2 December 2009
Surviving Christmas when you’re single
by eHarmony
Christmas doesn't spell misery for all single people, but for some of us it can be a tough time. The festive period stirs up all kinds of emotions, so what do you do if you're dreading it? Read on for our tips.
An eHarmony study last Christmas found that 47% of singles cited loneliness as the reason they dreaded Christmas. Additionally, the unmarried men we surveyed said they found Christmas a more stressful time than Valentine’s Day.
We’re not saying every single person dreads Christmas – far from it. But as our survey shows, a large proportion of singles find the festive season tough. Whether it’s meeting up with old friends who are now in relationships, or negotiating nosy family members who ask, ‘Haven’t found anyone yet then?’, being single at Christmas can feel more like a fight for survival than a joyful holiday.
But, rather than locking yourself away with leftover turkey and Morecambe and Wise repeats, here are a few tips on tackling December with confidence.
Don’t wallow
This is the cardinal rule of being single at Christmas – and in fact the whole year round. If you wallow in your feelings of misery, you’ll enter into a downward spiral. Misery breeds misery, and it pushes people away. How often have you walked into a party and thought, ‘ooh, I’ll talk to that miserable person over there’? We’re guessing never.
We know that it’s often easier said than done to banish those feelings of sadness – especially if you find yourself remembering last Christmas when things were better for you – but do try. As soon as you feel your mind wandering, distract yourself. Volunteer to do some cooking, call up a friend: just get your mind off that subject.
Gather round, one and all
If the prospect of walking into a gathering of family or friends without someone on your arm is wholly intimidating, fight that feeling. The fact is that people are paying far less attention to you than you think they are. Simply try to enjoy the company of friends and family you don’t often see; after all, what’s funnier than Aunt Margaret after a few too many sherries? If you really can’t face it, coerce a friend into going with you – but take care, if you think all your attention will be spent making sure they’re ok rather than socialising, it’s a pointless exercise.
Fill your time
This goes hand in hand with ‘Don’t wallow’. If you’ve been single for a while, you’ll probably be a dab hand at planning and filling your time. And that’s no bad thing – how often do you hear coupled friends moaning they can’t go out because ‘Rachel has promised to cook me dinner this evening’? Whereas, you have no one else’s calendar to worry about. Grab the festive season with both hands; attend parties, see old friends, visit Christmas markets and invite other single friends round for dinner.
Feel good about yourself
So, you’ve got some spare time on your hands. Why not volunteer for a charity such as Crisis, over Christmas. Amazingly, some charities get over subscribed for volunteers on Christmas Day and Boxing Day but there’ll always be someone in need at some point over the festive season.
Don’t be the only single person at the party
Whilst you should stay social, try to avoid being the only single person at a party if you think it will bother you. Take a friend, or arrange to do something else. Of course, if you’re happy to be around just couples then party away.
Come up with a good comeback for nosy relatives
If there’s one thing to guarantee you regressing to being a sulky child, it’s a nosy relative inquiring about your love life. Yes it’s petty, but the fact is that when your smug distant cousin and his new wife are bearing down on you at a family gathering you’ll do well to have some stock answers to their potentially prying questions. This can range from the genuine (I just haven’t found the right person yet) to the flippant (I didn’t fancy buying so many presents this year) – whatever you’re comfortable with, just be prepared.
Look on the bright side
There are actually lots of bonuses to being single at Christmas – no agonizing over presents for your partner, no stress over whose house to eat Christmas dinner at, being able to go to any party you want…the list goes on. Still feeling miserable? Remember that Christmas puts huge pressure on couples too, with 1.8million considering divorce over the period, according to Family Mediation Helpline. Also remember that there is life after Christmas – after all, it is just a week and it’ll soon be January. (And if the prospect of a cold and grey January doesn’t persuade you to enjoy the moment, nothing will)
Get away from it all
And, if you honestly can’t face Christmas at home, take the chance to be completely selfish and have a winter break. Relish your lack of responsibilities and spend a week lying on a beach, not sparing a thought for overeating and enforced jollity.
Do you have any tips for being single at Christmas? Leave your comments below.
