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Apprentice team, “Evolve” chose an over 50s online dating site to pitch to Sir Alan Sugar, but why is “silver surfing” becoming so popular? What should you do if you find yourself in your 50s and looking for a relationship online?

The rise in over 50s online.

In the UK, more than 1 in 5 singles now sign up to at least one online dating site, with over 9 million British people looking for love online. Research has shown that the online dating industry now contributes over £170 million to the economy, larger than any other in Europe. Fifteen percent of those who choose to date online are now aged 50 or over. As those later in life become more internet-savvy, it’s not surprising that “silver surfers” are now the fastest growing group of online daters.

For over 50s, regardless of why they are single or their dating history, online dating offers an alternative to spending your later years alone and eases older daters back into the dating scene. In a recent study, 53% of those who chose online dating said they did so because they felt isolated when attending social situations with people in relationships and 67% liked the ease of online dating, which allowed them to meet people from the comfort of their own home. It’s clear that for those later in life, online dating just makes sense!

So what if I am a “silver surfer”?

Dating at any age can be daunting but of course there’s no age limit on dating or starting a new, loving relationship. Understandably, as you get older it can be much harder to meet new people, especially when friends are married and have families of their own, but don’t be downhearted.  You’re actually in a much better place to start dating than your younger counterparts.

Young people can sometimes find it difficult to settle in relationships as they’re still on a journey of self-discovery, trying to find out who they are and what they want from their lives. With age however, we come to know our strengths, know how we deal with problems and understand what we can contribute to a relationship. Think of all the things that you know now that you weren’t aware of when you first started dating. You should find yourself more reflective now, more able to size up others and you’ll know yourself inside out. Whether a divorce has made you more independent than you have been in years, or bereavement has made you realise that life is too short, you have much more experience than the younger version of you.

Our idea of what’s important in a relationship also matures over time. When you were younger you may have focused on the fact that he should have bright blue eyes, or that she should have a show-stopping smile, but other qualities become just as important later in life. Those with more experience can give equal importance to looks and other traits such as selflessness and kindness. Attraction and chemistry go hand-in-hand. Mature daters benefit from having a good idea of what they want.

When online dating in your 50s or beyond, be assured that those you meet online are also keen to find someone new – they wouldn’t be on a dating site otherwise! The safety provided by your computer screen can give you more confidence when asking someone out on a date, especially if it’s something you’ve not done for a while.

The future of the “silver surfer”

There’s no doubt that as the number of over 50s online grows, so will the number of older online daters, looking for love in their later years.

Are you over 50 and considering online dating, or have you already signed up? Does it surprise you that over 50s are taking to online, or does it just make sense? Join the conversation below.

On this week’s Apprentice task, team “Endeavour” created online dating website, “Cufflinks” for professional singles. With a hectic work schedule, how can you find time to date and build new relationships?

Long hours, business meetings, short deadlines – when you’re so engrossed in your work, it’s difficult to find time for yourself, but you should always remember to make time for your personal relationships.

Follow our five tips to help improve your love life during your lunch break.

1.       Start with you.

You can’t put all of your energy into building a new relationship before you know exactly what you’re looking for, what you want in the future and inevitably who you are as a person. Take one hour to think just about you. Consider what time you can realistically allocate to dating. Be completely honest with yourself– it’s okay if you decide that you’re only free at certain times during the week and need to be with someone who can be time flexible.

When discussing your thoughts with a new partner, set expectations from the start and you should both be able to work around your busy lifestyle.

2.       Write or spruce up your online dating profile.

Whether you’re creating your first online profile or having a look back at one that already exists, it’s important that it really helps you to stand out from the crowd. Your profile should be a true, honest and positive reflection of yourself.

Make sure you’re not just talking about the things you like, but mention why you like them too and what they bring to your life. Stand out by talking about your passions and the things that you just can’t live without. Before you click save, check for any grammatical errors – would you hand in a report at work without spell checking?!

3.       Boost your profile photos

Photographs are very important when online dating, as chemistry and attraction come hand in hand. In fact, you’re four times more likely to be communicated with if you upload a photo, so spend an hour finding your best shots.

You should include:

a)      A recent head shot of you in good light, taken with a quality camera. Make sure you smile too.

b)      A body shot of you in one of your favourite places – don’t stand too far away from the camera!

c)       You in your leisure time, whether that’s playing tennis or at a family dinner. Make sure you add a caption to say who you are if there are others in the photo.

4.       Go on a date

Although sometimes nerve-wracking, first dates of course play a huge part in whether you’ll meet again, so make the most of your hour. If you’re meeting during your lunch break, make sure that you both know your time limit and can get to and from your date venue easily. You may find that meeting for a quick coffee can actually reduce expectations and allow you to relax, as you know that you’re not expected to spend hours and hours together.

Keep things light and friendly – ask questions and listen to their answers, as with any conversation. At the end of the date you’ll hopefully leave wanting to know more about the other person. You can then arrange to meet for an extended time, when you’re both next available.

5.       Make the most of yourself

Interesting people encourage interest from others. If you focus all your efforts on work you’ll likely find that work is the only thing you have to talk about.

Boost your single life, whether that’s trying something new or making the most of the things you already love. Think about your favourite things to do when you’re away from work. Do you enjoy trying new restaurants, engrossing yourself in a book or visiting the theatre? You don’t necessarily need to learn a new language or sign up to a rock climbing course to make the most of your time. Taking an hour at lunch to read your favourite book or buy tickets to the theatre is important too.

It will take more than an hour to find serious commitment, but making small changes is a great first step. If finding a relationship is essential to you, then being busy is more an excuse than a reason not to find a new partner.

Are you a busy professional who finds it difficult to date? Do you have any tips on how to find a new relationship? Comment and join our conversation now.

In the first episode of our new video series, Jenni gives her advice on the topic of bringing past partners into new relationships. Should you discuss your past relationships with your new partner? How much is too much when it comes to sharing? And should you wait before broaching the subject?

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for weekly episodes of Jenni’s Corner and expert dating insights from The Great Date Handbook.

Every month, we showcase one eHarmony user’s profile, asking for your feedback. In our fifteenth edition we’re showcasing one female user’s profile.

Whether you’re male or female, a current user or not, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile overall? What do you think really makes the profile stand out? What would you improve? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing too personal or offensive. She’s looking for helpful pointers not harsh criticism!

If you’d like your profile to be reviewed next time, you can find out more here:

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In my own words

The one thing I am most passionate about:

I try to get the most out of life. It’s simply too short not too! I love to travel. My friends and family are important to me along with being active, healthy and fit – I love to run, hike, and be outdoors. But also equally enjoy curling up in front of a movie, or with a good book – a glass of wine is a nice addition to those scenarios too! I love the pursuit of wisdom, I think books are wonderful!

