23 August 2010
Why women love bad boys
by eHarmony
The bad boy holds a strange fascination for many women, even the most sensible of us. But what is it about these wholly unsuitable types that keep us going back?
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Bad boys are cool. Bad boys are sexy – or so the movies would have us believe. But they often lose their sheen when you get into a relationship with them – not that that stops many women from falling for bad boys time and time again. Of course, there are differing degrees of bad boy. There’s the guy who likes to party a bit too much, and always has a different woman on his arm. Then there’s the serious bad boys who think cocaine is their best friend and are acquainted with the local police more than anyone should be.
Whether a bad boy is naturally so, or he’s a former ‘good’ boy who’s adopted a bad boy image to gain some kind of cred doesn’t really matter. Many women still fall for them time and time again. But why? Here are our four reasons why good girls go for bad boys:
1. For the thrills
The bad boy is exciting; who knows what he’ll get up to next? Maybe he’ll take you to an amazing, secret all-night party. Or maybe he’ll pick a fight with a guy for looking at you funny and get a broken nose. Either way, some girls like the thrill and even the sense of danger that being around that kind of person holds.
Maybe they’ve been good girls all their lives and want the release that being with a bad boy brings. Or maybe they just like to feel like they’re indulging in something illicit their families would disapprove of.
2. For the sense of the familiar
Many women who go for bad boys had a father or older brother who had bad boy traits too. They say girls go for men like their father, and that’s not too far from the truth. Little girls often idolise – and idealise – their fathers and seek men who emulate that person in their lives when they grow up and away from their parents. Additionally, girls want to impress their fathers, and if Dad has a wild streak he might be sympathetic to a boyfriend with that same wild streak.
3. The need to ‘fix’ people
For some women the challenge of rehabilitating the bad boy is just too irresistible. It’s a big ego boost to think you can be the only one to ‘save’ someone. Truth is, as we’ve said many times on these pages, you can’t change someone, they can only change themselves. Sure, you can support someone in that change – whether that’s to get fit, or to give up a vice – but you can’t force it upon them.
4. The desire to turn back time
Instead of, as in point 2, wanting to impress their fathers, some women want to right a bad relationship they had with their dads. In this case they choose someone who behaves in the same way as their father in order to try and fix those bad memories – albeit in a roundabout way.
Problem is, the party has to end at some point. Bad boys may be fun for the night, but they’re no good to plan a future with. If you’re a bad boy lover, the key to breaking this pattern is to be self aware. Do you keep dating the same types of men over and over, only to get the same result? Maybe it’s time to look to yourself rather than the men you’re choosing for answers.
1
Tracy
12 September 2010 12:14
Bad boys are boring, immature non-entities who don’t actually have an opinion or a personality or, in fact, a backbone, so they invent a bad boy persona to make sure they don’t let people see what a dull little chap they really are. Articles like this just re-iterate the myth that women find them fascinating, therefore leaving themselves open to being treated like a doormat or worse. The only women who would find them such a thrill are masochistic types with self-esteem down in their sensible little lace-ups. Bad boys? Tell them to grow a pair and leave them to it, along with their bad breath, bad dress sense, bad manners and bad hair. Yuk.
2
Steve, Manchester
12 September 2010 20:13
I agree Tracy. Or they haven’t even invented a persona – they are naturally a non entity!
Anyone who likes a bad boy/girl and is a bit pathetic.
3
Gareth
13 September 2010 07:54
As a stereotypical “Good Boy”, it’s this sort of thing that irritates me. I have traits that I’ve been told are wonderful by previous girlfriends, yet I’m overlooked so many times by younger girls because there’s always the gelled-up idiots classed as “bad boys”. Sure, I wear leather and like heavy metal, but it’s self-expression, not an attempt to get the attention of girls because I know exactly what bad boys are like. Personally? It makes me wonder why on earth they have so much fame when all they do is mistreat women? In my books, that’s a capital crime.
4
Katie
14 September 2010 16:06
I think this article misses something far more important than any of the points it mentions – a “bad boy” gives a woman his absolute full attention. Sure it’s just a temporary thing and she then spends the rest of her time trying to get any attention from him at all, but, when he wants to be with her, he REALLY wants to be with her; purely in my own experience, I’ve never seen a “good boy” give quite as much of himself as a “bad boy” does.
