28 April 2010
10 reasons he doesn’t want to commit to you
Want to move your relationship onto the next stage but can’t get your partner to commit? Here are ten reasons he might be holding back. Ladies, are you in this situation? Gentlemen, does any of this ring true?
You feel like you’ve found your soul mate, but he just doesn’t seem to be prepared to commit to you. If it’s driving you mad not knowing why he’s holding back – here are 10 possible reasons.
1. He still holds a torch for his ex
If a man isn’t over his ex, he’s not going to tell you, and he might even not be able to tell himself. Maybe getting together with you made him realise he was still in love with his ex. Whatever the situation, the sooner you get him to admit it the better. Look for evidence of his feelings – if he’s still got a framed photo of her in his lounge, you need to tackle the issue with him.
2. His ex treated him badly
When a person goes through a bad break-up they should always take the time afterwards to heal themselves – to regain confidence and become their own person again. If they don’t give themselves this time, it’s very likely they’ll bring those problems into their next relationship. If you want to make a go of it, you’ll need a lot of patience to show your partner that things will be different this time around.
3. You’re not the only one
If you haven’t had the ‘being exclusive’ conversation, then you might not be the only person he’s dating. Look for the signs: he’s sketchy about the details of his evenings away from you, he keeps his phone on him at all times, etc. Maybe he wants to keep his options open, but if you’re ready to be exclusive you need to be brutal. Either she goes or you do.
4. He likes being unattached
Some men like being single, it’s as simple as that. Yes, they enjoy having a woman to go to dinner with, but they’re just not interested in what comes after that. If you really want to commit but that doesn’t fit his lifestyle then you should consider cutting your ties. There’s not much you can do to change the eternal bachelor.
5. Money, money, money
As much as we wish it weren’t, money is at the heart of many things. Maybe your man wants to establish his career properly before settling down, or maybe he’s scared about what might happen to his finances if your union ends in divorce. In the former case, you need to show him that your support can only aid his career ambitions, and in the latter you can simply talk frankly about how every relationship is a risk – but one worth taking. And if he’s still not convinced, you could always suggest a pre-nuptial agreement (and they say romance is dead…)
6. He loves falling in love
Falling in love can be addictive, and you can see why: the thrill of the chase, those first exciting dates, and the joy of getting to know someone. Unfortunately, once that feeling fades, some people aren’t interested in what comes afterwards (which can be just as amazing, if not more so). If he’s had a string of short relationships you might be dealing with a romance-junkie.
7. He feels pressured
Sometimes, when they really want something, women can lay it on a bit thick. Perhaps, rather than just mentioning you want to take your relationship up a notch you’re nagging him about it. In which case, even if he does think he wants a future with you, he might still pull away. No-one – a man especially – likes to feel like they’ve been pushed into making a decision. If you think this is the case, ease up the pressure and it’s likely he’ll drift back to you.
8. He’s not ready to be responsible for someone else
Taking on someone else’s heart is a great responsibility. It means that you have to consider that person in most of your decisions going forward – from deciding to go away with your friends for a weekend to splurging the last of your wage on something frivolous instead of putting it into the housekeeping. He might like you enough to take you out for dinner and drinks, but maybe he’s not ready to be the guy who goes to the late-night pharmacy for you because you’re unwell
9. He’s all about the action
Not a shocker this one – some guys are just in it for the sex. Yeah, some women have the same motives, but as a rule women bring emotion to sex, whereas men often just see sex as two people having fun.
10. He’s just not that into you
Ouch. Sometimes guys end up dating someone because they’re there – and yes, they’ll still put in a bit of effort, even if they’re not that bothered. He’ll keep you around until someone better comes along, and you’ll be dropped like a hot potato. He’s not necessarily being a heartless cad either, he just knows deep down that you’re not The One.
If any of these reasons resonate with you, the onus is on you to take action. Some situations will be salvageable and some won’t, but the most important thing to remember is that trying to ignore your problems will only make them worse. Be the mature one and air your misgivings – the sense of relief will be overwhelming.