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

I’m looking for someone who’s interested and curious about life! Someone who is good, and generous, and kind. Someone who has a great sense of humour! Who’s fun, who loves to get out and do things, is active and fit, loves to travel, but can take it easy too when the mood strikes. Someone who’s independent – who’s created, and maintains balance in his life. A genuine, nice guy! I don’t have a list of ‘requirements’ to tick off.

The most influential person in my life has been:

She drives me absolutely crazy sometimes – BUT I really do have to say my sister! She’s an amazing woman. And she’s always been there for me… whether I needed a hug, or a good ‘common-sense’ talking to – she’s always gone above and beyond for me! I owe her who I am today.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

- I’m grateful for what I have.

- I’m grateful for my health and vitality!

- I’m grateful that we get to learn from our mistakes!

Three of my best life-skills are:

- Being a good friend and companion

- Keeping physically fit

- Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I can be a little reserved until I get to know a person… so sometimes people assume I have nothing to say, but I have a curious, intelligent mind and a great sense of humour.

The things I can’t live without are:

- My running shoes! Running is my therapy!

- Coffee!

- My friends!

- My phone! (hangs head in shame…)

- My optimism!

The first thing people notice about me:

This one requires some research! I’ll get back to you… ;D

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

Oh, I get up to all sorts! Love catching up with my friends! I run. I walk. I explore London. Visit museums and galleries, head to the odd gig or comedy show. I travel when I can. I cook (occasionally!). I read. Watch the odd movie. I really enjoy a glass of wine and some good cheeses! Just started going to swing dance classes (SO much fun!)…

The last book I read and enjoyed:

I’m a big fan of Non Fiction books! I loved The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins, as well as The Greatest Show on Earth! Two really great books! ‘Why We Believe in Gods’ by Dr Andy Thomson was really interesting and thought provoking! Just for a bit of fun at Easter, I read ‘Chocolate Wars’ – it’s about the history of chocolate. And it turned out to be a really good read and has certainly given me a new appreciation for the art of the chocolatier!

According to my friends

My friends describe me as:

- Physically Fit

- Passionate

- Thoughtful

- Intelligent

Trust is an essential component in every stage of the dating process. If you can’t rely on yourself to figure out who to trust, you may find yourself playing too safe and missing out on opportunities to meet really genuine people.

Here are the top 10 suggestions to help you know when you have the trust green light and when it’s a no-go red.

GREEN LIGHT

Trust a match who:

- seems open and honest on their profile.

- consistently answers messages fully and remembers things you have told them previously.

- appears to be modest and down to earth.

- is willing to tell you more about things on their profile when asked.

- is consistent and attentive – you shouldn’t have to fight for someone’s attention.

- makes your intuition give a thumbs up – learn to trust your gut instinct, it is often picking up on things you might not be aware of.

- wants to meet in a public place, this is important for both your safety.

- is respectful, polite and considerate, letting you take your time until you are ready to meet up.

- is happy to continue talking on eHarmony for as long as you want to.

- leaves you with a good feeling when you have had contact with them.

RED LIGHT

Don’t trust a match who:

- asks you for money.

- asks you for personal details e.g. address or workplace, before you have even met.

- puts pressure on you to meet before you are ready.

- asks lots of intimate questions about you but reveals little about themselves.

- seems overly interested in whether you have children.

- is inconsistent in their responses .

- shows discrepancies in what they tell you.

- is very grandiose, showy or boastful without any evidence to support their claims – if it all sounds too good to be true it probably is.

- makes you feel uneasy even if you can’t quite explain why.

- is rude, insulting or overly sensitive and you find yourself feeling responsible for their feelings.

These are just guidelines, which you can add to as you go along. Your intuition is one of the most responsive senses you have and if you ‘feel’ something is not quite right, trust that feeling.

Often when people end a relationship because their partner turns out to be untrustworthy they look back and see the signs were there at the beginning, but they ignored them.

Learn to trust yourself

Even if your intuition is warning you off because you’ve been hurt in the past rather than because of anything a match is doing, you should still take notice of it. Maybe you aren’t quite ready to move on because you haven’t fully healed from a previous relationship. While it can be good to rise above your fears, do talk about your mistrust to a close friend rather than just pretend it isn’t there.

The more you do this the more you will come to believe that you can trust yourself again because you’re checking things out with someone else and not ignoring problems in the hope that they will go away.

We teach people how to treat us. You can trust anyone if you can trust yourself. Trusting yourself means that if someone gives you reason not to trust them, you will not compromise yourself or over-ride your better judgement for the sake of romance.

Having strong boundaries does not mean that you won’t let anyone in, just that you will vet them thoroughly before you do and take the time to listen to your instincts.

Fear of commitment is a very real issue for many people. Not only can it have a devastating impact on personal relationships but it may also affect career and lifestyle choices.

The first and most important step in overcoming any fear is acknowledging that you have it. Next you have to want to change and be willing to go through a little emotional discomfort as you start to tackle your fears. Here are some simple suggestions to help you move forward.

Identify what it is that you are afraid of

Fear of commitment will mean different things to different people. Some will be so afraid they stay single while others are fine being in a relationship, but don’t like to be tied down by other people’s needs or expectations.

Are you afraid of losing your freedom or is it that you don’t trust that the person you’re with is the right one for you? Are you afraid of rejection or worried about the responsibilities that you think will follow if you get into a serious relationship?

Each person’s fear of commitment, when broken down, will be unique to them. Once you have identified what you are afraid of you can trace the reason why.

Do some detective work

Often we’re being driven by unconscious beliefs but once they become conscious they lose the power to dictate our lives. A very simple way of beginning to uncover the root of your fear is to write it down. ‘I am afraid of losing my freedom because ….’ Try not to over think your answer.

What comes immediately to mind may surprise you. Maybe it will be ‘… because I want to travel and it will be harder with a partner’ or ‘… because I saw how resentful my mum was when my dad wanted to do things without her.’

Whatever the reason is, once it’s revealed, you will be able to do something about it. You will be much more in control of your fears once you pinpoint exactly what they are.

A problem shared

Once you know what it is that you’re really afraid of, share it with someone. By talking it through with a professional or a trusted friend even the most compelling of fears can begin to loosen its grip on your life.

Really explore the fear, even if it seems irrational. Tell the person you are speaking to that you are trying to overcome a fear of commitment and ask if they will help you get to the bottom of it. By saying what you need you will be less likely to just skim the surface. You need to get honest with yourself and this is often best done through being honest with someone else.

