Internet dating – it’s scary, and all the sites are populated by middle aged weirdos who still live with their parents and collect toe-nail clippings, right? Wrong. Internet dating is one of the fastest growing ways to find love, and in the UK alone, 5 million people have tried internet dating [Mintel, 2009].

Singles of every age, from every walk of life are trying internet dating, and if you’re reading this maybe you’re thinking it’s time for you to look online for love too. But, once you’ve decided which site is right for you –if you’re here perhaps you’re planning on signing up for eHarmony’s service – you might be at a loss as what to do next. In that case, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s our top internet dating advice for beginners.

Tip #1: Make time for internet dating
First, the bad news: internet dating is not a quick fix. It’s highly unlikely (though we admit not completely impossible) that you’ll meet the man or woman of your dreams on Day 1. You’ll need time – time to fill out your profile, to read member profiles, and to communicate with other members. But, the more you put in, the more you’ll get out of the process.

Tip #2: Enlist a friend
Share your internet dating adventures with a friend, and if they’re single get them to join your search for love online. After all, it’s great to have someone to share the good (and bad!) bits with. Think online dating is embarrassing? Remember you’re joining a pretty big club of over 5 million people – you’re not alone! It’s just another way to meet new people – nothing to be embarrassed about.

Tip #3: Sell yourself in your profile
Your profile is key. We recommend you spend at least a couple of hours filling this out – trust us, it’ll save you a lot more time in the long run. By making your profile a true representation of you, you’ll filter out more time-wasters right from the start. Make it original too; we cannot tell you the number of profiles that say something like ‘I love keeping active’. Great, but doing what? Be specific to give your profile some colour. If you’re stuck for something original to say, ask a friend for their view of you – you’ll find it eye-opening!

Tip #4: Post a photo gallery
First off, photos are important. Most people want to see who they’re talking to, before they agree to meet in the flesh – it’s just human nature. Secondly, don’t just post one photo, post a selection that shows your personality. Anything from you with your family to enjoying your favourite pastime will do. If you’re nervous of posting a photo for privacy reasons, remember that eHarmony only shows your profile to people we match you with – no-one can search for your profile. And of course, if you’re still anxious, you can choose not to post a photo, it’s totally up to you.

Tip #5: Be open minded
If you’re coming to internet dating with a shopping list for your ideal man/woman you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. Yes, internet dating gives you access to thousands of people you’d never meet in everyday life, and yes you can usually filter them down based on your own personal preferences. But, if this is about a new start for you, then it’s a great opportunity for you to think about what’s really important in a partner. For example, f you’ve always gone for powerful women or men in the past, ask yourself whether you really want to repeat that pattern.

Tip #6: Stay safe
Dating online is no more or less safe than the outside world. That said, don’t allow yourself to be lulled into a false sense of security just because you’re sat behind a computer screen – think very carefully before giving someone your personal details such as your phone number. Here’s our guide to staying safe online

Tip #7: Have the courage to move offline
Internet dating allows you to access a pool of people you’d never normally have the chance to meet. And in the case of eHarmony, matches you up with other compatible members, to ensure that when you do meet you’ll have a great basis for a relationship. But with internet dating it’s important to think beyond online. Once you’ve established a rapport with someone, suggest meeting offline sooner rather than later. Too many people make the mistake of talking with a match online for months, only to see the communication fizzle out. After all, meeting in person is what you’re both there for!

Tip #8: Remember it’s part of a bigger picture
As we said right at the start, internet dating is no quick fix. It is, in its simplest form, a great way to get connected with people you otherwise wouldn’t meet. That said, it shouldn’t be a substitute for meeting new people in real life. If you’re too nervous or lacking in self-esteem to meet people in the big wide world, meeting people online will only get you so far. After all, that’s what you’re here for isn’t it?

Tip #9: Enjoy!
If you’re not having some fun, you’re doing it wrong. True, internet dating requires a thick skin, just like real life. You might be surprised how you react when someone doesn’t reply to your message, or does a disappearing act after you’ve spent time getting to know each other. But, just as you would in real life, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and push on.  Good luck!

As a general rule, lying on dates is a big no-no. If you want to see the person again, there’s no point as they’ll find out the truth in the future. If you don’t want to see them again, why bother lying in the first place? Lying – even small lies that appear to have little consequence – erodes trust in a relationship, however new it is.

But, at the risk of contradicting ourselves, there are a few white lies we think you’re ok telling on a first date. And no, we don’t include lying about how old you are, where you were educated or your what you do for a living.  Check out our five lies it’s ok to tell on a first date and let us know what you think. Would you, or even have you, told these lies on a date?

1.    “Your profile caught my eye as soon as I saw it”
No one wants to hear that their date ‘ummed’ and ‘ahhed’ over their profile before finally getting round to talking to them.  Your current date doesn’t want to know that you archived them because you thought their profile photo was a ‘bit weird’ and only later actually read their profile and decided to get in touch.

We’re not saying you should tell your date that as soon as your saw their profile the sun broke through the clouds, birds began singing and the world seemed like a better place. But if they weren’t top of your list, sugar the pill a little. The same applies if you met your date offline – just because they were the last person you tried to talk to at a party, doesn’t mean you should tell them that.

2.    “I’ve never been here before, no”
Some people put in a lot of effort for a first date – planning romantic walks, picking cosy little pubs to have a drink in, or booking at their favourite ‘undiscovered gem’ of a restaurant.  But picture the scene; your date has booked at their favourite Thai restaurant weeks in advance, asked them for their best table, then you walk in and say, ‘Oh, I came here a few years ago, it was alright I suppose’ – your date is going to feel more deflated than a week-old party balloon.

Unless you had a terrible experience there (food poisoning, perhaps) if your date has really hyped up the venue, there’s nothing to be gained from quashing their excitement. If you want to admit you’ve been there before – perhaps as a talking point – say something like, ‘I’ve been here before,  a while ago, I’m looking forward to trying their Pad Thai again’.

The same logic applies to any activities your date has planned. If they turn up with a picnic basket, but you’ve been put off picnics since a childhood wasp incident, smile and tell them it’s a lovely idea – because it is!

3.    “I’ve only been on a few dates recently”
Just as your current date doesn’t need to know about your horrible/amazing ex (see our article on How to ruin a date in 7 simple steps) they also don’t need to know the nitty gritty details of your dating life. They don’t need to know that you’ve been on a dating binge recently, working through a list of men or women as long as your arm, and getting nowhere. Conversely, they don’t need to know that despite all your efforts, they are the first date you’ve had in two years.

The fact that you went on a first-date spree, or had a particularly rough dating dry patch is something you’ll be able to talk about – and laugh about – in the future. But remember, first dates are strictly for fun, light-hearted banter – not for spilling your guts.

4.    “Life’s good!”
Many of us have probably been on a date with a moaner, who spent three hours talking about how they hate their job, their family aren’t supportive enough, their friends are disloyal and/or their dog seems to hate them. These are all perfectly legitimate things to be upset about, but a first date is NOT the time to air those grievances.

For example, if your date asks you what you do but you don’t enjoy your job, avoid saying something negative like, ‘Well, I’m an accountant, but to be honest I hate my job, I find it really boring and my boss is an idiot’. Instead, say something like, ‘I’ve enjoyed these last few years as an accountant, but I think it’s time for me to do something different, so I’m thinking about retraining as a tightrope walker.’ In that second response you’ve not only shown a positive attitude, you’ve also told your date something new about yourself.

5.    “I’ve had a lovely time”
Maybe she spilled red wine on your trousers, or he clumsily got his watch caught in your hair. Maybe you’re not sure you even want to see them again, but at the end of the date is not the time to say. It’s only good manners to thank someone for their company, even if you’ve had the most boring/frustrating/embarrassing evening of your life. Notch it up to experience and move on.

Have you ever said any of these on a date? What do you think it’s acceptable to bend the truth about on a date – or can you say you are always 100% honest?

As modern as we are in the UK in the 21st century, we still haven’t figured out any hard and fast rules about who should pay on a first date. Traditionally, the man picked up the bill in the knowledge that it was very likely he earned more than his female companion, but, in 2010, is this really necessary? There are some women out there who would be offended at the idea of a man paying for dinner or drinks.

Then again, there are some women who think it’s the man’s place to pay for dinner. After all, in many sectors pay women are still paid less than their male counterparts. Plus, women have other costs for clothing and grooming.

Alternatively,  perhaps we just need to be completely clinical about it and always split the bill down the middle, so no one is offended?

We know you’ll all have views on this topic, so come on, let us know in the comments below!

We know that you’ve been on dates where you just wish the other person would SHUT UP. Where you want to shake them to stop them talking about a particular thing, but your polite gene kicks in and you just sit and nod until you can find a more subtle way to escape the conversation.

This doesn’t have to happen though. Daters across the world don’t have to sit through interminably boring and annoying first date conversations. Be one of the daters who makes a change – read this article, remember it, and pass on the message to all your single friends too.

1.    Your romantic past
First dates are all about you and your date, they’re nothing to do with your ex. Your ex should be completely off your mind, and certainly not the topic of conversation. If you’re being negative – ‘She kept all my CDs, thieving cow’ – you’ll come across as bitter, and certainly not as the friendly, relaxed date you promised you’d be in your profile. If the story is positive – ‘He’s so supportive, we’ve become really great friends since the break up’ – you’ll just sound like you’re not ready to move on.

