13 July 2010
10 golden rules for avoiding first date disaster
by eHarmony
First dates are tough – spending a few hours in the company of someone you barely know is a pretty unnatural thing to do. Here are ten golden rules to follow to help you avoid first date disaster.
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You and your prospective date might get on like a house on fire on email or over the phone, but that doesn’t mean you will in person. And that’s not as surprising as it sounds. First dates are pretty unnatural situations: two people who’ve probably never met spending a few hours together, each with the knowledge that they’re sizing the other up for a romantic relationship.
This mixture of the unknown and the level of expectation is what makes first dates so nerve-racking. These factors are also what can turn a first date into an unmitigated disaster. Here are ten golden first-date rules to help you avoid that sinking feeling on your way home…
1. Listen to your gut
If you’ve talked on the phone beforehand and things didn’t feel right, trust your gut feel. If you can’t even have a normal phone conversation with this person, how are you going to sit through dinner or drinks together? No one needs dating practice or a night out so much they should go on a date with someone isn’t right.
2. Make it happen
When you’re dating online, it’s all too easy to end up in a virtual relationship with someone. You text, call and email each other all the time – but you still haven’t met. You feel like you know this person, and may even start to feel like you’re in a relationship. Unfortunately, this chemistry doesn’t always translate offline and you could be left feeling you’ve wasted a lot of time and emotion on the person.
3. Leave your phone in your bag/pocket
Having your phone out on the table, or even texting during a date, gives off the impression that you’re just not interested and are waiting for something better to come along. Leave your phone alone and give your date the focus they deserve. And if you’re really more interested in what your next text says, perhaps it’s time to wrap up the date.
4. Stay safe
It’s simple really; tell a friend where you’re going, don’t get in your date’s car, don’t meet at their house and instead meet somewhere you know. Taking risks will at best leave you feeling uncomfortable, and at worst…well, that’s not worth dwelling on. Note: this applies to all dates – just because you met someone in a bar doesn’t make them any different to someone you met online.
5. Swot up
You owe it to your date to do a little revision beforehand. Re-read their profile and go over old emails to make sure you can ask relevant questions, and that you don’t ask questions you’ve already asked. There’s nothing more boring than being asked the same question more than once, and yet little more flattering that someone remembering an important detail about you. One caveat though – don’t do too much research. Recounting things you found out about your date via Google might come across as a little creepy.
6. Pick comfortable surroundings
Whether you’re in charge of the date location or not, make sure it’s somewhere you know (or at least in an area you know), and preferably somewhere you like. You’ll feel more relaxed which will shine through on your date.
7. Lay off the booze
Alcohol may be a social lubricant but on a first date it’s not a good idea. Apart from the obvious safety aspects, it can loosen your tongue just a little bit too much. Even if your date is drinking the same amount as you, don’t assume that makes it okay. Everyone has different reactions and attitudes towards alcohol and they might be severely unimpressed when you stumble on the way to the loo or mention your nasty ex one too many times.
8. Be on time
An easy one this, just be on time for your date. It’s courteous and will leave you feeling less stressed. If you’re perennially late, factor in extra time and remember that it’s always better to be early than late.
9. Make it early in the week
The later in the week you arrange your date, the more pressure there will be to make it a night of it. Rather than dinner and drinks on a Friday, how about an after work coffee on a Monday? This will create much less pressure, and will be far easier to escape from if things don’t go so well.
10. Leave it open at the end
Unless it’s very clear you both want to see each other again, don’t act as if you’re closing a business deal and pressure your date into agreeing to see you again. They might not want to or at that point they might not be sure and your high pressure sales technique could put them off. If you want to make it clear you’d like to see your date again, end with something like ‘It’d be great to see you again, give me a call if you like’. The fact is, if they want to see you, they’ll call. And if they don’t, move onto your next match. At least you won’t have had time to get too attached (or you won’t have if you’ve followed rule #2!)
1
christopher
14 July 2010 13:14
What if you have belonged to e-harmony and are still yet to find any one with a similar personality let alone a date.
