3 September 2010
5 lies it’s ok to tell on a first date
by eHarmony
It’s never ok to lie on a date...is it? Here are 5 white lies we think you’d be pretty safe telling. And no, that doesn’t include ‘Your age’!
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As a general rule, lying on dates is a big no-no. If you want to see the person again, there’s no point as they’ll find out the truth in the future. If you don’t want to see them again, why bother lying in the first place? Lying – even small lies that appear to have little consequence – erodes trust in a relationship, however new it is.
But, at the risk of contradicting ourselves, there are a few white lies we think you’re ok telling on a first date. And no, we don’t include lying about how old you are, where you were educated or your what you do for a living. Check out our five lies it’s ok to tell on a first date and let us know what you think. Would you, or even have you, told these lies on a date?
1. “Your profile caught my eye as soon as I saw it”
No one wants to hear that their date ‘ummed’ and ‘ahhed’ over their profile before finally getting round to talking to them. Your current date doesn’t want to know that you archived them because you thought their profile photo was a ‘bit weird’ and only later actually read their profile and decided to get in touch.
We’re not saying you should tell your date that as soon as your saw their profile the sun broke through the clouds, birds began singing and the world seemed like a better place. But if they weren’t top of your list, sugar the pill a little. The same applies if you met your date offline – just because they were the last person you tried to talk to at a party, doesn’t mean you should tell them that.
2. “I’ve never been here before, no”
Some people put in a lot of effort for a first date – planning romantic walks, picking cosy little pubs to have a drink in, or booking at their favourite ‘undiscovered gem’ of a restaurant. But picture the scene; your date has booked at their favourite Thai restaurant weeks in advance, asked them for their best table, then you walk in and say, ‘Oh, I came here a few years ago, it was alright I suppose’ – your date is going to feel more deflated than a week-old party balloon.
Unless you had a terrible experience there (food poisoning, perhaps) if your date has really hyped up the venue, there’s nothing to be gained from quashing their excitement. If you want to admit you’ve been there before – perhaps as a talking point – say something like, ‘I’ve been here before, a while ago, I’m looking forward to trying their Pad Thai again’.
The same logic applies to any activities your date has planned. If they turn up with a picnic basket, but you’ve been put off picnics since a childhood wasp incident, smile and tell them it’s a lovely idea – because it is!
3. “I’ve only been on a few dates recently”
Just as your current date doesn’t need to know about your horrible/amazing ex (see our article on How to ruin a date in 7 simple steps) they also don’t need to know the nitty gritty details of your dating life. They don’t need to know that you’ve been on a dating binge recently, working through a list of men or women as long as your arm, and getting nowhere. Conversely, they don’t need to know that despite all your efforts, they are the first date you’ve had in two years.
The fact that you went on a first-date spree, or had a particularly rough dating dry patch is something you’ll be able to talk about – and laugh about – in the future. But remember, first dates are strictly for fun, light-hearted banter – not for spilling your guts.
4. “Life’s good!”
Many of us have probably been on a date with a moaner, who spent three hours talking about how they hate their job, their family aren’t supportive enough, their friends are disloyal and/or their dog seems to hate them. These are all perfectly legitimate things to be upset about, but a first date is NOT the time to air those grievances.
For example, if your date asks you what you do but you don’t enjoy your job, avoid saying something negative like, ‘Well, I’m an accountant, but to be honest I hate my job, I find it really boring and my boss is an idiot’. Instead, say something like, ‘I’ve enjoyed these last few years as an accountant, but I think it’s time for me to do something different, so I’m thinking about retraining as a tightrope walker.’ In that second response you’ve not only shown a positive attitude, you’ve also told your date something new about yourself.
5. “I’ve had a lovely time”
Maybe she spilled red wine on your trousers, or he clumsily got his watch caught in your hair. Maybe you’re not sure you even want to see them again, but at the end of the date is not the time to say. It’s only good manners to thank someone for their company, even if you’ve had the most boring/frustrating/embarrassing evening of your life. Notch it up to experience and move on.
Have you ever said any of these on a date? What do you think it’s acceptable to bend the truth about on a date – or can you say you are always 100% honest?
1
Barry
12 September 2010 11:36
Excellent, we , well perhaps us fellas more than the ladies, need to be reminded about our approach to a 1 st date, thank you.
