, I hope you can solve your issues with anger and find someone nice one day.
Steve, I admire your patience and hope that you will meet someone who is your type….I have only just joint and hope the tone of these comments does not stand as an example of the crowd on this site, otherwise I might be wasting my time and money, as I do not like to be in contact with aggressive and angry people. For the women on here who worry about not getting enough attention because they are overweight: I am a size 10 and get told sometimes that I am too skinny, therefore size is only a problem if you don’t feel well in your skin and then, the only solution is to do something about it. Feeling sorry for oneself is not solving the problem. Good luck everybody and myself and cheer up!

Steve, I did not mean that anything you said was aggressive. I thought only of that lady’s comments which I found quite insulting….I like your comments

Hi steve! …. at least you’ve managed to attract loads of attention from the ladies – well done x
I have enjoyed the banter -

Bloody ‘el… i loved it!!

Having read most of the above I have to say I do like the sound of Ron sadly at 62 he would probably dismiss me despite the fact that I am still very mobile have all my own teeth, hair and other essential parts. I have used dating sights now for some 20 years and find they do not work, older men in general are either looking for a much younger model or are hoping to get hitched to someone with money and or assets as they lost all theirs in a messy divorce. All I got from my divorce some 30 years ago was three very young children who I then spent my younger years supporting and providing for as the law saw fit to allow their father off Scott free. Yes I was bitter but not anymore that was all a lifetime ago and the children are now all grown and gone and I might add doing very well much better than their father ever did but what goes around comes around so he brought it on himself. Now I find the fact that I have been on my own for so long a real draw back and a threat to all the men I have met, my forced independence when I was younger they see as me not needing a partner!!!!! While sex in a relationship is a LONG way down my list of priorities I find it appears to be at the top of mens lists, surely this would come as a matter of course in a strong loving relationship, let’s face it we are not by any means at the peek of our sex drive so why put so much focus on it, love and trust has to be earned on both sides, sex is just an act without love.

I’ve just read all the above comments and I was very dissappointed with e Harmony as I received no replies from any of the members I wrote to. I am 65 and told by my friends that I am attractive with a good figure size 12/10 and height 5ft 3″ also with a lovely personality,intelligent and a good conversationalist etc so what are men really looking for I wonder!! None of them will ever find the perfect woman,most are looking for younger models, and if Miss right for them did come along they would’nt even know it because they cant be bothered responding to messages that women send them.I’m giving up!

from my experience there are also women who are just out to get sex from dating sites – don’t assume that men are just doing it!

I am 59 and 6 weeks ago started dating a man of 66 through eharmony. He is fabulous – fun, caring, intelligent, sexy…. We are just having a wonderful time. I’d been with eharmony for 6 months and was on the verge of giving up when he contacted me. Hope this message gives hope to someone – I never thought anything like this would come my way!

Dating problems in your 50′s:

As far as dating goes, whenever I go out, younger guys try to pick me up. Nice for the ego! If I acted on any of these pickups, it’d just be a fling for them – even if they don’t know it yet – because they’re gonna want kids at some point and I’m too old. It’s the main reason I’m on this site, to meet someone my own age whose already had their kids.

Photos: Surprise, we don’t always infer what you think we infer. When you don’t supply a photo, I think you’re either (a) not a confident person or (b) cheating on your spouse. (c) You’re ugly and/or fat never crossed my mind.

We don’t have a lot of time left. What time we do have, we want to spend with somebody. So, smoking, drinking to excess, not getting any physical exercise, and being excessively overweight are clues that you don’t plan to be here on Earth as long as I do. If you want more responses, be somebody people want to date. Be somebody YOU’D want to date.

Time is valuable. Nope, not gonna bother with that guided communication; I actually do want to meet you, especially if you live somewhere near me so that the relationship could actually grow….

Im a bit discouraged from joining after reading these comments. I’m just having a trial few days but it seems quite a few of you feel a bit disappointed as regards getting a response to contacts.

