22 December 2010
8 bad reasons to end a relationship
Sometimes good relationships end unnecessarily, which is a terrible shame. Here are 8 really bad reasons to break-up with someone - thinking of one of these? Think again.
When you tell to your friends that you’re ending another relationship, do they start to roll their eyes? If so, perhaps you’ve fallen into the habit of ending relationships too soon. Sometimes, it’s just too easy to end a relationship and move onto the next one, before you’ve had the chance to work at it. Here are eight bad reasons to break up with someone.
1. You don’t like exactly the same things
The fact that your girlfriend doesn’t want to watch you play 5-a-side footie every Sunday, or your boyfriend isn’t too keen on watching Mamma Mia! for the fifth time doesn’t make you incompatible. Differences in a relationship are healthy – they allow you to be individuals, and give the relationship the chance to breathe. As long as you have some common ground, living in each pockets is not necessary.
2. You’ve had a bust up
Arguing can be good for you – it may not feel like it at the time, especially if hurtful things come out, but it can often be a reason for you to stay with your partner. Any couple who say they don’t argue are lying, they may not have huge, shouty bust-ups, but they definitely argue on some level. If you find yourself ready to end it after an argument, stop. Take some time out and use the argument as a way to find out more about your partner, rather than as a reason to head for the door. No one said relationships were easy.
3. Your partner still admires the opposite sex
Loving someone doesn’t mean you become instantly blind to every other attractive person on the planet. Beautiful people are everywhere – whether they’re in a Hollywood film or Tescos – and it would be a saint who didn’t notice. Your partner may even flirt a little with the opposite sex, subconsciously (we’re not talking outrageous, in-your-face flirting here, that’s a whole other article), but it’s about knowing how to handle that, rather than going off the deep end about it. If you’re both committed, you’ll know what the boundaries are and how to handle the situation.
4. You’re too busy
You haven’t got time for love, really? However busy and important you are, there’s always room for someone else in your life. World leaders, brain surgeons and astronauts have partners, so no matter how busy you are, you have time. The fact is that by sharing your life with someone much of the burden of everyday life will be eased. If you find yourself ending a relationship on the grounds that you’re too busy, ask yourself the real reason.
5. You feel weighed down by baggage
Most people beyond the age of about 25 have emotional baggage. By that age you’ve probably had the opportunity to have at least one serious relationship, and a few extra, unfortunate encounters with the opposite sex. The problem is that this baggage can make us very wary of future relationships. The trick is to learn from your past experiences, and not carry all that baggage with you into your next relationship.
6. Your partner doesn’t obey you
You may call your partner ‘kitten’ or some other cute name, but it’s important to remember that they’re not actually a pet. Power struggles and the search for compromise are common – even necessary – in most relationships, one partner doing everything the other one says is not. If it bugs you that your partner doesn’t obey your every command, the problem is with you, not them. Look inwards before you end a relationship that could work.
7. The small things bug you
It’s so easy to criticise something, rather than look for the good in it. If you find yourself bitching about your boyfriend’s birthday present choices for you to your friends, or that your girlfriend always listens to a certain radio station in her car, take a step back. These aren’t huge character flaws; try to focus on the positive instead. Having someone in your life who means something to you is the most important part; you can work out the small details.
8. You’re not ecstatic the whole time
Relationships take work. It’d be great if they were like it is in the films where the credits roll and you just know the couple will be happy forever, but it’s bit more complicated than that. Relationships aren’t there to make you happy all the time, or as an escape from other problems, but any work you put in will often be paid back ten-fold. If you’ve sacrificed all your hobbies in the hope that your partner will make you happy, you’ll be sorely disappointed (see point 1). However, if you accept that relationships, as with all other things in life, are not always perfect then you’ll be well prepared.