The biggest faux pas? Dropping an irrelevant reference to your ex into conversation; this will show you just can’t get them off your mind. We’re not saying you shouldn’t mention your ex at all, there might be a natural point in the conversation when the come up, but leave it at that.

2.    Your huge wealth (or lack of)
Yakking on about your amazing holiday to the Bahamas last year, or the fact that you’ve just bought a new Lotus doesn’t make you sound desirable. In fact it makes you sound like a self-obsessed show off. Ask yourself, ‘Is what I am about to say conversationally relevant or interesting?’, because if it’s not you should keep your mouth shut. If, on the other hand, your date is thinking about going on a skiing holiday and you can recommend a particular resort then that instantly makes that topic ok to talk about.  Just don’t then go on to talk about ‘this amazing fondue place we went to where we just drowned in champers’.

Conversely, if money’s tight, talking about how little you earn or how you can’t afford a holiday this year will make your date feel uncomfortable and will also seem like you’re angling for them to pick up the bill.

3.    Your dim and distant past
Think about a first date as being all about what you’re up to now. Your date wants to know about who you are in the present, not about all the amazing times you had in your university days, or when you spend a year travelling around South America. We’re sure all those things we’re great fun, but they’re in the past, and anything you talk about at length from your past will make your present seem rather dull.

4.    Your soapbox
If you’re a vegetarian, for example, that fact will probably come up on a date, especially if you’re eating out. That’s fine and it’s likely your date will want to know more about your life choice. However, you’re making a huge mistake if you see this as a starting point for a debate about animal rights. Even if your date agrees with you, chances are they don’t want to be preached at, especially by someone they thought they were going to have a nice relaxing evening with. Date time should be used to get to know each other, not to recruit new people to your cause.

5.    Your wild days
Ah yes, that time at university where you drank so much snakebite you agreed to streak through the Union and then vomited more than you ever have in your life. Over the bar. We’re all grownups here, and we’ve all done things we regret, whether they were drink, drug or just youth inspired. But proudly recounting those stories cements two things in your dates mind: a) this person doesn’t have anything interesting to say about their present and b) this person seems to hold the stupid things they’ve done in the past in far too high regard.

6.    Your job. In great detail.
People who enjoy their jobs, do so because they find the little details of their day to day work fascinating. Unfortunately, your date doesn’t care about the minutiae of a presentation on work place efficiency that you’re putting together. There are exceptions – if you’re a TV producer who met Katie Price last week (‘Oh the things I could tell you about her!’) then you might have a captive audience. But unless you’ve got something really juicy to recount don’t bother.

Also, if you really hate your job there’s no bigger turn off than you moaning about it on a first date. Whether it’s that John from accounts was promoted over you despite the fact that you know for sure that he steals from the stationary cupboard, or that your manager Wendy took all the credit for your great idea, your date doesn’t care. Sure, they’ll be interested in what you do, but now is not the time for a monologue about it.

7.    Your health
We’re sorry you’ve had a fungal nail infection for the last month, and we’re really sorry that you have painful bouts of gastroenteritis, but this is not flirty first date talk. First dates are the marshmallow of the dating world – light, fluffy and fun. Health and high energy is attractive, monthly hospital appointments aren’t. Leave the medical chat to your friends and family who are duty bound to listen and sympathise. If you have a serious condition such as diabetes, then you might want to share on later dates, but unless you think your date really needs to know, you’re best off keeping quiet on your first meeting.

8.    Your dating life
We all know that when you’re ‘dating’ chances are you might have other dates lined up, but it’s not a good idea to highlight this fact. Whatever your date knows deep down, on your date they want to feel like they’re your true focus, and talking about other dates you’re going on that week won’t come off well.

Similarly, talking about how many, or how few, dates you’ve been on in the past few years isn’t a good idea. Too many and your date will wonder why you haven’t found anyone to stick with yet. Too few and your date will wonder what it is about you that they’ve missed that’s put other people off. This sounds cruel, we know, and everyone has varying kinds of luck – for one thing, we’ve all been through ‘dry patches’. But openly talking about it on a date just opens you up to judgement.

What do you think? Have you experienced these first date conversation disasters? Do you have any more to add to the list? Add your comments below.

If you thought asking someone out was the hard bit, think again. Picking the perfect dinner date venue can be a minefield so we’ve asked Europe’s No. 1 online restaurant booking website toptable.com for some advice:

The place you choose will say a lot about you and you don’t want to scare someone off with somewhere that’s too formal, too trashy or just downright bad. Planning ahead is key – if you’re 99% sure that the food will be good, the service slick and the ambience just right, you can relax and concentrate on your date. Here are a few tips to help you pick the perfect dinner date spot.

Setting the mood

Save the hush-hush dining rooms for your first anniversary; in the early stages it’s best to keep it casual. Think cosy trattorias, laid-back bistros and – most importantly – restaurants with great lighting and an inoffensive soundtrack. (You don’t want to spend the night shouting across the table or sweating under strip-lights). The smart new breed of gastropubs are a good choice, as are luxe lounge-bars and restaurants with great views, as long as the food lives up to the scenery. Still nervous? Play it safe and go for a familiar favourite – if you know what to expect, you’ll feel more comfortable and so will your date.

Getting the food right

On those nervy first, second and third dates, the dish of the day is anything that gets you talking. Sharing is a great way to break the ice so try dim sum, tapas, mezze or charcuterie platters that you can pick at whilst chatting. There’s something deliciously flirty about swapping tasters and using your hands rather than guarding your own plate and trying to remember which fork to use first.

If your date’s into cooking, try a teppanyaki restaurant or somewhere with an open kitchen so you can watch the action or a Korean barbeque where you can do a bit of cooking yourself. That said, if your date has mentioned a passion for pizza or a Thai food fetish, then get online and find the best local example of the food you know they’ll love.

Places to avoid

In the early stages, it’s best to steer clear of buffets and chain eateries, even the good ones, as this suggests a lack of imagination. Avoid anywhere that specialises in messy food like ribs, noodles and unshelled seafood, plus anything you have to eat with chopsticks or off the bone. Asian food is always a winner but skip the super-hot curries or spicy Sichuan dishes unless you’re sure that both you and your date can handle the heat. Bars are great for pre-dinner drinks but stay away from packed pubs, overly pricey hotel bars and anywhere with a student-style Happy Hour.

The price

This is a tricky one, even if you’re going dutch. Going for a Michelin blow-out might seem like a great way to impress your date, but the combination of sky-high prices and stiff service is hardly conducive to a relaxed evening. At the opposite end of the spectrum, don’t insist on the early bird special and resist whipping out a discount voucher. You can still get a good deal, without the embarrassment, just book online at toptable.com for exclusive special offers at top restaurants across the UK.

The back-up plan

Even the best laid plans can come unstuck, so it’s good to be prepared. Reservations get lost, tables can be double-booked and that ‘hidden gem’ might prove hard to find after dark with a date in tow. Don’t panic, just do a quick Google search beforehand so you’ve got a handful of back-up venues to head for if everything goes belly up.

If this all sounds like hard work, just remember that if things go well it will be your date’s turn to plan the next one! If you’re stuck for ideas, why not check out our romantic restaurants suggestions. With a great meal sorted in seconds, all you have to do is show up and be charming company.

What is toptable.com? toptable.com is Europe’s No 1 online restaurant booking website, where smart diners go to search, book and rate more than 5,000 restaurants from Michelin-starred gastro-temples to hidden local gems across the UK and in 15 countries abroad.  Booking restaurants with toptable is free, fast and simple to use.

toptable gives diners valuable insider information, real up-to-date diner reviews, thousands of exclusive money-saving special offers and a terrific top rewards points programme that gives diners free meals, culinary books and blinding gastronomic experiences.

In the age of email, texting and instant messenger it’s almost possible to avoid phone conversations altogether. But when it comes to dating – especially online dating – the phone call is still an intrinsic part of the process. After all, who wants to meet up with someone without first hearing their voice?

At the same time, making a phone call can be nerve racking, especially when you’ve never met the person before – that first impression you make over the phone is very important. Unlike with an email, you can’t ‘delete’ anything that doesn’t sound right.

Here are nine top tips to help you through that first phone call – and secure that date.

1.    Avoid using a mobile
There’s nothing worse than having an important conversation only to lose signal half way through. If you can, use a landline to avoid this embarrassing situation.

2.    Be cheery
Even if the conversation isn’t going to plan, keep your tone light and cheery. Remember, it’s all the other person’s got to go on; they can’t read your facial expressions, so it’s incredibly important.

3.    Put the other person at ease
Let the other person know that you’re really happy to be speaking to them, and relax them by commenting on their conversational skills. For example, when they ask a question say something like ‘Now that’s an interesting thought…’. The more relaxed you both are, the easier the conversation will be.

4.    Elaborate on your replies
Short answers are a definite no-no here. Use the questions your match asks you as a chance to tell them something really interesting about yourself. For example, if your match says ‘How was your day?’, you could reply with something like, “It was great – I had the chance to have lunch at a great little sushi bar near work with an old friend from school, and now I’m talking to you!” This tells the other person 3 things, that say so much more than just ‘Yeah, it was good’:

•    That you enjoy sushi
•    That you keep in touch with old friends
•    That you’re pleased to be talking to them

5.    Change your answers into questions
To learn more about your match, and show you’re interested in them, turn questions round on them. Using the example above, after replying you could say, ‘So, where’s your favourite place to eat sushi’. This allows the conversation to flow freely, and should help avoid any awkward silences.