After reading through some of these commments I now feel a mixture of drained, amused and disillusioned in dating sites. I’ve just signed up and am still kicking myself, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, and I guess I have just increased my chances of meeting a nice guy while I still hold out hope for a chance meeting in the old fashioned way, i.e. offline. Having said that, I lead a full, single life and am in no way desperate; I believe it is better to be on my own than with some guy just for the sake of it. A big NO NO!
As for tips for dating for the 50s plus? why are we being put in a different category? it’s as if by reaching 50 we have to book holidays with Saga and install a Stena stair lift! I think not! I’m older and wiser, not crisping at the edges and ready to accept left overs. Criteria still the same for me, although I’m much more aware of my ‘list’ of must haves/won’t accepts and prepared to be more accepting and open minded about some of these.
Steve, I enjoy your comments, and find it amusing that you are often berated for being honest about what you want. People seem to miss the point that you are writng about what YOU want, not what THEY want. funny how being assertive and honest can be so misconstrued.

Steve, Manchester you are a royal pain in the *****. Your comments on no 28 are so obnoxious, you really are a man to avoid !!

Hi everyone – Find myself on my own yet again and thought I would sign up to E-Harmony but check it out first – These may just be lively comments to some, but on first glance it would seem like a podium in which people are venting their anger – The question is……. are there truly sincere people on this site to meet or are they all intent on having a go at others for their downfall? For every woman that has been let down, there are guys out there too that have been hurt so why do these comments seem to attack the guys? Surely with a name like this it should be summoning up HARMONY not hostility!!

Hi All
Yes I thought I had put up some nice photos etc. and I work very hard at keeping myself fit for my age, have got lots of interests etc. Living in the countryside puts me in a position of having to use a site like this as we just dont have the population. I have sent out several emails but never seem to get a reply back. You end up wondering what is wrong with yourself ! Are the guys still only interested in blondes or what ?

I’m so glad I logged on to this, you lot have given me the best laugh I’ve had in ages. Thankyou!!!!

Ha! Ha! I am shaking my head, yet smiling. If you get into a verbal battle, just walk away! You do not have to respond to every puerile comment and insult (although it can be tempting if someone calls you an idiot!)! I do agree with the fact that some men seem not to respond to an outreach e-mail. And it seems vice versa. However, some do and, in my short experience of one month, I have received one polite e-mail, saying the gentleman was already engaged in a conversation that he was keen to encourage and so would not engage in further correspondence with me. I thought that was great of him. Thank you, Kevin. I am also engaged in two communications via email that I am keen to encourage. So, take heart everyone. It is all about politeness and communication.

Am I alone in not wanting someone younger than myself. I thought it was the other way round and men only seemed to want a woman considerably younger than themselves.
The phrase ‘not decided yet’ on the children option is enough to make me pass him over.
I have my own house, career and grown up children, it’s all about me now, what I want out of life. At 50+ it’s who you are that important.I’m average looking, short and a bit over cuddly but thats who I am. But the big difference is I am not the shy girl with self esteem problems I was in my 20′s and that is a huge plus. If I send a message and I dont get a reply , it is his loss, he’s missed out on a great woman.
Keep trying

When I first joined, I posted up to date photos, but put my age at 40 and was inundated with messages, and received around ten new matches each day. Three months later, same photos but change to true age of 50- surprise surprise, virtually no matches being sent through, never mind responses! One guy said he would never normally consider someone as ‘old’ as me’, despite being 52 himself!

Interesting that most of these comments are from women. A guy I dated(briefly)told me that men only look at the photo and don’t bother to read the profile. If that’s the case why are there so many guys without photos themselves? Too lazy to get it sorted?
I think it is more difficult after 50, to connect with available men – so many do want younger women, those who are prepared to investigate someone their own age are thin on the ground.
I don’t think the site is particularly easy to use – you can’t easily delete someone who really doesn’t appeal to you. Also why are there so many short men? Finally I hate bad spelling too – it shows ignorance or laziness neither of which appeal to me.
Having had a good moan, I’d like to say that I am very fun loving and believe life is for living – singly or not!

As I think one of the earlier messages stated, why do so many people seem to think there is a split between the way men and women approach online dating. I don’t think there is any difference. Some people are up front and genuine, posible people would say naive because they give a detailed profile and appraisal of themselves. Some people are more guarded, possibly because of their past and they feel less confident of opening up too early. Some people are players, who are manipulative. Others may have some more categories as well. But at our age (assuming everyone is over 50) we should have enough experience to handle any communications via the website as we would if we met someone in person for the first time. That is you will grow confidence in the person as you get to know them. For those of you that say, I don’t get any response to my emails, then you need to look at your profile. My own experience is that over 50% of the profiles don’t have photos, probably 30% are so brief as to be useless to see if you have anything in common. You see, it isn’t just men who do this. Likewise I make a point of responding to all emails/questions, but I have to say when I do I have yet to get a further response. Okay I know that could be my responses! But the point I will make here is that I don’t find the questions usefull and always ask to go to email. I know the questions are there to ‘protect’, but I found I was always selecting ‘other’ and writing something more meaniful. If I had just selected one of the answers it would have given the wrong perception of me. Sorry to go on but an example involved pets, the answer was do not have pets/don’t like pets. They are two totally different things.

