5 October 2009
Learn to deal with criticism
by eHarmony
Trying to find love is tricky enough without being told you need to change. But be open minded and you could end up altering your life for the better. Here’s how.
Nobody wants to be criticised and almost everybody is sensitive to it. The very word sounds negative. But when it’s given constructively, receiving criticism can be a very positive experience on the path to finding love. Read on to find out how to use harsh words to your benefit.
Criticism can be good
If people think you’ll react aggressively to feedback they won’t give it to you at all so it’s important to be open to it. Usually it is motivated by a desire to help you so be aware it can lead to positive change. But don’t be afraid to ask questions to find exactly what they expect you to improve. If you don’t know what they mean, the criticism is useless.
Decipher good criticism from bad
Consider what motivated the criticism and how it is given. Has the person voiced it to help you or are they giving it to you to put you down? To be able to spot the good from the bad is essential. If someone criticises you about something you can’t change, then it is likely it was intended to damage your self-esteem.
Don’t argue
Criticism isn’t always fair, but before you jump on the defence, consider the point the person is making carefully. If you react before thinking it through, you’ll halt all chance for improvement. If you still disagree despite being open to change, you are justified in your own opinion. However, don’t react with hostility. Use the right tone and be open for a discussion.
Use the feedback wisely
This is your chance to see yourself as others do, or at least as the person dishing out the criticism does. Don’t linger on what they said. Work out what to do with it constructively.
It’s never too late to change
Don’t be stubborn. You can still improve yourself at any stage in your life so take positive steps to act on the feedback you’ve been given.
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1
L
17 October 2009 11:05
Criticism can be so very damaging and it is hard to decipher the good from the bad if you are sensitive and already have a low self esteem. Mostly I find people use it to make themselves feel better or to keep control of you.
There are other ways of helping people to improve such as encouraging people to do positive things rather than pointing out the negatives all the time. Even doing the improving with them; for example, taking more exercise or eating healthily and supporting them.
There are many things that some people see as bad in someone when really it could be a good thing. Sometimes it is just a matter of opinion. Life would be boring if we were all the same.
2
simon
24 November 2009 20:32
even constuctive critisism can be damaging when given relentlessley and without praise and good and bad things are often a matter of opinion rather than hard and fast rules i think its important to realise that that opinions are not facts and that even this article assumes that the critisiser has a point. remember people are only human and that people respond to acceptance more than a constant barrage of instructions although obviosly constructive critisism has a role in a professional capacity i.e a job but even then you have to take all of your bosses insults and critisims with a pinch of salt as most people have unrealistic ideas of what they and other people are capable, i would exersise extreme coution in taking on board peoples critisisms as i know how destructive and overwhelming people can be when they lose grip of reality and expect people to change everything about themselves to suit a perverse idea of right and wrong.
3
Belle
27 January 2010 23:32
I once did something where I felt in the rigth and a friend who felt I should have been calmer said so instead of criticising my action. I felt respected.
Some people criticise you not because you deserve it but because they want to lower your self esteem and or make you feel indiscriminately insignificant or think that by doing so they hold the upper hand.
Truthfully, we all know ourselves and no one is perfect, Too much criticism can damage your mind, cause anxiety, depression and also make you feel like you are not wanted.
My rule is don’t be bold enough to criticise someone you don’t know unless you have good reason to do so because truthfully no one has the right to judge except God.
I take criticism with a pinch of salt because sometimes people go off on a tangient and they don’t know what they are talking about.
Rationalise your actions and deeds when you can and don’t be afraid to admit to yourself when you do something wrong or adverse, its the best kind of criticism, we learn and improve better when we take time to look within and try to search ourselves and be willing to face the problems within and change or improve at our own pace.
Good luck to all who aspire to be better.