Start making, and keeping, small commitments

When you have uncovered what your fear of commitment is based on, try to tackle it in small ways. For example, if you have been single for years try going on a date. It doesn’t have to be any more than that. It’s about taking manageable steps in the right direction.

If you’re in a relationship where you have been holding back try initiating smaller commitments like booking a holiday or talking about short-term future plans. The important thing is to take it at your own pace. Instead of reacting to the discomfort of the anxiety, try to think around what steps you can take to change

Fear of commitment is often fear of losing your freedom but you can never really be free while fear is ruling your life, even if you never commit to anything.

Sometimes hiding behind the anonymity that a computer screen provides can make people treat online dating as though it’s a game. It’s important to take it as seriously as you would any other social interaction and remember that your behaviour online can have real consequences in people’s lives. Here are some simple guidelines:

Be honest about your situation and intentions

Are you unattached and serious about looking for a relationship or are you simply looking for a diversion from your marriage, job or life? You may think flirting online is a harmless, pleasant distraction but you could seriously hurt and mislead someone if they waste time with you when they could have been communicating with someone genuine.

Protect your privacy

Having a separate email address for your online dating account can help to protect you from unwanted attention or matches who simply won’t take no for an answer. Don’t feel pressured into giving out personal details like your surname, address or workplace before you’ve met someone in person and established a strong connection. Don’t ask other people for their personal details – let them volunteer the information when they feel safe and ready to do so.

Keep it real

Although you want your profile to be as attractive and enticing as possible it’s important that you don’t embellish the truth too much. Using photographs that were taken many years ago; exaggerating your achievements; lying about your age or omitting information like the fact you have children are all white lies which will be uncovered when you meet someone face to face. The fact you have misled them could ruin whatever chance there was for a connection between you.

Select carefully

Don’t show an interest in matches who you really aren’t interested in. Instead wait for matches who instantly make you curious to find out more. You will then be starting communication with enthusiasm and excitement rather than half-heartedly.

Take it on the chin

If you’re rejected by someone at any stage in the dating process try not to take it to heart. It’s not usually personal (a match probably won’t have known you long enough to know the ‘real’ you). The dignified response is to put it behind you and move on rather than demanding explanations or becoming bitter and cynical.

Respond to all communication

Even if it is from matches that you think are totally incompatible, make time to respond. It only takes a few seconds to say ‘thanks but no thanks’ and it enables them to move on to other matches rather than hanging around hoping for a response from you.

Keep online communication brief and interesting

No one wants to read your full life story in an email before they have met you. Avoid over-sharing and keep emails brief and interesting so that they want to come back for more.

Playing the field

It’s totally acceptable to communicate with more than one match at a time as long as you haven’t made a commitment to be exclusive with anyone. Once you have found someone who you are serious about pursuing a relationship with, remove your online profile.

Do as you would be done by

Overall , to ensure that you’re acting with integrity online the best rule of thumb is to treat everyone you speak to with the same dignity and respect that you would like to be treated with. Use good manners, don’t be offensive or abusive; be clear if you don’t want to meet someone or continue communication and allow other people the right to say ‘no’ to you without you taking offence.

It’s important to know the difference between a reason and an excuse. An excuse is used when someone is trying to dodge conflict which they fear may occur if they were honest. When it comes to dating, excuses are usually used to try and let someone down gently but the lack of clarity can actually keep people hanging on in false hope.

When you’re communicating with a match and they seem reluctant to meet up, there could be a genuine reason why. If they spin you an excuse like the ones below it’s more likely they are trying to give you the brush off (in a kind way) and maybe you should take the hint.

1.      I had a great time but I’m just not ready for a relationship right now

This is the most common excuse people give after a first date if they don’t want to see the person again. Many people will avoid giving the real reason simply because don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Save your dignity and don’t try and persuade someone who says this to change their mind, they have already decided.

2.      I’m still getting over my ex and don’t feel ready to date again

This could be a valid reason as it’s often not until someone goes on a date that they realise how hung up on their ex they still are. When it’s an excuse they will keep their profile online and carry on dating other people. Either way, let go and move on to someone with less baggage who is interested in dating you.

3.      It’s not you it’s me

This is a short-cut way of saying that you don’t want to see someone but you don’t want them to feel in any way responsible for your decision. It’s a poor excuse because it leaves the door open. You may be left feeling that because they say it’s nothing you have done, it’s worth hanging around while they sort out their issues – it isn’t. If they do sort out their stuff and want to see you, let them come and find you rather than putting your life on hold in the vain hope.

4.      Evenings and weekends aren’t good for me

If evenings and weekends aren’t good for someone and you work a standard 9-5 that person is either totally incompatible with you or they are giving you the brush off.

5.      I’m more comfortable getting to know you online

Many people are anxious about meeting face to face and feel more comfortable with the anonymity a computer screen provides. If, however, someone keeps making excuses not to meet up even when you have been chatting online for weeks or months, the chances are they are hiding something or have no intention of moving on to a real life relationship.

6.      I am really busy

If someone is too busy to reply to messages, take calls or make a date the chances are they’re going to be too busy to develop a relationship with you even if they were to find a slot in their hectic schedule to have a date. If someone is always unavailable, make yourself busy finding a more suitable match.

Things happen every day that can stop us from being able to commit to a date and people may have very genuine reasons why. The way to tell the difference between an ‘excuse’ and a ‘reason’ is that a reason is usually followed by a ‘solution’ whereas an excuse isn’t. e.g. ‘Sorry I am really busy this month but would love to meet you next month,’ is a reason whereas, ‘Sorry work is really hectic at the moment so I can’t make a date,’ is an excuse. Learn to tell the difference and you could save yourself a lot of wasted time and effort trying to engage with people who simply aren’t interested.

Not only has the weather been a bit on the unpredictable side but many people are feeling the pinch financially, so we thought we’d suggest some free (or inexpensive) dating ideas which are perfect for the long summer days.

Eat outdoors

Restaurants can be pricey but there’s no denying that there’s something very intimate about sharing food together. To cut the cost, prepare a picnic. The first and most important thing to consider is location. Choose somewhere beautiful where you can watch the sun go down or the stars come out. Each of you can bring food to the date, so it is a shared venture and the emphasis, and expense, isn’t all on one person.

Remember to take two blankets – one to sit on and another to snuggle under if the evening turns chilly – cushions to lay your head on and look at the stars make it even more romantic. There’s even an app for smart phones that allows you to point your phone at the sky find out about the different constellations. Take storm lamps or wood for a campfire (if it is permitted, many national parks no longer allow fires) – a torch to find your way back to the car is also a good idea.

Keep it simple and remember you don’t have to buy expensive food or drink to make it really special, the thought you put into planning is far more valuable.

Anyone for tennis?