6.    Remember, this isn’t an interview
At the same time, it’s important to remember that you’re having a friendly, relaxed conversation – you’re not carrying out an interrogation. Don’t ask questions for the sake of it, and don’t ask question after mundane question.

7.    Know when to end the conversation
There’s nothing worse than a conversation being strung out for the sake of it. If you feel like the pace is slowing, find a polite way to end things, and try and be as genuine as possible. For example, you could say something like, ‘Gosh, it’s 8pm already and I promised my Mum I’d give her a call. Hopefully I’ll hear from you soon.’ This is a very valid reason and doesn’t make you sound needy. Unless you’re already agreed a date to meet, don’t make a big point about deciding when you’ll next talk.

8.    And finally, don’t ever…
•    Eat food
•    Chew gum
•    Flush the toilet (!)
•    Watch TV
•    Or make it sound like you’re doing anything else

The person on the other end of the phone deserves your full attention, you don’t really need to multitask by checking your emails at the same time now do you?

Bad boys are cool. Bad boys are sexy – or so the movies would have us believe. But they often lose their sheen when you get into a relationship with them – not that that stops many women from falling for bad boys time and time again. Of course, there are differing degrees of bad boy. There’s the guy who likes to party a bit too much, and always has a different woman on his arm. Then there’s the serious bad boys who think cocaine is their best friend and are acquainted with the local police more than anyone should be.

Whether a bad boy is naturally so, or he’s a former ‘good’ boy who’s adopted a bad boy image to gain some kind of cred doesn’t really matter. Many women still fall for them time and time again. But why? Here are our four reasons why good girls go for bad boys:

1.    For the thrills
The bad boy is exciting; who knows what he’ll get up to next? Maybe he’ll take you to an amazing, secret all-night party. Or maybe he’ll pick a fight with a guy for looking at you funny and get a broken nose. Either way, some girls like the thrill and even the sense of danger that being around that kind of person holds.

Maybe they’ve been good girls all their lives and want the release that being with a bad boy brings. Or maybe they just like to feel like they’re indulging in something illicit their families would disapprove of.

2.    For the sense of the familiar
Many women who go for bad boys had a father or older brother who had bad boy traits too. They say girls go for men like their father, and that’s not too far from the truth. Little girls often idolise – and idealise – their fathers and seek men who emulate that person in their lives when they grow up and away from their parents. Additionally, girls want to impress their fathers, and if Dad has a wild streak he might be sympathetic to a boyfriend with that same wild streak.

3.    The need to ‘fix’ people
For some women the challenge of rehabilitating the bad boy is just too irresistible. It’s a big ego boost to think you can be the only one to ‘save’ someone. Truth is, as we’ve said many times on these pages, you can’t change someone, they can only change themselves. Sure, you can support someone in that change – whether that’s to get fit, or to give up a vice – but you can’t force it upon them.

4.    The desire to turn back time
Instead of, as in point 2, wanting to impress their fathers, some women want to right a bad relationship they had with their dads. In this case they choose someone who behaves in the same way as their father in order to try and fix those bad memories – albeit in a roundabout way.

Problem is, the party has to end at some point. Bad boys may be fun for the night, but they’re no good to plan a future with. If you’re a bad boy lover, the key to breaking this pattern is to be self aware. Do you keep dating the same types of men over and over, only to get the same result? Maybe it’s time to look to yourself rather than the men you’re choosing for answers.

In an ideal world, everyone would give everyone else time to make an impression on a date, or any other time in fact! Unfortunately, realistically you have about 2 seconds – whether in person, or on the phone – to make a great first impression. Not long, is it?

After that first impression, you’re either on your way up, or on a slippery slope down. Once you’ve made a good, or bad, first impression the other person will subconsciously note your good or bad traits. This is why it’s essential you make a great first impression, and that matters even more on a first date.

What people notice first
•    Your energy levels – this isn’t just whether you’re bouncing about or not, it includes things like posture, which tells someone a lot about your attitude towards the world
•    Your outfit – this might seem shallow, but your clothes say a lot about you. They show how you see yourself, whether you’re confident, introverted etc.

How you can create a great first impression one-on-one
1.    Channel the right attitude – if you’re feeling anti-social or grumpy, that’ll be evident, no matter how much you try and plaster on a smile. Try to feel genuinely good about meeting someone new.

2.    Crack out a genuine smile – if you’re nervous, think about something funny or silly that’s happened to you in the last few days as you’re walking up to your date and you’ll smile, no problem.

3.    Don’t overdo it – it’s important not to seem over eager either. Make eye contact by all means but don’t stare them out. Same goes for handshakes: don’t yank their arm off.

4.    Soften your body language – crossed arms signal defensiveness, by uncrossing you show the other person you’re honest and comfortable.

How to create a great first impression to a group of people

1.    Look good, simple as that -  dress like you mean it. Don’t power dress, that’ll scare people off, but look like you’ve put some thought and care into what you’re wearing. You don’t need expensive clothes to do that, they just need to suit you and be neat and clean. Also, if you’re comfortable in an outfit, you’ll come across as much more relaxed.

2.    Position yourself in the centre of the room – just as shy people are ‘wall flowers’ sticking to the outskirts of a party, confident popular types tend to literally make themselves the centre of everything.

3.    Move slowly around the room – this will give the impression of confidence and sexiness. Confident, sexy people don’t feel the need to rush from person to person – or rush away.

4.    Notice someone and act on it within 3 seconds. Don’t just look over to them and then walk away; introduce yourself, or even if you must ask for some information. It’ll help get you noticed.

Practice in front of a mirror or in front of friends. After all, your first impression is the most important you’ll make. But remember that above all the most important thing is to be yourself. Don’t dress in a way that makes you uncomfortable and don’t plaster on a smile if you’re really not feeling it. You might just about be able to fake a first impression, but you can’t fake a whole relationship.

How often does your post-first date analysis involve you making like Homer Simpson and uttering a very loud ‘D’oh!’? It’s ok, we’ve all been there – high hopes are dashed when we realise that at some point during the date we did something to really mess things up.

Here’s our seven step guide to ruining a date – a.k.a what NOT to do on a first date. Read, take note and enjoy!

Step 1: Pick an inappropriate venue
If you’ve seen the Dustin Hoffman film The Graduate, you’ll know what happens when you pick an inappropriate venue for a first date. Anything from a very loud bar to an extortionately expensive restaurant (and asking your date to go dutch) can ruin the mood from the off. Think relaxed, inexpensive and non-committal.

Step 2: Talk non-stop
A sure-fire way to ruin a date is to not let your date get a word in edgeways. Sometimes nerves manifest themselves in an inability to stop talking, but if you know you do this stop, take a breath and make a conscious effort to allow your date to speak. A first date isn’t a job interview, you don’t need to list all the reasons why you’re a great catch, simply engage in conversation and let it flow naturally.

A conversation, like a date, is a two way process; it’s about getting to know each other to decide whether there’s a basis for a potential relationship. Talking non-stop will make you seem boring and egotistical, and unless you really are trying to put off a date we’re pretty sure you don’t want to come across like that. Don’t worry if you realise half way through your date that you’ve let your mouth run away with you, there’s still time to pull it back and turn your focus onto the other person.

Step 3: Overshare
Many topics shouldn’t be talked about on a first date. That initial meeting should be kept light and airy with both sides left wanting to know more. Off-limits topics include exes (probably the biggest no-no), medical problems and financial worries. Your date wants to know if you both love Japanese cinema, not whether you’re still pining for your ex or desperate to quit your job because your boss is an evil tyrant.

The fact is that we’ve all got some things in our lives that we like to moan about, but that’s what good friends are for, not first dates who barely know us. There are some exceptions to this rule. For example, if you’ve both been made redundant in the past and the conversation naturally turns to this, then it could be very interesting to share your experiences.

Remember, first dates should be fun, they’re not free therapy!

(As an aside, if you find yourself constantly compelled to talk about your ex on first dates, you probably need to reassess whether you’re really ready to date in the wake of your last relationship.)

Step 4: Pretend to be someone you’re not
We all embellish the truth from time to time – “Oh no, that chocolate torte is totally home-made from scratch” – but on a first date it’s not a good idea to get carried away with distorting reality. The way this usually happens is that you decide to show off about something in order to impress your date. However this will probably backfire in one of two ways: they will either find your bragging a huge turn off, or they’ll decide they like you and later find out the thing you bragged about isn’t true – then they’ll drop you faster than you can say, ‘Well a Ford Fiesta is surprisingly similar to a Ferrari!’.

Step 5: Talk about your future
If you really like a date a huge pitfall is to get carried away. Remember, it’s just a first date where conversation should be (as we mentioned above) light and airy. Avoid conversations about whether or not you’d like to get married, or how many children you’d like to have – even if you’re not relating these topics to your date, it’s likely he or she will make the assumption that you are. Even if they have the same views on marriage and kids as you, that doesn’t mean they won’t be scared off. Focus on what’s going on right now, rather than the future or past.