2
Liz H
14 July 2010 13:35
Interesting advice – I think number 2 is especially important when you’re meeting someone from online…I’ve talked to guys for weeks and then when we’ve met it’s just fizzled out, very disappointing! My top tip would be to try not to think about the date too much on the dayu so you dont get too nervous.
3
MiMi
14 July 2010 17:24
Yes follow these basic rules BUT be open and interested without losing your dignity.
Do NOT touch the other person!Other than shaking hands perhaps.
The other person who wrote asking about meeting no-one suitable after being on the site for ages is..Keep smiling, keep positive and take each day as it comes.
4
Kim
14 July 2010 20:00
What??? people get to first dates?????? wow… I’m doing something wrong! :-0
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D
15 July 2010 13:20
Item 10 does not cover all situations e.g. you might want to find out a bit more but the person you met may have had too much of the first meet nerves and it is obviously best to be polite and let them go. Unfortunately that leaves you with no idea of how they if they feel when they have had time to calm down. Should you keep stum eunless they contact you, give them a bit of time & then send a message saying what or ?
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Dizzy Bee
15 July 2010 22:49
It’s best to keep the first date short and sweet,that way you both won’t feel pressure to keep it flowing all night. I find it best to agree before hand that no plans are formed to see each other again but on the following day we can talk and decide. That way I enjoy the night better. Don’t rush love but enjoy the journey in getting to the ‘One’
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CS
15 July 2010 23:09
I disagree with number one. Some people just aren’t great at phone conversations, or find it a bit awkward. Equally, some people write better than others. Just because you haven’t hit it off straight away, during an unnatural way to communicate with a complete stranger, doesn’t mean you won’t once you meet them and get to know them.
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Christopher Evans
16 July 2010 18:11
An interesting article but the correct grammar in rule #1 surely should read “gut feeling”.
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jacks
21 July 2010 15:18
Very good tips, I really enjoy reading them. Number 9 and 10 tips very informitive, i wish i had seen it before. Before i join eharmony i once was sopose to go on a Friday night date, oh so much pressure, in the end something turn up at work and i had to stay back, end result, did’nt go, so next time will choose a day top of the week. I also enjoy Dizzy bee comment. Food for thought. I will certainly print these tips off. Hope i will get first date soon. My thought, emailing a person, talking to them on the phone is completely different to meeting them, and always watch body language.
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Wassana Siripanya
31 July 2010 17:27
what you saying is commont senense. Only stupid people don’t do that.
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Betty
8 August 2010 11:45
I am not finding e-harmony user friendly and have not been able to get into a proper conversation with none of my match. Feeling a bit down about the whole process.
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dobzee
11 August 2010 10:28
i have done my profile but have not yet subscribed and if eharmony keep giving me matches that don’t ‘match’then i won’t be. I specifically said i wanted to meet somebody younger than myself and they keep giving me matches of people my age or older!! Not impressed.Oh yes but good 1st date advice though.
13
James
16 August 2010 09:09
LOL. I agree with Christopher Evans, if you’re on a date and everyone can hear your gut you might want to take something to relieve that. x
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Sharon
19 August 2010 19:29
Great tips, but unless everyone starts replying to requested contact it not going to happen. The whole idea of joining eHarmony is to hopefully find someone. But for some un-know reason it seams to be that 95% can’t even be bothered to respond. Why even join if you are not going to try and see if there is something there. So come on everyone, if you get a contact request at least give to person a try, they’ve gone to the trouble is it so much to ask that you return the request. Even if all you say is sorry your not for me. We’ve all been chatted up when out this is no different, if you don’t make the effort to chat how are you going to know if that special person is there.
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Emily
20 August 2010 08:38
I’m really glad I read this article and all the subsequent comments. The article gives good tips – yes, many of which are common sense but how many of us have done things in the past which aren’t altogether sensible!! It doesn’t hurt to be reminded of these things from time to time.
And…I thought I was the only one who wasn’t getting responses from communication requests and not getting any firsts dates….I don’t feel quite so bad now!!
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sarah
20 August 2010 18:23
Good advice to be read and absorbed, however you must have an open mind and be sure of what your looking for in a potential partner, stay focused and you cant go wrong.
