Relationship Advice


Should you date someone who’s seeing other people?

eHarmony

If you’re ‘dating’ chances are you could be planning to meet up with multiple people. After all, if you’re only on the verge of going on a first date with one person, you don’t want to be ignoring other offers for someone you’ve never met. But, what if the person you’re seeing is dating other people at the same time? Maybe you don’t mind, or maybe it makes you wonder if they’re taking things seriously. We’ve put together 5 essential questions to ask yourself, to find out if you really should be dating someone who’s seeing other people.

Are YOU seeing other people?
First things first – what’s your dating strategy? Do you focus on each prospect before deciding they’re not right, or do you always have one eye on the rest of the field? Maybe you’re actively dating other people, and if this is the case then as long as you’re all honest with each other, then there should be no real issues.  However if you’re focusing all your energies into this one person, but they’re dating around, you might be in for a disappointment.

One of the great things about online dating is the way it allows you to meet a huge array of people you would never normally have met. In the early stages of meeting someone, it’s perfectly acceptable – some might even say smart – to continue seeing other people, as long as you’re honest. Which brings us onto our next point…

How did you find out?
Assuming your match has been honest with you from the start then they having nothing to answer for. If they’ve always made it clear they’re seeing other people then the rest of it is down to how comfortable you are with that arrangement. However, if your match drops it into conversation a month in, or you found out through a third party, then it might be time to reconsider whether this is the kind of person you want to be dating. Sure, they didn’t have to tell you, but honesty is the best policy in these situations. After all, they had nothing to lose by telling you from the off, so either they’re a coward or just a straight up liar.

How long have you been together?
It might seem that up to this point we’ve been condoning dating around, and to some extent we do – it’s a great, efficient way to meet lots of new people on your search for ‘the one’.  But if you’ve been dating for more than a couple of months and you know your partner is still seeing other people then it’s time to lay your cards on the table. There comes a point in every relationship where exclusivity needs to be talked about, and if your date still feels the need to see other people down the line, then they’re clearly not feeling what they should be.

Where do you see your relationship going?
Are you in it just for fun, or are you starting to think seriously about the other person? If you’re happy to just have fun nights out chatting over dinner or dancing until the small hours after one too cocktails, then fine, just keep doing your thing. But, if you find yourself hoping that he or she stops seeing other people so that you can introduce them as your ‘partner’ at work parties, then you need a wake-up call. Talk to your date openly and honestly, to find out if they intend to keep the status quo or are happy to commit to you. Just be prepared for disappointment – and if it’s not the answer you want, be prepared to tell them you want something more and won’t be seeing them again.

Where are you in your life? What do you expect to get out of your dating experience?
Everyone has a different idea about why they’re in the dating arena. Some people want to meet lots of people to ensure they always have a date on a Friday night. Others are looking for something more serious – maybe even marriage. If you’re on the more serious end of the scale, then you should consider having the ‘exclusive’ conversation sooner rather than later. Mr or Ms ‘Fun on Friday night’ can afford to just wait around and hope for the best, but maybe you can’t.

What are your experiences with dating someone who’s seeing other people? Do you think it’s ok, or does it make you nervous? Tell us in the comments below.

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67 thoughts on “Should you date someone who’s seeing other people?

  1. Try being a waitress!!! – you get accused of being a player if you say you can’t plan when you can go out next until you’ve seen your rota. Felt vindicated when he came past restaurant window, but had to call it a day when he said he was there “Because he thought I’d lined up other dates”. I do have to pay my bills, so can’t be available all the time…

  2. How do you handle the situation where a new date wants to meet your friends. And you have no friends because they all sided with your ex regardless of how the previously ended

  3. Can someone help with this please? I have been in contact with a girl since December and started seeing her in January and to this point have been out 6 times with another date lined up. We are getting on and when we are out together she talks as if we are heading someone just by little things that she says. She has also clearly stated that she wants to keep seeing me after I asked on Valentines how she thinks we are getting on. I am just bugging myself as to whether we are ‘exclusive’ which I want it to be in order that I can relax and get on with it without looking over my shoulder. My problem is how do I ask her this without seeming clingy, possessive etc?

  4. I have to agree that it is pretty hard to be consistant with”dates” when you are doing a degree or shift Job..I even find i dont want to get into email chats as it really distracts me from what im meant to be doing study wise. Im not sure some people understand this at all and could possibly think you are fobbing them off or a player! which can get quite stressful and makes you want to just walk away from them. I really think people should pay attention to the other persons life style and what they have going on. And not just demmand attention because it suits them. I often find men act as if im doing a GCSE or somthing Like its an easy few hours a day of play..When I actually never switch off and have it on my mind 24/7 morning till bedtime and requires incredible focus if you even want to scrape a pass.