Step 6: Be oblivious
When you don’t know someone it’s hard to know what they’re thinking, but social cues give you a huge amount of help in this department. By ignoring them you could find yourself doing anything from not noticing your partner is cold in the beer garden you’ve chosen, to not realising they’re looking for a way to make their excuses and leave. Be observant, react to your date’s needs and you should find you’re more likely to see them again.

Step 7: Try to seal the deal
You really like your date, and regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them feel you want to get them to promise to call or even commit to another date. Don’t even think about it – whether you’ve paid for dinner and drinks all night or not, you have no ‘right’ to a second date. Any pressure will either make you seem overly keen or just creepy; let them come to their own conclusions.

Now you know exactly how to wreck a first date, do the opposite of all these steps and you’ll be on your way to becoming a first date expert!

When you go on a date there’s enough to worry about what with your outfit, turning up on time and starting engaging conversations; choosing what wine to have with dinner shouldn’t add to these stresses.

To help you navigate the mindfield of choosing wine in a restaurant, Britain’s oldest wine merchant, Berry Bros. & Rudd has given us some fail safe tips on how to choose and taste wine. You might even impress your date too!:

Being presented with a huge wine list can be very daunting, but in a good restaurant the sommelier (wine waiter) will be highly trained and your greatest asset, so there really is no need to admit it if you don’t know a lot about wine.

The art of matching

No, we’re not talking about eHarmony matching! When you and your date have chosen your food then decide on your wines. When selecting wine to match your meal the most important factors to consider are: Weight; Flavour Intensity; Fruit Character, Acidity, Salt, Texture, Tannin and Sweetness.

Match the Weight of both the food and wine. Full-bodied wines complement heavy, rich foods. Also, match the Flavour Intensity of both – for example, strong flavours like Sauvignon Blanc and asparagus, mild flavours like Muscadet and oysters. Consider the wine’s Fruit Character; the raspberry flavours in Pinot Noir complement duck the same way a delicious fruit sauce would.

Match or complement Acidity in wine and food: high-acid wines complement fatty foods the same way lemon cuts the greasiness of smoked salmon. Salt is not found in wine but does clash with tannic wines, so avoid this pairing. The more Texture a food has – fatty food like duck, chewy like steak – the more Tannin the wine should have. Always remember to choose a wine with greater sweetness than the food. Sweetness in wine also acts as a foil to rich foods with Sauternes and foie gras being a classic example.

But the most important factors to consider are your date’s preferences and your own. If they like a particular wine and you think it goes well with the food you’re eating, then it’s the right choice.

The art of ordering

When the bottle arrives at the table you can appear to be very wine savvy by checking the following: vintage (often changed without warning), name of the wine and the producer. Also, check that the temperature is satisfactory. It is better for both reds and whites to be too cold than too warm. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for an ice bucket to chill both the whites and reds.

Make sure that the wine is opened in front of you and that the red wine is preferably decanted at the table. When invited to taste the wine, do so. Don’t be rushed and if there is anything wrong don’t be afraid to say so immediately.

The art of tasting

When tasting a wine you should look at a number of different elements, including colour, smell and taste in order to make a judgement about the wine. Examining these elements will help you reach a decision about the quality of the wine, whether it is good condition and, ultimately whether to drink it.

Understanding how to properly taste wine can enhance your enjoyment of drinking it. It’s incredibly easy to get into the habit of picking up similar bottles, but you don’t eat the same food everyday so why drink the same wine? The wealth of different styles, grape varieties and price points means there is really something out there for everyone.

Once you have become a seasoned taster you will be able to identify quickly what you enjoy and what you don’t. This can take the stress out of choosing wines for dinner dates out or cosy nights at home.

There’s a whole world of wine out there and by learning the basics of tasting you’ll be able to recognise a fault in a wine, know what you like and why you like it, and feel very much more confident in your knowledge and, above all, impress your date!

Dating can be overwhelming at any age, but as we get older it can seem a mystifying world, especially if we’re coming back to it after a long marriage or partnership. And while you may think that young people have the advantage – more free time, a bigger social circle, more spare cash – there are lots of ways that the saying ‘older equals wiser’ rings true in the world of romance.

You’re much more in touch with yourself
When we know ourselves we make better choices, which is especially important when it comes to dating. With age comes the ability to really understand who we are. That’s what all those previous years are for, and why when we’re younger we’re meant to make so many mistakes. It’s part of the learning process. When dating when we’re older, knowing ourselves better means we can differentiate between someone who’s just ‘fine’ for us and someone who really could be ‘The One’.

You have a much better judge of character
Remember that terrible boyfriend/girlfriend you had when you were 21, who you thought was an image of perfection? Remember how your parents told you they were no good, but you didn’t listen? That was because weren’t so great at judging character when we’re younger either. Over the years we gain experience in reading the signs to know when someone’s going to be a ‘wrong ‘un’. We learn that how someone treats the other people in their life and the decisions they make informs the kind of person they really are. This honed trait means that when you’re dating when you’re older you can weed out the losers and time wasters far quicker.

You know what’s important
Our idea of what’s important in a relationship changes and matures over time. When once it was that he had to have chocolate brown eyes, or that she should have a beautiful laugh, these superficial qualities lose their sheen. Now, we’re not saying that looks aren’t important when dating when you’re older (there’s a terrible joke about fading eyesight in there somewhere…), it’s just that other qualities such as kindness, ability to listen and a love of life are just as important. After all, looks fade but those other things tend not to.

You have achievable dreams
As we get older, we don’t forget our dreams, we just make them a bit more realistic. Years ago you might have dreamed of moving to Australia and raising a family there. But time passes and the idea of uprooting yourself to a whole new way of life loses its sheen. That doesn’t mean you’ll never visit Australia, maybe you now dream of taking a sabbatical and going there – your dream just became more manageable. This is important, because in a partnership there are two people who need to work together to achieve each other’s goals, without one partner having to compromise too much.

You’re more realistic
Those tough life experiences we have do have a purpose: they allow us to become more realistic in our expectations. That’s not as depressing as it sounds, because it means we learn to get along better with other members of the human race, and see people in a positive, yet honest light. When you’re dating this can be a huge asset as you can see past people’s flaws. When you were 25 you might have rejected a date who called the next day as being too eager. When you’re 45 you see that as a positive message that your date isn’t interested in date playing.

Deal breakers are qualities that we use to dismiss a date  entirely – whether that’s smoking or being overly flash with money – but sometimes we confuse real deal breakers with our own individual prejudices. For example, imagine you go on a dinner date with a lovely person, but they get spinach stuck in their teeth and you just can’t get the image of them smiling at you with it hanging out their mouth. A few days later you politely turn down (or impolitely ignore!) their offer of a second date.

Something like this happens to everyone at some point (admittedly this is an extreme example) through no fault of their own. But, when we get it into our heads that we’re searching for perfection in a date sometimes, often when we’re discussing the date with our friends, we can unfairly discount them for trivial reasons. Here are our top ten terrible reasons to dismiss a date.

Have you decided not to call someone back because of one of these reasons? What would you add to this list? Leave us your comments below!

1.    They’re ‘tight’
Is your date actually tight, or are they just thrifty? There’s a big difference. OK, so paying for your first meal together with vouchers might look a bit cheap. But if your date is saving hard for something much more important – a house for example – then that financial savvy is a much more attractive quality in the long run.

When this ISN’T ok: When your date brags about how much they earn, or how much their designer shoes cost, but doesn’t offer to pay half for dinner.

2.    They’re too nice
We’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve heard someone say, ‘I had to break up with him/her, they were just too nice’. Really? You’re willing to throw away a relationship because someone is TOO nice? This is one step away from someone being ‘too generous’ or ‘too caring’. It usually indicates insecurity in the person doing the dumping.

When this ISN’T ok: Your date is walked all over by you, serving staff, their parents…spinelessness isn’t attractive.

3.    They have a weird family
Perhaps his Dad collects stuffed animals that are displayed all over the house, or her Mum’s hair is dyed purple – so what? All families are unusual in their own ways; yours probably have some odd habits too. It doesn’t mean your partner will turn out like them, and frankly, so what if he or she does, at least they’ll be an individual.

When this ISN’T ok: Their family does anything specifically to make you uncomfortable, or that truly goes against your personal and moral values.

4.    They’re bad in bed
How someone performs in the bedroom is NOT a reason to dump them.  If they’re not great then this is something you can always work on, no matter where you’re starting from – after all, we all started off knowing nothing about sex. Perhaps your partner is simply nervous sleeping with someone new, or they could be a virgin themselves. This is a time for an honest and sensitive conversation, and not the cold shoulder.

When this ISN’T ok: When you’ve talked it through, tried new ideas and it’s just not working. Sometimes couples just aren’t sexually compatible.

5.    They live with their parents
Admittedly, this one depends on how old your partner is. After all, if they’re in their 40s still living at home and expecting their Mum to bring them tea in bed then you might want to steer clear. However, if they’re living at home to help pay for something like tuition fees because they’ve decided to retrain or re-educate themselves, then this is to be applauded. Find out all the facts before you make a judgement.

When this ISN’T ok: If it seems they’re just too lazy to move out.