I will conclude by saying that I went into eharmony with the view that if I didn’t complete the profile as fully as I could, with pictures (real pictures) what was the point. It is who I am and I stand or fall by it. As it has happened I have had met some very nice ladies and have been ignored by others. But most have commented on the profile, so that is my suggestion to you all. Good luck to everyone.
David

As a somewhat older man who has never married nor had children but has just had fairly short relationships in the past, I find myself reluctand to accept what might be referred to as other people’s ‘baggage’. Although I don’t like to use this term, If I did have this ‘baggage’ myself I would consider it an equal relationship. However, for some women (or men for that matter) it is second time around – they have had their children who may now be grown up and for them it is a second phase of their lives. For me, it is still the first and at my age it is not easy to find someone in a similar position. This is the reason I would be looking for someone younger who may even wish to have children with me – it is certainly not that I would be looking for a ‘dolly bird’ for egotistical reasons.

As a middle-aged singleton who has been browsing this website for inspiration I’m at a loss with some of the comments herein. Steve / Teresa, do you actually need to use dating sites? You sound like you’ve been married for years.

Hopefully I still have a positive attitude towards dating and relationships and this cancels out the negative experiences of dealing with losers, idiots and other verrucas from the gene pool – both male and female.

Hey guys ime a young at heart 54 year old female thinking about joining eharmony but after reading your comments are a little put off to say the least.
I domt consider myself to be past my sell by date just out of the game for a little while ,there seems so much contest going on !???

I think dating in your 50′s is a constant party if you get fit and get out there. Getting out there gives you power. Long term couples who met online say their success was a numbers game. A girlfriend found her partner here and recommended it as a site for intelligent people who wanted a real relationship. I want a boyfriend/lover/fellow life adventurer. My first few weeks on E-H were dire. Overweight matches 15 years older, less punctuation than teeth, living a sad and sorry life waiting for that heiress, not ideal. (Who are these front line? Did they pay extra for the privileged of an early sighting? E-H, not a good idea.) I’ve broken my shy female habit of a lifetime and started contacting good men. Recent photos posted, and yes I’m slim. Was I ignored? Yes. sometimes, but then I really was punching above my weight on those, but gave it a go. Then I got to grips with who would be looking for me. The relief, surprise and grace the man I have spoken to has is gratifying. It occurred to me- some men I dated in my 20′s who appeared to be “players” ended up settling into secure long term relationships with attractive, active women. Men in their 50′s appreciate women in their 50′s getting in contact with them. They know what it takes to walk across the dance floor, pick up the phone or write the first email. These men have been doing the hard work for long enough. Get fit, get out there, you’ll have the pick of some surprised and pleased men, always a good start.

Gentlemen, a question, feed back please- No one likes a player. To meet and date a few men long enough to know how well we get on, honesty is the best policy. I think it clears the air. Do I mention I am dating a few men to find a boyfriend at the first date, or before, on a phone call? I presume he is dating too.

Thanks, good luck everyone.

Hello Everyone,
I was very interested to read a selection of the comments and, yes, if I wasn’t already a signed up member it might have put me off, especially the angry slanting match between Teresa and Steve, but I think they are just representing ONE type of person looking for a partner in the internet. My experience is varied. I am 57 today! And I know that seems old to some people, but not to me. I have met many men through the Internet (although I am new to EH, so looking forward to what that might bring), I believe I am still attractive,lively and open
minded, so I have had lots of response. Yes, I have been disappointed that some men have not been interested in me but that is life! Some men have been interested only in sex, some in my money and occasionally some have been interested in me….. So far I haven’t found Mr Right but I am still very optimistic. So having a positive, honest and fun loving approach is my way….. I joined EH two days ago and have a date set up (coffee locally) with a man who lives nearby, is the same age as me and sounds very courteous and fun! So who knows. In response to the
girl who asked whether she should be honest about meeting a number of men at first in order to find a more serious ‘boyfriend’ – my advice would be to assume that he knows that. So don’t be too direct. I think that my directness (honesty) with men has been difficult for them to deal with, so with EH I have decided to say less, listen more and just see what happens. Maybe it’s time to let nice men take the lead! Good luck to everyone. We all deserve a bit of love in our lives. Sarah

I think womenin their 50′s tend to become invisible if we are not careful.
I have been with eharmony for 4months now and had only one smile returned.. then he closed me when Idid ot rely in 5 days, I had friends visiting so could not write a reply fast enough obviously!
I am very disappointed with this site especially taking a lot of time with the profile, the thing i thought would set this site apart from any others.

