22 March 2012
You can do it! Flirting for shy people
According to the dictionary flirting is a playful romantic or sexual overture by one person to another subtly indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. If you are shy how do you overcome your shyness enough to let someone know you are interested?
Some people seem to be born flirts, leaving everyone they encounter with a bit of a crush on them. But for most of us it is a bit more difficult and for people who are shy it can seem almost impossible. Without this subtle skill it can be very difficult to let someone know that you are interested in being more than just good friends. Follow these simple guidelines and you will find that no matter how shy you are you can still become a great flirt.
It is much easier to practice your flirting skills online than face to face, especially if you are shy. Your online communication with a match can be enhanced using the expression faces – wink, blush, smile etc. Be playful and aim to have fun conversations which leave both of you with a smile on your face. Gentle teasing, subtle innuendos and coyness can all be practised online and you have the added advantage of being able to edit what you say and reread the conversation later to see what worked and what didn’t.
80% of communication is non-verbal so even if you are shy about speaking to someone try and improve your body language so that the rest of your communication is letting them know that you are interested. The first step is to look approachable. Put your shoulders back, chin out and look up rather than at your feet. Unfold your arms and legs as this will make you more open and look less defensive. Eye contact is really important when it comes to flirting – keeping contact for just a moment or two longer than necessary will let your date know that you are interested and absorbed by what they are saying – be careful not to stare. It is important that you learn to read body language too, there is loads of information on the internet about it and becoming a bit of an expert in this area will give you a great advantage when dating.
One of the most flirtatious things we can do it to give someone our complete and undivided attention. Listen to what they are saying and give non-verbal cues that you are listening intently like nods, uh-ums and appropriate laughter. Try to avoid being too serious or solemn; smiling like you know a secret joke or as though a pleasant thought has just crossed your mind can be very flirtatious and beguiling. Being a good listener is far more important than being witty and will make your date feel appreciated and valued, a sure way to make them want to see you again.
When you and your date get more comfortable with each other a slight touch of hands or placing your hand on their arm can help to let them know that you are becoming more intimate. Be sensitive to their response as some people have personal space issues and you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable, another good reason to learn a little about body language so you don’t misread the signals. Playful shoves or punches are best avoided until you have got to know each other better.
Don’t be afraid to show your appreciation for your date, for the things they do and say. Even if you are shy it is good to say how much you enjoyed seeing them or speaking to them as this will let them know that you would like to see them again.
Flirting is just about communicating your interest in seeing the person again so if you are shy of expressing yourself verbally is especially important that you practice this subtle art.