It doesn’t have to be tennis, any sport where you play an opponent can be the basis for a great date. Tennis courts are widely available, usually free to book and apart from racquets and balls you don’t need any specialist equipment or knowledge.

It doesn’t matter whether you and your date are hopeless or pros, or whether one of you is good and the other one isn’t, you will find a way of playing together that suits your ability levels. Anyone can play tennis if they are open to the experience – the key to making it fun is to not take it too seriously.

Exercising with someone increases a feeling of connection and closeness which is why it’s a great date choice.  If you have fun you’ll both be winners, no matter how badly you played.

Local events

Many people are unaware of how many free events take place in their local area. During the summer weekends, most towns are filled with boot sales, farmer’s markets, free concerts, fairs, fates and street parties. The key to making the most of these events is to know what’s going on and where. Scan the local paper, look online and plan ahead so that you don’t get to autumn feeling like you missed out on all the summer fun.

Give your time

A great way to feel good about yourself, and the person you’re dating, is to volunteer together for a local cause. This could mean that you give a couple of hours running a stall at a charity event, run a mile to raise money or spend an hour in your city centre with a collection tin. Volunteering doesn’t have to be an ongoing thing, it can be a one-off that you and your date do together. The time given to others will benefit the time you spend together as it can strengthen the bond between you.

Whatever you do don’t let lack of money, or sunshine, stop you from really enjoying your dates this summer. Love is free and dates can be too if you use a little imagination.

Edinburgh is one of the UK’s most beautiful cities, with stunning natural scenery framed by an enviable array of architecture. For those lucky enough to be dating in the Scottish capital, there’s an almost endless range of visual treats. Try any of the following destinations for the ultimate, jaw-dropping romantic views.

Dugald Stewart Monument

The Dugald Stewart Monument is a favoured destination for the romantically inclined, particularly those of sunset-admiring variety. The neo-classic structure, with its towering Corinthian columns, provides the perfect pausing place to admire the breathtaking view and utter a grandiose statement or two – after all, it was built as a memorial to the Scottish philosopher, Dugald Stewart.

The monument is situated atop of Calton Hill, which is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and home to other notable buildings, such as the National Monument, the Robert Burns Monument and the City Observatory.

The Balmoral

The Balmoral hotel is housed in a wonderfully extravagant old Victorian building, topped by a soaring 58-metre-high clock tower. For those who can afford to venture inside, the hotel contains Olga Polizzi-designed rooms and a Michelin-starred restaurant.

Mere mortals can admire the outer architecture, while taking an evening stroll along Princes Street, which is relatively car-free and devoid of buildings on its south side. This provides couples with the chance to gaze out at panoramic views of Edinburgh Castle, the Old Town, and the valley between.

The Meadows

Sometimes it’s the simple things that are the most memorable. Wandering hand-in-hand along a tree-lined avenue is special – especially during a bright winter’s day with snow crunching underfoot. This particular avenue can be found in the Meadows – a large park south of Edinburgh’s city centre.

The Meadows is mostly made up of open grassland, criss-crossed by tree-lined avenues, and provides welcome respite from the hubbub of the city. The park also plays host to a number of couple-friendly events, such as live music and circuses.

Royal Mile

To some, the arrival of the sun is more beautiful and meaningful than its disappearance. For couples dating in Edinburgh, sunrise is possibly the only chance they’ll have to enjoy the Royal Mile in relative solitude.

As this photo shows, the Royal Mile’s High Street is a wonderful reminder of the Edinburgh of yesteryear. It’s also home to the Heart of Midlothian – a heart-shaped pattern built into the setted road. While the Heart officially marks the position of the city’s prison and administrative centre, love-struck couples can no-doubt devise more appealing interpretations.

National Monument of Scotland

Like the Dugald Stewart Monument, the National Monument of Scotland is situated on Calton Hill. Modelled upon the Parthenon in Athens, the structure is a ‘Memorial of the Past and Incentive to the Future Heroism of the Men of Scotland’. On a clear night, the National Monument is a wonderfully surreal place to stargaze and watch the twinkling lights of the city far below.

Holyrood Park

During the spring, a walk through Holyrood Park is a delightful way to appreciate nature in all of its primitive glory. The park is just under a mile to the east of Edinburgh Castle and is home to an array of locks, hills, glens, basalt cliffs and ridges.

The park, which was created in 1541, covers an area of more than 650 acres, making it the perfect place to get a taste of the wilderness without having to stray too far from civilisation. The best view of the park can be found by climbing the famed Arthur’s Seat, which is the highest point in Edinburgh.

Princes Street Gardens

Couples thinking about a future together will no doubt be inspired by the sight of this cute 19^th century gardener’s cottage, surrounded by lovingly-tended flower beds. This view can be found in Princes Street Gardens – one of the best-loved public parks in Edinburgh.

The Gardens cover an area of more than 28 acres and contain numerous points of interest for strolling couples. For a dramatic view, there’s the Scott Monument – a towering Gothic spire built in 1844. More traditional structures include the pretty floral clock and the bandstand.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, the park is transformed into a ‘Winter Wonderland’, which provides couples with the chance to browse a large Christmas Market and venture out onto a specially made ice rink.

Icebreakers are an easy way to find out whether you and your match are interested in each other. You’ll be pleased to find that the other person liked your profile too, but what comes next? Getting past the icebreaker stage can seem daunting. Many people find themselves at a loss of where to begin, and find communicating online almost as scary as walking over to stranger in a bar.

Make the first move

Initiating communication with a match can be tricky to do. You’re interested in finding out more about the other person, but you’re assuming that if they wanted to talk to you, they’d make the first move. In this circumstance, it’s always important to be proactive. It’s likely that your match is thinking the exact same thing! Try sending some guided questions or drop them a short message. The worst that can happen is that your match won’t respond and you can then focus your efforts on others.

Try Guided Communication

Guided Communication is a painless way to get past the icebreaker stage, especially if you find yourself staring at your screen, agonising over what to actually say in an email. You can easily select a number of multiple-choice questions for your match, which takes the pressure off them too. With Guided Communication you’re in control. You can choose to skip to questions that allow open-ended answers or even to open messaging. It’s a simple way to get to know your match on a deeper level.

Lost for words

When forming your own messages it can be difficult to know what to talk about, or even how to open your first communication. Most importantly, remember that you’re not expected to write a huge essay to your match. Short messages of just a few sentences and questions are enough to keep them intrigued. Your match will more than likely be relieved that they’re not expected to write reams and reams back.

If you’re really stuck try opening by asking them a couple of questions about the most interesting aspects of their profile. They’ll be flattered that you’ve paid them so much attention and will be keen to tell you more about themselves.