1
Jane
10 December 2009 11:22
I must admit I find christmas the loneiest time when you are single
2
Chris
10 December 2009 11:44
I’ve always disliked Xmas since childhood. It is not so much the loneliness that bothers me, just the enforced happiness of it all and that other people will think it’s because I’m on my own this time, no matter how much you I otherwise. Even though I’ve never much worried what too many people say my skin is less thicker than it used to be so I’m really dreading the season now.
3
Jayne
10 December 2009 12:05
New Year is far worse than Christmas – the pressure to go out and pretend to be happy with your coupled-up friends when you’d be happier curled up with a dvd is a nightmare!
They’re not bothered what you do every other night of the year so why the enforced cheerfulness just because it’s the start of another year? My hopes for what the year might bring will not change regardless of how I see it in!
4
Sandra
10 December 2009 12:33
Having a pet, especially a dog, is the best way to beat loneliness when you’re on your own. I’ve booked to stay in a little cottage in the countryside over the Christmas period where I can enjoy plenty of walks with the dog, enjoy the xmas markets nearby & not have the worry of all that food shopping. The bonus of being on your own is that you can do what you like when you like!
5
Andrew
10 December 2009 13:00
I broke up with my long term girlfriend in June of this year, although seeing something of each other socially up to this week. She has found herself another ‘man in her life’. She took great glee in reminding me of my faults and admitting to this new ‘relationship’, this is during a meal ‘I paid for’, how crass is that. Needless to say, my normal self-confidence hit rock bottom. I’ll show ‘em though I’ll be there with my drumstick & individual mince pie watching the Queens speech.
6
Jane
10 December 2009 13:24
This is really patronising. It is people who are completely without family or friends at Christmas who are most vulnerable. The tendency to downgrade friendships in favour of romantic relationships is foolish – friends aren’t necessarily a second best.
And a person who needs to be in a couple to ‘fill their time’ is probably too dependent to have a healthy relationship anyway.
Perhaps this is because Ilive in London and it is easier to socialise as a single here .
Volunteering is a great idea as is avoiding couples – if people are going to pressure and patronise you, stay away !
7
Paul
10 December 2009 15:19
Christmas is a sham, full stop. I hate it and always have. It’s just a concerted effort by commercialism to extricate more of our money under the thinly veiled guise of something magical. Magical it ain’t. I will be avoiding all my family (except my nine year old daughter) and all my so-called friends. Don’t need their sanctimonious interference or their crappy gifts to be honest. I’m not going to any parties, watching any TV (the constant xmas drivel of adverts drives me mad). It’s rubbish and we all know it is. Christmas is great if you’re aged 3-11, after that forget it.
Apart from spending time with my daughter (who has kept me sane), I’ll be working on my music, home recording, and settling down with the Deadwood complete boxed set I treated myself to. Christmas? What Christmas? And new year?.. I intend to sleep through it. Roll on January 2nd, in fact, roll on next summer. We’d be better off if we hibernated like bears do, they’ve got more sense!
8
khoulia
10 December 2009 17:05
paul!! here i am thinking how sad i am going to be this christmas until i read ur comments i am going to make sure i put some good effect in making this christmas one to remember. christmas is what u make it.
9
khoulia
10 December 2009 17:08
effort that should have being
10
sarah
10 December 2009 19:47
I have hated Christmas for a long time – no husband, no children, endless round of being pleased for everyone else and all their children. I think the newsletter annual updates are the thing I hate the most. Just think, if little Johnny and beautiful Chloe were in prison and pregnant at 16 I don’t think the trumpet-blowing annual update would be in the post. Sour grapes, I’m sure, but I’ve really just about had enough of it. Next year I’m going to go on safari. Can’t wait!!
11
JACK
10 December 2009 19:58
I agree with Sandras comments, I take great delight in making an extra fuss of my dog, I do live a solitary life with no friends and all my family are overseas, but I love nature and animals and go on lots of walks with my dog and take carrots for horses etc. Having a sense of humour always gets me through, I laugh at myself a lot, phone myself up and at least I’m always around to take the call! Good luck to everyone.