2
TC
12 September 2010 13:20
I’m not convinced. There are ways around lying; if asked:
“have you been before” why not just answer truthfully and then say something like “we obviously share similar tastes – what are the chances that we would both pick the same restaurant out of hundreds…”
“Life’s good”: don’t answer directly – comment on the great parts of your life; if you hate your job then talk about the positive bits e.g. how much you are enjoying learning an instrument or going out at the weekends or something. If your life is not good then probably something else needs to be addressed aside from finding a partner.
If you lie on your first date, that just sets a precedent; if it comes out later on that you lied; your partner might wonder what else you lie about…
3
babs
12 September 2010 14:32
Thank you for the above advice – but I truly think its best to “always just be yourself” otherwise it always comes back to bite you in the rear and if he/she is really interested in you, then there should’nt be a problem so why lie unless of course your very insecure but beware you’ll be found out in the end and that could end the relationship due to lack of trust!!
4
Shirley
12 September 2010 15:04
I’ve been a little guilty on item 4 as that one is a bit difficult to back-pedal on later in a relationship – but then I work for myself so clearly my boss is far from being an idiot!
However I have been on the receiving end of not so considerate no 3 and 5..
Personally I’d always be very pleased if a date would do something other than suggest we meet at a pub/bar, especially something reflecting an interest or personality trait but with due consideration for me too – I don’t want to turn up wearing unsuitable clothes. My worst habit I think is interviewing dates – I’m all questions, questions as I am interested in people generally. I am sure that must be a bit off-putting.
Nice article.
5
Steve, Manchester
12 September 2010 18:13
90% of girls I’m met via t’internet dating don’t know where the bar is. If they turn on the charm and get all of the above 5 items right, they then let themselves down by appearing to be a freeloader by never getting a drink in.
6
Sammi
12 September 2010 22:35
Take heed of the above but try not to worry, just be yourself and keep things light hearted. First dates are always the hardest and it’s normal to feel nervous.
7
Martin Swainston
14 September 2010 09:37
Honesty is the best policy in my view. If you lie once then you’ll lie again. How do you remember which lie you told last time – the air-line pilot or the dog-walker? Most of us can remember the truth andit won’t let you down. Martin
8
joe
14 September 2010 14:41
You’re right Martin.
The argument about moaners not moaning on a first date makes no sense. If I meet someone who moans on the first date, then at least I’ve got the damage limitation chance to dump the miserable cow before spending any more time or money on her, only to discover that she’s a Victoria Meldrew several dates later…
9
sheleigh
26 September 2010 12:04
I think that the advice was pretty sound and that it should be used in a sensible way in conjunction to some of the many other comments listed. Telling the truth is always paramount, but inconsiderately hurting a persons feelings is not acceptable either. Also, with regard to a person showing true colours on the first date, dudes and dudettes hopefully you are not planning to marry on the second date are you? True traits will come out, so relax, and go with your own instincts.
10
Cat
26 September 2010 14:47
Charming Joe, if that’s your attitude towards women it’s no wonder you’re single (I’m referring to the description of cow).
I do agree it’s best to be honest right from the start.
11
elaine
30 September 2010 00:02
I think all of the 5 things are correct in a sense, but rather than “lying” I think the way to look at it is “politeness and consideration.” You don’t know this person, so there is really no reason to be discussing how many dates you have or haven’t been on – the same goes for the state of your life – dumping your worries on a virtual stranger is out of place, so I agree with whoever said “focus on the positive parts of your life”. its ok to tell a funny story about how your boiler broke down and yoy had to sleep with 15 hot water bottles, but don’t moan! I think that unless your date has been ovbnoxious towards you it is always considerate to sat “Thanks for tonight, it was interesting to meet you”. even if you don’t plan to see them again. Most of this just comes down to good manners – its tough on the dating circuit and we should all be considerate towards each other,
12
Nick
3 October 2010 18:51
I am not going to bother to communicate with else they never bother reply to my messages. So would not get the oppertunity to lie anyway, What is the point of my contacting any lady because they will close me anyway the latest lady based in Worcester Park with a name that begins with a K has viewed me several times if I was really that bad why the heck did she not close me earlier. Am I really not worth bothering to finding out about I am not going to bother to attempt to communicate with any lady now, can no longer handle messages ignored closed or (WHATEVER) there seems no point to it.
