Relationship Advice


4 dating myths dispelled

Fran Creffield

Sometimes our beliefs about dating can actually be holding us back and stopping us from getting the very thing we want so much. That’s because there are a lot of old wives tales out there that encourage people to believe in Disney romances or to enter relationships playing games and pretending to be someone else. We thought it was about time we dispelled some of these myths.

#1. You will instantly recognise ‘the one’

This myth is responsible for the fact that many people never get past looks – either in person, or in a photograph. Many online daters flick through their matches as though they are looking through a brochure waiting for ‘the one’ to be revealed. They say the camera never lies but actually all it is revealing is one dimension which was true for just one moment in time – usually a moment when someone was feeling quite self-conscious because they were having their photograph taken!

It is not your eyes that will necessarily recognise someone you are really compatible with – it is your heart. You will meet someone you feel completely at ease with; who makes you feel wonderful; whose touch makes you all tingly and who will light up your life adding new joy and meaning to every part of it. When you have all this it becomes almost irrelevant what they look like. Take a chance on someone today – you never know what you might discover!

#2. Online dating is inferior to traditional dating

Even though it is 2012 and most of our lives –  from food shopping to social arrangements and banking – are conducted online, some people are still a bit sniffy about online dating. They believe that love cannot be manufactured or organised, that it is all in the lap of the gods and all you have to do is be patient and it will find you. The truth is that if you work 40 hours a week in a single sex environment and spend your evenings and weekends caring for a family at home it is unlikely that love will come knocking at your door on Saturday night when you are in your PJs watching X Factor.

Online dating changes that. It brings a whole world into your living room and you can work on your profile, chat to matches and get to know people all from the comfort and safety of your home. You will get to know much more about people by meeting them in this way than you ever would if you met them in a bar. It is like going to a party and all these potential matches are there and you are free to talk to as many or as few as you please – for people who don’t get much chance to go to parties, are shy about approaching people in that situation or want the piece of mind of having the support of eHarmony staff and the full profile of a person before they meet them – online dating isn’t inferior,  and puts you in the driving seat of one of the most important areas of your life.

#3. It is ok to bend the truth to catch your date

This myth is perpetuated in many popular dating books but our advice is that whatever the subject, whether it is how old you are or how many previous lovers you have had, honesty is the best policy. If you are serious about wanting to build and maintain a healthy and lasting relationship then it is important to remember that from your very first contact with someone you begin building the foundations on which that relationship will be built. If these foundations are riddled with lies or half truths – even small ones like saying you can speak a foreign language when you can’t – then there will always be cracks in these foundations. You don’t have to reveal everything about yourself on a first date but don’t make things up to fill the gaps.

#4. Treat them mean, keep them keen

Don’t play games with people’s emotions. It simply isn’t fair or justified and is unlikely to get you the secure loving relationship that you want. By all means don’t be available for dates and to chat online 24/7 – not to be mean to a date but so you can get on with your life and so that there is space for you to miss each other. Apart from that treat people just as you would like to be treated – with respect.

 

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3 thoughts on “4 dating myths dispelled

  1. Good article. Numbers 1 and 3 I see all the time, not just on eHarmony but on other sites as well. 2 and 4 I tend to see more offline, but the number of people I know in long term relationships who met through the internet is getting steadily larger.

  2. The first point on ‘the all important looks’, is so spot on! For me personally, i try to pay as little attention to photos as possible, and focus instead on what has been written. Someone who might appear less than average on screen, may well have an amazing personality, incredible wit and just be an thoroughly decent person. Consequently, after meeting a few times you see that person as absolutely drop dead gorgeous! – it’s the inner person who should shine through, not the superficial exterior one!

    As for the ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ nonsense – people who treat others like that need to grow up and grow some! We’re adults, not damn kids playing games.

  3. I’ve never understood that whole “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” thing, myself! I think it’s important to have a life outside of your date but ignoring them or waiting days before replying to a text just for the sake of it, or acting like you’re not interested is just plain pointless! If anyone actually subscribes to that school of thought then I weep for their poor matches!

    About Point 1) I think so many people just cast a date aside because they don’t feel that instant spark, which all too often is probably because nerves get in the way. Personally, I think it can be generated over a couple of dates and if I like someone I’d give it another chance – unless they were bad company, rude, boring etc.

    Unfortunately none of the women I’ve been on dates with seem to be similarly inclined – even though with a few we’ve gotten on like a house on fire on a first date, they’ve said they don’t feel any spark and that’s that. As a result I haven’t had a second date in over 5 years now.

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