Where are all the good guys, and the not so good? Come on! Ladies in their 50′s are usually fantastic fun and ready to make the next interesting move so get writing to us and we will respond!

I’m in my 50s & thinking about joining – I have a basic profile on here with no photos until I decide whether to go ahead. At the moment I’m thinking I won’t bother as there seems to be an excess of negativity.

I match quite afew gentlemen, except in the height category…Try being 5’10″ AND 70 yrs old..

Hi,I think alot of men think that woman who are over 50 suddenly go old – I am 51 don’t it or act like it they make assumptions before getting to know someone which bugs me and still haven’t found anyone they chat to you like they want to get to know you and then stop communicating for no apparent reason – what do they want from these sites.

This is my first try at a dating web site and I’ve just been on a week. My first impression is that I wish I’d done this years ago. Hey guys, there seem to be a lot of really nice girls on here! If you have any doubts just get your wallet out and jump in!
On the subject of photos. When you meet someone in real life then their physical looks are just a part of the package: how they move, how they talk (and how much!),a smile, a twinkle in the eye can all make a big difference.
Here we are restricted to some words and some photos. The trouble with the words is that we all basically want the same thing. So here I am confronted by 10 nice girls who all want someone who is sincere and has a sense of humour and is interested in a long term relationship. How can I choose between them? The only thing I have is the photo. A word of advice to the girls, I understand and agree that you don’t want to be judged by your looks alone but unless you think you have a really stand out profile, put a photo up.

Answer for Dave,I wouldnt mind anyone my own age I am 64, but told i look 10 years younger. Men of my age come across as old, lacking personality, dont bother smiling, or hide behind dark glasses and odn dress modern. I cant help looking at younger, i was used to my young partner of 14 great years. So Older men please, give us a smile show your personality, and dress a bit more modern which includes a modern haircut too. Bald is great when you losing hair!!!!!!

Maybe me and Dave should have met LOL. Lets hope we get luck eventually. Oh the age 64 doesnt mean your past it!!!!!!

The thread here has been amusing, depressing and entertaining. Having been a member for a year, I have tried to understand how the site, and eHarmony, operates: so apologies in advance for the mild rant… As a widowed (ageing) dad of two teens, I feel strange enough without eHarmony adding to my angst and level of frustration. Over the year I have come to believe that – first and foremost – the site shows little inclination to listen to its paying members. I have seen numerous requests for the option of a filter that only delivers profiles with photos – eHarmony does nothing. I understand that profiles from non-paying members get delivered to paying members but we have no way of identifying them and, of course, they cannot reply to members’ communications. So why send them? Every other dating site I’ve seen shows the status of a member – not eHarmony. Why? Time outs – have you crafted an email hit the send button only to be told you’ve timed out and, of course, the email you agonised over for ages has been lost (now I write them in Notepad and then copy and paste) but why doesn’t the site warn you of an impending time out? Emails – you tick the box for the daily digest but eHarmony still sends you 43 scrillion other emails to clog up your mail box. Is there an option to have no profile emails – of course not. I check the site almost every day – I don’t need or want the email, so, as a paying member, why can’t I stop them? As a 50+ member I know I am more “picky” and so, yes, I would like more filters even if it does cut down the number of profiles sent. Or maybe I’m just a grumpy old man. I have no hesitation at deleting profiles with no photo – particularly as I have yet to see a photo added following a request. And, yes, I admit it, spelling, punctuation and grammar matter to me (I am a closet “grammar Nazi”) and I am amazed at the lack of care shown in some of the profiles I have received. Equally, I have read many well thought out and entertaining profiles. Yes, dating should be fun but I think eHarmony fails to show any flexibility in supporting the needs of its customer base and appears to think that only it knows what’s best. Rant over. Oh, and the “CX” bit – that’s my Honda CX500 motorcycle, which is probably the nail in the coffin in more ways than one as far as the opposite sex goes.

