Thursday, 23 February 2012
Dating jargon: multi dating
In the second instalment of our dating jargon posts we tackle ‘multi-dating’. Multi-dating is standard practice in the US, but with the rise in singles in the UK it is becoming more popular here too. Here we’ll answer what it is, and help you decide whether you want to using it as a dating tactic.
What is multi-dating?
Multi-dating is the act of dating multiple people at the same time. No, it’s not cheating (though it can be a grey area). It’s about maximising your time, and effort. If you’re online dating especially, you might go through periods where you’re communicating with quite a few people at once, with the potential to go on quite a few dates. Why put some matches on ice just to go on a date with one person? Multi-dating is like hedging your bets – have a date with James one evening and then one with Sean the next.
Dates are often like buses – they don’t come along for a while and then suddenly 3 turn up at once –and with multi-dating you don’t waste the opportunity when it does come along. But, multi-dating does have pitfalls. Read our pros and cons before you decide whether it’s for you!
The pros
- Never miss out on a date again – with multi-dating your strategy can be to accept as many dates as possible. If you’re feeling adventurous you could do it American style with a coffee date in the morning, followed by a dinner date with someone different later in the day.
- Make the most of your time – by moving more quickly onto the dating stage with a few matches, you should save time by figuring out quickly who you’re interested in on a personal level.
- Keep up momentum – by capitalising on those times when you have a few dates to go on, you will boost your confidence and this will give you a boost in the dating game
The cons
- You may feel guilty – if you’re one of those people who feel guilty when they take the small shampoos from hotel bathrooms, then multi-dating might not be for you. It’s not something you should feel guilty about, as long as you’re honest with everyone involved, but if your conscience is going to affect your enjoyment of the dating process then there’s no point.
- You need to be honest – if you’re going to multi-date, you need to be upfront with your dates. That doesn’t mean you need to say, ‘By the way, I’m seeing other people’ but if the topic comes up, you cannot lie. Otherwise, you might end up in a whole different world of pain.
- It’s not for disorganised people – multi-dating means you have to be organised, and have a good memory. If Meera is the fundraising manager, but you ask Nina questions about that subject you might find yourself in hot water.
- It can be expensive – of course, this depends on the kinds of dates you’re going on, and who pays on each date, but even if you’re going Dutch, three meals out a week might get a bit pricey (and won’t do your waistline much good).
1
thepeacehappiness
2 March 2012 18:17
seriously who do you get to write these articles and how is this article going to help anyone it does not provide any solutions at all just confuses people.
2
myowntwofeet
15 March 2012 19:08
I think it’s a great idea. I’m in a relationship with a man at the moment. He thinks it’s fine to meet up with other women he calls “old friends”. When I said I wasn’t comfortable with that, bearing in mind he has already asked me to marry him, he said he would trust me 100% if I wished to meet up with any of my male “old friends”. He sees his ex-wife a couple of times a week, and even cleans her house to help her out from time to time. She’s another “old friend”. I think I’ll call one of my “old friends” this evening, and meet up to chat like “old friends” do. And I’ll see how long it takes him to get jealous. “If your girlfriend isn’t jealous when someone else has your attention, then it’s because someone else has hers”.
3
Judith
27 March 2012 12:56
Twofeet, it sounds like you don’t trust him. In which case what you suggest is just game playing. Why not just explain your insecurities to him?
I am female and have male friends. If someone I were in a relationship with became as jealous as you evidently are and suggested I stop seeing my friends, I would bin the relationship, not the friends.
4
thepeacehappiness
26 July 2012 15:07
why date people that wont give you 100% when there are people that will, sorry if he had a girls club around do not make him your boyfriend.
5
CatsWhiskers
10 March 2013 12:23
It’s a tough one. I’ve been out with the one guy for three dates now and we’re just getting on so well. It’s all been very comfortable and lots of fun. The thing is, I don’t *feel the need* to keep on looking as, personally, I’d be quite happy to see where this goes. If we work out together then wonderful, if we don’t, then at THAT point I would willingly come back to the beginning and start over. I don’t like the concept of *this will do until something better comes along* which I feel is the downside of multi dating – someone is going to end up getting hurt. In short, I’m not looking for a date, I’m looking for a relationship… I just don’t know how to explain my feelings to my date. I’m worried he might think I’m coming on too strong but knowing how well we’ve been getting on it worries me when I see that he’s still *online today* – everyday! What do other people think?