6.    Their best friend is the opposite sex
This situation can take some tolerance from your side, but unless you have a genuine reason to think that there is anything untoward between your partner and their best friend, you have nothing to worry about. After all, it should indicate they have an understanding of the opposite sex – always a bonus.

When this ISN’T ok: If they’re inappropriately physical with their best friend, or they lie to you about seeing them.

7.    They live far away
We won’t deny that long distance relationships are tough, but passing up the chance of happiness because of a train or plane ride between you is just silly.

When this ISN’T ok: If you never get to see each other because of your schedules or cash flow; then you’d be right to rethink things.

8.    They are divorced
If you’re dating in your 20s (unless you’re dating older people) it’s less likely you’ll meet divorcees. However, with the average age of someone getting a divorce rising, the older you are, the more likely you are to date someone who’s divorced. It can be tricky what with emotional baggage and negotiating ‘The Ex’ but equally, that person may have more experience and a more mature outlook on relationships.

When this ISN’T ok: When your divorced date clearly isn’t over their ex, or their bitterness about their breakup affects your relationship.

9.   They have children
As above, after a certain age dates that already have children will become more and more common. And for another thing, what are you really worried about? If you’ve just started dating, it’s unlikely you’ll have to worry about meeting their children for a while. If you’ve been together for a while, why are you worrying about it now? On top of everything, it shows they’re responsible and caring – surely qualities we all look for in a partner?

When this ISN’T ok: If you really want kids, and your new partner has stated they don’t want anymore, your different life plans could make a relationship impossible.

10.    You don’t like exactly the same things
Our very own relationship expert Dr. Gian Gonzaga always says, ‘Opposites attract…and then they attack’. Having things in common with your partner is important to some extent, but being a carbon copy of your partner is dull, and you’ll soon find things go stale – variety is the spice of life.

When this ISN’T ok: If you’re a heavy metal fan who likes to spend their weekends at motorcycle conventions and they’re a Bach fanatic who only likes getting about on a push bike, it might be hard for you to find things to do together.

If you’re ‘dating’ chances are you could be planning to meet up with multiple people. After all, if you’re only on the verge of going on a first date with one person, you don’t want to be ignoring other offers for someone you’ve never met. But, what if the person you’re seeing is dating other people at the same time? Maybe you don’t mind, or maybe it makes you wonder if they’re taking things seriously. We’ve put together 5 essential questions to ask yourself, to find out if you really should be dating someone who’s seeing other people.

Are YOU seeing other people?
First things first – what’s your dating strategy? Do you focus on each prospect before deciding they’re not right, or do you always have one eye on the rest of the field? Maybe you’re actively dating other people, and if this is the case then as long as you’re all honest with each other, then there should be no real issues.  However if you’re focusing all your energies into this one person, but they’re dating around, you might be in for a disappointment.

One of the great things about online dating is the way it allows you to meet a huge array of people you would never normally have met. In the early stages of meeting someone, it’s perfectly acceptable – some might even say smart – to continue seeing other people, as long as you’re honest. Which brings us onto our next point…

How did you find out?
Assuming your match has been honest with you from the start then they having nothing to answer for. If they’ve always made it clear they’re seeing other people then the rest of it is down to how comfortable you are with that arrangement. However, if your match drops it into conversation a month in, or you found out through a third party, then it might be time to reconsider whether this is the kind of person you want to be dating. Sure, they didn’t have to tell you, but honesty is the best policy in these situations. After all, they had nothing to lose by telling you from the off, so either they’re a coward or just a straight up liar.

How long have you been together?
It might seem that up to this point we’ve been condoning dating around, and to some extent we do – it’s a great, efficient way to meet lots of new people on your search for ‘the one’.  But if you’ve been dating for more than a couple of months and you know your partner is still seeing other people then it’s time to lay your cards on the table. There comes a point in every relationship where exclusivity needs to be talked about, and if your date still feels the need to see other people down the line, then they’re clearly not feeling what they should be.

Where do you see your relationship going?
Are you in it just for fun, or are you starting to think seriously about the other person? If you’re happy to just have fun nights out chatting over dinner or dancing until the small hours after one too cocktails, then fine, just keep doing your thing. But, if you find yourself hoping that he or she stops seeing other people so that you can introduce them as your ‘partner’ at work parties, then you need a wake-up call. Talk to your date openly and honestly, to find out if they intend to keep the status quo or are happy to commit to you. Just be prepared for disappointment – and if it’s not the answer you want, be prepared to tell them you want something more and won’t be seeing them again.

Where are you in your life? What do you expect to get out of your dating experience?
Everyone has a different idea about why they’re in the dating arena. Some people want to meet lots of people to ensure they always have a date on a Friday night. Others are looking for something more serious – maybe even marriage. If you’re on the more serious end of the scale, then you should consider having the ‘exclusive’ conversation sooner rather than later. Mr or Ms ‘Fun on Friday night’ can afford to just wait around and hope for the best, but maybe you can’t.

What are your experiences with dating someone who’s seeing other people? Do you think it’s ok, or does it make you nervous? Tell us in the comments below.

Picture a near-perfect date, the conversation has been flowing, the chemistry is electric, so naturally you want to send the evening on a high and give your date a good night kiss. But then you start to second guess yourself wondering if you’ve read the signals right, or if you’re going to get a swift rejection of your advances. Here’s how to be as sure as you can that you’re making the right move.

Getting touchy feely
It’s the little things that count – the brush of the arm, catching them giving you a coy smile, or even placing their hand over yours at the dinner table. These body language indicators all say that your date is interested – and the longer each movement lingers, the more interested they are. If it seems like they’re hesitant, don’t assume your date isn’t interested, they may just be shy. Try some subtle body language and see how they respond. For example, instead of placing your hand over theirs at the dinner table, try touching their arm when you want to make a conversational point and see what happens.

Gauge the hug
We all know that the end of night hug is often the pre-cursor to that all important kiss. So that hug should give you a lot of the clues you need as to whether you should go in for the kiss or not. Does the hug go on longer than expected, with an extra squeeze thrown in for good measure? Or is it brief ending with a sharp pat on the back? If it’s the former, that might be the perfect moment to go in for a kiss. And if it’s the latter, you probably shouldn’t get your hopes up about this one.

Look to the lulls
Every date has in-between times, when either partner has a good opportunity to make their excuses. After dinner, for example, is a great time to crack out the old ‘Well, I’ve got to be up early, so I’d better be heading off’ excuse. If your date doesn’t take these chances, then you’ve got a pretty good indicator that they’re eager to carry on getting to know you – and if it’s them suggesting another drink, then that’s a big green light.

Try the direct approach
Some people like to be asked if they can be kissed, and if you’re still not sure how your date feels at the end of the night then you could always try this more direct approach. Perhaps it’s a little old fashioned, but some women especially appreciate being asked – partly because that means they can say ‘no’ if they feel uncomfortable. Of course, you might just come across as being a bit of a coward, that’s the risk you take.  If you’re considering this approach remember this, we’re just talking about a kiss here, not a marriage proposal. If your date isn’t interested they can always offer you their cheek instead – no harm done.

Time it right
One of the eHarmony team members once went on a date with a man who decided to kiss her in the middle of the road. A busy road. We’ll never know why he chose that moment, but it was far from ideal. Choose a moment when you’re relatively alone and don’t have any distractions – in particular, don’t make that moment when your date is going to have to run for a bus or a train. Don’t leave ‘the moment’ until the very end of the date, as by this point you’ll both have built up the nervous tension so much that you might end up regressing to teenagers and clashing teeth!

The key to all of this is to give your date the attention they deserve. This will help you pick up on their signals and work out whether a kiss is in order – or not. Also, don’t think about it too much (though we know that can be tough) or you’ll come across like some kind of date robot, which isn’t an attractive look.

You and your prospective date might get on like a house on fire on email or over the phone, but that doesn’t mean you will in person. And that’s not as surprising as it sounds. First dates are pretty unnatural situations: two people who’ve probably never met spending a few hours together, each with the knowledge that they’re sizing the other up for a romantic relationship.

This mixture of the unknown and the level of expectation is what makes first dates so nerve-racking.  These factors are also what can turn a first date into an unmitigated disaster. Here are ten golden first-date rules to help you avoid that sinking feeling on your way home…

1.    Listen to your gut
If you’ve talked on the phone beforehand and things didn’t feel right, trust your gut feel. If you can’t even have a normal phone conversation with this person, how are you going to sit through dinner or drinks together? No one needs dating practice or a night out so much they should go on a date with someone isn’t right.

2.    Make it happen
When you’re dating online, it’s all too easy to end up in a virtual relationship with someone. You text, call and email each other all the time – but you still haven’t met. You feel like you know this person, and may even start to feel like you’re in a relationship. Unfortunately, this chemistry doesn’t always translate offline and you could be left feeling you’ve wasted a lot of time and emotion on the person.

3.    Leave your phone in your bag/pocket
Having your phone out on the table, or even texting during a date, gives off the impression that you’re just not interested and are waiting for something better to come along. Leave your phone alone and give your date the focus they deserve. And if you’re really more interested in what your next text says, perhaps it’s time to wrap up the date.

4.    Stay safe
It’s simple really; tell a friend where you’re going, don’t get in your date’s car, don’t meet at their house and instead meet somewhere you know. Taking risks will at best leave you feeling uncomfortable, and at worst…well, that’s not worth dwelling on. Note: this applies to all dates – just because you met someone in a bar doesn’t make them any different to someone you met online.