12
H. Paliwoda
10 December 2009 20:17
Having recently joined eharmony I have been very discouraged at the sparse number of matches I have received who even live in the same city as me. The most recent match sent to me was closed immediately by the match with no reason given. It appeared that he had not even viewed my profile. This leads me to believe that you have very few male members in my area or a surplus of female members.
Are all the matches you send actually members and able to communicate?
I would like also to change my information given previously as my daughter is no longer living with me
13
pam
10 December 2009 20:32
I’m sorry for all that feel christmas is a miserable time.I to am alone,but will not give up on it might be different this year,next year soon. I know as a person I have so much to share and live in hope that someone somewhere wants to share with me not only christmas but a lifetime.Never never give up
14
Julie
10 December 2009 21:24
when my Mum died this summer, I looked around and realised that apart from my disabled father I have very little in the way of family or friends to call on over the holidays- I only have a few cousins all of whom live in the States, Canada or at the other end of the UK. My friends are all far away and my Christmas will be spent on skype. Rural communities in Scotland where everything is family oreinted are very lonely when your family is gone. I’m not too obsessed with being single- but I’d like a few mates to go out with
15
Kevin
10 December 2009 23:24
Thanks all. I felt miserable about Christmas. Couple friends are all busy doing Christmas stuff. My social life has fallen apart. I even failed to complete my eharmony questionaire. Who would want to team up with the miserable guy? Thing is, it’s just Christmas. Three weeks and it’s over. I’m OK otherwise. Thanks for making me feel better about it.
16
Anne Marie
10 December 2009 23:26
I have spent Christmas on my own so many times that I seriously dont worry about it anymore .Twenty four hours and its all over my friends . Its the stigma attatched to being a singleton whether its Xmas , New Year or Valentines Day that seems to be the issue for other people and not me . I dont need Mr.Right Now to ease me through the festive season I am holding out for Mr. Right .
17
Rachel
11 December 2009 03:15
It can take a lot more effort to get jolly and festive. But I guess if all christmas is is a commercial event with an opportunity to spend extravagntley (Its late, alright!)and over eat. then no wonder many folk (you don’t have to be single)feel it’s pointless. Christmas wouldn’t exist without the birth of Jesus. why are we surprised that it all feels a fake and a sham, if we’re not celebrating his birthday?
18
sandy
11 December 2009 16:26
Apart from watching some tv over christmas I agree with Paul’s comments, especially about being ‘bears’ and hibernating over the ‘festive’ time.
19
Dan
11 December 2009 20:19
“‘ooh, I’ll talk to that miserable person over there’? We’re guessing never.”
I always talk to the miserable person at parties! If people are already happy and having fun, they dont need me, if people are alone or feeling down, i like trying to cheer people up…..so there =)
Although saying that, i work in catering, busiest time of year, no parties for me over Christmas =( boohoo!
and @ #11 Jack – Your right! Sense of humour always helps me =) “why does Santa get layed so much….? He knows where all the ‘naughty’ girls live!” hehe
20
helen
11 December 2009 20:46
For goodness sake people!! You don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy life, Christmas, New Year and Valentines day! All this wallowing about being on your own at this time of year is a waste of energy. Think of all the people who’re not here to celebrate the festive season before you complain about your lot. Life’s too short, and you’re a long time dead.If you really can’t face it, go and do something worthwhile for charity and see people who REALLY have something to complain about. GET A GRIP
21
Andy
11 December 2009 21:06
O come on guys and girls appreciate what you are saying but am 51 and lifes getting better, Have had several Christmases alone and get through them fine. Never turn down an invitation from anybody (that you know) be a “say yes” person, have ony been a yes person for the last 3 weeks and things have really turned around were are own worst enemies. good luck all.
22
Kay Groom
11 December 2009 21:14
What is wrong with everyone?If you cant handle being in your own company what kind of company do you think you’ll be for everyone else? Christmas is a chance to give to the people you love and appreciate, and being single makes it much easier to fit everyone in and suit yourself.I cant believe the cynicism and misery in these comments and if you think thats the way to go when looking for a partner you need more than a dating service.I had intended joining this site because although I love my life it would be fun to share it with someone.If this is the calibre of matches Im glad I haven’t!