I have 2 photos on my profile in order to satisfy the vast number of ladies who insist upon photos but it appears as in my case it makes no difference whatsoever wheather there are no photos of or 20 photos. I have to conclusion that ladies on dating websites and relationship websites are fussy judgemental and petty wanting the perfect man. I will leave it at that I could but I going to leave now before I really blow my top. My paying membership expires on 23rd October if any lady would prove me wrong Alas that will never happen.
In total disgust Nick from Slough
13
coppito
4 October 2010 08:47
Well some of the perpetual 39 year old women may beg to differ lol. However non of this stuffs a deal breaker.Click with a person and be real. complete honesty is for people with Apergers
14
JJ
5 October 2010 11:34
To Coppito (4th October):
Your Aspergers comment is completely unnecessary, mildly offensive and perjorative. You clearly know nothing about Aspergers Syndrome and to use a disability, about which you know nothing (you can’t even spell it), to illustrate what you say is just contemptable.
Are you ‘being yourself’ by showing yourself to be a disability bigot? Shame on you.
15
Steve, manchester
5 October 2010 18:09
Nick – I’m sorry you’re not having much luck. I think there are a lot of girls who view profile photos and just go on that and have unrealistic expectations – e.g. they are seeking a man who looks 10-20 years younger than his age.
16
Cat
5 October 2010 20:13
I wouldn’t say I have unrealistic expectations but I do know if I could be attracted to someone or not. If not then it’s a waste of time contacting them.
17
Steve, manchester
6 October 2010 16:36
Do you decide if you’re attracted to them based on the photo?
I would take all photos as a rough guide as quite often they aren’t accurate.
I’ve met some girls who look 10 times better than the photo and I’ve also met a lot who blantantly took the mickey by posting a photo from before they gained 4 stone and/or 10 years!
18
EE
6 October 2010 21:03
Hi, this is a response to Nick. I personally try not judge the men I meet on their photo alone. Some friendly advice is: Watch out for typos and grammar, I know it may seem pedantic but this is often holds more importance than photos. In the “The one thing I am most passionate about” box really try and capture attention because I tend to decide on whether communication is worth pursuing on those few lines.
I hope this helps, and good luck!
19
Nick Thorne
7 October 2010 19:31
Many thanks to EE and Steve from Manchester for their comments and encouragement. I am glad to see that I am not alone in my frustrations.
I have taken on board what I am most passionate about.I have stated that I love relaxing at home in my bathrobe and slippers. it may seem a bit inapropiate but hayho thought what the heck, What have I got to lose thats me and how I am and they like it or lump it. I only have a couple more weeks on here as paid member anyway and will not be renewing as I can’t keep throwing at this sort of thing. No point being on here for free if you can’t communicate with anyone. I would prefer E Harmony wherd you pay for however may matches you want, say a £20 for 10 matches for the sake of arguement and communicate for free.
I wrote that piece last Sunday after being closed down by a lady and wrote that piece in an absolute fury. I have tried to send icebreaker and message, but she would not respond but she viewed my profile at least 4 times in the fortnight that I matched with this lady from Worcester Park whose name begins with a K I woulj not have minded if she closed me after 1 or 2 views of a profile but to look as many times as she did then close me showed how judgemental she was. enough now. Nick
20
Steve, Manchester
7 October 2010 22:02
never take it personally when someone closes you because if she’s closed you without even making an effort to find out about you by communicating then chances are she’s nothing special herself.
I’d put something positive in the passionate section e.g. “I am passionate about a lot of things! I love to socialise and even conversation is a passion!”
21
Bev
8 October 2010 00:13
The article re 5 lies..was humorous and informative at the same time, but i must agree with some of the other comments that ultimately it’s best to be yourself.
I’m about to re enter the world of dating,and having read Nick’s message 031010, iwould only encourage you not to give up on finding that special person.And i don’t agree as Steve stated that the women have had ‘unrealistic expectations,or that there’s nothing special about them.Its just simply you were not meant to be.So just hang on in there -she’s out there somewhere.
22
Steve, manchester
8 October 2010 18:50
Nick, I also know what you mean about that feeling of ansolute fury! I have sent ice breakers to 100s of matches over my 3 month membership and guided communication – loads just don’t even have the decency to respond to the ice breaker or close me despite viewing my profile a few times.
