19 May 2011
Gallery: 6 situations when it’s OK to ditch a date
by eHarmony
Generally we encourage everyone to be kind and courteous on a date, even if they feel the spark isn’t there. But there are some occasions when it’s ok to make your excuses and leave...
They’ve taken a vow of silence
Picture 1 of 6
Let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that it’s OK to ditch a shy date. After all, maybe they just need some time to relax, after which they become the person of your dreams. But, if they seem to have clammed up completely, and you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall, maybe it’s time to make a (subtle and considerate) exit. Perhaps they’re not ready to date yet, or maybe they need a serious confidence boost. Either way, you can’t help them in one evening.
1
JK
30 May 2011 02:09
Using the horns as a representation of rudeness and assuming death metal is the polar opposite of classical music is a perfect example of cultural ignorance and a lazy author.
I’m sure many individuals who use EH have had to brush off this sort of categorisation, so perfectly illustrated here.
2
Nick
6 June 2011 19:11
+1 to JK’s comment.
Whilst I agree with the points as a whole, I have to disagree with the choice of picture.
I’ve been a fan of Motorhead, Slayer and Judas Priest for getting on 20 years now – does that make me an undateable foul-mouthed ignorant bigot? ‘fraid not, folks.
3
aldermastonmale
10 June 2011 15:09
Well there seems to be such a rush to meet here that you seem likely to meet a virtual stranger and run into communication problems. Actually getting to know someone by email and phone first seems a sensible approach surely? Then make your meeet decision! Easier to decline in the comfort of your own home and after all there are no shortage of matches being delivered.
4
Steve
11 June 2011 00:10
I went on a date recently, I thought I’d got on really well with this woman, conversation was natural and I just felt very comfortable. She said from the beginning that she had some money issues, I didn’t mind paying as am a bit old fashioned like that. Seems looking back that couldve been an excuse for a few drinks and a meal, as that evening I got a text saying there was no chemistry. This is my long winded way of saying I would much rather someone made there excuses ( politely), than someone who fakes getting on with me for a free lunch and drink.
5
Dave
11 June 2011 00:18
Steve, that just shows women and men can be as bad as each other, mustve been pretty gutting for you, but she probably had it all planned before she’d even met you. Good luck in the future matey.
I couldn’t leave early on a first date, but certainly wouldn’t lead anyone on that’s just cruel. I was close once when this woman started going on about pro fox hunting stuff, we had a bit of a debate as it’s something that am strongly against.
6
Sprintervan
12 June 2011 11:47
Well said Steve !!!
I avoid the gold diggers by the simple device of never have food together on a first date.
If you meet a date, and they are not for you, (you will know within 11 seconds) the last thing you want to do is spend time eating with them.
A cup of coffee, or a glass of wine is fine.
If they are slow with the purse, or wallet, I always say ” mine’s a dry white, cheers” then go to the w.c., and let them get their round in !!
Simples. If they are really pig ugly, go to w.c., and do not return !!!
7
ann
12 June 2011 11:51
I was slightly surprised by Steve’s comment. I’ve found that it can take the duration of a meal or several drinks to be sure that no chemistry is there, and if otherwise the person seems nice it could be seen as a bit shallow, not to mention rude, to just make excuses and leave. On the other hand I would always offer to go Dutch on a meal and take my turn to buy the drinks. Also, a text saying there is no chemistry is better than total silence, although I would say this very politely by email as it’s easier to be friendly and to wish them well for the future.
8
Steve
12 June 2011 12:54
I can see it from your point as well Ann, and know exactly what you mean, I’ve been on a few dates where the chemistry has not been there, and stayed the duration, and contacted them afterwards to say I felt there was no ‘spark’. But in the past I’ve known exactly when someone isn’t interested, this particular lady was even making plans for a follow on date, even this was unusual as it’s normally the man that has to do this, and risk the dreaded rejection!
9
Vikki
12 June 2011 13:01
Hi all, I totally agree us women can be every bit as bad as blokes in many ways. On one hand there is no nice way to tell a date you’re not interested, but am totally in agreement with Steve re his previous situation, asking someone you’re not interested in to pay for a meal and the for drinks is well OOO! I think even the trusted phone call or text saying there’s a family emergency would be better.
Oh and nick your taste in music doesn’t make you foul mouthed bigot, just means you have really bad taste in music- try a bit of Paul welled .