Perfect your profile

After the icebreaker stage you should be reassured that your match is potentially interested in finding out more about you. It’s likely that they’ll be back to take another look at your profile in the near future, especially if you’ve started communicating. Put your best foot forward by keeping your profile fresh and up-to-date. If you haven’t updated your profile for a while, go back and see where you could make improvements. Have a look at these profile tips or maybe upload some recent photographs of you doing something you love.

Manage your expectations

When you’ve read your match’s profile and sent each other icebreakers you’ll naturally feel excited to take the next step, but try not to expect too much from your early communications. The aim of talking online is to find out if you’re interested in meeting for a first date, not to get drawn into months of online messaging. Keep this goal in mind, decide whether you want to meet and if not, invest your time in your other matches.

When looking for a committed and lasting relationship, marriage is the ultimate goal of many people. In some cases they’re so keen to fulfil this ambition that they don’t spend enough time getting to know someone on a deeper level before they make a legal and binding commitment. Instead of ending up with a happily ever after, they bring truth to the old adage ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure.’

Getting married is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make so take time to get to know the person you’re going to marry on a deeper level. Here are 12 things you need to know before you tie the knot.

1.      How they respond to stress and show their anger

It’s inevitable that you’ll have difficult times at some point in your marriage. How a couple resolves conflict and deals with stress are major factors in whether a marriage will last.

We all get angry sometimes but how we express it will vary enormously. Can you handle how your partner expresses theirs?

2.      Their plans for the future (kids, careers, travel etc.)

You may think you’re on the same page with regards to the bigger picture but it’s important that you talk about individual hopes and dreams as well as your hopes and dreams for your marriage.

3.      That you mutually love and accept each other as you are TODAY rather than hoping you will change each other once you are married

Don’t marry someone based on their potential, or in an attempt to fix problems between you. If you don’t love and accept someone as they are now then you probably shouldn’t marry them.

4.      That you communicate well with each other

Good communication is the key to developing intimacy and trust. Can you talk to your partner? Do you feel that they’re on your side and care enough to listen to what you think and feel?

5.      What their previous relationships were like

Although we all grow and change, do not disregard how someone conducted themselves in previous relationships. Many people think ‘it will be different with me’ but often it isn’t.  Make sure they’ve learnt from their past or they may repeat it.

6.      Views on money, politics and religion

Talk about it all even if it’s awkward or difficult. It’s important that you understand each other’s values before you commit to sharing your lives.

7.      Any baggage – addictions, debts, grief, crime

We all have things in our past that we’re not proud of but you need to know whether there’s unresolved baggage that’s going to be carried into the marriage.

8.      That they’re comfortable in their own skin and able to take care of themselves

In order for someone to live comfortably with you they must be able to live comfortably with themselves.

9.      Whether they’re planning just a wedding or a marriage

There is a big difference. Asking these questions is laying the foundation for years of happiness together; wedding plans are just for one day.

10.  What their view of the role of a husband/wife is

Some people are excellent as a girl/boyfriend but change once they’re married because they have set views on what their new role should be. Talk it through.

11.  What their needs and expectations are

Why do you want to get married? What are your expectations? What does your partner need from you as their husband/wife?

12.  Whether you can trust them

If you don’t trust the person you’re with then a ring on their finger isn’t going to make them more trustworthy.

Talking about these subjects is like establishing an emotional prenuptial agreement with your partner. Some people enter into a period of premarital counselling to help them do this.

However you do it, don’t assume that you know the answers to the questions above – get to really know your fiancé before they become your spouse.

From Thursday (May 23rd) until May 27th (Monday) you can communicate on eHarmony for free. If you’re not already registered then don’t worry – take our Relationship Questionnaire to start receiving your matches. See who catches your eye and get talking!

Register or sign in now!

How does it work?

Simply register with us, take the Relationship Questionnaire and then once you start receiving matches check them out and see if any of them interest you. You can then start chatting using Guided Communication and see where it takes you – it’s a weekend of opportunity!

What if I’m already registered?

Brilliant! You just need to log in and can start communicating straight away with any matches you like.

I probably have to give you some payment details though, don’t I?

Absolutely not. We don’t need any card details from you, just log in and get communicating.

Can I see photos?

No, but you can see each match’s full profile and communicate with them. Then, if you decide you have something special with any of your matches you can subscribe to see what they look like. You might even find we send you a very special discount off our subscriptions early next week…

Make sure you have lots of photos posted as there are plenty of subscribers on the site who will want to see what you look like, and you never know who might get in touch.

Still got more questions about Free Communication Weekend? Email, phone or live chat with our Customer Care team now.

Although spur-of-the-moment wedding proposals are seemingly popular these days, it’s still those flamboyant, romantic gestures that catch our attention. It’s so much better when they’re caught on film too! The key to all the clips featured here is preparation; the perfect proposal can take years of planning. After all, you only want to ask once, so it’s best to frame the question well.

1. London Comic Con proposal

This clip shows a colourful proposal that takes place during the UK’s biggest comic book convention – the MCM Expo in London. Led into a circle of Spidermen, Jokers, Batmen and characters from Scooby Doo, the bemused-looking girlfriend (Melissa) of the proposer (Yemi) is reduced to tears when a series of banners are unfurled asking her to marry him.

Yemi gets down on one knee and receives an acceptance for his trouble, much to the delight of the assorted superheroes and villains, who close in for a group hug. The proposal is relatively simple and fun, and makes the most of the flamboyant crowd.

2. Plymouth aquarium proposal

This clip is filmed at the National Marine Aquarium in Plymouth, UK. 28-year-old Dave Stevens proposes to his girlfriend, Nicola Sturgess via a sign held up by scuba divers in a fish-filled aquarium in the background.

The proposal works because of the element of surprise. People visiting an aquarium don’t expect to see divers among the fish, still less divers with placards reading, ‘Nicola, will you marry me?’ Apparently the couple, from Farnborough, visited the south-west on holiday every year, so the proposal occurred when the recipient was in relaxation mode and presumably more open to novel experiences.

3. Flashmob proposal

This clip shows a US-style flashmob proposal in Bournemouth, UK. The proposer, Andrew, and his girlfriend, Katie, come across a lone guitarist performing on one of the city’s shopping streets. Before long, he’s joined by street sweepers, waitresses, coffee shop patrons and shoppers. Katie suspects something special is happening when she notices her parents in the throng. The clip finishes with rejoicing after Katie says ‘yes’ to Andrew’s down-on-one-knee proposal.

Though the flashmob proposal is nothing new, it’s still undeniably uplifting. Katie appears to know that she’s about to be proposed to, but this doesn’t detract from the performance. In a way, it’s nicer, as she gets to appreciate the build-up rather than it coming as a complete shock.