And one yesterday, after days of charm and nice emails from her asked me to email her my photo and then sent me a email in return making a rude comment about the way I look. Some, not all, lack a bit of manners and self awareness. I have seen quite a few who I dont like the look of, because they aren’t my cup of tea but I would never email them a put down!
23
Cat
9 October 2010 11:35
Steve (17) When I first view a match I usually look at the photo and then read the profile. Very occasionally I’ll look at the photo and something instinctively inside me says no. I read the profile but find myself looking for things that will make me close that match. When this happens I know that that match is not for me. So you could say that, yes, sometimes I do close the match on a photo alone but it doesn’t happen often and it’s an instinctive feeling rather than an intellectual one. I trust my instincts.
24
Cat
9 October 2010 12:00
Re closing after a number of views. I often view more than once before deciding whether to contact/close a potential match. When I receive the potential matches I go through them and check photo (if there is one) and then quickly skim read the profile. This I do to see if there is anything in their profile that makes me say ‘no, I’m not interested’ in which case I’ll archive them ready to be closed when I get chance or, in the case of having no photo, to see whether they do add a photo in the next few weeks (if they don’t they get closed). The ones that don’t get archived I will go back to and read more closely at a later date. I have to admit there are some I read a few times before making a decision on whether to close or contact, for a variety of reasons. Don’t take it personally. I close matches for all kinds of reasons, many of them are more to do with me than them.
25
Steve, Manchester
10 October 2010 12:39
I prefer to meet people rather than analyse the profile too much. Mostly people are nowt like what the profile image (words/picture). But that’s the way I do things, I’m not suggesting it’s the right or wrong way. Regarding picture, if they look like they enjoy food but not exercise then I close them.
26
josephine
11 October 2010 23:48
Hi to all those who have sent myslef an Ice Breakers and nudge’s ! I have been working away for some time and havent had time to respond so please dont assume that all ladies and Gent’s are heartless ! I will be in touch !
josephine
27
Sam10
12 October 2010 00:33
No wonder you are single Steve, you big charmer!
28
scott
12 October 2010 11:10
I tend to agree with comments regarding how some ( not all!) woman on this site are looking for the perfect guy, looks, wealth, success, but only go on one look, or even worse one date, with out even giving the chance for a friendship or relationship to develop, how can you judge a person within say a few hours?..the old saying really does apply, don’t judge a book by its cover alone. And some of the follow up comments are both rude and hurtful…no wonder some are still single and wondering why??. Not saying all woman are like this, but you have to ask yourself sometimes..still single, why, am I being unrealistic??
29
Steve, manchester
12 October 2010 11:11
Sam10 – you’re equally charming making a comment like that and it’s a bit of a weak insult to post on a dating site “no wonder you’re single” – do you also like walk into an AA meetings, sign up and then say to anyone who will listen to you “no wonder you’re a drunk” – talk about stating the obvious and being in a glass house throwing stones!
30
Steve, manchester
12 October 2010 17:59
Josephine – surely if you’re going away for work or a holiday etc and have a period when you wont be able to login, it would make sense to put on your profile something like “I’m away until October”?
31
Cat
13 October 2010 18:52
Ah, but Steve, it does sound kind of shallow saying you close a potential match if the woman is above a certain size. I’m not getting at you, I’m equally shallow about a man’s height, it’s part of what makes us human
Out of curiosity what size does a woman have to be under for you to consider her?
32
Steve, Manchester
13 October 2010 19:18
Fair comment Cat but I think it’s not about me being shallow it’s about my tastes. There’s a difference in your comparison – a short person can’t do anything about how they are, a person “above a certain size” in most cases is quite capable of changing if they want to.
What I actually said was “regarding picture, if they look like they enjoy food but not exercise then I close them”. That in my opinion is someone has what I see as an unhealthy lifestyle. I like my apple pies and custard – to pay for that, rather than be unattractively fat, I do the exercise. And, other than people with medical conditions or on medication I fail to understand why anyone should not look after themselves by keeping fit? If I put weight on, I wont be blaming anyone but me and I throw my toys out of the pram if I get rejected for being too large for a girl.
“Out of curiosity what size does a woman have to be under for you to consider her?”