5.    Swot up
You owe it to your date to do a little revision beforehand. Re-read their profile and go over old emails to make sure you can ask relevant questions, and that you don’t ask questions you’ve already asked. There’s nothing more boring than being asked the same question more than once, and yet little more flattering that someone remembering an important detail about you.  One caveat though – don’t do too much research. Recounting things you found out about your date via Google might come across as a little creepy.

6.    Pick comfortable surroundings
Whether you’re in charge of the date location or not, make sure it’s somewhere you know (or at least in an area you know), and preferably somewhere you like. You’ll feel more relaxed which will shine through on your date.

7.    Lay off the booze
Alcohol may be a social lubricant but on a first date it’s not a good idea. Apart from the obvious safety aspects, it can loosen your tongue just a little bit too much. Even if your date is drinking the same amount as you, don’t assume that makes it okay. Everyone has different reactions and attitudes towards alcohol and they might be severely unimpressed when you stumble on the way to the loo or mention your nasty ex one too many times.

8.    Be on time
An easy one this, just be on time for your date. It’s courteous and will leave you feeling less stressed. If you’re perennially late, factor in extra time and remember that it’s always better to be early than late.

9.    Make it early in the week
The later in the week you arrange your date, the more pressure there will be to make it a night of it. Rather than dinner and drinks on a Friday, how about an after work coffee on a Monday? This will create much less pressure, and will be far easier to escape from if things don’t go so well.

10.    Leave it open at the end
Unless it’s very clear you both want to see each other again, don’t act as if you’re closing a business deal and pressure your date into agreeing to see you again. They might not want to or at that point they might not be sure and your high pressure sales technique could put them off. If you want to make it clear you’d like to see your date again, end with something like ‘It’d be great to see you again, give me a call if you like’.  The fact is, if they want to see you, they’ll call. And if they don’t, move onto your next match. At least you won’t have had time to get too attached (or you won’t have if you’ve followed rule #2!)

Even for the most confident among us, asking someone out on a date can seem like one of the scariest things to do.  In the run up to asking someone out, we force ourselves to imagine everything that could go wrong – and forget the possible great outcome!

But remember, most single people want to be asked out on a date. At the very least they’ll be flattered, and if all goes well, they could meet the love of their life.

If you find yourself with someone in your sights, but you’re experiencing sweaty palms and a raised heart rate, here are some things to remember:

Don’t blow things out of proportion
You’re asking someone out for a drink. That’s it. You’re not suggesting you move in together and have babies. And the fact is that most open-minded singles, are happy to go on a date with someone they think they could be interested in, just to see how things go.

And if things don’t go the way you’d hoped, don’t take it personally – it’s not a comment on your worth as a human being. There are lots of reasons why someone could turn you down:  they’re not ready to date, they’re nervous themselves…the list goes on. Don’t let one knockback stop you from continuing your search for love.

Make sure you’re specific
If you make it clear you want to go on a date you’ll boost your chances of a positive answer. It might be tempting to be vague so you leave your options open if you get a negative answer, but please don’t. Men and women alike are much more receptive to a clear invitation. No one wants to be left walking away thinking ‘were they really asking me out?’. Instead of saying ‘Fancy going out some time?’, try something like ‘Would you like to go for a drink with me in that new Spanish bar that’s opened down the road?’.

Keep your options open
These days, everyone is busy. What with work, seeing friends, visiting families, even keeping fit, it’s amazing we have time to date at all. Be ready with options for the person you’re asking out. If they say they don’t have time this week to go for dinner with you, say you’d love to just have a coffee with them. By showing flexibility, they’ll know you’re serious about getting to know them.

Dial it down a notch
Remind yourself before, during and after, that you’re not trying to make a big sale here. You’re simply asking someone out. If the time seems wrong, or they seem unsure, leave them with the idea. Don’t press them for a yes or a no – they’re unlikely to forget you’ve asked them out and they’ll come back to you with an answer when they’ve had chance to think.

The fact is that (unless you’re asking out your best friend, for which we have a whole different article) you’ve not got a lot to lose. So they say no, you’ll still be here tomorrow, ready to face another day – and ask out someone else.

Once upon a time we used to worry about the physical aspect of dating – but now it’s the fiscal aspect that really worries us. How do you go on great dates without breaking the bank? We spoke to our friends at London members buying club Keynoir – bona fide experts at living the high life for less – to find out how you can make someone feel like a million dollars without spending as much as a tenner.

If you don’t live in London, don’t worry, there are still some great tips here for creating that special date, whatever stage you’re at. It’s dating, just smarter.

First Date – Ice and Easy
A first date is a nerve-wracking experience, and if things don’t go as planned, you’ll want a get-out clause. So don’t dive in head-first to a long evening of wining and dining (we know what it’s like when the time between starters and mains seems like an eternity) – instead, do something low-commitment. What better way to sweeten them up than an ice cream in an Italian gelateria?

Keynoir recommends Gelato Mio, which has four locations across London, and for less than a fiver you can have a delightful date. Trying to get your tongue around the Italian pronunciation of the flavours is a great way to break the ice (sorry!).

Second Date – Liquid Leisure
Across the country, we’re finally tapping into the idea of small food dining. Sitting down to a full meal can feel very formal, so make it easy on yourself and prioritise some great cocktails or a good bottle of wine, and watch how easily the rest fits in. An evening spent sharing little morsels of food can be a romantic way to get to know each other’s tastes, and it costs less than a three-course dinner. Whether it’s cocktails with bar snacks or sumptuous Spanish tapas, you’ll both feel totally relaxed.

And to make sure you feel just as relaxed when the bill comes, Keynoir recommends scouting their site for great opportunities like cocktails and tapas at the Hempel, or whiskey tasting with bar snacks at The Albannach – a great way to indulge without overdoing it.

Third Date – Cunning Cuisine
Once you’re confident that your date is capable of holding a decent conversation, then you’ll be dying to make eyes at them over a candlelit dinner. But eating out is a prohibitive sport, so we recommend you get wise to wining and dining the cheaper way. Lots of restaurants (even upmarket ones) do special offers, set menus and loyalty cards. And in these times, there’s no need to feel embarrassed about saving money on dining out – just be discreet.

If you’re dining out in London, Keynoir run delicious deals in restaurants such as trendy Soho eaterie Quo Vadis, Chelsea hotspot The Collection, and the Michelin-starred Tom Aikens restaurant – for when you really want to impress. You could save up to 70% on your bill and your date will be none the wiser. It’s a recipe for success.

Fourth Date – You’ve got Bottle
It’s time to get creative. Keep your date on their toes by introducing them to a new experience, because learning something together is a surefire way to get closer. Keynoir recommends trying out an afternoon of wine tasting. There are many independent wine shops all over the country which offer wine tastings and will be cheaper than the big name places. If you really want to impress, do it at somewhere like Bottle Apostle, a gem of a wine shop nestled in the heart of pretty Victoria Park Village. Once you’ve chosen your wine of choice pop to the nearest deli to grab some delicious snacks and settle down for a picnic in your park of choice.

Fifth Date – A love-in with the luvvies
By now you’re probably comfortable enough with your date to be able to sit next to them in silence for an extended period of time. Hit your nearest theatre and you’re guaranteed to have heaps to talk about when the curtains close. We know that theatre-going can cost an arm and a leg, so we recommend hunting around for last-minute tickets on theatre discount websites or eBay – however these tickets are often lower-end seats, so it’s a good idea to shop around. Keynoir like to make theatre-going into a real occasion for its members with extra treats like a glass of champagne at your interval – keep an eye out for the little extras that will create a memorable evening.

Keynoir.com is London’s premier lifestyle buying club, giving you daily deals to your inbox on the best restaurants, clubs and experiences in London – all at exclusive prices. To check out some of the incredible offers Keynoir have run in London, check out their Facebook page

Dating can be great fun, but it can also be wrapped up in fear – fear of getting a date, of having a bad date, of putting a date off…the list goes on. Even once you’ve got that first date under your belt it can still be tough to know how someone feels about you – and how you feel about them.

While we can all fear dating, men and women often fear different things. Stereotypes come about for a reason – because they are character types and scenarios that come up time and again. They might not be entirely universal, but they often have some truth to them. Here are five things (in no particular order) that men fear when they’re trying to find love:

Fear 1: He’ll lose his free time
When dating, some people need lots of time and attention to feel wanted; they require evenings on the sofa, kisses, cuddles, and texts throughout the day. Others are perfectly happy with a couple of dates a week and maybe the odd phone call. This distinction isn’t necessarily gender specific, but many men often fear that a relationship will tie them down and they’ll lose their freedom to do their own thing.

Fear 2: She’ll come between him and his friends
Men know that their partner isn’t going to flat out tell them they can’t see their friends when the relationship gets into full swing. It’s more that they fear the slow erosion of the relationship with their guy mates. It might start off with the odd comment like ‘You’re going to the pub with your mates again are you?’ graduating to, ‘I really don’t like John, he’s a bit of a show off isn’t he?’ This then comes to a head with something like, ‘I really don’t like you when you’re around your friends’. Suddenly the woman in his life has taken over and going to see a match with the lads is a distant memory.