23
Steph
11 December 2009 21:25
I agree with all of you! In one way I am lucky that I have family to spend Christmas with. However I seem to spend the time either helping my mother cooking,cleaning etc or looking after my brothers children so that he and his wife can relax! Don’t get me wrong I love them to bits but it would be nice if one of them considered me as person instead of the hired help! But that is what you get for being single… The only saving grace it only lasts a week. Next year I might arrange something with friends or like Sarah I might go on holiday, maybe go skiing. Bring on 2010!
24
Julie
11 December 2009 21:54
I feel so much better now having read people’s comments about spending christmas alone. I will be alone again, but have my 2 cats who will get me through it
25
mike
11 December 2009 22:31
Christmas for me is a time to remember friends that are no longer here and vey much appreciate the ones that still are.If I am home we have christmas early, however when in the uk try and make the most of a log fire and a warm milo as everyone has headed home. Spent several christmas’ in pubs around the uk due to work and the land lords have bought me presents which i have never forgotten. for those alone at christmas maybe a facebook group would be good then you know who is really single!! merry christmas and happy new yer.
26
Kharyss
11 December 2009 22:57
I met someone I thought was my Mr Right in October 2007. The last time I saw him was on 27th December when I kissed him goodbye on the doorstep and he told me he loved me. I never saw him again. But I did get the dreaded “I’ll always be your friend” email…. 4 months later! Christmas and New Year last year were painful in the extreme. This year I’m absolutely dreading it. Plans include long long walks with the dog, a small amount of alcohol and sleeping through it all. It’s the endless well intentioned party invites from coupled friends where you’re the only single person there and end up entertaining their kids that get me. That and the profound silence from the relatives who you know want to ask why you’re still single but think they should avoid the whole topic in case you get upset. Roll on Jan 4th then at least I can get back to work and do something constructive with my days.
27
Diane
11 December 2009 23:07
I’m 63 been widowed twice and am not looking forward to Christmas. I have been invited to lunch by both my daughter and 2 sisters but have declined. I spent last Christmas on my own and believe it or not thoroughly enjoyed it. I took my self to a local club christmas eve, asked did some people I knew casually if they minded if I sat with them and it wasn’t a problem, had a good night out, I was invited to a house party on Christmas day in the evening and went for a couple of hours and enjoyed that, Boxing Day i took myself out for a long walk and then read a good novel. But, here it is again and I have to go through the not feeling part of a couple let alone the human race, perhaps all us singles no matter what age should book a hotel for the Christmas period and enjoy each others company with no pressure to celebrate, just to make new friends
28
Jane
11 December 2009 23:15
Well flipping heck, other than thinking is it something about the name Jane (there seems to be a few of us) I think people should stop moaning, after all I bet if you were with someone you wouldn’t be quite so miserable so just think like me its only a couple of days get in a couple of bottles of gin and whiskey and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!
29
Chad H
11 December 2009 23:49
How Sad.
A person who I admire very much once taught me a very important lesson…. If you can’t be happy on your own, can you really be happy with someone else? Are you not using that other person to make you happy?
30
elsa
12 December 2009 02:03
I know im realy lucky i have lovely friends & a close family, but miss having that special person in my life, & at christmas i sometimes feel alone in a crowed.
31
Cath
12 December 2009 04:59
I hate Christmas as a singleton. The whole thing is hyped to be “the perfect time of happiness and togetherness” so if you have no one to be together with you are left feeling a failure. Christmas and New Year have become dreaded, painful times and having to put on an enthusiastic performance so that family don’t give you a hard time really doesn’t help. I’d like to see the media using images of people on their own looking just as blissfully happy at christmas and new year as all the couples and family groups they use – that might take some pressure off those of us who don’t conform to their stereotypical image of what a wonderful Christmas should be like. Thanks for running this topic, I thought I was the only one who struggles at this time of year.
32
Suzanne
12 December 2009 11:25
Lots of good advice here. I agree about just hiding under the duvet until it’s over!!
33
Jenny
12 December 2009 11:26
Christmas for me will be watching an old sentimental film, with my little dog weighing me down on the armchair with a glass of wine. A little sad to be on my own, heh, as everyone says it is only one day. It is the expected present exchange that gets more expensive each year that bugs me. What happened to Christmas. The day is to chill and just absorb any festive spirit that might be in the cupboard, lol.