4. Online marriage proposal through YouTube clip

This cute clip shows that technology can occasionally be romantic. Filmed on a rooftop, we see our proposer with a series of low-fi props and dressed-up cohorts, explaining why he might make good marriage material and why he loves the recipient. All in, the video lasts just one minute and 30 seconds.

The proposal works on a number of levels. First, the setting is a winner. Rooftops have an inherent magic about them – probably because they signify a world existing above and beyond the everyday living at street-level.

Secondly, the use of video allows its creator full control of the content. In this case, it has been edited to near perfection, with the groom-to-be flawlessly charming throughout. The format also takes the pressure off the person being asked – not everyone appreciates having to make a life-changing decision in front of a crowd.

5. In-flight proposal

This clip shows a couple merrily flying around in a small two-seater plane. The flight descends into terror as the pilot apparently loses control mid-flight. Abject terror is turned to surprise as the girlfriend reads a doctored emergency procedure manual, which outlines the pilot’s love for her and determination to make her a good husband. The ring is then presented, and all is well.

While many have proposed across the tannoy systems on commercial flights, this clip trumps them thanks to the protagonist’s ability to pilot his own aeroplane. While scaring someone by pretending that the plane is going to crash seems a little extreme, in this case it seems to work.

6. London commuter train proposal

This clip shows a musical marriage proposal on a crowded London train – the 19.57 London Overground service to Watford Junction, to be precise. The proposer, Adam King, had arranged for his choir, the Adam Street Singers, to perform a rendition of Bill Withers classic ‘Lovely Day’ to his girlfriend, 25-year-old Lucy Rogers.

The proposal works because of the military precision timing with which the performance and proposal are carried out. Again, the element of surprise is key, as train journeys aren’t typically associated with the exciting or unusual.

7. Street magic proposal

This remarkable proposal takes place in Southampton, and incorporates a street magician. The proposer, Herwin, and his girlfriend, Sonia, appear to stumble upon magician Roger Lapin doing his close-up magic performance on the city’s high street. After performing a few tricks, the magician reveals first a ring box and then a picture with the words, ‘Will you marry me?’ In the meantime, Herwin has assumed the one-knee position to offer the ring to Sonia.

The proposal works because it’s so novel. The magic element is a nice touch, as it primes the potential bride-to-be for surprise. The magician performs his duties well and the other members of the unsuspecting audience add to the experience with their obvious pleasure.

Add those special touches to every date with our dating video series, exploring insider tips from industry experts. Whether deciding what film to watch, which wine to drink, what to wear, or what to talk about, make your first, second or third dates memorable with The Great Date Handbook.

For the first episode we asked film expert, Jon Lyus, to share his top 5 romantic movies and cinema date tips. Whether you’re a movie lover yourself and want to share your passion, or want to try something a bit different, Jon’s advice gives a great chance of a successful date.

Jon tells us about his favourite, off-the-beaten-track cinemas and talks about the importance of matching your date venue with your personality (and you don’t even have to watch a rom-com either, unless you want to)! Watch Jon’s video now and you’ll be well on your way to a perfect cinema date.

Remember to subscribe to our YouTube channel for more expert insights from The Great Date Handbook and weekly advice videos from eHarmony’s relationship expert, Jenni Trent-Hughes.

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we showcase one user’s eHarmony profile, asking for your feedback. For our fourteenth edition we’re showcasing one male user’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. He’s looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

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In my own words

The one thing I am most passionate about:

At the moment I’m passionate about the gym, as I am currently getting back in to shape and raising some money for charity at the same time. I am very passionate about the outdoors, motorcycling, reading. I also have a passion for comedy and one of my 2013 goals is to attend a comedy course in London.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

It has to be honesty and the ability to communicate.

The most influential person in my life has been:

Some may see this as egotistical, I call it confidence and a positive self image. The inner me, that little voice. We are all 100% responsible for who, what, and where we are in life!
I have really worked to create my life and to get from life, it will give you anything you ask for and are willing to work for. This little voice becomes a better and more positive influence in my life each and every day.

And I will continue to feed that inner me with positive thoughts, images, and actions! I want the best this life has to offer!

The three things which I am most thankful for:

- Health

- Friends

- Life

Three of my best life-skills are:

- Achieving personal goals

- Car maintenance and repair

- Finding new adventures and unique experiences

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

That I’m a good catch

The things I can’t live without are:

- My Phone

- Motorcycle

- Friends

- Tech

- Films

The first thing people notice about me:

I live life to the max, as they say if you’re not living on the edge your taking up to much room. I’m loud and proud, full of energy and character.Also as you can see from some off my answer I’m very much straight to the point

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

Mostly riding my motorcycle with friends, or listening to music, at the gym, walking

The last book I read and enjoyed:

Get Off Your Arse. It’s about getting off your arse and doing something,

According to my friends

My friends describe me as:

- Romantic

- Respectful

- Warm

- Thoughtful

Our communication style affects how others perceive us and how well we get on in relationships. Being aware of your own and others communication style can reduce conflict and improve relationships. People tend to think of communication solely as what we say but we also communicate through non-verbal gestures, how we dress and our use of physical space.

Knowing what style you are

There are many online tests you can take to discover what type of communication style you have and although they may come under different headings, the four different types referred to are:

Sympathetic – like to focus on people and relationships, are good listeners and generally concerned with everyone’s needs. Sympathetics typically don’t like conflict. They may be seen as soft hearted and overly helpful. They can be seen as procrastinators when they are distracted.

Direct – are often brief in conversation and focused on many things at once. They tend to see the big picture and are more focused on the end result than on the steps it takes to get there.  They can appear self confident, opinionated and intimidating.

Systematic – will focus on facts and figures and not on the bigger picture. They are generally not comfortable with conflict. They may be perceived as unemotional or nonchalant.

Expressive – tend to be high energy, speak quickly and focus on the big picture. They generally find conflict or differences in opinion invigorating. They can seem overly cheerful, vain or unpredictable.

Very few people are all one style or another, or one style all of the time. Who we are with and where we are – out with friends, family, at work or on a date – will affect how comfortable we are and therefore how we communicate.

Once you’re aware of your predominant style you can adapt it to be more complementary to the person you are with and the situation you are in. This doesn’t mean you have to be a chameleon, just that you become aware of how you communicate so you can get along more harmoniously with others. When you’re dating this is particularly useful.

How we communicate with matches

What style we are will affect our interactions with people every step of the way in the dating process.