Emily’s reply concerning photos and paid membership misses the point. She says “we want everyone who joins our service to be viewed equally” – that may well be what eHarmony wants; but what about your paying customers – what do they want or doesn’t that count? Sorry, Emily, but if I pay for something I expect to get better service than those who don’t. I make no apologies about that. If I am going to sit down and write a long email to someone then I think I am entitled to know if they can reply. Non-paying members may well “window shop” every day but if they can’t communicate then they are simply not “engaged” with the service. All you are doing is disadvantaging paid members by denying them information. Every other site I have ever seen or used operates the same way and shows if someone is a paid member. eHarmony is way out of step on this.

Lizzie, it’s not that bad – believe me, I work in education and have heard what goes on in kids’ playgrounds. What’s in this thread pales by comparison. I suspect an element of the frustration expressed above comes as a result of the time it takes to fill in the eH survey – you fork out the membership fee for those “deep levels of compatibility” and then you get sent a fair number of profiles which have you wondering how did eH consider them even remotely compatible. That may be just my experience. Issues with the site’s communication system don’t help: if you get an icebreaker and you don’t want to pursue it there is no polite “no thank you” icebreaker you can send in return. All you can do is ignore the other person. Sooner or later I hope to find a new partner but whether eH is any better than any other site remains to be seen.

not member yet will i b told if i get a reply from e-mails r icebraker i sent out regards keith

I signed up to this site earlier this week, so its early days, but already I get the feeling that my matches are either not paid members, or not current users of the site, because I have not had any communication or replies to my requests.
It would help if only current, paid members were sent to me.
I am a firm believer in being in the right place at the right time, and hope that this is it! Good luck to all of my fellow over 50′s searching for that all elusive partner.
A final thought, I really do urge everyone to reply to requests, we know what it feels like to be ignored, and you never know, the person you are casually ignoring could be your perfect partner! I have fallen in love with 2 or 3 people I really didn’t like the look of on first sight, but they definately grew on me! That sounds awful, but I am over 50 so have been in love a few times, anyway good luck, and any hints on getting replies, please let me know

Ya just gotta have a better attitude sometimes- if you’re always gonna want to complain, then you’ll always find something to complain about! I wouldve liked to see more tips about dating for over 50′s here rather than the negative comments too. Its daunting to date at this age. I never had to look for dates when I was younger. There is a severe shortage of eligible balanced men. Men have been hurt too, and hooking up with a likeminded soul is hit and miss at this age. I dont go to clubs, dont meet single men in my line of work, so eharmony is an avenue of possibility. Lets keep it mature folks! Good luck too :~)

Hi Emily, thank you for your reply. When it was your free weekend, the subscription page that appeared showed no easily visible means of ‘skipping’over it. I have rung your help line today, but really did not wish to speak to a man with a very difficult to understand accent, who requested my e.mail address as an opening greeting. I had hoped to make some real progress on this site. I’ve read lots of the comments on various parts of the site, and now feel totally disillusioned, and very alone.
I’m no quitter, but think e.Harmony have got me beat.

I would just like some people to choose from in the first place, although I have stated in my profile and requirements that life is too short to spend it on a motorway and I want to meet local men, I don’t get any local matches! Feeling that I was ‘done’ when I was sold my membership, as there obviously are not any members in Bournemouth!

I’m 59 and haven’t tried eharmony yet. But my experience of similar sites isn’t good! Generally men don’t reply at all; say they can’t wait to meet you (then ignore you); it’s very disheartening. By the way, I’m a non smoking, slim, young looking lady and have resigned myself to being alone….which isn’t what I want but seems inevitable. Good luck to you all out there!

Thank goodness I have read the comments – there is no way I will be parting with my hard earned cash

Hmmm – it seems to me that the real difference between early life and mid life is that
– if you’ve been in a long term relationship you tend to have some built in assumptions that are quite tricky to unravel to yourself
– we certainly have the potential to be more discerning, wiser and more confident, and the down side can be too picky, fixed in our views and inflexible
– yes, I think we all carry some baggage (call it experience if you like!), the dilemma is whether this operates as a useful filter or a stick to beat people with.
I ponder these questions about myself.