There’s also the self-assurance “bad boys” have: namely, he’s doing what he’s decided he’s going to do, and its great if she wants to tag along but she isn’t going to stop him if she doesn’t want to do that. I think it can be a relief for women to be around someone that self-assured because it means she doesn’t have to worry about the consequences of the plan.
The other thing is that “bad boys” are more protective. Sure, even when we are modern independent women, if someone is willing to take on a risk in order to look after us, that means we really really matter to them, and what more can a woman ask for?
Now these are only thoughts and “bad boys” are called “bad” for a reason. I don’t perticularly recommend them, but, I hope the insight is helpful.
5
Tracy
16 September 2010 23:20
Oh, good grief, Katie. This is what more a woman can ask for: attention when she needs it, not when he decides to throw her a few crumbs because it’s in his interest to do so. Respecting that she has her own interests, and is not merely tolerated as a tag along (why on earth be so clingy? Do what makes YOU happy). Speak for yourself about women being relieved about being around some cocky arrogant idiot so that she doesn’t have to worry about the consequences of the plan. That’s just plain idle. And what, feel really really wanted because some thug is going to “protect” you? He’s looking for any old excuse to get into a scrap, and he’s just doing what comes naturally. I protect myself just fine, thanks. Please don’t include yourself in the phrase “modern, independent women”. People, and I mean men AND women, surely have evolved enough to treat one another with kindness, consideration and respect. I say scrape those arrogant, usurping bad boys and bad girls off the bottom of your shoe, and walk on. You’ll feel so much better when you do.
6
Boris
21 September 2010 12:02
As I Write this the papers are running the story of the guy in the Northeast with eight kids by different mothers [& Two more] Again by different women, on the way. Never had a job, [Except perhaps as a 'Sperm Donor'??]
While ‘Deploring this behavior’ on his part, surely the ten [probably more] women are also responsible.
Imagine the task of these kids in tracing their siblings!!
7
Tracy
22 September 2010 22:03
Boris, I saw that story. There is no way he’ll be looking after those children, financially or emotionally. I don’t get it. What’s wrong with these women? He probably hasn’t had time to get himself a job. Bit busy with other things on his mind…
8
Rod
24 January 2011 13:52
Women who pick ‘Bad Boys’ deserve every thing coming to them.
9
sue
28 January 2011 03:54
My best relationship so far was with bad boy. he chased me for 7 years then we were together for 7 years. When we were together he was always straight with me.He said that 1 day he had realized that he had spent more than half his adult life in prison and did not intend to waste any more of it.He changed himself, but the reputation stuck and still sticks even though he died some years ago.R.I.P my bad boy.
10
brittany
10 April 2011 02:06
if the woman wants a bad guy let her and plz, would you ppl just mind your own business??
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brittany
10 April 2011 02:14
and tracy if you think bad guys are just so bad take a look around you bad guys aren’t just the bad ones they are in whether good or bad and steve i wouldn’t call someone ridiculus if i were you seriously, you and Tracy need to get a life and stop judging you wouldn’t like if a bad guy judged you now would you i think not i feel sorry for the both of you! not all bad guys are bad golly jeez it sounds like almost all of you need to grow up if you want my foremost and personal opinion but that’s just me.
12
Grant
16 May 2011 15:20
i used to be a bad boy in my younger days. and admittedly it gets you a lot of attention. but not necessarily “good” attention. even when i was a “bad boy” i still stood to my morales and principles. which most people didn’t like. being tarred with a brush and judged is never nice. people who do so just urge the “bad boy” to act even more of a bad boy. and aggrovate them. everyone is an individual and if someones attitude or personality speaks to another who are we to judge on that. i’ve grown up a bit since i was a True bad boy but i dont think i’ll ever live the reputation down. so let me say as someone who was and is judged as “bad” that maybe one day you’ll find out that a bad boy can turn out to be the best thing that ever happens to you. seeing as the attitude and such may just be a front to keep out future hurt.