10
Vikki
12 June 2011 17:05
Paul weller
11
Anna
12 June 2011 19:55
Well, I met a guy for dinner…He said that he was North American but he turned out to be Arab (it came out bit by bit) and sleazy. He made up a funny story to justify it which was not credible. He had obviously studied in North America but English was not even his mother tongue… I could tell although I am foreign.Watch out for the lies as somebody who is not sincere at the beginning is not going to turn into Prince Charming.
12
Jenna
17 June 2011 00:01
I recently went on a date where within the first five minutes was asking about sex, telling me his preferences and what requirements were needed in order to keep him satisfied and what I and he should and shouldnt expect.
I put this down to nerves and met up for another date, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk and stupidly I agreed, I dont know if I can use the actual term, so I will just say that he took me to a place where there were a number of cars pulled up with people jumping from one to another!
I soon made my escape!
13
Steve
17 June 2011 18:34
Holy shit! That’s a good excuse to leave a date Jenna! Note to self- leave it for the third date before taking her dogging! Seriously it would take guts to suggest that after a few years, let alone the second date!
Have to say though he mustve had some redeeming characteristics for you to consider a next date, and if he was nervous there’s no way he’d be talking about sexual preferences. We all learn though. Wish you luck next time
14
Arndy
25 June 2011 21:29
Everyone, I may be antiquated in subjects like this – is it too much of a deal to pay a dinner for a lady; I mean who cares what she wants after all? I’ve had an occasion like that in the past when a lady brought along a friend on a date. They ordered so much I was worried the restaurant would run out of food. At the end of the day, it was a kiss and the see you later speech I got. It was fine with me. I mean. I don’t care. The damage was psychological as I was able to place her where she belonged. So if she had sent me a Ping to buzz off, I had already known she wasn’t worth the cheese in the first place. Anyhow, I still think it is totally gentlemanly for the guy to take the bill. I don’t seem to understand the concept of splitting bills. Someone has got to teach me that technique. I mean a few hundred and a bunch of pennies and it turns out, she just isn’t the one for me. I move on!!!
15
Khaller
7 July 2011 05:36
I someone serious,loving and caring cuz wit dat we end d relationship wel
16
Dating Savvy
10 July 2011 09:41
I like the last one about old photos that leave you in shock when you meet them – “tell them so and leave. Hopefully it’ll teach them a lesson and they won’t do it again!”. Hehe, how brutal eHarmony!
17
Undisclosed
10 July 2011 09:52
I read with interests of all your comments. You may or may not agree with me. I normally insist on chatting on phone first for several weeks before deciding to meet. And it is then a stupid idea to ask me for a coffee. Why? Because if you can only hold a conversation for the length it takes to drink a coffee then you might as well give up! All my first dates must have intensity else am not interested(am not talking about sex). One of my dates were supposed to be with me for a day that became two weeks . So ladies and gentlemen if you think a meal is too long to sit through then you are not in right company x
18
Lottie
10 July 2011 21:10
I read with interests of all your comments. You may or may not agree with me. I normally insist on chatting on phone first for several weeks before deciding to meet. And it is then a stupid idea to ask me for a coffee. Why? Because if you can only hold a conversation for the length it takes to drink a coffee then you might as well give up! All my first dates must have intensity else am not interested(am not talking about sex). One of my dates was supposed to be with me for a day that became two weeks . True during this time I had to go to work and he had to work remotely from the hotel, but we spent every minute together otherwise. So ladies and gentlemen if you think a meal is too long to sit through then you are not in right company x
Oh, and this is always my principle – I would definitely insist to pay for my meal if I did not fancy you, because I don’t want to be obliged to see you again.
19
KLAATO
14 August 2011 11:41
Wow!……What a mixed bag of comments!
Will check out my own photo as advised above, don’t want to mislead anyone.
As for speaking on the phone first it’s a good idea, provided you use 141 before you dial,(stops them calling you back without your consent), you never know, you may have a ‘Bunny Boiler’ or ‘Hannibal Lecter’ on the other end!
Like life, these dating sites are fraught with danger if you don’t take reasonable precautions, and remember, these sites are about making money, they are not some ‘Altruistic’ organisation set up for your salvation.
Some of the profiles are fairly transparent as to their motives, some are not so obvious. Just be prepared to be disappointed, and plough on.