You’ve met a great match ^[1] and things seem to be going well, but you haven’t quite taken in to the next level yet. You have lovely evenings together, but you’re not getting much more than a kiss goodnight.

It’s also probably the last thing you want to bring up, just in case you freak them out. So, here are five reasons why you could be stuck on this level of intimacy that should help you decide what you can do next.

They haven’t figured out how you feel about them
Just because you think you’ve shown your match that you like them, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re getting the message. It’s an age old problem, but men and women often don’t know how to communicate.  Your partner might be unsure whether you’re seeing other people, or simply doesn’t know where the relationship is going. Tell them how you feel, and reassure him or her about what your expectations for the relationship are. If you’re not in it for the long run, let them know, to avoid hurt feelings.

They haven’t figured out how they feel about you
For many people – especially women – sex is more than just a physical act, it’s about a much deeper connection. And if your partner isn’t sure how they feel about you, they might not be willing to hop into bed until they’ve got it figured out. Let your other half get to know the real you, open up a little bit – you may be surprised by the outcome.

They don’t want to rush into things
Often when women or men want to take a relationship slowly, it’s because they’ve been burnt in the past. If your partner seems hesitant, persuade them to talk about their past relationships. Maybe their last relationship ended bitterly, or maybe they’ve taken things fast before and subsequently been treated badly by their partner. Don’t assume your girlfriend or boyfriend is just a prude – if it’s the case they they’ve been hurt in the past then they’re being pretty savvy protecting their emotions. If they’re worth it, you’ll wait until they’re ready.

They’re dating other matches
With modern relationships, you can never assume you’re in an exclusive relationship until you’ve had ‘that’ conversation. With internet dating especially, there is the opportunity to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time, and it is perfectly possible that the person you’re seeing is seeing other people too.  Your partner may be trying to figure out which person they feel they connect with the most. This won’t be an easy subject to broach, but if you feel you’re ready, it’s best to work out if they’re on the same page.

She wants to wait until after marriage
Saving sex for marriage may seem like an archaic view to some, but there are still people who make this choice. It could be for religious or simply personal reasons – but either way, remember that your partner made the decision long before they met you. And if this is the case, then don’t even think about trying to change their mind. If she talks about her values, morals or beliefs, take this as a cue to broach the subject. Bear in mind that they may feel nervous about talking about their decision too, as it’s likely they’ve had negative reactions to their choice in the past. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide whether they’re worth waiting for.

If one of these particular points resonates with you, then you may have the answer you’re looking for. The most important thing for you to do is open the lines of communication – after all, if they’re worth it, you’ll make the effort.