3 December 2009
Can long-distance love survive?
by eHarmony
Does absence really make the heart grow fonder and how do you make a long-distance relationship last?
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Internet dating means that in today’s world, many couples are now facing the challenges of long-distance relationships. But do they last? Daily, face-to-face communication is thought to nurture and sustain a relationship and help a couple understand each other, yet, some long-distance relationships stand the test of time. So, why is this?
Research suggests that one reason long-distance relationships last is because couples are prone to ‘romantic idealisations’ about each other. If encounters are rare, couples are likely to reminisce in unrealistically positive terms, believing they have more in common than they really do. They are also likely to be on their best behaviour so certain character traits and incompatibilities remain hidden.
When the distance finally closes, these idealisations can lead to a break-up. A relationship may be happy and steady while apart but these false idealisations can lead to disappointment when together.
So, how can you be sure you don’t succumb to these idealisations and make a long-distance relationship last? Research suggests that frequent levels of quality communication can raise a relationship’s chances of survival. These days the internet can make long-distance dating run more smoothly. Everything from webcams and emails to text messaging and phone calls can help.
To make a relationship last, you need to be a good communicator, so be willing to express how you feel. Be sure to talk about everything, just as you would if you saw your partner every day. It’s important to create intimacy with them, even if this can’t be physical. Couples that are proactive about getting to know each other and keep a grounded perception of their relationship will be much more likely to make it survive.
References: Stafford, L., & Merolla, A.J. (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relations, 24(1), 37-54.
1
Alex Hammond
3 December 2009 17:51
Long distance relationships can’t work for too long. The internet is no substitute for actually being with someone.
2
Jane
10 December 2009 11:21
Long distance relationships can not last,You have to be truely comitted,I have been there,and you do not know what they are doing,also the time difference plays a part in it
3
lynne
11 December 2009 08:05
I completely agree with the article in the sense that I managed to sustain a long distance relationship for 12 months, unfortunately when my partner returned to our hometown we lasted a very short time before the inevitable happened. Up until this time we had a great relationship but I guess there must have been ‘romantic idealisations’ on both sides. I’m sure it works for some people though.
4
nfma
11 December 2009 19:25
Ya, I’ve been through like 4 or 5 of these and of all kinds and it doesn’t work at all.
The only exception is if you already have a long and trustful relationship and you have to be a part for a while.
Any other that starts in the internet even if you see each other every month, call everyday using webcams and so on… you’re living a lie not a relationship…
5
m
11 December 2009 23:05
I’m in the midst of a very long distance relationship with someone I met on this site 6 months ago. We haven’t met as yet but not for want of trying-never in the same country at the same time!We are a bit older so maybe not as romantically idealistic, and we are trying to discover all the good things and bad about each other before we finally do meet. Thank god for skype so at least we know what, the other looks like and its so good to be able to have long intimate conversations. Hopefully we will get together early next year, and I think we both worry that we may not hit it off in person but thats a risk that any new relationship faces. In the meantime, distance or not, its lovely to have someone to talk to, and know that even on the other side of the world someone is thinking about you and you them. The biggest problem is who makes the move to stay together
6
Simon
13 December 2009 15:58
Long distance relationships are exciting and prove to me that there is a big wide world out there to explore, beyond the narrow confines of our own locality. It is a source of inspiration for me and I actively seek to meet ladies from foreign countries.
I agree though that in the end two people must become one, in one location, for their happiness to thrive and prosper.
7
D
13 December 2009 17:08
Long distance relationships can last, I had one for 3 years but it wasn’t the distance that split us it was mainly my partner’s mother…she didn’t like me very much and influenced him when I was not there. He was a litte younger than me but I can’t believe how she would do that. He wasn’t strong enough to overcome that obviously as he never came running after me!I think it is important to be in contact everyday….then you feel you know wha’s happening with each other.
8
Chi Girl
1 February 2010 16:32
I am in a long distance relationship. I hope no one here gets discouraged because you truly may find the one you have searched for your whole life, and it may not be in your local area. The world is a big place. Considering, if you believe this, there is only one person custom made for you then I will take whatever obstacles come in between that union. If it’s true love, truly the person you are to be with, distance is nothing, it’s temporary, because ultimately you know you can’t live without each other so it doesn’t matter what city one will have to live in to be with you. No sacrifice too great if it’s truly the person you may have sought your whole life. No idealisitic at all. i’m usually quite synical, but when you know… it’s true.. you just know. When you’ve been down a hard road of hope and wondered why, you can’t be blind when you finally get your pot of gold. Do get the rainbow, you gotta deal with the rain.but only for a temporary time, until the sun comes out. I have never ever ever been a hopeless romantic or anything. People.. it’s out there. Don’t lose hop. And if you know you have searched the world, don’t let anyone or anything effect that. These reviews people look at can be quite discouraging to those that are easily influenced.When it comes to matters of the heart, learn how to fly solo on decisions unless it is with whom you wish to give your heart to. i think the biggest error is that we allow others to influence something they could never truly understand. It’s not very wise.