I would like to say that i do find eharmony members a bit slow, ive stopped going on so frequently as people take ages to respond.. are we really all that busy!!!!
17
joe
21 August 2010 20:00
Some of rules are wrong- clearly written by someone with very little real world dating experience. I’ve been on thousands of dates and can assure you that the best approach to increase attraction (from a guys perspective) is to use ‘push-pull’ – appear interested but then appear distracted- girls can’t resist that mix of ‘hot and cold’ – it builds tons of sexual tension. Now I know some of you will retort with accusations of game playing – truth is though that dating is a game that has to be played to win- all is fair in love and war!
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Sharon
21 August 2010 21:19
So Joe, if you are so sort after why are you here? Surely if you are so good at dating you don’t need a site like this!
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Emily
22 August 2010 07:54
Well said Sharon!!! I sincerely hope there aren’t too many Joe types about. I really am not interested in playing silly dating mind games – what a turn off! I suspect that is why Joe has had ‘thousands’ of dates and will probably have ‘thousands’ more.
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joe
23 August 2010 15:46
Sadly Emily I concur – who in their right mind would want to play silly games – but the fact remains that nice guys finish last – one of life’s cruel ironies. Not enough space here to explain in detail why this sorry state of affairs exist between the sexes, but if you read The Game by Neill Strauss you might just be surprised!
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Steve
23 August 2010 20:36
that push pull thing – never tried it – I just flirt a little and make the girl laugh if possible. I’ve been on over a hundred dates and the reason I’m still single is because it’s hard finding someone who doesn’t want to repeat moany stories about their ex! and wants to pay their own way or at least make a contribution. Joe, if it works for you this technique then good for you but I wouldn’t recommend it for general use, from my experience what really turns a girl on is a man who is funny and interested in his date and who isn’t distracted. And also a man who isn’t on a down about his ex.
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S
23 August 2010 22:47
This is so hard, this waiting to know anyone is interested in me, why have I even bothered, no one wants to be with me! I’m I such a bad person, that I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t want to be alone anymore, I want to have someone in my life who wants to be with me, who is interested in me, my life, how I feel, wants to make me happy. I’m not asking for to much am I? I just want to know what it feels like to be held again, kissed, made love to, god I need to feel these things. To have someone care for me, to be able to go to them and just be held. I need these things so badly, I hurt inside, I feel like I’m braking, that I can’t keep this up for much longer, I’m so lonely…
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Jan
24 August 2010 09:42
S – I nearly cried when I read your comment as it described exacty how I felt a few years ago. after my divorce I thought I’d never find anyone, and my ex left me feeling like I didnt deserve to find anyone. But after time, support from friends and family I gained confidince. I realised that I needed to take control of my own life – that someone will only love you if you love yourself. I joined a local reading group, got some new hobbies (I now love cycling!) and decided to focus on me for a while. I’m still single, but I’ve joined eH in the hope Ill find someone. Yes, I still get lonely, like you, but I have faith that one day I’ll find someone, some how, whether it’s with eH or just out in the real world! I hope you can find the strenght to love yourself and I’m sure the rest will follow. Much love x
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Sharon
24 August 2010 12:45
S – I have to agreed with Jan, take heart your time will come. There is that special someone out there and one day you will meet. I have to agree though that the waiting is so hard. eHarmony please we need a change on the length of time members get to respond. I sent an nudge last night got a don’t bother me again email. Why he couldn’t just close the match if not interested is beyond me. I stated before that a 3 day response time would be idea. Also a option to put that you are on holiday with your return date. This would save us all from the heartache that we are all feeling, due to members not bothering to reply to are interest in them.
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Steve
24 August 2010 14:16
S – you sound either like you are very needy or having a laugh – I can’t believe that is a real post and suspect you’re just trying to play with people.
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Steve
24 August 2010 14:18
Jan – if someone replies to a nudge with a “dont bother me” email then you’ve saved a lot of time and pain – you’ve discovered they are a nasty person before getting involved so count yourself lucky you found out now. Close them and take it on the chin.
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Steve
24 August 2010 14:19
sorry the above was meant for Sharon not Jan.