34
pam
12 December 2009 11:31
To Julie above,I also lost my parents within 6 months of each other and doing what Kevin above is doing(trying to meet someone)as on top of all that he decided to leave me.(all a while ago now but you get over it(dont we) All the best to you all,pitty we cant all meet up.
35
Alan
12 December 2009 11:35
Christmas can be a great time for single people!
In fact one of the best times of the year.
Enjoy it.
36
Nigel
12 December 2009 11:45
Taken on board all the points mentioned “what to do if you are single at Christmas”?. Is it not the case that being female and single is far easier than being male and single?. Women are far more social creatures, very good at all that “touchy feeling stuff”mixing in, helping to prepare and generally being a help around all the Christmas festivities business, and by what seems the norm in todays Ms modern society, single women seem capable of carrying on their lives without a man around. So spare a thought for the millions of single men and fathers, who find todays “me” society and not “us a family” hard at Christmas and the rest of the year.
37
Dave
12 December 2009 12:13
I don’t like being single anymore than everyone else on here and on other sites,but i won’t let that effect my christmas or any other special occasion.When it gets abit in my face on the subject of being single i ask my Lord and savior in prayer to take my worries away and of course does,basically i am saying cast your worries on the Lord and He will take care of you, people don’t be sad or unhappy it is the birth of our savior it is the best time of the year, just keep Jesus at the heart of this time as it should be and it will be alright.God be with you all at this time. GOD BLESS
38
Lucy
12 December 2009 13:31
I would like that everyone remind him(her)self the original, not commercial meaning of CHRISTMAS: A CHILD IS BORN!No one is single anymore in its original meaning in this world! My Christmas & New Year wish for everyone who’s looking for a lifetime soulmate: when we will not give up – we’ll find each other!Joy on Christmas and happiness all year around for everyone!
39
Mike
12 December 2009 13:42
I agree with Paul, with the exception that I don’t have any kids. I suppose I could always ‘borrow’ my neighbour’s four year old daughter though.
Seriously though, I’d love to be able to hibernate, or emigrate, for winter. That way I might have avoided the bout of ‘flu, or whatever it was that’s had me in bed 20 hours out of 24 for the past week.
40
Mary
12 December 2009 15:52
Not only am I single,I have a terminal illness!!! It is hard not to wallow but I am learning to value every day as it comes.Mary
41
Tessa
12 December 2009 16:52
Well my mum retired and emigrated a million miles away and my brothers are busy doing couple type things with their significant others and children. So this christmas its really just little old me.
As a christian, christmas is about the birth of Jesus and is a special time for me. However, christmas is also about family and togetherness and I can’t help but feel quite alone.
I’m thinking about cooking a lovely christmas meal with all the trimmings – just for me! Does that make me sad? Maybe a little, but surely that’s ok. I have my health, a job, a roof over my head and some food in the fridge. I have a lot to be thankful for. Merry christmas everyone!!!
42
Pam
12 December 2009 18:39
Let’s be modern! It doesn’t matter whether you’re single, married, in a city or on an island. Do what makes you happy. Keep in touch with friends if you want to or chose to be alone. Don’t let anyone else tell you what makes you happy. Be yourself and make the most of it. There, I’ve given YOU a lecture, but most of all myself! Happy Christmas! Happy All Seasons!
43
ian
12 December 2009 19:19
xmas is for children. i find it no fun at all. so why not have a mass singles bike ride on xmas day , at laest that would made good use of the day
44
Ela
12 December 2009 22:20
Hi all!!
I’m really feel beter after read that all your comments.
I preaty agree with Paul. Xmas is for children between 3-11 and I always feels bad around that time. So this time I was planing to go away for holiday somewhere hot, but my great idea fell apart when really nige guy from Thompson said, but even there I can expect Xmas party ect, so I thought I cant run away. We fucked people:) No win situation. And that stupid presure to get pary in New Years Eve. Lasy year I just go to bed.
My lovely aunt have great answer for Mary Christams she ask:
Who is a Mery Christams
But other hand it is how you make it, I dont want to feel bad about myself around that time, so I will make something with my few singiel friends.
