Relationship Advice


What to do after a first date

Fran Creffield

what to do after a first date 2

Most people worry about what they are going to do before a first date and how they’ll get through it. Many people don’t give much thought to what to do with themselves after the date. This can be a vulnerable time for people – maybe their expectations haven’t been met or they may have met someone they feel a real connection with.

Post date analysis

No matter how confident you are, most people replay the date in their head afterwards. Did you make a good impression? Did you talk too much or not enough? Did you wear the right thing? Did your date give the impression that they liked you?

You may be quite critical of yourself, especially if the other person didn’t say whether they would like to see you again. This is natural. We all want to make a good impression so take an emotional risk when we go on a date.

Rather than trying to figure out if the other person liked you, concentrate on your own feelings and ask yourself if you liked them? Did you enjoy their company? Did you feel a connection? By concentrating on your own feelings, rather than trying to mind read theirs, you will be clearer about what you would like the next step to be.

Check in with someone

If you have been practicing safe dating, you might have arranged to call a friend after your date. This is your chance to debrief and tell them all about it. What you choose to share with your friend will be quite revealing about how you feel the date went.

It’s a good idea to make your post date contact someone who you are comfortable talking openly and honestly with rather than just a casual acquaintance. Don’t be afraid to voice any reservations, fear or excitement you are experiencing. Talking it through will stop you over analysing the date.

Make contact

It’s usually best to make contact with your date fairly quickly after the first date – the same day or evening is perfect. It will help you both to move on to the next step if you clarify quickly what you’d like that to be. In the days of texting this is much easier to do.  Always thank the person for coming to meet you and then be honest about whether you’d like to see them again. If you’re unsure, a second date is usually advisable. Many people don’t really shine on a first date because nerves get in the way.

Although we live in a liberated world, some men still prefer to initiate dates but he may need encouragement from the woman to ask her on another date. Don’t be shy about saying you had a great time and would like to see someone again. The worst that can happen is that they say they don’t feel the same way, but at least you’ll know and will be free to move on and date other matches.

Fix a date

If you would like a second date then say so. Getting something in the diary will give you both something to look forward to and lessen the period of uncertainty.

Not all first dates will lead to second dates. If yours doesn’t, rather than let it put you off, pick up contact with other matches and try again. Nothing pays off better than perseverance.

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