Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

Wow, it seems things are so cut-and-dried into on eHarmony. Men are MEN and women are pretty and insecure and feeble. It’s like reading an issue of Cosmo, and that is NOT a compliment. For all the ‘scientific matching’ eHarmony boasts about, they seem unable to shake off the old gender roles and even offer reassurance to those out there who may be trapped in them themselves, whether they like it or not. I’ve seen a lot, done a lot, and let me tell you, things are NOT that simple. eHarmony goes a long way to tell their customers how special and unique they are, then dumps them into one of two camps and that’s it. People are necessarily not so easily delineated unless they are trying to fulfill a predisposed notion of what their behaviour should be according to gender, or according to eHarmony. I’ve had plenty of dates where the men have been raging to get physical and I’ve called their bluff and suddenly they are a bit afraid of it. If menfolk weren’t taught that women expect them to behave like pigs, then perhaps they could just be themselves, and so could we women. Wouldn’t that be harmony?!

lol

The problem is that a lot of these kinds of articles rely heavily upon sterotyping to make them easier to write. Plus who is it that writes these things anyway? Is it a so called relationship “expert” who gained their expertese and are qualified in relationship advice how exactly? Or of course it could be just written by an office intern, we’ll never know.

Fact of the matter is that these things are written just to pad out the column inches in glossy magazines to give their readers “value” for money, and also on sites like this to be seen to be offering added value and advice to their users. At the end of the day we are all different and individuals, and the best advice you can really give for a first date is to just relax and be yourself and perhaps try to be a bit more self aware than you normally might be.

Likewise, I have to agree with Jessica’s comments. In fact as a man, now in my fifties, I note a massive role reversal whereby in my own experience (over recent years) is that many women are driven by / judgemental of physical looks and yet prematurely pushing for action.

Men have always been full of bull**** talk and out to prove themselves, but it’s the women who have actually come out of their closet and are the more promiscuous . Perhaps it’s only the age group I’m now in – but I suspect not.

As a man looking for a long term relationship I believe a good friendship should be established first, and then as a Christian I do not want casual sex. Although I have to contain my strong physical desires I’m put off by too pushy women.

To me they lack commitment, caring or intimacy. As I say – role reversal !

I dont agree with the bit about checking out pretty girls. I would expect a man to do that if he is a real man and just to make sure they don’t feel awkward about it I would make a comment first. Women are deluded it they don’t think men look at women all day long. It is harmless anyway and never bothers me. I am not that insecure about myself. Staring for hours is another matter of course and would be rude in any case.

Not all women are looking for a bad boy type! It might have been exciting in younger days but that soon wears thin.Also why on a first date do men always ask about previous relationships? I try to keep it simple by not saying too much and then I always end up looking secretive!

I NEVER make dating mistakes.
Any potential date will have been scrupulously vetted by my PA verbally & in writing before the meeting for suitability.
Date smarter – not harder.

ditto Jess
another generic stereotype that gives specific gender roles in a relationship. Bah!

Nowadays if you dont try it women think your Gay, I hate all this crap about rules for dating happy on my own, women know your a wimp 4 joining adating site cos u cant chat women up at bars work etc, so they already have this pre conception. These services are good 4 women but crap 4 men.. the men outnumber the women by about 3-1 anyway if you take out the pensioners !

What I will say is this, all the generalising is great to put people, genders and things in boxes as it makes matters easier for society in general. However, each person and date is unique, go in with an open mind, eye, ears and be yourself.

I have had the opposite, I played it cool with several girls as they where all first or second dates, they just assumed I wasn’t interested I think as the more I was respectful the more they were turned off. However I remember meeting and girl and going straight to bed and she stayed interested, gotta say either I’m different sooooo different that the ruls don’t apply to me or. This is an outdated idea and maybe its more how you go about it I think if your forward because you want to be forward then I think girls like it however if it feels desperate it a no no.

Mad passion: ok
Desperate fumble: no

Sound more reasonable?

Interesting article but I do agree with some of the other commentators that it is stereotyping men and women a little.
I have something to say about the eyeing-up other women on a date.
I am unfortunately quite shy and I was especially nervous on my last date. I just had a problem keeping eye contact when I was talking. She was very beautiful so if I looked into her eyes when I was talking my mind turned to mash potatoes and my words into something similar. So my eyes would often veer away from her and she might have thought I was looking at other women unless she had eyes at the back of her head.

Unfortunately I did not get a chance to enjoy her company on a second date (

i would say each date is different and whilst on the date it’s always a good starter to take note of the body language which will tell you alot about somebody. i always go with an open mind and never expect anything which does avoid alot of disapointment. there is no right oe wrong way as every person i’ve met has been different and acted accordingly.

I think all of this is a bit generic and not really that helpful. So my number one Guy dating mistake is when a guy takes a girl to a very expensive restaurant (his choice) and then wants to go Dutch.. She may not mind sharing the bill but don’t assume she wants to spend more money on one meal than she would spend on all her groceries for a week. It has the combined affect of making her feel like the poor relation and a little mean whilst you’re forcing her to be careful with her money for the rest of the week… Oh yer, and she won’t want to see the guy again either, even if everything else about him was wonderful.
So to recap – only take a girl to an expensive restaurant if you are paying, maybe she can’t afford it or maybe dining out is not her passion and she’d rather spend the money on something else. If she is serious about a relationship she wants to know what you are like and she will take more notice of your actions than your words.

Never tell a date that you are want to hold off getting physical until a relationship develops because if they hate sex they will use it as an excuse to avoid it and you can find yourself being strung along for months.
I see people have made comment against stereotyping but this has happened to me a couple of times now and the women were from the same ethnic group.

Dark Horse,
I am liberal and I am atheist.
I am sexually experienced and have enjoyed exciting physical intimacy in committed relationships in the past however this is my current stance on intimacy- I now wish to wait until my wedding night to “do the deed” within the the next committed relationship i enter.

Personally, i feel that within a solid friendship as a foundation and of course chemistry, it will be so worth the wait! As we know, sex and making love are entirely different…I am not after casual intimacy or intimacy outside of a solid relationship .i.e marriage.

Sounds harsh I know, but that’s what I want. If we like each other that much we will be enjoying each others companionship too much to mind at all!

My future committed partner, who wants a fiesty, funloving, adventurous & devoted, attractive woman by his side (like me!) will respect that! Above all else, I will be his biggest supporter!But rest assured, he will be in for a treat as I am an adventurous lover!

So i totally don’t mind being blown off by matches as a result of my “no sex before marriage stance” (his loss). With the right guy, we will have amazing chemistry and will be compatible knowing we want to commit to spending the rest of our lives together in harmony, it is a given that when we do finally get physical it will be super super hot!!

I want my first marriage to be my first and only one!

So to recap,asking a match “what are your views on sex before marriage” one mustnot assume that their match hates sex! How wrong Darren is!Yet we seemed so well matched and we were going through guided communication so well! Such a shame Darren!!

I am waiting for the man who gets me and falls in love with my zest for living…! Life is for living! Good Luck for finding your soul-mate! I know it is only a matter of time before I meet mine!

To be honest women are as bad as men these days. I cant help checking out the waiters if my date is a bore or i am with a long-term partner. Nothing wrong with a woman looking for a bit of young eye candy. Men have been doing it for years, but we can also. Young men love an older woman checking them out.