- more like what size does a woman have to be in order for me to fancy her? Simple, a healthy shape that I fancy. I have no intention of dating someone I don’t fancy – other people might do that, that’s their own business but I have to fancy someone – body and mind.
33
Nicky
13 October 2010 23:24
hmmm, these are all very interesting comments regarding photos and profiles. I think this is the downside of online dating sites. It can encourage snap judgements because you can’t feel chemistry from viewing a profile and there are always lots more profiles out there…etc, etc. I always try to give people a chance if they’re saying something interesting to me and have dated people I met online that didn’t “do anything” for me via just their photo/profile but then gave me real sparks when we met in person. I guess I don’t have any real point to make except that you just have to do the best you can to be open.
34
Steve, Manchester
14 October 2010 10:47
I’ve rarely met someone who looks like their photo. I’ve also occasionally met people who refused to provide a photo before meeting – never again will I let myself be talked into meeting someone who says “it shouldn’t be about looks” or tells me they look great but don’t want their photo put on the internet. Too much time can be wasted.
35
Nick
16 October 2010 17:41
I have only a weeks subscribed membership left as an E Harmony will not renewing and won’t even bother staying as free member. There is no point as you cannot contact anybody anyway. I must attempted since I joined in early July I must have attempted to contact at least 30 ladies and only 1 of those actulyy answered me personally with a thanks but thanks then she she chucked me like a piece ofs… It seems that the ladies on here are nearly all free members and don’t even think its worth shelling out a few quid to answering your messages. In the case why bother join in the 1st place or is it that you are a paid member and can’t be bothered to reply back even if it is to tell me f…. off you might just as well like a piece of no good piece of rubbish I am. Still will be gone by this time next week good riddence to you I hear WHATEVER
36
James
16 October 2010 20:09
Read the article above and then the comments with interest. Funny how conversations digress somewhat. This issue with looks and photographs is obviously contentious for some people, but it is just a realistic part of the process of attraction and how we are all different. We have different tastes and values. If someone posts a photograph that is not a reasonable representation of how they look now, I believe that it is dishonest at worst and foolish at best. Agreed, we all look different from any photos as these will only capture us at that very moment and will miss expressiveness, nunaces of personality etc. Some men like larger women (personally, I don’t and fitness is an issue for me too) and some women like big men. If you don’t then I think it is only fair to close someone and let them focus on men or women who ARE interested. It makes the whole thing simpler and probably more likely to be accurate and effective.
As to the article itself, I think these are fair enough as guidelines but would always trust my own judgement on what I would or would not talk about. There are no rules really!
37
Steve, Manchester
16 October 2010 21:08
Sorry you’ve had such a frustrating time.
I think if in that time period you have only attempted to contact 30 girls then you either only had 1 match every 3 days OR if you were like me had around 10 a day and only contacted a small percentage. This wont work. It’s a numbers game. I have received around 1200 matches in 3 months – I’ve sent guided communications to the majority of those and had a small percentage make an effort to respond. If you only contact 30 in 3 months then yes, I’d expect only 1 to respond and probably say no thanks.
38
Cat
17 October 2010 11:18
The only way I can see to tell a match that I’m not interested is to close them. Is there a way of emailing someone to tell them you’re not interested without going through guided communication first? If there is I don’t know about it.Tbh, personally, I think the best way of letting someone know you’re not interested is to close the match.
39
Steve, Manchester
17 October 2010 11:30
You can skip guided to send them an email but it depends if the match accepts that email. I find it annoying to open up an email only to read “I’m already seeing someone from the site” or whatever excuse. I find it a waste of time, pointless information and irritating especially as, if they are really seeing someone they should have turned the matching off or deleted their account.
I prefer to be Closed and if I can’t handle that minor rejection then I shouldn’t be on here!
40
Cat
17 October 2010 12:58
Yes, I knew you could skip but, as you say, it does rely on the other person accepting. I was wondering if there was another way of sending an email that didn’t rely on it. Tbh, it was only when I was going through my settings the other day that I remembered that I had the option of turning matching off.
41
Steve, Manchester
17 October 2010 16:59
I believe the site did used to have options (e.g. distance) you could select at the time of clicking on close to explain your reason but they have removed it.
I don’t think it’s worth emailing, I don’t believe you owe someone an explanation although some might say it’s nicer and more personal to send an email saying why.