This fear might stem from something that’s happened in a previous relationship, or seeing guy mates who don’t seem to make the effort anymore because of new partners. Either way, a girlfriend coming between him and his mates is a huge no-no.

Fear 3: She’ll turn out to be crazy
At the start of a relationship, people are on their best behaviour – checking how often they text the other person, watching their language, all the things they think they need to do to keep someone interested. Then slowly the mask slips. Nothing wrong with that, it’s when we get to know the real person.

But this is the thing men fear; that once the niceties are done with their new love will turn out to be a crazy lady. By no means are we saying all women are unhinged, nor are we saying that all men fear dating someone who’s crazy, but men don’t pick up as well on those subtler signals that someone might be a little unhinged. It’s not that women are amazingly intuitive either – often they read too much into things (a whole different issue we’ll tackle elsewhere).

Men fear the crazy woman because (as we touched on above) they’ve witnessed it themselves. They’ve seen good friends fall in love with wonderful sounding women, only to be dealing with a needy, screeching tyrant a few months later. Enough to make anyone swear off the opposite sex for life.

Fear 4: She won’t respect him
This might sound somewhat Victorian but the fact is that men desire respect in a relationship. Women do too, of course – everyone deserves respect – but men need it on a primal level.   Lack of respect has many guises; maybe it’s that she mocks him in front of his friends, or she belittles his career choices. Whatever form it comes in, no man wants to be disrespected and most men fear it in a new relationship.

Fear 5: She’ll be high-maintenance
Probably one of the biggest fears for a man when dating is that his new beau will be high-maintenance. You know the type – she expects constant attention, to be showered with gifts and compliments and has very high standards. She gets taken to a lovely French restaurant and announces she’s cutting out all dairy products, or she refuses to go for a walk in the country in case she gets mud on her designer wellies.

There are various problems with this scenario but, apart from the fact that having a high maintenance girlfriend is exhausting, the main issue is that she’ll never be happy. If he asks the high-maintenance girlfriend  ‘Are you ok?’ she’ll always have a complaint like ‘Well, I’m a bit cold’ or ‘Hmm, my drink isn’t quite what I asked for’. When in reality, there’s nothing nicer than being with someone, and saying ‘Are you ok?’ only to have them go ‘Yeah, I’m great thanks!’

By knowing what men fear you can make sure you don’t fall into one of the categories above. You can also interpret his behaviour – if he drops into conversation that he likes a woman who’s really chilled out, you can probably guess that he fears the high-maintenance girlfriend. Then you can make sure you don’t become her, or if you already know you are her then you’ll at least know that you’re probably not very compatible.

> Now check out what women fear when looking for love

Every woman has concerns – spoken or not – about getting into a new relationship. Don’t get us wrong, fears can be incredibly helpful. They can tell you when you should be wary of someone – your gut giving you a big clue when to back off. But fears can also grow from small niggles into big problems that sabotage your dating life. Here’s an insight into the female mind that might just come in useful when you enter the dating game.

Fear 1: De ja vu
If her last relationship ended badly, a woman is quite likely to worry that her new partner will turn into her ex. These worries may be unfounded, but that doesn’t mean they won’t surface. As we get older, baggage is hard to avoid. Too many women think that jumping into a new relationship will erase the memory of their old one. Chances are, it’ll just make the problem worse.

Fear 2: Not being perfect
Whether it’s the snide comments of a past boyfriend or society’s obsession with perfect bodies, many women feel that they have to live up to a vision of perfection. It might be that they think their new love expects them to be skinny, or have a large chest, or be amazingly glamorous. Whatever their insecurities about their body, the reality is that they may feel insecure, jealous or downright miserable.

Any woman in this position may also think their partner is looking at women she considers to be younger or prettier. As a partner, you can go some way to helping erase these feelings of inadequacy using reassurance, but the reality is that the any woman who feels like this needs to work on how they perceive themselves from the inside out.

Fear 3: Who their partner really is
When we start dating someone we project the best image of ourselves – naturally, we want to be liked. This is partly why those first months of dating are often so idyllic. However, it can also create an artificial atmosphere, before the ‘real’ person emerges.

Many women fear the moment when their date reveals their ‘real’ self: Will the man who pays for dinner and surprises me with flowers still be replaced with someone who doesn’t make an effort in six months time? Whilst it’s true that some men will put on a big act at first to hook a woman in,  most aren’t that devious – you just want to treat a woman well, and be treated well in return.

Fear 4: Settling for Mr. Right-Now
At some point every women worries about this in a relationship – are they ‘the one’? Or are they settling for Mr Right Now, rather than Mr Right? A lot of women think that being with someone is far preferable to being single, and as long as they can get married, things will work themselves out. But after they’ve made that decision, the doubts set in. As men, there’s little you can do here except be relaxed, supportive and encourage the idea that by simply being happy together the rest should follow (with some work along the way).

Fear 5: Not being committed to
One of the big differences between men and women, we are often told, is that women crave commitment yet men shy away from it. But, this isn’t necessarily true. Yes, there are men who fit into this category, but there are plenty of women who do too.

The fact is that usually, if the relationship is right, neither side will want to drag their feet. Commitment will seem like a joy rather than a chore. If you sense that your partner feels you’re not committed enough – yet you feel you are – try to get her to open up about her past experiences. She may well be harbouring hurt from a previous relationship.

> Now check out what men fear when looking for love

Manchester may once have been an industrial centre, but now it’s better known as a vibrant city with something for everyone. If you’re dating in Manchester, but stuck for something that’ll really impress your date, here are some ideas to get you started. If you’re arranging a date for someone special then a drink and a bag of crisps in a local pub isn’t really going to cut it, is it?

The Cultured Manchester Date
If your date likes a bit of culture, then the perfect first date is to one of Manchester’s many museums or art galleries.  Like the cinema, a cultured date gives you something to talk about and connect over, but unlike a cinema, you can discuss while you’re there!

For an all under one roof experience, Manchester singles should head to The Lowry on Salford Quays, where you’ll find a wealth of local and international art and great theatre. Or for something different, visit one of Manchester’s quirkier museums like the Museum of Transport, or the Hat Works – Museum of Hatting!

The Musical Manchester Date
If you’ve discovered you and your date have similar musical tastes, then Manchester is the perfect place to explore them. From the classic 60s pop scene to 90s Brit Pop, Manchester has always had a thriving music scene, and great venues to match.  Classical fans can enjoy the delights of both the BBC Philharmonic and the Northern College of Music, both based in Manchester.

If you fancy something more contemporary, head to the Manchester Academy for one of the many indie bands who play there.  Alternatively, take your date to the Night & Day Cafe in the Northern Quarter to see some upcoming talent. You never know who you’ll discover, and even if they’re not too great you can both have a laugh about it!

The Outdoor Manchester Date
If the weather’s nice take your date for a picnic in Heaton Park – with acres of land, you’ll get some quality time to yourselves and your date is bound to appreciate the effort. If you’re feeling energetic  you can even visit the Heaton Park stables and go for an afternoon ride – just be sure to check your date likes horses. Alternatively, for a quick lunch date, relocate your picnic to Piccadilly Gardens in the city centre.

The Foodie Manchester Date
Manchester is heaven for foodies, whether you’re on a budget or planning to splash out. Most people like a good meal, but if you’re both really into good food, treat yourselves to dinner at ABode – top chef Michael Caines’ new venture in Manchester. Or, if you’re feeling more adventurous, go to Tampopo – an Asian canteen with delicious foods from across the continent. For true foodie heaven though, aim for the Manchester Food and Drink Festival in October. A long shot, considering your date may be one of the other 51 weeks of the year, but worth a visit if you can time it right.

The Quirky Manchester Date
If you’re looking for something out of the ordinary to impress your date, Manchester Climbing Centre will certainly have their blood pumping; just make sure they have a head for heights before you book a climbing session. Or, if you fancy a frivolous flutter, try the Bellevue dog track – bets start at just 50p and you’ll be surprised at what a fun night out it can be.  And finally, for something that is almost guaranteed to surprise your date, try indoor skydiving at Airkix.  Just don’t have your hair done beforehand…

> Looking for information on dating in other UK cities? Find out more:

London | Bristol |  Edinburgh | Birmingham | Nottingham | Manchester

Sheffield | Bradford | Leeds | Newcastle | Edinburgh | Glasgow

Belfast | Liverpool | Cardiff | Oxford | Cambridge

Looks are by no means everything, but what you wear on a first date can have a huge impact on your date’s perception of you. After all, how would you feel if your date met you wearing old tracksuit bottoms to take you for dinner? To work out what you should wear on that all-important first date, weigh up location, time of day, weather and check out our five first date faux pas.

1.    A new trend
A first date is not the time to try out that exciting new trend, whether it’s platform heels or a brightly printed shirt. For one thing, you won’t feel like you – save it for the next time you’re out with your friends who can give you their honest opinion. Also, if you’re going for something really experimental chances are it’ll backfire on you; the platform heels could land you in the gutter and the brightly printed shirt might just provoke an adverse reaction in your date. We’re not saying don’t express yourself, just don’t go overboard on a first date – it’s a nerve-racking experience as it is without you trying to push the boundaries of fashion.

