Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

I am looking for advice if anyone is willing to give as I really need it. I started a relationship 4 years ago, but we lived in different places. He always use to tell me how much he loved me and how much I mean to him. We had a few problems at the beginning as I was upset to see how he flirted with other women in front of me and I told him and he always said he was not flirting. We split up a couple of times and the relationship was not very stable for him but he always usually came back to me. A few months ago we went to live together and then he cofessed that he was with another women since a year and he loved we both. I ended up at that moment and left to live somewhere else. In a matter of days he got bck to me saying that he wanted to come back with me and that he had nothing with the other woman. We got back and he asks me to live with him. I am in real doubt as I think he is going to do it again and he is never going to compromise fully. I really love him and think he is the man of my life.
If anyone would like to give his opinion welcome.

Hiya honey, Listen Dont feel like this is your fault and that it is somthing that you are doing wrong for him to do this, the problem with cheating it is the rush he goes for, he wants what he cant have. And you take him back everytime is a big no no because you are not making him work for you, you see you want him to want you and that is what a realationship is all about, you need to crack the whip if u will, give him a choice them or me, now the best way to go about this is to make him wait, cheaters go for the chase the hunt well u have to simply make him chase you.
hold off on kisses on the lips and do short cuddles he has to earn your love and respect, you need to make him work for your affections, and take your realationship a step at a time, show him u have the power not him.
It will be hard for you, but dont give in, and this will make him wonder what is going off and make his mind work.
So you turn the tables on him he will then chase you around, true it can go both ways, 1, he will chase you and you give him snippits of love.
2 he will just go, but then u will know for sure that he truly wants yoou for you love and not for the chase.
You see some men are more like the animal kingdom they enjoy the hunt,and td that is what matters once they have what the want they no longer want it so they go ack to there safty net, which is you honey as cheaters cant be alone.
it is because they have confidence issues, you may think that silly, far from it what he shows on the outside is alot diffrent what he shows within.
Listen be strong and you will find this empowering i promice.
Be well honey.

Dear Rosa,
he is leading you a dance and i’m afraid to say he only has his best interests at heart. It was touching to see how gentle and kind the first responses were but the hard & brutal truth from what you said is that this man has disrespected you and your love for over a year already. Once you found out and left he found he would do or say anything to get you back. But remember, he had no qualms to hurt you the first time. Is this a man you truly want to keep wasting your love on? It wasn’t an accident that he put his thing in another woman time and time again. To only come back to you and risk your pain not to mention plenty of sexually transmitted diseases. Don’t sell yourself short any longer. The turmoil you are in now can only improve once he is out of your life. Then you can give yourself the chance you deserve for a brighter future with eventually a man who deserves you but first with yourself and self respect intact. I myself have suffered from an on off relationship where the man only showed he truly wanted me after periods of leaving me. It is so soul destroying. I promise you that once you are free from him you will start to feel stronger and happier in the knowledge that you love yourself and won’t be treated like this anymore.
My advice to you would be to give up your addiction to this man, get a check at your local hospital for sexually transmitted diseases then lead a full and happy life with him.
Sometimes we want so much to believe in someone and something that we hang on to the words and lies rather than looking at the truth of his actions. Are you truly happy? Love should not hurt you.
Good luck and please love yourself enough to do this since he really does not.

Don’t listen to your head, listen to your heart…..

Dear Rosa,

You can’t change him, but you can change yourself.
If nothing changes in either of you then the same pattern will repeat. For him to say he loves you is quite simply not enough, because everyone’s idea of love varies. It is compatibility, it is common long and short term goals. Do you want children? Do you think he would make a good role model? Does he bring out the best in you?
Breaking off from someone can be like a drug withdrawal,emotions are very powerful, and fear can seep from every pore. Physically you will suffer, mentally you will be experiencing constant battles and your emotions will crave and be prepared to compromise. But if you put a reliable infrastructure of loving, straight talking people in place, if you book your time up, if you make a small commitment to something else that’ll distract you. Then you will successfully wean yourself off from him. And Rosa, it was not a wasted love, it was a stepping stone to the next phase of your life. If you are still with him, should things go wrong again, be brave and start again without him.