  5. I agree with this article, within the first few months I believe it is totally acceptable to see multiple people and not exclusively commit to one person. It should take some time to see if someone you are dating is the right person for you to be in a relationship with. Once you are in an exclusive relationship however, it is NOT ok to see other people. That’s called cheating.

  6. well im in a very unclear situation with a guy ,i been dating for a couple of months .he d arranged to spend 3 weeks with his ex staying at his house. as a holiday as shes from abroad .and he said couldnt see me during this time, as he was busy driving her around sight seeing in britain, he emailed most days but never phoned .i causually talked about exculsivity before she came ,so it wasnt a heavy topic and when we started dating i did say maybe i wanted to date several .but i never actually did .and he still talks to women on dating sites and i talk to men because he still talks to women. anyway back to the ex i asked if he was imtimate he said no because her daughter came to, and they were never left alone. not the answer i wanted and he said they were touchy feely though ,which to be honest that feels a little off so i have arranged to meet a guy who i said [look lets just be friends] and if theres an attraction then ill have to tell the other guy. it does seem a little decietful as im not someone who likes to lie ,or do things behind anothers back. and at the same time not sure if this guys really honouring me ,as i brought the exclusivity up again but he doesnt seem to ever bring it up so bottom line i think hes still looking or i seem a little unsure as i made the mistake of sleeping with him on first date

  7. A question about this topic, sorry english is not my first language.
    I have already with my bf 4-5 years, I meet his family and friends.
    However, he is trying to convince me to accept that he dating others, or even slept with others. He believes those “experience” could make him better. And his bad experiences told (or tough) him never only have a woman, or he will feel painful when he is dumped. For me, it is rubbish, I agree to dating many when you are not finding the one for you. but in a 4 years relationship, i think there is no any reason i need to listen to him.
    ==== this is what he wrote to let me accept what he did are all right===
    The whole world cannot be made of a solidarity-based pink bubble for everyone. It would be Teddy Bear land, or Never Never land with Peter Pan, or more exactly heaven. In heaven there is no life. Heaven is not the realm of doing and feeling. It is actually boring. Everything there is perfect. I know it exists, because it is part of one possibility of a sort of universe amongst many in the grandest multiverse.

    But nobody wants to stay in heaven. Everyone wants to enjoy life here down on Earth as it is impossible in heaven or hell, which also exists.

    Always remember: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” And you need to make the aditional effort of understanding that it is not a man-made game or a woman-made game. It is the most fundamental natural “game” of life, without which there cannot be life.

    Without this “game”, there cannot be flirting, meeting, seducing, mingling, mating, healthy offsprings as you and I once were, working, indulging, etc…

    You have to be extremely careful where the trend is going. Mankind is trying and taking over control of his own evolution. Any idea of bypassing that “game”, for instance using (GMO) sperm banks and making Petri dish babies, will lead to diseases and death, not to life.

    Life as you know and have enjoyed is only possible by going along that natural “game” of life, that our parents have followed too!

    They have thus made the super successful you and I.

    Try and temper with that “game”. Try to avoid or bypass it by doing other artificial (hypocrite) ways, and you will see the totally failed results!!
    =======================
    i dont believe “dating more making you better” when you are in a long relationship. And, I would like to ask what man think, do you think a man who has a stable relationship but still want to dating ( and on bed)is successful ???
    and what woman think if you find your dating who has a stable relationship already? how do you feel him?
    or both man and woman agree he only needs to be dumped..

  8. While it seems sensible to multi date the animosity it breeds can ruin the chances of a genuine relationship forming. No one is perfect so if you are mutli dating and comparing one person against the other how can you decide when it takes a long time to get to know someone and you can’t string a bunch of people along for that long?? The irony is that after all this you will most likely end up alone anyway…finding that no one is good enough for you because “the one” is always just around the corner. There are so many serial daters on eHarmony it is hard to avoid them!

  9. I would just like to say that I met a guy online about 7 weeks ago and we decided to meet up after about 3 days of texting,emailing, Our first date went really well and on our 2nd date we decided to sleep together this was on the basis that we weren’t sleeping with anyone else, 6 weeks down the line everything was going amazingly well, we never argued we loved each others company and missed each other all the time, after about 3 weeks i mentioned about closing my profile online down as I was happy with how things were going, we said we would discuss on the weekend, that never took place, and then last week my suspensions started, he said he didn’t want to be in exclusive relationship yet, he wasn’t ready, he still wanted to sleep with me though as he liked my company, that’s fine I said but as long as we wasn’t seeing anyone else I was happy, then I went to his flat last Fri and when placing something in his bathroom bin, I found women’s make up remover wipes with lipstick on and mascara, also a travel conditioner for women’s hair,it wasn’t his as he had his own on his shelf, I didn’t question him as I thought it could be anyone’s, he lived with other people too, that same weekend he also started making private phone calls late at night in his room, the next day I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he said it wasn’t my business to ask, and he denied having someone back to his flat and that I should trust him, we have since parted and he doesn’t want anything to do with me and he has left me heartbroken, what did I do wrong and how can I get him back? I wish I had trusted him but I found it hard as we wasn’t exclusive, was I expecting too much? am I in the wrong and do I deserve this as I feel like I have been blinded by all the red flags and signals. can anyone help, thanks.