- How long it takes to respond to online communication

- The length and depth of their response on text or email

- Their comfortableness with talking on the phone

- Their ability to make definite plans for a date

- Their preference for where a date is held

- Their conversational ability when they meet you

- How much they disclose about themselves

- How they conduct themselves during the course of the relationship

- Their future planning abilities

- How comfortable they are in social situations

- How they express their emotions

The next time you’re struggling to communicate with a date ask yourself if it’s because your communication styles are very different. Knowing that this is the cause can help you be more understanding towards your date – just because they have a different way of communicating doesn’t necessarily mean that you are incompatible.

Non-verbal communication

What you are communicating about yourself is more than just what you say. How you dress, your body language or even how you walk into a room or sit in a chair says a lot about you. When you are with a date they are picking up on these non-verbal signs and forming an impression of you, whether they realise it or not.

How do you want to be perceived?

To gain mastery of anything you need to give it some time and attention. The art of effective communication is no different. How do you want to be perceived by others?  Often people who are shy and anxious adopt a loud and aggressive communication style to cover up their insecurities. Are you covering up who you really are? Being authentic when you’re dating is vital if you want to be successful. Are you communicating who you really are?

There’s no getting away from the fact that when you’re over 40 your perspective on life and love is different from when you’re in your 20s, but what are the realities?

1.      Family

Although many women now wait until their early 40s before starting a family, the chances of conceiving do diminish when you’re over 40. Men can continue to father children until much later in life but for women, if they haven’t had a family by this time their priorities for a relationship will be different from that of a younger woman.

Older people often have children from previous relationships and it’s becoming more common for families to be ‘blended’ with step brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles and grandparents. This can bring up lots of different issues within a relationship but as long as you and your partner are on the same page and work together as a team, it can be very satisfying.

2.      Body

It’s often in our 40s that our bodies become less forgiving and slower to recover from excesses or injury. Whether its middle age spread or pains in the joints, it’s inevitable that our bodies will change as we grow older and we need to do more to stay in shape.

If you’re particularly body conscious this can become a real block to dating. Rather than resigning yourself to a life alone because you don’t feel confident about your body, try doing all you can to take care of yourself. Just the basics of eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water and exercising regularly will help you feel more confident about yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important and remember, there are lots of examples of people later in life who look better than they did in their 20s.

3.       Physical intimacy

According to experts, women reach their sexual peak in their 40s and men can still be in full sexual health throughout life. Aside from illness, any problems with physical intimacy usually arise from a lack of self confidence particularly if you’ve been on your own for a long time.

The key is to not expect yourself to be as energetic as you were in your 20s. The chances are that your partner won’t be either, if they’re around the same age as you. Accepting your own imperfections will help you to also accept others. Sex later in life is often more sensual and an expression of emotion because it’s not being driven by the biological urge to procreate.

4.      Attitude

When someone is over 40 they usually have a different attitude towards relationships than younger people. They’re more likely to be ready to make a commitment because they know what they want in life. They’ve also had many more life experiences and will have developed strategies for dealing with problems and challenging emotions.

Time seems to speed up as you get older and people realise that they have one chance at a relationship and happiness. The realisation that life is short is often a good incentive to make the most of every day and not be too burdened by the past or fearful of the future. Being comfortable in your own skin often comes with age and can allow you to relax and enjoy relationships more.

5.      Expectations

As we grow older our list of what we want from a partner will change significantly. Instead of being hung up on looks, status and the type of car someone drives, older people are likely to say that they’re looking for someone who is kind, considerate and has a good sense of humour. This is because life teaches us that inner substance is more valuable than outer flashiness.

The one thing that doesn’t change, no matter how old you are, is the desire to give and receive love.

If only it were that simple. Not everyone who takes the time to post an online profile is actually ready for a relationship. They may be dipping their toe in the water for personal research or they may just want a bit of fun. Even though a person’s head may be willing, their heart may not have healed from a previous relationship. They may be very self conscious and afraid of intimacy. What they write on their profile will tell you a lot but you can also read between the lines to find out more.

What are they looking for?

The first thing to note is whether they specifically say they are looking for a committed relationship, companionship or something casual. This is their conscious preference and usually you can take it on trust that they mean what they say.

When you look in more detail at their profile you may start to uncover their unconscious feelings or beliefs. Clues that they might not be ready are:

-          Their description of their ideal partner is too prescriptive – they may be looking for an image of perfection which most human beings would struggle to live up to. You want someone who is open to getting to know you in all your uniqueness and can accept both the good and the bad.

-          Lots of things they ‘don’t want’ in a partner – this might indicate that they’ve been hurt in the past and are defensive and wary of getting into the same situation again.

Ideally their description of a partner should be open, flexible and, while it may contain preferences, nothing is set in stone.

How they describe themselves

They say that in order to love another person you must love yourself first. While we might not go that far, it’s essential that you believe you are someone worth getting to know before anybody else will.

It’s hard to write about yourself but when you’re reading profiles watch out for disparaging remarks, self-criticism and signs of low self-worth. While someone like this may be desperate for a relationship to make them feel good, paradoxically they probably need to feel better about themselves before they will attract the relationship they deserve.

How they spend their time

Usually people talk quite openly about hobbies and activities in their profile and these can reveal a lot about whether they’re ready for a relationship.

A relationship needs time and attention so look for someone who has these to offer. Someone whose life is so full you have to book a date a month in advance may not be ready to settle down yet. On the other hand someone who has nothing much going on and are waiting for someone to come and fill the void may turn out to be very needy and dependant. What you are looking for is someone who has balance between work, friends, family and leisure; someone who is happy with their own company but open to new experiences.

Their view of the past

We are all affected by our past but to be ready for a relationship a person needs to have worked through and healed hurt or bitterness – particularly from previous relationships. Look out for references to exes, especially those that suggest that they are still smarting from the break up – rebound relationships rarely end well.

A colourful or troubled past can often be a mark of strength of character if the lessons have been learnt and the wounds healed, but be on the lookout for signs of unhealthy coping strategies – e.g. drinking too much.

Finally

A profile can only reveal a small fraction of someone and while reading between the lines may help you discover more, it’s no substitute for getting to know matches in person. Trust your intuition and ask for clarity if you’re unsure about whether someone is serious about dating.

On a first date good conversation is essential for success. Conversation is an art with a fine balance of talking, listening, self-disclosure and asking questions to show interest in the other person. There are some questions you should steer clear of on a first date – you may ask them further down the line if a relationship develops – but when you first meet, they could affect the success of the date.

1.      Questions about marriage

The first date is an opportunity for you to get to know each other and discover whether there’s that essential ‘spark’ between you. If you launch straight into questions about marriage and commitment you might scare your date off. You will have gauged from their profile whether they’re interested in marriage but conversations about it are best left until you get to know each other better.

