Sometimes our beliefs about dating can actually be holding us back and stopping us from getting the very thing we want so much. That’s because there are a lot of old wives tales out there that encourage people to believe in Disney romances or to enter relationships playing games and pretending to be someone else. We thought it was about time we dispelled some of these myths.
#1. You will instantly recognise ‘the one’
This myth is responsible for the fact that many people never get past looks – either in person, or in a photograph. Many online daters flick through their matches as though they are looking through a brochure waiting for ‘the one’ to be revealed. They say the camera never lies but actually all it is revealing is one dimension which was true for just one moment in time – usually a moment when someone was feeling quite self-conscious because they were having their photograph taken!
It is not your eyes that will necessarily recognise someone you are really compatible with – it is your heart. You will meet someone you feel completely at ease with; who makes you feel wonderful; whose touch makes you all tingly and who will light up your life adding new joy and meaning to every part of it. When you have all this it becomes almost irrelevant what they look like. Take a chance on someone today – you never know what you might discover!
#2. Online dating is inferior to traditional dating
Even though it is 2012 and most of our lives – from food shopping to social arrangements and banking – are conducted online, some people are still a bit sniffy about online dating. They believe that love cannot be manufactured or organised, that it is all in the lap of the gods and all you have to do is be patient and it will find you. The truth is that if you work 40 hours a week in a single sex environment and spend your evenings and weekends caring for a family at home it is unlikely that love will come knocking at your door on Saturday night when you are in your PJs watching X Factor.
Online dating changes that. It brings a whole world into your living room and you can work on your profile, chat to matches and get to know people all from the comfort and safety of your home. You will get to know much more about people by meeting them in this way than you ever would if you met them in a bar. It is like going to a party and all these potential matches are there and you are free to talk to as many or as few as you please – for people who don’t get much chance to go to parties, are shy about approaching people in that situation or want the piece of mind of having the support of eHarmony staff and the full profile of a person before they meet them – online dating isn’t inferior, and puts you in the driving seat of one of the most important areas of your life.
#3. It is ok to bend the truth to catch your date
This myth is perpetuated in many popular dating books but our advice is that whatever the subject, whether it is how old you are or how many previous lovers you have had, honesty is the best policy. If you are serious about wanting to build and maintain a healthy and lasting relationship then it is important to remember that from your very first contact with someone you begin building the foundations on which that relationship will be built. If these foundations are riddled with lies or half truths – even small ones like saying you can speak a foreign language when you can’t – then there will always be cracks in these foundations. You don’t have to reveal everything about yourself on a first date but don’t make things up to fill the gaps.
#4. Treat them mean, keep them keen
Don’t play games with people’s emotions. It simply isn’t fair or justified and is unlikely to get you the secure loving relationship that you want. By all means don’t be available for dates and to chat online 24/7 – not to be mean to a date but so you can get on with your life and so that there is space for you to miss each other. Apart from that treat people just as you would like to be treated – with respect.