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Sharon
24 August 2010 21:23
Steve – thanks, it was just the way it was done that got me. I did reply saying if he wasn’t interested then why didn’t he close the match first time around. Why wait for another contact a week later. I sent the reply then closed him. But it does get me that for some unknown reason there are 95% of members here who join but don’t seam to what to make to effort and at least chat to someone who’s shown interest in them. I had a lovely man who I chatted to for a few days but it’s wasn’t right and I very politely said so and wished him luck. I know I would much rather have some contact than this none at all. You read any of the comment on any of the articles and everyone is saying the same thing, members just arn’t replying.
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Steve
25 August 2010 22:58
Sharon – there are some people who play games/get a kick out of doing it the hard way so I’d just assume he didn’t close you cos he wanted to have some fun being horrible the next time he sent a message.
As for the 95% of members (your estimate not mine!) who join and then dont do much – I’m assuming that the ones without a pic perhaps did have a pic at some point but took it down because it wasn’t getting any interest and then couldn’t be bothered to properly delete their account?
you say you chatted to a lovely man but then it wasn’t right – I’d say dont judge anyone until you have met them – sometimes it’s boring by email but in person it can be a lot more interesting.
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hayley
26 August 2010 12:51
s,
i think you need to stop taking it so seriously and take things on the chin more. everyone always says if your too desperate to find someone you wont find them, then when you stop looking so hard and have fun with it you’ll find someone. you’ll never be able to be happy with someone if you cant be happy being single! xx
31
Sharon
28 August 2010 13:41
Steve – When I said that 95% don’t seam to be bothered I do mean all of them non and members. Out of the all the one’s I’ve sent replies to only 2 have replied one being the one from the other day. So I have to say that I stand by what I said and what everyone else is saying. Members just don’t seam to want to make the effort.
As to the guy I was talking to the reason that didn’t go any further was that we had very different tastes it had nothing to do with how good he was at emailing. I hadn’t even seen his picture, it was just obvious to me that we didn’t have that much in common.
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Steve
28 August 2010 20:53
Sharon – I think perhaps there are a lot of cheapskates who wait for free weekends? or sign up and then as you say can’t be bothered.
never meet anyone without seeing a pic – no pic means they have something to hide – I wouldn’t even waste much time doing emails until I’ve seen a pic. time is too precious and if they can’t be bothered organising a pic they need to get a life.
33
H
29 August 2010 15:49
Well, I have just got around to looking at this site and have joined the free weekend. Yesterday, thought about subscribing, but found a lot of pessimism when researching feedback. However, today my thoughts are thinking of any dating site as a way of getting to know new people, rather than finding “the one”. That way you don’t get disappointed. What will be will be, and even though sometimes it can be lonely being single, it can also be lonely being in a relationship that is not working. So when I get the offer of 3 months for 1 I will subscribe, as this is a pricy site….lol
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M
29 August 2010 21:07
Steve – I disagree “no pics” does not mean “have something to hide”. Some people use looks alone to assess a person and that is shallow in my book. There may be a lot of valid reasons for not uploading a picture and I think you are being a bit harsh.
35
Jon
31 August 2010 15:14
Well, that all made depressing reading!
Y’know what’s great? Emailing someone to say you’re sorry you’re archiving them but they’re just too far away, and they don’t accept the email! Ouch! Maybe I should put the bag back on my head!
S, sounds like your ex must have put a great deal of effort into destroying you.
Steve, maybe nice guys come last, but ‘He who snogs last, snogs longest!’
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Steve (manchester)
31 August 2010 16:30
M – it’s not shallow unless it’s only about looks and in my book there’s a kind of face and body I’m attracted to and a kind that I’m not attracted to.
If I dont see a pic and it’s not my type of girl it’s just delaying the inevitable and pointless time wasting.
Usually no pic means – married or not an oil painting or chronically shy.
I can’t see there being a valid reason to hide your pic on a site where only subscribers can see it – just very poor excuses and lazyness. And if I can be bothered to part with cash to subscribe and take the time to put my pic on here then I expect anyone who is serious about wanting to meet me to take the same leap of faith.