I have about 100 on my list of matches – I just want on that list those that are available to date and not time wasters so the quickest and easiest way to keep that list tidy is, if people aren’t interested then they close me.
I suspect there’s more than a few on this site who aren’t properly available and those could be the ones who appear during free weekends and then disappear.
42
Nick
23 October 2010 12:12
My prescribed membership expires after today and will not be renewed unless 1 of exsisting matches decides to make communication with me. it will have to be within the next fortnight then I will be gone for good.
I can’t keep throwing money at this sort of thing like tossing it at the wall and not getting anything out of it.I have turned my matching off as there is no point in having matches if you are not going shell out to contact them unless a free weekend communication turns up.
I have also stated in my profile that my membership expires after today so unless they really feel that they think they would like to get know me. if no 1 does thats ok would rather that than have have a lady contact then close me after 1 message exchange. I also think they should be made to give a reason personally not just from a drop down menu.
To all those who are seeking love good luck with it but alas it has not found love for me.
Regards
Nick
43
dan
24 October 2010 14:38
i cant see why people come on here if they havn’t got no intention in communicating or replying back there just wasting everybodys time.
44
Steve, manchester
25 October 2010 15:01
Dan, they probably realised that to use the site they have to subscribe and then it would appear on the credit card bill!
45
dan
25 October 2010 19:22
i think your right steve, im just glad i only subscribed for 1 month and didnt waste any more money.
46
Steve, Manchester
25 October 2010 23:55
This is why I always avoid ‘free’ sites, anywhere that doesn’t require a credit card means the husband wont find out. Those ‘free’ sites attract all the chancers/players/cheaters etc.
47
Paula
26 October 2010 09:32
These comments are so funny! I think ‘Nick’, bless ‘im, is having you all on. Fair play to all the do gooders in this world for trying to help a lost cause but really? Bathrobe and slippers?? If ‘Nick’ really existed he wouldn’t deserve to breathe oxygen let alone have a fulfilling relationship!! But very well done Nick for your audacious wind-up!! Hee Hee
48
Steve, manchester
26 October 2010 10:47
Paula, I’m sure Nick does exist as for your other comments, they don’t reflect well on your character.
49
Paula
26 October 2010 18:47
Ah bless you Steve, and your character? Let me see… ‘If they look like they enjoy food but not exercise then I close them..’ That paints you in a much better light!! hahaha. I am a size 10 but I’d avoid someone like you like the plague!
50
Steve, Manchester
26 October 2010 20:18
I think you just went looking to find something to have a go at me with. Found your stick and then beat me with it. Since when is it wrong to want to date heathly people and not date unhealthy ones? Or are you suggesting I should date people who like food but don’t keep fit? Are you also suggesting I date people I wont fancy?
Strange logic!
51
Nick
27 October 2010 23:32
Thanks to Steve for your helpful comments. I have swiched my matching system off and not renewed my subscription. I am not very happy with other parts of my life (mainly work) so not in good position to meet anyone any way.
Probably going to close my acount at the weekend no point hanging around in here if you are going to pay out money to communicate with anyone.
Regards
Nick
52
Sarah G. Yorks.
28 October 2010 08:20
For God’s sake do the world a favour and close yourself down like you’ve been saying for so long for maximum attention, even the joke isn’t funny anymore. People like Steve will always be here to soak up the sob stories, let him concentrate on a real person.He obviously needs to in order to give his own life purpose. There’s so much fun to be had in the real world!!
53
Steve, Manchester
29 October 2010 00:49
Sarah, you’re too cold. Me and Nick aren’t feeling the love baby. Come on, if you want to talk down to us, you also need to show us your love as you ARE so superior.
54
eharmony
29 October 2010 09:36
Hi all,
I just wanted to remind everyone that this thread is for discussing the article above, or any topics that stem from it.
Please refrain from personal attacks or we will have to close the thread down, and potentially block the posters involved. If you need any clarification please check out our Posting Guidelines: http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/uncategorized/2010/02/posting-guidelines-for-eharmony-advice
We love hearing your views on anything related to dating, relationships and eHarmony, but we want this forum to be a place where everyone can feel they can air their views without prejudice.
