5 October 2009
Five relationship warning signs
Sometimes, we all need some perspective on whether to continue a relationship or not – it’s easy to be blind to the faults of someone we feel strongly for. Here are some warning signs that it might be time to call it a day.
Hindsight is 20/20 vision they say, and when it comes to relationships we could all benefit from some of that clarity every once in a while. Who hasn’t thought that if only they’d known, or seen one detail about their ex-partner that they could have saved months of relationship hell?
Love, or thinking you are in love, can play tricks on the mind. But next time you don’t know whether you should pay heed to your nagging doubts, this list might help.
They can’t shake the ex
Just because an ex is in your partner’s life, doesn’t necessarily spell trouble. If they have children together, it’s most likely they will need to see each other. And, in some rare cases, people manage to stay friends with their exes, without any feelings beyond friendship.
But, if your new partner’s ex is in the picture, you might have to ask a few tough questions of yourself, and possibly your partner. How often do they see each other? Does this person fulfil a need you don’t? Does my partner keep photos of their ex around them? Are we actually in a meaningful relationship? That last question is the tough one. If your new flame is into you, they really shouldn’t need the attentions of their old flame. The key here is to go with your gut feeling.
You find out they’ve lied
Nobody tells the truth 100% of the time, and the odd white lie can be justified to spare someone’s feelings. But lies in relationships, even minor ones, can spell trouble. Your partner lying about where they’re going after work, or being unable to explain a text message from a mysterious person should make you wary. Even if the lie is nothing to do with your relationship, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks it is ok to lie?
And finally, bigger lies should cause no hesitation. Get out of there as fast as you can.
They ogle other men/women
If we’re honest, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that the person who serves your coffee every morning is damned attractive. But if your partner is looking every which way at every attractive member of the opposite sex then you may have a problem. When you’re with them, they should be treating you as if you’re the only person that matters, and not comparing you to other people.
You hate their mates
If the thought of spending time with your other half’s friends sends you cold, you might need to question why they hang around with them. They could be the eternal bachelors who think it’s ok to cheat on women, or the shrieking girls who think everything should centre around them – either way, you should wonder about your mate’s priorities.
Everybody has the odd questionable friend (think about it – we bet you do), but that’s not what we’re talking about. If all your partners mates are despicable, then what does that say about your partner?
They’re a void
At the start of a romantic relationship, we all hope our other half will be devoted to us. But, over time this can mask the fact that they have nothing going on in their own lives. If you’re still pursuing your love of karate but your partner picks up the phone on the first ring every time, and constantly asks when you’re coming home, you might be dealing with a blank canvas.
Not many people want to be with someone who fills their every waking moment with activities, but we are usually attracted to those who are active and interested in the world. Talk about your dreams and aspirations with your partner, and if they don’t appeal to you, you may need to rethink your relationship.
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