  10. I went on three dates with someone who.i quite liked. But he was always online and told me he was going on other dates when I asked him but liked me. That put me off. Why put so much time in to be maybe dropped or compared. So we went our separate ways I kinda think its a tell tale sign if they still want to look for other women after three dates. Its not like I wanted exclusivity just a little respect. Given up.on internet dating! Too tiring !!!

  11. I started dating this girl that i liked. We hit it off and couple months later we became boyfriend and girlfriend a month later we broke up but contiuned dating. For a total 5 months so we have been seeing each other for 9 months. I recently just met her family for thanksgiving. Anyways since then she has been ignoreing my calls, my messages with her are short but she says everything is fine. Im stuck in a predicament, cause i feel she is talking to someone else and even if we are dating shouldnt she be telling me that? Cause otherwise i dont like that feeling that your dating me but going to date another guy too. Which means your still looking and im not it. Right can someone please help!

  12. Been There Done that

    January 10, 2013 at 3:50 AM

    I have to agree with Steve, If your still dating different women after a time. _Your Not Into them_
    Larry, your right. If you had giving it some time and she still haven’t giving the sign she only wants to be only with you. Move on. There will be someone out there who wants to be to be with you.
    I have learn from my own self dating someone who was dating another woman. Had great times but as time went on I realized he didn’t really want to be with me. H eliked the fact he was getting sex and having a good time but to be only with me no.
    I wont never do this again. I will only give it a little time if nothing come about it time to move on. Why waste time with someone who dont want to be only with you. But with someone else.
    Be honest with someone dont keep then hanging on. If things are not there, stop on and just say so.

  13. What would you do if you have been dating a guy for nearly two years and only texts you , never calls & seeing him twice a week or sometimes only once. Been on few city breaks together abroad and has taken you out movies , dinner , but never met his friends or been invited anywhere with him tells you now he is dating two other women as well!

  14. I think, Cat, you need to avoid him like a rabid dog. He’s either married, in a relationship or a complete d*ck. Maybe all three.
    I’ve had some great dates and met some wonderful women but sometimes it’s just not there. It’s so difficult to put your finger on why two people don’t click.
    However; if you’re dating seriously and especially if being intimate you should expect, nay demand, a level of attention and honesty from your dating partner.
    In my view, as soon as you’re intimate it’s time to be exclusive and start showing your new partner the respect they deserve.
    Whether it turns into a long-term relationship or not.

  15. I dated this man for 2 years.We live together technically because I left my home empty and go back every friday with him.
    He does not tell me who he goes out with after work and the exact location since we dated. His reason is he does not like to be control and report every details.
    He squeeze in his free time to meet woman during lunch or after work when he does not go out with me. Accordingly to him , they are just friend. He does not want to introduce me to these female friends of him.
    Does it mean he is multidating ?

  16. To all you beautiful people out there, particularly Ray, who spoke so eloquently, I say, love yourself, value yourself and treat others as you would like to be treated.
    We all want to date and find that X factor in someone, but honest, open, communication should set out the ground rules when you first meet a person about dating others.
    If you feel uncomfortable about your date’s behaviour then say it. If they can’t be exclusive with you after say a month or two then cut your losses.
    You’re beautiful, you’re intelligent and you deserve to be treated like gold.

  17. I’d been going out with a guy from work for 6 months. The moment I saw him I felt something and OI knew he felt the same. But bevause of his high position at work he he asked me to keep things ‘low profile’ whatever that meant. I felt unhappy but to respect his wishes never went to his desk, but we chatted all day online, met for coffee downstairs sometimes and went on some dates. When his dad died I was totally there for him…I cooked him dinner, and lunch for work often, we went to the movies and out and shared so much. But in all this time he never invited me to his house. He shared some family things with me and said he was just being careful with his heart. Took care of him when sick etc but I felt he wasn makin enough time for me and I was always there for him. I cooked him dinner once and he didn’t turn up, or call. A day after texted excuse only after my upset text, saying he had locked phone in car. Why not then email? He eventually broke up with me by text, at work! saying Im such an amazing girl, and he cares for me and we get on well, just that he doesn’t feel the same at this moment which he kept emphasising, and asked that we try being friends. He said things were intense for him and hence why he suggested being friends.
    Day after crying my heart out, I bumped into him and he followed me into lift and smiled and joked and promised we would chat later. Later I rung him to find he had blocked my number:( I felt and feel so hurt that someone I care for and love could be two different people. Some are saying maybe he wont commit till je is 5o, maybe I wasn’t the only one,…but he was so loving and nurturing when wih me. Confused and hurt.

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