24 March 2010
8 reasons a long-distance relationship isn’t for you
by eHarmony
Long-distance relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but sometimes they're more hassle than they're worth. Here are eight reasons you shouldn't be in one.
Very few people actually want to be in a long distance relationship, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. After all, if they might be ‘the one’, what’s a few hundred (or thousand) miles? But sometimes, long distance relationships just can’t work. Here are eight reasons you shouldn’t be in a long distance relationship:
1. You hate travelling
You can talk on the phone every day, but at some point you’re going to have to get a plane, train or automobile to visit your other half. However, if you get travel sick, travel bored or are simply travel poor, long distance probably isn’t the set up for you. Even if your partner is willing to do most of the travelling, you’ll feel the need to reciprocate at some point.
2. You trust too easily
As we all know, trust should be at the centre of any healthy relationship. However, if your friends tell you that you trust too easily, then a long distance relationship might not be right for you. If you meet someone, especially online, which whom you may have a long distance relationship, you need to be able to judge quickly whether they are presenting themselves in the most honest manner.
3. You’re a technophobe
In the 21st century, there are infinite ways in which you can keep in touch with someone – as long as you’re techno-savvy. Yes phone calls are great, but they can be expensive, and you can’t always have your phone glued to your ear. If the idea of texting, using Skype, or exchanging emails is alien to you then you might struggle.
4. Long distance hasn’t worked for you in the past
If you’ve had a string of failed long distance relationships, there’s probably a reason why. Take the time to look at any similarities between why these relationships failed, and see if there’s a pattern. Maybe you need the physical closeness more than you realise, or are too idealistic about your relationship.
5. You lack independence
Anyone in a long-term relationship needs to be able to look after themselves. When there isn’t someone to come home to at the end of a hard day, or hang out with on a weekend, it can be tough and you need your own reserves to stop yourself from becoming lonely or simply miserable that your other half isn’t around.
6. You dislike phone conversations
Emailing is easy because you get to think about what you say beforehand, but for a long distance relationship to work you’ll probably need to pick up the phone a few times a week too. If phone calls make you awkward, you might be better off looking for love closer to home.
7. You won’t move
In a long distance relationship one of you is going to have to move at some point, and if you could never see yourself relocating then it’s not the scenario for you. You can’t expect your other half to instantly agree to move jobs, home and away from their friends because you don’t want to.
8. You’re not sure about the other person
A long distance relationship takes more work than an ordinary relationship, and unless you’re seriously head over heels for your partner and completely committed then you’re not going to make it work.
1
Gary
2 April 2010 15:43
This is very true. I was in a very loving and caring relationship with communication every single night using video Skype with someone 264 miles away, but then I also used e-mail because I was worried and lonely, but the e-mail didn’t convey any emotion. The e-mail was misinterpreted without any chance to discuss and apologise. Down came the shutters on all communication and the relationship was damaged and closed for ever with no remand.
2
Laura
7 April 2010 01:31
I was in a four year relationship and three of the four, I was in Ireland and he in England.
We had similar careers, interests, backgrounds and even humour and dreams.
I loved him so much and still do, but I cheated on him a year ago, which he forgave, as I was in a bad place and yes, lonely, then fast forward a year and he was signing up to speed dating and met a 22 year old girl on a charity holiday, when he was with me!!!
He then dumped me over the phone, saying it wasn’t as if we were married!
I had made my mistakes but never stopped loving him and regretted one said big mistake, but he just seemed to completely kill and forget what we had after so long. Loved him more than anyone before and I am 31, still suffering, as it was only less than a month ago. He was my best friend too, you see. So, after all this I have to say long distance is just NOT WORTH IT EVER
3
chris
15 April 2010 14:11
im a 23 year old man serving in the royal navy and im here to tell you that long distance relationships do work if the two partys love each other trust each other and are mature enough to deal with the distance. you can be 1000′s of miles away for months at a time but love conquers all and as for the two previous comments on this article you need to grow up. its because of people like you im even on this website.
4
Bijou
18 April 2010 16:30
I have had 3 long distance relationships and believe me its been a nightmare. One party always cares more than the other. Communication could easily get to zero. It has been know to work for alot of people, but it needs serious commitment and hard work. Actually its a miracle if it works. I have given it my best shot and will never do it again.
5
JACKY
24 June 2010 10:15
I dont know whether it works or not.
I keep being sent matches (classed as flexible ) which means outside of my chosen area.
I need a road map just to discover where some of them live!
6
Cheryl
27 July 2010 20:42
I just started a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in the UAE and I am in London a month ago. I have to say it is the hardest thing I have ever done. We’ve seen eachtother twice in the a month (8 days in total). We have spoken about the future, we both want to get married and have children. We speak everyother day but now when he says he’ll call he doesn’t. I just don’t think its worth the heartache. I would rather walk away now knowing that he’s the one that got away then get hurt. Its heartbreaking.
7
Steve
20 August 2010 15:10
Laura, number 2. Actually I’d say it’s cheating that was the issue not the distance – once you cheated on him, he lost all respect for you.
8
Roy
28 December 2010 13:29
A lot of people have very black and white views about this subject and thats not a healthy attitude. I have had three LDRs… success and failure. It depends so much on the person and circumstances. I live in the Midlands and have had a three year relationship now with a woman in California. Luckily I work on the internet so was able to spend three month blocks over there and she came here in her summer holidays. Firstly you have to be absolutely certain of what you both look like and that you fancy each other.. lots of pictures, plus phone calls (its free on Talk Talk). Then I visited with a view to just staying 3-5 days, but when we got along I stayed 6 weeks to be sure and it went from there. It was fantastic hi and did me good. Sadly I havent seen her for a year now due to me being ill, but we still speak every day. When you find someone very special, it is hard to leave them no matter how far you live apart. Patience, trust and communication abilities are paramount though I absolutely agree. But do not say ‘never again’. If I had said that, I would never have had the wonderful experiences I have. Plus getting to see a new and fantastic part of the world too!
9
Annie Philip
18 November 2012 10:51
For me regular, open and honest communication and trust and commitment with planned meet ups are a prerequisite of setting the ground rules for another LDR.