Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Dating jargon: The “friend zone”
This month we move onto the “friend zone” – that most tricky of situations that we’ve all probably encountered at some point. But, what exactly is it, and how do you deal with discovering you’re in the zone?
What is the “friend zone”?
The “friend zone” is where you can end up if you find someone attractive, but they see you only as a friend. This might be because you’ve been friends forever and she sees you more as a brother than a romantic interest, or that, if you’re a woman, he just sees you as ‘one of the lads’.
Am I in the “friend zone”?
There are quite a few signs that you’ve ended up in the friend zone:
- Your friend talks to you – in great detail – about their love life, and who they find attractive
- Your friend treats you very much like ‘one of the lads’ or ‘one of the girls’
- ‘Something’ happened years ago (a kiss, or more) and nothing has happened since
- You’ve asked them out, and they’ve rejected you, but continued to keep you as a friend
One or a combination of these mean you’re almost certainly seen as a friend by your romantic interest.
How do I get out of the “friend zone”?
The first question you need to tackle is how important telling your friend how you feel is, compared with how important their friendship is to you. You run a risk of ruining your friendship if you do admit your feelings. It’s unfortunate, but once you’ve admitted you find your friend attractive, they will probably see you in a different light.
The next question is whether your friend wants to be in a relationship at all. If they’re happy with someone else, have just come out of a serious relationship or have told you they’re happy being single for now, then the best advice is leave well alone. A heartfelt confession to someone just about to walk down the aisle might work in films, but it rarely works out in real life.
Once you’ve seriously considered these questions, then it really is up to you. If the path is clear and your feelings are strong then you just need to screw up the courage and make the move. To prevent your friend still treating you like a friend, don’t take them to your usual haunts. Dress up, go somewhere nice and set the scene. If you want them to see you romantically, you have to act romantically.
And finally, good luck!
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