Re photos – living on my own it’s quite challenging to get photos of myself! I wore glasses for ever but recently had eye surgery and am specs-free (hooray!) but have no new photos. Suggestions anybody?
Good luck to you all, and let’s have fun!

iv just read the coments by other people on eharmony in dating over 50 iv only just joined and im willing to give it a go find ” mrs right”

James
Have to admire you for ‘giving it a go’.
I am giving this another go, I was on eHarmony over two years ago and not much luck then. Any people I see in my everyday life are either too young or accounted for. As to my comments above, no I am not desperate, just hoping that eventually someone will come along.

i have read some of the comments that have been posted and it is shame that some of you are having a bad time out there i have just joined e harmony to engage in conversation and hopefuly a date but i think that some ladies are a little narrow on what they want for example i have seen looking for a man 45 to 55 between 5″8″ to 6″3″ must be toned with the greatest respect what if i am 58 5″7″ and couple of pounds over weight do you not want to engage in conversation with me surely we are are looking for the same thing a soul mate that we can love and be loved back beauty is in the eye of the beholder

I have been on e-harmony for 3mths but have not renewed my subscription.
I, as lots of people above have tried different sites and felt e-harmony was different but hey, no luck. Profile completed, picture included, no grandchildren! I was matched with approximately 350 people, I found them obscure matches! I have sent approximately 70 ice-breakers and quite a few smiles but in all I had two replies. One politely telling me that I was not for him, which I was not offended at, we all know if we are attracted to somebody! The other ‘gentleman’ asked to skip the questions and e-mail, which I felt uncomfortable with, so I refused and he closed the match! It is a knock to the confidence, I am not overweight, I am financially secure, have a job, my own house and car, fit, healthy and am not unattractive so what do we all want gentlemen? ‘trying not to be negative’

My biggest issue is the lack of detail in most of my matches profiles. I’m 51, no oil painting and I have cancer, but I put all that out there with the most honest answers I can come up with, and I have found some really lovely friends. Without some proper sense of who you are, and what lights your fire, you are little more than a phone book entry. Take some time to think about who you are and don’t be afraid to paint a true picture of yourself on here. If you are looking for a relationship that works, you need to be open and honest. I’m still extremely hopeful, and those lovely friendships will continue whether I meet the love of my life or not!

Ron you sound amazing, and you’re right, not everyone is looking for a younger man. I’m 57 and widowed almost seven years after a long and happy marriage. I’d love to meet a man the same age or two or three years older.
Good luck Ron and ‘All the very best’.

Two weeks now, loads of matches, sent out lots of icebreakers, some replies, some emails, 3dates booked, I don’t think that’s bad. I’m no George clooney, carry a few extra pounds, but I’m nice, polite and interested really interested in the people I approach. If you take an interest and show some courtesy it gets returned, so far so good.
Maybe I’ll update this comment every 3months so watch this space.

Whatever age you are it would be good if the photograph you put on your profile is recent. It shows you are comfortable with who you are and a level of honesty that is important when communication is initially virtual. If you do meet your match in person then you will only be pleased to meet them rather than wondering who they really are and why they portrayed themselves as younger, fitter, with more hair and less wrinkles. Someone who is comfortable with the ageing process is far more attractive than someone who lacks honesty, every time!

I am on three dating sites and this one is by far the best. Its been fantastic but being out of circulation for a long time, you have to read as much as you can on dating advice on Eharmony. Its pretty good. For me I have learned a whole lot in just over a month. One thing for me is I just learned to date one at a time. I tried a list of nine once and although interesting it just was not for me because I dont want to break someone’s heart. I have found that most first dates you pretty much see the whole set of red flags that are easy to spot but right now I met someone from here that turned out to be a great first date and yes she is independent and is her own woman which makes it a challenge for me. We are going on a second date soon. This has all the marks of a good thing starting and I hope so anyway because all this dating is getting expensive and time consuming but its helping me fine tune my attributes but I know I am not 22 anymore but try to be

I am 57 years old and have been separated for about five years. I have tried online dating and made lots of mistakes during my first experiences. the above article would have been invaluable to me then. I nearly gave it all up but I have recently met a man who was encouraged to try online dating by his daughter and we have really hit it off. It does work and I would recommend it to anyone. The alternative is just not worth contemplating.
Oh and Dave, I am slim, fit, attractive and love sex. I also have old fashioned values when it comes to caring for my man and I cannot imagine I am the only one. You are judging women by your own, obviously limited experiences and I think anyone reading your biased comment should really just ignore it.