2.    Too little
Ladies, as your mother told you, don’t serve yourself up on a plate. Putting everything on show on a first date is pretty tacky – aim for flirty rather than trashy. According to scientists from the University of Leeds, the optimum amount of flesh to show to attract a man is 40%. We’re not sure how you work that out when you’re getting ready for your date, but a good rule of thumb is to pick one area you want to accentuate. Whether that’s your décolleté or your shapely calves, you’ll be in little danger of overdoing it.

Gentlemen, this is less of an issue for you of course, but no lady wants to see a builder’s bum. Keep that waistband hitched up!

3.    Something out of place
As we said before, think about the bigger picture. If you’re just going for a coffee then it’s not the time to break out the designer gear. You’ll feel a lot more comfortable dressing for the situation rather than dressing to impress. If your date has chosen the location – especially if it’s a restaurant – it’s perfectly ok to ask what kind of place you’re going to. There’s little more embarrassing than assuming you’re popping to Pizza Express when in reality you’re being treated to a Michelin starred restaurant.

4.    Your sloppy clothes
Even if you feel incredibly comfortable with your date already, or you’re having an outdoors outing, don’t assume it’s acceptable to wear your paint spattered weekend togs. Everyone likes to feel that someone has made an effort for them, and even if that just means donning a nice jumper for a walk in the country, it’s the little things that count.

5.    Funeral attire
Our final tip is mainly for the ladies – though in some cases might apply to gentlemen too. We all know that black is a great colour as it’s easy to wear and slimming, but it’s also pretty dull. Even just a splash of colour adds personality, and it’ll lift your mood too.

First dates can be exciting and nerve-racking in equal amounts. If those nerves take over it can be very tempting to have a drink or two to calm you down. A glass of wine in moderation is fine, but a bottle of wine is going to have you behaving like an idiot – and when you’re under pressure the line between the two can be surprisingly hard to tread. What do you think about drinking on a first date? And if you don’t drink, how do you feel if your date does? Share your views and stories below.

There isn’t a set formula for making a man fall for you – after all, if this were the case, we’d be out of a job. But there are some ways to portray yourself that men will almost certainly find very attractive. And conversely some attitudes that are a complete turn off.

It’s likely you’ve had a great relationship with a man, felt him pulling away, and have done everything you can to pull him back. And it’s also likely that that strategy backfired. The fact is that women often try to draw men back to them by being extra nice, doing them favours, being very emotional  – and this just turns men off.

The reason behind this is simple: If a man isn’t feeling it, anything you do to force him to feel it will result in a negative reaction.

However, if you employ one of the attitudes we’ll go into below you have a good chance of becoming one of those women that attract men with seemingly no effort. OK, it’s not a magic formula, but you’ll have seen some of these in action before:

1.    I control my own love life
The woman who has this attitude doesn’t wait for a man to deliver what she wants in her romantic life. She goes looking for what she wants and doesn’t settle for second best. This engenders respect in men – they will either be inspired by this enough to want to be with you, or they will pull away because you’re not looking for what they want. Either way there is clarity about expectations, and no room for confusion.

2.    My happiness comes before my need to be in a relationship
Or put another way, ‘I’d break up with someone, rather than let them make me unhappy.’ Doormats aren’t attractive, men like a woman who can stand up for herself.

This woman won’t stay in a relationship that’s abusive, degrading or morally questionable. She also won’t put up with bad behavior from a man. Integrity and trust are important to her, and she lets him know that.

3.    I’ll let a man have his own life
The attractive woman knows that the worst thing you can do to a man is try to cage him and change him. Many women forget that men are humans with their own interests who should be free to make their own decisions. Try and force a man to do what you want and you’ll get the opposite reaction.

By adopting these attitudes, a man will feel more open (i.e. be less likely to get weird with you) when you let him know how you feel about your relationship. This will be because he feels like he wants to forge this deep connection with you, rather than that he’s being forced to.

> Coming soon: Three things women find irresistible in a relationship

Even though it might seem like a given to a lot of us, too many people seem to forget that good manners matter on a date. Read any tabloid paper and you’d be forgiven for thinking society is turning feral, and while this might be a bit of an exaggeration, good manners are definitely on the decline.

On a date, you may think it’s better to be relaxed rather than formal, but does that mean your manners go out the window? Other than in a job interview, you will never face more scrutiny from another person than on a first date. Your manners – which go much further than offering to pay the bill and opening doors for your partner – say a lot about you and your mindset.

Here’s how to keep those manners in check on your next date:

Mind your language
Even if you do let out the odd swear word amongst your friends on an ordinary day, resist the urge on a date. Think how horrible it sounds when you hear someone loudly effing and blinding in a public place, and then see if you still want to swear in front of your date. Remember, you don’t know your date yet – would you swear directly at someone you met in the street? We didn’t think so.

Don’t try to be too funny
Being able to have a laugh with a potential partner is an incredibly important indicator as to whether you’ll be well suited. But try to remember that everyone has a different sense of humour. Just because you find Ben Stiller comedies funny, doesn’t mean you should recount your love of ‘that’ scene from There’s Something About Mary. And remember, it takes just one inappropriate moment to put someone off. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way (everyone deserves a second chance) but it just is. Until you can work out your date’s sense of humour, keep those fruitier jokes to yourself.

Be nice to everyone – not just your date
You can be nice as pie to your date, but if you’re rude to the waiter it won’t matter one bit. Your date isn’t stupid, and will be able to see through the facade if you’re incapable of being polite to your taxi driver. If you find yourself being rude to people beyond your date, ask yourself why. Whether it’s nerves, or simply that you do lack manners, it’s best to nip this in the bud quickly.

Whether you’re widowed, divorced or simply single, dating in your 50s can be daunting. In fact, dating at any age can be daunting, but as you become older it can feel like it’s much harder to meet new people. As friends get married, have children and move away your pool of available singles shrinks dramatically.

But this doesn’t mean that meeting someone when you’re in your 50s – or beyond – is an impossible task. For starters, being 50 isn’t what it was when our grandparents hit their mid century. Women have babies at 50, both sexes start new careers, take up new hobbies; it’s not just one more step towards retirement any more. As Michelle Pfeiffer said in a recent interview: ‘50 isn’t just the new 40. It’s actually the new 30. Pass it on!’ Here are our tips for getting back into dating:

Profit from your experience
Just think about all the things you know now that you didn’t know when you first started dating. Not only are you in a much better position to size up other people, but you’ll also know yourself much better. Maybe a divorce has forced you to stand on your own two feet for the first time in years, or bereavement has made you realise that life is too short. Whatever your history, you have light years more experience than the 18 year old you.

One simple way to work out exactly what you want from a new partner is to do a variation of our ‘Ten Must Haves/Can’t Stands’ feature. All you need is two sheets of paper and a little time to yourself. Think hard about the ten characteristics your ideal partner would have, and the ten ‘deal breakers’ they simply can’t have. For example, maybe they need to have a great sense of humour, but definitely not be career obsessed. This will help you gain clarity over who you’re really seeking at this stage in your life. You’ll likely find your new ‘ideal’ partner is far removed from the one you thought you wanted in your 20s.

Be bold
This is no time to be a shrinking violet. The dating world can be a tough place, and you need to grab every opportunity you can get to meet new people. It’s a cliché, but you never know when you’re going to meet someone special. Firstly, tell everyone you’re looking for someone new. Friends, family and colleagues are great sources of new people. We’re not saying walk around wearing a big sign saying ‘I’m on the market’, but just find a way of dropping into conversation that you’re interested in meeting new people. You’ll soon find them mentioning friends and events that you could be interested in, leading you into a whole new world.

Your next step is to resolve to grab every opportunity you’re given with both hands. Sometimes, we pass up great opportunities because they seem daunting, or simply because a night in on the sofa seems more appealing. But, the more you get out there and meet new people, the easier it’ll become. If you’ve not been to a social event alone since before you were married, that first step might be incredibly nerve-racking but, as with most things, the thought of going will be far scarier than the reality.

Lastly, create your own opportunities. Staying home alone isn’t going to help you meet new people – join a book group, learn a new skill or volunteer. At the very least you’ll have fun, and at best…well, the opportunities are endless.

Fake it
As they say, ‘fake it ‘till you make it’. Not all of us are born exuding confidence, but by pretending you’re the most confident person in the world, genuine confidence will follow. This is easier said than done, but when you’re stepping out into those initial social situations, here are a few ways to fake it:

•    Make eye contact – if you’re talking to someone and really holding their view they’ll know you’re listening to them, and that you’re secure in yourself
•    Interact with the person you’re listening to – really pay attention to what they’re saying and use their cues to talk about yourself
•    Store up ten interesting stories or facts about yourself – by having something interesting to say when talking to someone, you’ll worry less about drying up and you’ll be able to relax into the conversation

Finally, don’t pressure yourself. Rather than seeing each social opportunity or date as your last chance to meet someone, simply enjoy the experience. You’ll have some good dates, some great dates and you’ll probably have some awful dates. Take them all in your stride – your date will be able to sense desperation, and that’s not an attractive quality.

Try online dating
It’s probably no surprise that we’re advocating online dating. But, especially for more mature daters, going online is a great way to get back into the game. You can review your matches from the security and comfort of your computer, and really get to know them before you even meet up for a coffee. You’re under no obligation to meet up with anyone until you’re completely comfortable with them, and with eHarmony’s Secure Call feature, you can even speak over the phone without ever revealing your own phone number.