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Nicola
31 August 2010 23:07
I thought twice about uploading my Pic in case people from work saw it. That was one depressing thread an now wondering why I shelled out an emense amount of money if so many people are so disapointed. No I do know why I did, it will keep my mother quiet and stop my sister nagging me whilst I maintain a healthy level of realism about the prospects in a totally contrived environment.
I hate to admit it the push-pull thing does work, most of my relationships started this way as did most of my friends. Despite people declring game playing as poor form total straightforward honesty can be seen as needy or boring, I have learnt this the hard way. Dont know why I am writing this everyone on this site is a grown adult who should know well enough that following rules or changing their instinctive behaviour is a road to ruin and unsustainable. My advice: steer clear of the top tips, be polite and try not to take it too hard when an inevitably superficial environment produces superficial judgements. Good luck everyone
38
Cat
1 September 2010 16:14
I have to agree with Steve about the photo, for me no photo no thank you. I don’t have a type I’m interested in. He could have brown hair, blond hair, blue eyes, green eyes, I don’t care. I tend to find myself attracted to a nice smile more than anything. You could put two men in front of me, both with dark hair and blue eyes, one I’m attracted to the other I’m not. I can’t tell you why it’s just the way it is. Which is why I insist on seeing a photo first, I can then tell if there’s a chance I’ll be attracted to them or not. It’s a waste of time meeting someone (theirs and mine) if not. The one thing I’ve learned from past relationships it’s that chemistry/attraction is important.
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Steve, manchester
3 September 2010 00:38
I’m with you on that Cat! I have met (against my better judgement) girls from another site who insisted on meeting without showing me a pic of them first and me being subjected to the usual emotional blackmail re it being shallow wanting to see a pic. The girl turns up and on every occasion it’s been someone who is very scarey to look at. That is the reality. And actually it’s about honesty not me being shallow.
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Steve, manchester
3 September 2010 00:40
honesty in regards to people being upfront and honest about their physical appearance. and if they aren’t then they can skip to the next man and waste his time. it shouldn’t be hard work obtaining a reasonable idea of the appearance of the person who wants to meet up.
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Nathan
3 September 2010 19:29
I know we are meant to use this website as a means of looking for someone who we want to be with at least long term, but I must confess that I do consider the looks of the person to be important. I want to look at my partner and think, ‘She’s gorgeous!!!’ Is that wrong? It’s not about being blatantly unpleasant, I just happen to find someone under a size 14 more attractive than someone who is bigger than that, usually.
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Cat
4 September 2010 11:10
TBH Nathan, yes, it could be regarded as shallow but we’re all shallow in some way or another. For me it’s men taller than me, even when I’m wearing heels. Lets face it we’re human and shallowness is part of the human make up. We all have certain preferences that would be considered, by society, to be shallow. I was in a relationship for nearly nine years, with my children’s father. One of the things that taught me was that chemistry (being attracted, yes, including sexually) is important. It’s not the only important aspect of a relationship but it is important. This is why I like to see a photo. I don’t have endless amounts of money, or time, so I don’t see the point wasting either on someone I’d never be attracted to in a million years.
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Steve, manchester
4 September 2010 15:03
“golden rules for avoiding first date disaster”
- today I met someone for a coffee – it her home town but 25 mins drive for me. I got the coffees when my drink ran out she didn’t offer to get her round in and after 30 mins of chat she kept descretely checking the time on her watch which was out of my view but I noticed her looking down at it.
- so in terms of ‘dating disaster’ – if you’re not meeting half way and making someone do most of the trip and you dont even have the manners to buy them a drink and are so rude you check the time on your watch then I wont want to ask to meet again.
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Steve, manchester
4 September 2010 15:06
This term “shallowness” is just a guilt trip term people use to punish you for wanting someone who you fancy!
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Stephen M (Newport,S Wales)
5 September 2010 11:56
It has been really interesting reading all the posts, thanks to you all…I joined EHarmony about 5 weeks ago and have had a number of matches and I am amazed at the number of no replies you get same as the posts by Emily, Sharon & Sarah.