rach

My cousin now in his forties, is a serial cheater and here I will explain how in his case, the reasons behind this and how it came to be. For those of you out there wondering WHY some men turn out this way ? His mother started out in the nursing profession and having studied throughout the years, went as high up in the profession that she could possibly go, becoming fully qualified in her field. His father was just a factory worker, they had three boys, of which he was the eldest and for years, both parents worked opposite shifts to each other. Their mother always spent money like water, but wasted it as fast as she earned it, but they just managed to pay the bills, despite two good wage packets coming in. Eventually, when he reached 13 years, the age of the awkward teenager. She walked out and abandoned them all for a younger man. This affected the eldest boy hard and so began his hatred of his mother, as the boys all had to suddenly go without. Although his father tried his best to look after them, he had to finally admit defeat and gave up work, after coming home from work shattered everyday, only to find three hungry young boys to feed. In the beginning the eldest would go and see his mother, but would always start bitter arguments, until finally deciding NOT to see her again. She saw the younger two, who learned to accept the fact she’d gone and wasn’t returning. After a few years had passed, she got a job in the US and eventually as the boys got older, the youngest two flew out to see her, but the eldest refused point blank, to have anything to do with her, he really hated her and yet strangely, would always praise the fact that she had obtained qualifications in her nursing career. However, as a result of her walking out on him, he refused to even try and attempt to do anything with his life. Refused to study for anything, refused to even try and learn how to fix things around the house, or even his car. No interest whatsoever, in anything, except being lazy and rather pay others to fix, clean, or do his washing, ironing and cooking. When he started dating, within a matter of weeks, he’d start seeing another girl and if any others showed him any interest, then he’d be off with them as well, juggling a string of girlfriends, that knew nothing about each other and yet because of his mum leaving home, on the other hand, he had this HATRED of women ? One day, he turned up at my place, bemoaning the fact that his mother was missing him and desperately wanted him to go and visit her in the US, but he refused point blank to go. But seeing the breakup had affected him, I suggested that he SHOULD go and visit her ( In the hope that it might do him some good ? ) I told him that he might never get the chance to go abroad again, especially if she returned to the UK at a later date ? He said that he didn’t want to stay at her house, so I suggested that he goes to see her, dumps his cases at her place and then goes off out everyday, as she’d be at work in the day. Eventually, he went with his younger brother, but he ended up causing a big scene and started a big row about how she abandoned them, in the middle of a restaurant in front of everyone and made her cry, as the whole room full of diners watched in stunned silence. He came back to the UK within the next few days. After that, she started sending money over to him and buying big presents for his birthday, as well as to his younger brothers, eventually, he made a few more trips to the US and they seemed to be getting on a lot better. However, he then turned his hatred on his father, who had stood by them all, when their mother left and in his eyes, she became a saint ! However, the effect of her walking out on them when he was only 13 made him have a deep distrust and hatred of women, when it comes down to commitment and settling down and marriage. His second brother, lives with his girlfriend, but refuses t marry her, or any girlfriend, but does NOT cheat on her. His third brother married and settled down and does NOT cheat on his wife. Just the eldest one, was deeply affected by his parents divorce, but more the fact that his mum left at the time he was only 13 years old. His father had always been totally devoted to his mother. Maybe this will help some of you ladies out there understand ONE reason that SOME men cheat. Even today, in his forties, he has one or two or more on the go, but lives alone and isn’t getting any younger, despite his good looks, which are beginning to fade. He thinks that he’s powerful, just because he can attract women and because of that can be overbearing and arrogant, unfortunately, he gets VERY jealous of other men, that can do things, that he can’t and hasn’t got the brains or the get up and go, to make anything of his life and resents anyone more clever and successful than him and always trying to put them down, in order to make himself feel better about himself, as this gives him power, at least in HIS mindset.