Idea to go away to nice Cotage in the Country is great, nice walk with dog, I (dont have one) and good food market.
Keep chear up all even is close to Xmas
Best
45
Diane
13 December 2009 12:20
Ah. If only I could spend Christmas by myself I’d be happy! I am 64, divorced over 25 years ago and have a son and daughter. My duaghter and family live the other end of the country but I see them every six weeks or so and am just back from celebrating my granddaughter’s first birthday. However I will spend Christmas Day with my son. I know he loves me but he will drink too much, fall asleep and leave me to see to his dog etc. It happens every year. I’d far rather be on my own – it’s so relaxing – but I know he relies on me for company. As for Mr Right? I belong to eHarmony but haven’t properly joined or followed up on any contacts yet. I’m not sure Christmas, with all its stress and strain, is the best time to start. Maybe in January??
46
Carol
13 December 2009 12:31
I’m taking a lot of comfort in the fact that i’m not the only one who has developed an allergy to Christmas.
Roll on 2nd January when it’s all over.
Hang on in there guys, we will survive:o) x
47
jayne
13 December 2009 16:34
Im not sure if i feel any better or not after reading the messages, it is a sad time for some but we have to try and make the best of it and make an effort and hope that 2010 brings us all some happiness! all the very best to you all!x
48
Nigel
13 December 2009 19:50
If you want the best chance of being with someone at Christmas and the rest of the year marry anyone who is not from the UK. French, Italian, Spanish and most Europeans have a high value on marriage and relationships. They also know the true meaning of Christmass. With most families having three generations living under the same roof and divorce half the UK rate,is it any wonder Christmass in the UK means juggling with step children/grandchildren half this , half that, etc..perhaps its about time we in the UK started to value marriage and stopped walking away when something we think better comes around the corner. Instead of all this womens equality nonsense, perhaps there needs a new education level in the value of marriage, staying together, working at relationships and thinking more about how it effects the next generation than spending thousands on party dresses, high heels and a fantasy world that for the average person does not exists, even with Mr Plastic. Christmass should be for families, in the UK, where are they?
49
gwen
13 December 2009 20:32
oh my god… what a sad lot we are..lol… it only a day n why at this time of year, do we need the family when the rest of the time they not bothered.. any way i agre with paul looks like lot of us do!! but yes would be a big piss up if we could all get together,. then you just never know what next year will bring… lets face it could all be worse.. just be happy out there n have fun… xx.
50
Jo
13 December 2009 20:44
Many Thanks for all your comments I’m so glad I stopped by here. As someone who has NO family that means no mother father sisters brothers cousins aunts or uncles etc and having just broken up from a 14 year relationship and who’s few friends have their own families I was feeling pretty bad about spending the few days on my own. I may very well go help out a charity of some kind perhaps next year if I can get on the list. This year I’m going to put up the tree and decorate just for ME and on the day itself get a few funny dvd’s to watch and some nice music.
51
Wayne
14 December 2009 11:55
I feel so much better having read through all the comments made. I realise how fortunate I am. Sure I’d love to be with someone this Christmas but you can’t have everything in life.We all deal with Christmas in different ways and despite probably being on my own,I intend to try and be positive.You never know what is around the corner. Life is a rollercoaster and I’m just going to try and enjoy the ride, however difficult or uncomfortable it can be at times.
52
Abbie
14 December 2009 20:04
I agree with Helen. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, we give presents to each other to mark His birthday. It’s irrelevant whether you’re single or not. My family are pleased to see me and they’re no more likely to ask why I’m single than any other time. Infact, it’s a stupid question!
So be sad for people with no family, not necessarily no partner.
53
Alan Reynolds
15 December 2009 09:27
Yes very good, reading this made me feel a little flat,but one gets used to the common gripes…and then moves on. I am now divorced and have been living alone for a few years now, have learned to use the wash machine and am VERY happy shopping alone because I can take as long as I like and combine the groceries with clothing. I can buy expensive gear and not be guilty.
54
indiana
15 December 2009 14:08
I have always loved christmas, i just get very lonely and feeling down after my children and grandchildren have left, after visiting, especially when one of them nearly always says – we’ll have to get you fixed up with a nice man, that spoiles everything.
