5 October 2009
Break-up first aid kit
by eHarmony
If you're suffering from a broken heart we've got just the tonic. Our first-aid kit will have you on the road to recovery.
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Your world has just been shattered and you’re falling into a deep gloom. The pain is invading your thoughts, your dreams and sapping all your energy. So how do you pick yourself back up?
Sadly, there’s no quick-fix solution when it comes to a mending a broken heart. But there are some active steps you can take to quell the pain. Here are four essential tips to help you kick-start the healing process.
Boost your endorphins
These are produced by our bodies as a natural painkiller and to generate a sense of well being. They’re far healthier than anything you can consume. Exercise is the secret to releasing a rush of endorphins. So work up a sweat by running, taking long walks in the countryside or playing tennis. One of the best ways to heal a broken heart is to get it pumping fast. Plus there’ll be less time to dwell on the cause of your pain.
Avoid reliving the past
Some people taunt themselves by lingering over emotional landmines like love letters. They keep returning to romantic spots or gaze longingly at photos of blissful times. But this only exacerbates the pain. Don’t be a glutton for punishment. While trying to get over the horror of a break up it’s best to avoid reminders of your former relationship.
Be optimistic
Amid a deep gloom it can be hard to see the world in anything but a negative light. But wallowing in your own misery is a dangerous game. The next time you find yourself thinking “I can’t go on without this person in my life,” make a conscious decision to rewrite your future and plan something positive to look forward to. Don’t give yourself false flattery. Instead be truthful. Admit that you’re grieving a loss which will take time to overcome but tell yourself you can get past it and experience happiness again.
Look for support from those who love you
While in the grip of a personal crisis, most of us just want to curl into a ball and be left alone. But resist this temptation to isolate, as you’ll only prolong the pain. Turn to those who care about you. Talking through your sorrows and having someone to bolster your self-esteem is a great remedy for healing break-up pain. Take wisdom from the old adage, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’.
Finally, remember that a broken relationship doesn’t make you a failure. Almost everyone experiences heartache somewhere along the line. Thankfully, there are clear ways to relieve the pain and regain your lust for life.
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1
james
12 October 2009 10:01
I recently broke up from my longterm girlfriend which was really bad.Ive found the best thing was to keep busy. Ive gotten more involved in work, adn whenever I’ve felt at a loose end i’ve called up my mates and we’ve gone out. The worst thing you can do is sit around moping!
2
Gillian
15 October 2009 14:55
Try to limit your ‘mourning’- have 24 or 48 hours max when you allow yourself to indulge in maudlin sentimentality. Read or write your love poetry and listen to meaningful lyrics and sob your heart out (it is a physical release for emotional pain) AND then accept that it must pass and life has to go on. Think of yourself as the phoenix rising from the ashes to a new dawn and entering the world afresh and let it become your imagery. Keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends, learn to laugh and gradually, time will take over and complete the healing process…
3
michael mccleary
15 October 2009 15:50
I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 14 months.She promised so much, and left me for another man,as usual i was the last to know. I have found it a very difficult time.I have a wide circle of friends and strong family ties and exercise regularly and its still been hard, but i will try to draw strength from the positive advise given here. Mike.
4
Bob
15 October 2009 16:09
Had a friend at university who when she broke up or was dumped made a list of the bad points of her ex, stuck it on the fridge door, and every time she opened the fridge door – muttered
“close call that, I’ve now seen the light!”
5
Will
16 October 2009 11:16
My wife and I separated on 13.05.08 after being together for 13 years, I went to pieces, I started smoking (after 8 years abstinence) The people who really supported me was my family. I remember Christmas day 2008, I went to my sister’s house and cried my eyes out, this was the start of the healing process. I am a much stronger person, for this, the important thing is to remember that you are grieving, you must give yourself time. Cliched I know but time is a great healer
6
Robert R
7 November 2009 21:43
My wife ran away while i was asleep and and since I found out she had been sleeping with him and she she cant come back because of what she did.We are now separated, we had been together 10yrs and married just over 8yrs and in was also her full-time carer as she was registed partly slighted and disabled , it has broken my heart i know she not coming back i get people keep tell me to move on which is hard.And i still cry even now as it just over 6wks.
7
mole
10 December 2009 17:52
My boyfriend finished with me after 8 years together and eventually I found out there was another woman. I of course was the last to know. I have been through all sorts of emotions. I know I will survive and that I will be happy again but I just wish it would hurry up. I know time is a healer but it is so relative. I feel like I have been grieving for years not months. How long does it take?? I read somewhere you have to have new experiences and therefore create new memories. I am dreading xmas but looking forward to the new year. I too have started smoking again after 5 years and I don’t care I will stop again but it helps!
Strength to all of us and lots of inner hugs!
8
Kevin
10 December 2009 23:38
24 years of marriage. I couldn’t take any more. I slung my leg over my motorbike and left. Hardest thing I had ever done. 18 months now. It gets easier but the hole is still there. Choosing the right partner, compatability is the key. Get Christmas out of the way (Christmas is really hard), then maybe I’ll fill in the questionaire. find someone I can make happy, who’ll do the same for me. We’re not built to be alone.
Better times ahead for all of us for sure.
9
adam
2 January 2010 00:25
Again, all this advice is really obvious! All these things are the first things that I try when I need a-pick-me-up. They do help, but only so much! I really shouldn’t expect any thing else when the article begins by saying, “Sarly there’s no quick fix solution,” So If that’s the case, then why are you getting our hopes up?!!!
10
Rob
16 January 2010 15:37
Some good advice here. It’s been 10 months for me and I just can’t help mulling over things and I still find it hard to accept it’s over. Every time I go to pick my daughter up the hurt and grieving starts again. We are still on good terms and I actually think this makes it worse – it would probably be easier to move on if we hated each other (although that would be no good to our child) What a mess love is.
11
Kris
22 May 2010 10:15
Yes, it’s important to remember that when you split up with somebody, it is also a bereavement because there is a sudden and great loss. The hardest part sometimes is knowing that with death there is a finality whereas a break up the other person will move on from you.
It’s important to keep yourself busy, yes, but don’t run or hide from the grief: face up to it. There are five stages to it: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. With friends and family around you, it can be done.
12
Kris
22 May 2010 10:16
Further to this, I heard somewhere that the average time to get over somebody is 1.5 times the time you were together – 1 year = 1.5 years.
13
Olivia
4 December 2010 22:05
I found out that my relationship had ended when he announced on facebook to all his family and friends that he was in a relationship with somebody else. It has been a really difficult time as I stupidly did not see it coming. I guess it takes time to get over that kind of betrayal.