Relationship Advice

You can do it! Flirting for shy people


Some people seem to be born flirts, leaving everyone they encounter with a bit of a crush on them. But for most of us it is a bit more difficult and for people who are shy it can seem almost impossible. Without this subtle skill it can be very difficult to let someone know that you are interested in being more than just good friends. Follow these simple guidelines and you will find that no matter how shy you are you can still become a great flirt.

Practice online

It is much easier to practice your flirting skills online than face to face, especially if you are shy. Your online communication with a match can be enhanced using the expression faces – wink, blush, smile etc. Be playful and aim to have fun conversations which leave both of you with a smile on your face. Gentle teasing, subtle innuendos and coyness can all be practised online and you have the added advantage of being able to edit what you say and reread the conversation later to see what worked and what didn’t.

Body language

80% of communication is non-verbal so even if you are shy about speaking to someone try and improve your body language so that the rest of your communication is letting them know that you are interested. The first step is to look approachable. Put your shoulders back, chin out and look up rather than at your feet. Unfold your arms and legs as this will make you more open and look less defensive. Eye contact is really important when it comes to flirting – keeping contact for just a moment or two longer than necessary will let your date know that you are interested and absorbed by what they are saying – be careful not to stare. It is important that you learn to read body language too, there is loads of information on the internet about it and becoming a bit of an expert in this area will give you a great advantage when dating.


One of the most flirtatious things we can do it to give someone our complete and undivided attention. Listen to what they are saying and give non-verbal cues that you are listening intently like nods, uh-ums and appropriate laughter. Try to avoid being too serious or solemn; smiling like you know a secret joke or as though a pleasant thought has just crossed your mind can be very flirtatious and beguiling. Being a good listener is far more important than being witty and will make your date feel appreciated and valued, a sure way to make them want to see you again.


When you and your date get more comfortable with each other a slight touch of hands or placing your hand on their arm can help to let them know that you are becoming more intimate. Be sensitive to their response as some people have personal space issues and you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable, another good reason to learn a little about body language so you don’t misread the signals. Playful shoves or punches are best avoided until you have got to know each other better.


Don’t be afraid to show your appreciation for your date, for the things they do and say. Even if you are shy it is good to say how much you enjoyed seeing them or speaking to them as this will let them know that you would like to see them again.

Flirting is just about communicating your interest in seeing the person again so if you are shy of expressing yourself verbally is especially important that you practice this subtle art.

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7 thoughts on “You can do it! Flirting for shy people

  1. I’m really shy and nervous to the point my brain stops working and the wrong words come out. Also should I be holding hands and kissing them on the first date.

  2. I think I have overcome most of the nervousness about meeting people for the first time, however I have a ridiculous level of shyness when it comes to making any contact or the first kiss. I never know when the right time is, and I think on occasions I have missed it.

    This is where I seem to be going wrong with the dates as I think that people go away thinking that I am not interested, when in fact I have been, I’m just not that quick at showing it with contact. I have never had any contact on a first date, it just never feels appropriate, but then it never really has on any of the others either!

  3. Good advice but no so easy when faced with a real date. Its easy to flirt online, never had a prolem with that but outside, I am a different person.

  4. From my point of view flirting is easy when you like a person. Flirting involves smiling and an eye contact (but don’t over do it). If you are shy – it’s better to mention this to your date – I don’t think it will go against you. If you would like to kiss somebody – don’t guess, just gently ask – can I kiss you?

  5. It’s a couples world and when I go to a pub alone, determined to chat to somebody, anybody, I always, without fail, end up sitting in a corner by myself doing a crossword or reading a book and not able to look anyone in the eye. I can easily chat and laugh on eHarmony with girls who live miles too far away to ever meet . . . . but real life is very very different.

  6. Peter and Tom – you could just wait until she makes physical contact with you. Of course if she is also really shy, this may never happen. Plus, although I will make the first move, I will only do so if I think it will be successful. So I’ll start by hugging someone and see how they respond. Build up slowly. See if a hug and a peck on the cheek are OK. If they’re not, then full on kissing won’t be either.
    Tony – if you’re concentrating really hard on a crossword, people will assume you don’t want to talk. Well not unless you ask them the answer to 5 down.

  7. I get my PA to forward flowers to the lucky girl after a date. Time is money people.

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