I have amended my preferences and most of my new matches are geographically not very local (smile) makes no difference still no replies.. so I could have long wait and a long drive for that seemingly elusive first date??
Glad to know that I am not the only one having similar experiences. As someone said are people really that busy and if so why do they need a site like this?
Anyway good luck and best wishes to you all, I am sure one day we will all get there…wherever there is…
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Steve, Manchester
6 September 2010 23:23
I get emailing people and have met a couple but I’ve also found some disappear and that’s sometimes at the point where you give them your phone number. Is that when they realise that when they meet up you’ll not be very happy to discover the photo is 5+ years old?
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Cat
7 September 2010 14:55
I’ve only met one person from eharmony so far. So many haven’t bothered to reply, although a few have had the manners to close the match.
Re photos, my own photos range from a couple of months old to a couple of years. The only real difference in them is my hair colour, in some it’s red, in the more recent ones it’s brown but other than that I still look the same.
Someone made the point (may have been on another article) that they looked younger than their years and they wondered if people thought they were putting up photos of themselves that were several years old. I’ve had people tell me I look younger than my age, including someone I met off another site. I have to wonder if people think that of me when they look at my age and at the photos.
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Steve, Manchester
8 September 2010 01:35
always put a caption with a photo specifying when it was taken – this is because t’internet dating sites have lots of people who post ancient pics.
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Paula
8 September 2010 22:04
I have been on this site a few months now and most of my matches seem too far away then the stated distance.
I think that i am quite presentable so why no contact from members?!!!
I think that i have wasted my money and wish that i had done some research first.
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C
8 September 2010 23:43
In response to everyone that has been commenting about the lack of replies, I have a theory.
I was asked to complete an online survey by eHarmony and I commented about how few people had viewed my profile. If people view my profile and aren’t interested then that is fine by me, but it seems pointless (and a waste of money)if there is no one else using the site. Within a couple of days the note at the bottom of the “Who’s viewed me page” telling you how many people had viewed my profile was removed. Now you can no longer tell how many of your matches have viewed your profile. My thoughts on this are that eH continue to send out pofiles from people that are no longer subscription payers to give the appearance that they have more active members than they do.
This is just a theory, but why remove the counter other than to hide the fact that only about 25% of my matches even clicked onto my profile?
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eharmony
9 September 2010 10:21
Hi there Paula,
I’m sorry to hear you’re not having the eHarmony experience you’d hoped for. If your concern is distance, you can adjust your match settings to only send you matches within a certain radius. If you then specify that this setting is very important to you, we will never send you matches outside of your radius. To do this follow these steps:
1. Log into your eHarmony account
2. Go to the ‘My Settings’ tab and from there click on the ‘Distance’ tab
3. Here you can adjust your distance settings
4. Underneath the map, you will see a section asking ‘How important is this to you?’. Move the slider to 7. This way we will know that this setting is very important to you and we won’t send you matches outside your distance settings.
If you aren’t receiving as much communication as you would like, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, post a photo if you haven’t already done so – this increases your chance of communication by 9 times. Secondly make the first move on communication, if you don’t already do this. Naturally, women make the first move to communication less often than men online – a standard across most dating sites. Additionally, if you haven’t heard back from a match you’re interested in, give them a ‘Nudge’. They may have been away, be thinking about subscribing, or have forgotten (it happens!).
I hope this helps. If you need any more advice, please call our Customer Care team for free on 0800 028 0308, 8am-8pm, Mon-Fri. They will be happy to talk through any issues you have with your account, and offer advice.
Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice
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AJ
10 September 2010 09:53
I have read all of your reponses, and i agree with them. i have tried to contact people, taken the first step, nudged them etc. Using eharmony to find dates has been an interesting and costly learning curve for me. One i would willing using again if the prices were lower.
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Matt
10 September 2010 11:11
Strewth, I thought this whole dating lark was supposed to be fun. Well I’ve been a member for about 5 weeks, have been in contact with several people, got to the email stage with several and met two. For me, each stage enables you to decide whether you want to meet the person. The photo is surely the first thing you look at – it’s not just the face but also what the person is doing and whether they’re smiling. Having said that I will now have to see if I’m smiling in my photos.