2.      Do you like me?

It’s the question we all want to know the answer to but the one you should never ask. You will seem needy and insecure if you ask directly. You will often be able to tell from someone’s body language, conversation and manner towards you whether they are attracted to you. You will also get the answer to the question if they ask for a second date. Some people like to go away and process a date before they decide if they want to see the person again, so try to be patient and not push for an answer too soon.

3.      Interview questions

A date should be fun but if you bombard your date with too many questions they may feel like they’re being interviewed for the position of your partner. If you ask a question be prepared to listen properly to the answer and share something about yourself on the same subject. Asking open questions (ones that require more than a yes or no answer) are meant to be leads into a shared conversation, rather than leaving your date feeling like you’re going through a checklist assessing their suitability.

4.      Can I borrow some money?

The person you’re with is a virtual stranger and asking to borrow money from them – even if it is a genuine emergency and you’ve left your purse/wallet in a cab – is a no no. If you find yourself in a financial scrape call a friend to bail you out before you ask your date for help. They don’t know you and asking for money will make you come across as someone who can’t take care of themselves or, even worse, as a scammer.

5.      Questions about sex

Whether you’re asking about their favourite sexual position, or how many partners they have had, all conversation about sex should be kept off the menu until further down the line. It’s far better to flirt and allude to such things on a first date than to talk about them directly. You don’t want to come across as someone who is just looking for cheap thrills if what you’re after is a lasting, committed relationship.

When answering a date’s questions keep your responses truthful, open and light. The biggest mistake people make is in over-sharing which can leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed – especially if the person decides that they don’t want to see you again.

Keep your questions and your answers natural, light and interesting and remember that a first date is more like an introduction to help you decide if you want to meet again.

With smart phones, instant photo updates and 24/7 online communication, it’s easy to be lured into over-sharing about your relationship. Without even realising it your enthusiasm and excitement at having found a new love could be the one thing that stops it in its tracks.

1.      Your friends know more about your relationship than your partner does

The first sign that you’re in danger of over-sharing online is that you change your status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ after the first date. You need to establish that you’re both on the same page first and give the relationship a chance to get established before you make a public announcement. The decision to make your union public should be a joint one – not everyone is comfortable with having their business online. Every time you share something about the relationship you are sharing their business too, so you need their consent.

On anonymous forums people share all sorts of intimate details without realising that these are still traceable. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t tell your best friend, don’t post it online.

2.      You can’t make any decisions about the relationship until you have enough ‘Likes’ on Facebook

More and more people are reliant on the approval of their friends before they make important decisions in their life. Whether it’s the choice of an engagement ring, holiday destination or moral dilemma, putting it on Facebook and waiting for your friend’s responses before you make a decision can be very damaging to a relationship. It takes the autonomy away from you as a couple. Things that you would ordinarily discuss in private are open for public debate and people you may hardly know can have a say in major decisions in your life.

3.      You have more virtual contact with your partner than physical

If you live a long way from each other this may be inevitable at first but there’s no substitute for face to face conversation, even if it is on the telephone or over Skype. Tagging, poking, nudging and tweeting can let someone know you’re thinking about them but don’t mistake that for developing a relationship – it isn’t  A relationship develops when we share our lives, thoughts, feelings and time with each other. This is best done in private than in the public arena of online networks.

4.      When you’re on a date you update your online status

The things that make a relationship deepen and grow are time and attention. When you’re on a date make sure that you’re really there, rather than feeding back to your friends on what you’re eating or what a good time you are having. This reduces the experience to something superficial rather than meaningful time spent with someone you’re really interested in. If you were really enjoying yourself you would be so absorbed in your date that you wouldn’t be thinking about your online status.

5.      You base the health of the relationship more on what other people say about it than on how you feel

More than ever people are swayed by public opinion. When it comes to your relationship what matters is your own feelings more than what other people say about it. Only the two people in a couple really know about the relationship. Anyone else’s opinions are going to be based on small amounts of (usually one-sided) information.

When it comes to your love life remember to put your relationship before the approval or acceptance of other people.

For some people sharing any intimate details online is over-sharing. Talk to your close friends in person and keep your postings online to those things you would be happy to be published on the front page of a tabloid newspaper.

A great first date will give you butterflies and that giddy feeling like you’re 17 again. A bad first date can make you feel like you’ll never find that special someone. Whatever kind of first date you’ve had here are eight things you should never do afterwards.

1.       Go text crazy

After you meet someone you feel a connection with, oxytocin kicks in and removes any sense of restraint you once had.  This can unleash the text monster within, prompting you to text your date even when they haven’t responded to your last missive. If this sounds like you, take a deep breath and step away from the phone. If your date isn’t getting back to you as quickly as you’d like, staring at your phone won’t help, nor will sending more texts. It was just a first date, not a proposal!

2.       Over analyse

We’re all guilty of over analysing a little sometimes, but overall it’s not a healthy thing to do – especially when it comes to dating. It’s so easy to wonder whether a particular hand touch or laugh was important but it’s also futile. The only way to know if someone liked you is to see if they agree to another date!

3.       Add them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, pin to their Pinterest board…

Social media has added a whole new dimension to dating, and it can be a really great way to stay in touch with someone. But, it can also cause a whole host of problems. We’d never advise finding someone online unless you really think your relationship is going somewhere. Adding a date on a social network after just one meeting, even if you’ve had a great time,  can be very awkward,  especially if the second date doesn’t work out…

4.       Tell yourself you’ll be single forever

Bad first dates are tough. You build up to the big day, hoping they’ll be someone special, and then when there’s no chemistry it’s a real let down. This kind of situation can lead to a real ‘ I’m never going to meet someone’ mentality, but this is the worst thing you can do.

5.       Act like you’re in a relationship

One date does not make a relationship, and yet some people seem to get confused about this. One date doesn’t mean the other person needs to return your calls immediately, be your emotional support or help you move house. Know the difference between ‘dating’ and ‘in a relationship’.

6.       Cut off all contact with other matches

When you’re in the early stages of dating, anything can happen. After a first date you might think you’ve met the one, or you might write them off completely. Whatever happens, you shouldn’t cut off other matches; keep all your options open. We’re not saying you should do this 10 dates in, but it’s perfectly acceptable to go on a coffee date with someone on one day, and then the next day go out for drinks with someone else.

7.       Tell your friends & family you’ve met The One

When you meet someone you have a real spark with you want to tell the world about this amazing person. We say, restrain yourself until you at least become exclusive. If you shout about this person from the rooftops only to find they don’t want a second date then you’ll feel pretty deflated.

8.       Play games

Playing games is not cool at all. Waiting a certain amount of time to text back, mentioning other dates to make them jealous, or simply pretending to be someone else means you deserve not to get a second date. Just be yourself!