10 August 2010
Dating: How to make a stunning first impression
by eHarmony
First impressions – they mean everything, but how do you make a great one, and how long do you have? Find out in our handy guide.
Print Email
In an ideal world, everyone would give everyone else time to make an impression on a date, or any other time in fact! Unfortunately, realistically you have about 2 seconds – whether in person, or on the phone – to make a great first impression. Not long, is it?
After that first impression, you’re either on your way up, or on a slippery slope down. Once you’ve made a good, or bad, first impression the other person will subconsciously note your good or bad traits. This is why it’s essential you make a great first impression, and that matters even more on a first date.
What people notice first
• Your energy levels – this isn’t just whether you’re bouncing about or not, it includes things like posture, which tells someone a lot about your attitude towards the world
• Your outfit – this might seem shallow, but your clothes say a lot about you. They show how you see yourself, whether you’re confident, introverted etc.
How you can create a great first impression one-on-one
1. Channel the right attitude – if you’re feeling anti-social or grumpy, that’ll be evident, no matter how much you try and plaster on a smile. Try to feel genuinely good about meeting someone new.
2. Crack out a genuine smile – if you’re nervous, think about something funny or silly that’s happened to you in the last few days as you’re walking up to your date and you’ll smile, no problem.
3. Don’t overdo it – it’s important not to seem over eager either. Make eye contact by all means but don’t stare them out. Same goes for handshakes: don’t yank their arm off.
4. Soften your body language – crossed arms signal defensiveness, by uncrossing you show the other person you’re honest and comfortable.
How to create a great first impression to a group of people
1. Look good, simple as that - dress like you mean it. Don’t power dress, that’ll scare people off, but look like you’ve put some thought and care into what you’re wearing. You don’t need expensive clothes to do that, they just need to suit you and be neat and clean. Also, if you’re comfortable in an outfit, you’ll come across as much more relaxed.
2. Position yourself in the centre of the room – just as shy people are ‘wall flowers’ sticking to the outskirts of a party, confident popular types tend to literally make themselves the centre of everything.
3. Move slowly around the room – this will give the impression of confidence and sexiness. Confident, sexy people don’t feel the need to rush from person to person – or rush away.
4. Notice someone and act on it within 3 seconds. Don’t just look over to them and then walk away; introduce yourself, or even if you must ask for some information. It’ll help get you noticed.
Practice in front of a mirror or in front of friends. After all, your first impression is the most important you’ll make. But remember that above all the most important thing is to be yourself. Don’t dress in a way that makes you uncomfortable and don’t plaster on a smile if you’re really not feeling it. You might just about be able to fake a first impression, but you can’t fake a whole relationship.
1
Steve
1 September 2010 00:18
it all sounds very dated – I’m sure they were dishing out advice like this 30 years ago but these days it sounds a bit naff.
2
Jen
3 September 2010 17:11
Makes sense to me! Just need to put it into practice…easier said than done…I’m off to a friend of a friend’s birthday do this weekend, usually I’m a wallflower but I’m going to try and be a bit more outgoing…we’ll see!!!
3
Elaine
12 September 2010 11:10
A little dated, but some very good points that still stand, especially the dressing. What about smelling nice & not over powering perfume/aftershave, I was on a couse recently for work where I couldn’t smell anything else all day but one ladies perfume that I think she might have bathed in?. My most important personal one is clean in particular hands, grubby finger nails is a big No No.
4
andy
14 September 2010 01:18
good advice, whoever wrote this has read the mystery method!!!
5
san
2 October 2010 17:26
This is a very good article. In my recent experience the men I have met sadly have failed to make a good first impression, for example jeans with holes in them -not the fashion statement kind but holes around the bottom. Also have worn trainers/sneakers which have seen better days [dirty and old]! Also if one is wearing a jacket one from a suit please, please ensure that it is NOT one that looks worn out – invest in a new jacket or clothes
6
wayne
3 October 2010 15:37
yes sounds a bit hard but just let go and be yourself and don’t expect everybody to like you first time out !
give it time and things will fall into place !
so ladys her we go !
7
Rachel
10 October 2010 02:22
I recently met a guy I had been talking to for a while and who I really seemed to click with. However, when we met up he was wearing a hoodie, jeans and trainers. Considering I had spent ages deciding what to wear for a good first impression I was a little disappointed at his lack of effort and was totally turned off! It doesn’t take much to iron a pair of jeans and a nice shirt and put on some clean smart shoes. A little effort goes a long way.
8
Naomi
11 October 2010 23:22
I think it is quite good actually because I dated someone recently who was a slob really.. dropped food down his top, had holes where his belly popped out, wore the most revolting trakkie bottoms that were gathered around the bottom and nasty shoes – I am really sorry because I was appalled at my shallowness but honestly it didn’t last too long.. a bit of effort really does go a long way – save the slobbiness for when you are in a proper relationship not the start of one..
9
Steve, manchester
12 October 2010 17:57
that is dire, I couldn’t date someone who turned up like that. yuck!
10
Beee
24 October 2010 20:37
Well gotta say yea people do go on 1st impressions which personally is shallow in itself ~ altho I’ve done it myself but later realized that person is actually ok – when will us mere mortals learn we are all the same and looking for the same thing – just give someone a chance you might never know otherwise
11
Ben
25 October 2010 21:43
It’s a real shame that first impressions are such a short and fleeting opportunity and that they leave such a lasting impression. But for me that just makes it more exciting. I’m not one for dressing up unless it’s required, I just go as me and introduce myself as me being me, it hasn’t backfired yet!
12
JEANE
26 October 2010 23:22
I believe we have to have the sensitivity to se through it… When I first met my ex husband I wasn’t attracted by his durty nails neither by the smell of his clothes, however he showed me so many different qualities that I fell in love with him and becoming his wife I gradualy made him to appreciate and ‘perform’ some little things that takes women attention when not done…Well, he learned to look after himself so well that now he has a new woman half his age… Good luke girls!
13
joey
12 December 2010 09:24
I find my bespoke Saville Row suit & Bentley make a stunning first impression for me.
Time is money people.
14
Rachel
29 December 2010 00:37
For me, after hygiene and cleanliness, it’s about dressing appropriately for the occasion.
Also accepting that the way the other dresses is how they are likely to in the future. Total waste of time going into a relationship with the view to changing them.
eg if he turns up for the theatre in scruffy jeans and tee shirt.
I wouldn’t disregard a guy just on clothes but it would be a significant factor.