Re the cost, it is expensive but imagine how much you save in not going on dates with people that you realise you would actually be physically allergic to.
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Cat
10 September 2010 18:22
“Re the cost, it is expensive but imagine how much you save in not going on dates with people that you realise you would actually be physically allergic to”
Which is why many of us like photos to look at when receiving matches. I had another one close on me today which, in one way, is actually a good thing. It means that at least some of my matches are active and it also means I can stop wasting my time and energy on wondering if they are going to respond to me or not. The fact that they’re not interested in me only bothers me for a few seconds then I think their loss and move on.
Matt this dating lark can be fun. I’ve had a few dates (from other sites, as well as the one from here) and have had a good time on all of them, even if it hasn’t gone any further.
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Poppy
12 September 2010 00:07
Reading these posts has been really insightful, I now at least know I am statistically in the mid ground in terms of non-responses, my only add is that I have found that of the times I have made the first move and contacted a guy, that they have never responded. I have only had conversations and dates with guys who have approached me first. Guys, any comment?
My biggest hangup was putting a picture on the web just in case anyone recognised me….but pictures are really important, whatever you look like, as you have made an effort, ditto filling in at least some of the info boxes, I have had loads of matches recently with no photos and hardly any information. This makes me think it was a special offer weekend and I must be a mug for paying full price and taking a few hours to fill in a profile?
Finally, I quickly moved when I joined from thinking I would meet ‘the one’ to meeting some interesting people. I have not been disappointed, of all the dates I have been on, coffee, drinks, dinner and theatre, I have met great people, who I would not have met without signing up here. Oh, and I do pay my way, and you’re right it is much appreciated!
BTW, Matt, you actually made me laugh out loud with your post..with your sense of humour, you’ll at least charm the pants off your dates!
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Steve, Manchester
12 September 2010 18:00
I agree with the logic but the person often doesn’t look much like the photo!
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Andy,
12 September 2010 19:41
Steve from Manchester talks a whole load of sense!! There are too many people on dating sites with either no photo or just one headshot!!What is the flipping point?? If you can’t be honest fron the start about how you actually look then all you are doing is potentially wasting your own time and anybody trying to have a date with you?
I won’t communicate with anybody who hasn’t got a photo and thats not being shallow either-no way am i turning up to meet the bride of shrek
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Steve, Manchester
12 September 2010 22:09
thank you Andy! I’d say from my experience most girls who just have a head shot – when I’ve met them, there has been a reason why!
I’ve occasionally met girls who talked me into meeting despite there being no photo. On all but one occasion it was a complete waste of time. My time and their time.
And on quite a few occasions where a photo has been on the profile – it was from a lighter period in the girl’s life. 3 stones lighter.
And before anyone suggests I’m being horrible – it’s avoidable. We all how to cut down on chips/crisps etc and most people are able to attend a gym.
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Cat
11 October 2010 00:13
I can’t afford a gym, not at the moment. I am a size 16/18 and yes, we all know what to do but if it was as simple as that we’d all be size 10, or whatever. Funnily enough I’ve not had any complaints from any of the men I’ve dated so far.
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mike Rysenbry
12 October 2010 01:56
allot to read!!
Mike
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Steve, manchester
12 October 2010 18:48
Cat, I’m not suggesting size 10 is ideal.
and I agree it isn’t simple to lose weight, it has taken me a lot of will power and a few dates where obnoxious women have made personal comments!
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Cat
13 October 2010 19:20
Ouch! Steve, now personal comments are really out of order. Btw I did add or whatever
Well done on losing the weight, now can you give me some of that will power 
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Steve, Manchester
14 October 2010 17:06
The will power for me came from a g/f who was very critical of my weight, so my aim was to get fitter than her. Then one day after months of working out we had to run to catch a train, she couldn’t manage it.
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Cat
15 October 2010 00:45
Well being slim doesn’t automatically make you fit, like being overweight doesn’t automatically make you unfit.
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Steve, Manchester
16 October 2010 21:18
It’s Mcdonalds that makes me feel unfit! Especially big macs!