Thanks in advance for your understanding!
eHarmony Advice
55
Kate
2 November 2010 17:47
Have just joined the site, thought the comments above were a great read. From Nick who has probably gone now to Steve who believes bigger ladies to be unhealthy. Its fantastic we are all so different and look at things in such different ways.
I am a bigger lady, I go to the gym 5 times a week and am perfectly healthly.
Keep it coming, was great. haha
56
Steve, manchester
2 November 2010 19:18
I hope it goes well for you. I agree, the comments are always interesting to read.
57
aisling
3 November 2010 14:55
this is facinating i joined this site cos i thought it matched people so surely if these matches are coming up then the website think you are suited to them so you shouldnt rule them out. i am also what most people would regard as a “bigger lady” but i like my figure yes i enjoy food, but i also exercise regularly this is just the way i am. any way back to the actual point of this forum, i agree with most of the white lies but the ‘life’s good’ one im not so sure about, i think it could be a conversation killer as you’re trying to find out a bit more about them and they close it with just those 2 words, obviously you dont want to listen to someone moaning for hours but if you’re actually thinking of starting a relationship with them then surely you want to know the bad as well as the good things?! steve i hope you find someone who cares about you enough to overlook your pettiness andall those women whom you rejected because of size are probably breathing a sigh of relief as they will have much better matches for them out there too.
58
Steve, manchester
3 November 2010 18:05
I think you need to be aware this site has rules and one of those isn’t to make personal attacks so please refain from attempting to insult me by calling me petty simply because I have my own personal tastes.
59
aisling
3 November 2010 23:52
im sorry if i offended you it wasnt a personal attack i guess i just get sensitive about size issues as i have had very personal attacks about it and i find it hard to deal with people judging on size, and i actually said i hoped you found a match which i dont really think you can take as a personal attack as i just feel that there is a person for everyone out there.
again im sorry if i offended you.
60
Steve, manchester
4 November 2010 11:41
ok, no problem, I can understand your point of view.
61
Mike smith
4 November 2010 14:52
A tipp for first dates..be completely honest,relevent about what you say (talk about you her and ansawer questions).
Be considereate..selfish people never pull for long!
Don’t moan….
Be flexable..any new partner will things which may need getting used to..! After all the right one for you is the one you can live with! That means compromise..to a point as complete change is not a good negotiating position!
Be entertaining…have some interesting topics to talk about…news events,arts,music,hobbies….opinions vary but don’t kick into touch a date with potential becuase she hates marmite!
Don’t compromise too much…for anything longterm you need to be compatitble if there is no hope just chill,make memories and make the most of the moment.
62
Steve, manchester
9 November 2010 16:43
Today I met someone after a couple of weeks of fab emails and texts. Personality fab.
We meet then she tells me something like “I’m really 52 not 48 as stated in my profile ‘cos it means I can get a different range of men”. I respond “you lied to me”.
Are these people completely ignorant? I know if I met a girl and after 5 mins told her I’m actually 40 when my profile says 36 she’d think I was a liar and therefore would have no faith that any other stuff I say is truthful.
Then after more chat it turns out that she isn’t working. I’ve just checked her profile – it states “Now working as a counsellor”.
I know if I met a girl and said I was employed in my profile and then in person said a different version of the truth, she’d walk away.
63
barry baker
11 November 2010 10:14
i think you have more chance of meeting someone when filling up with petrol than on this site. so why do i do it? i enjoy it thats why . and my attitudes and reasons for talking or not talking to someone are for me to decide. and i could not give a hoot if someone does not want to talk to me . but I DO NOT LIE
not ever
64
Steve, Manchester
13 November 2010 22:00
I agree with Barry! and I never lie. If I met someone and admitted my photo was from 2 or 3 or 10 years ago or I admitted my profile age was a lie – I’d feel pathetic.
65
Christopher
22 January 2011 01:13
Firstly, so as to keep to the thread; it is never ok to lie. That’s why people get divorced. Secondly, I’ve been on this site since last April and it’s like hitting my head against a brick wall. Anyone who appears interested lives the other end of the country.
66
Siobhan
1 April 2011 08:10
Why lie? Why not just be honest from the start,so what if you’ve been to the restaurant before? Surely this cannot justify a lie? I am guessing most of us on here had previous relationships break down due to lies and dishonesty. I know this may be a little bit of harmless fluffy advice but I would rather be honest with someone from the start and would hope to find the same.