55
George
15 December 2009 19:55
I dont like Christmas,but not for any of the above reasons.Recently my brother was very ill with cancer,survived,and is now in remission.He is a bit confused a lot of the time because of his medication.Recently he became a born again Christian and has changed totally.In short he has been brain washed.He constantly preaches at me,criticises my personal life.Both he and his wife have accussed me of “worshipping false idols”,[I am a practising Buddhist],have sent me links to Christian singles groups,have said that all lasses on EHarmony are prostitutes,have accussed me of being gay as I have no partner,have returned my Christmas gifts,have ignored my birthday,after just having spent£4500 on a cruise.My brother used to be such a caring soul,and his wife has turned him against me.She doesnt care what she says,or how much it will hurt.She is a monster.For Christmas there is only one gift I want.My brother back!
Hurrah for E-Harmony.I have met someone who is a total sweetheart,kind,caring,and gentle.As a full time carer for two terminally ill parents,she has had a lot to contend with over the last two years,yet she is so nice.We have only dated a couple of times,but have really hit it off.Dont know each other well enough to spend Christmas together,so this year I will be volunteering for The Salvation Army serving food.But cant wait til the next time we meet
56
Scarlett
17 December 2009 11:47
I’m absolutely dreading Christmas and New Year. I don’t see my family, and I my boyfriend and I split up two weeks ago after a year together. I was looking forward to a good Christmas, but now will be totally alone. All my friends are married etc, so will be on my own Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve. I’m getting fed up with people saying “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone else”, or even worse, telling me how happy they are in their relationship and all about the coupley things they will be doing. I know there are people worse off than me, but somehow that just doesnt help ….
57
eharmony
17 December 2009 16:08
Hi there,
Thank you for your query. We have forwarded your concerns onto our Customer Care team who will be in touch via email shortly.
Best wishes,
eHarmony Advice
58
Deborah
18 December 2009 01:07
This article is helpful because I don’t think I’d really clocked that there are a lot of people who are single. I am always more or less happily pre-occupied but the slow grinding to an enforced halt over christmas can’t help but remind me that I’m more likely to be motivated with another person to do stuff with.
59
Layo
19 December 2009 22:20
I am surprised at the number of people who feel so negative about Christmas. I agree that it can be a lonely time for single people, in particular if you don’t have children or family you are close to around. But in the general scheme of things when you have good health and life there is a lot to be grateful for. I lost a friend who was perfectly healthy to leaukemia a few years ago just atfer Christmas. It made be realise hat life is so short one minute you are okay the next minute you are diagnosed with a disease that kills you in less than 6 months.
We are all adults we can choose how we spend Christmas, make it work for you we don’t have to buy into it’s commercialisation. For me it is down time and catch up time, my friends and family always lecture me about being single irrespective of whether it is Christmas or New Year and that’s not going to change.
A lot of the comments here have been on been alone because we are single, there are lots of people in relationships that are lonely. Being single doesn’t automatically equate to being lonely. Christmas is what you make of it not what others make of it.
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Maria
20 December 2009 13:06
I remember being in a relationship with a man that told me that he loved me and wanted me to marry him. It seemed like we were perfect together. He treated me like a princess but even though we had been happily in love for years, there was always a little voice inside of me that told me that something just wasn’t right. Will this man really be there for me, to hold me and never leave my side when I need him the most?
It was Christmas, we had our own place and I woke up that morning happy and was really looking forward to spending the day with my loved one! He choose to spend the day with his family and whilst I ended up spending the day alone curled up warmly with DVDs. Who said that being single during Christmas is supposed to be the loneliness of times for the singleton?
I personally think that being with the wrong person or discovering that your with the wrong person during Christmas can feel like the loneliness of time.
I’d rather be single and enjoy my freedom and single life and wait for my soul mate to come my way than to be with the wrong person and part of what society expects us to be when we reach to a certain stage of age of life.
61
SEAN :)
21 December 2009 08:09
Hi people, Great post i must say and very good thoughtful comments written by all. Ok heres my scene. Im 24 and single. Yes i said it Single. Crash, bang wallop. And you know what Its bloody brillant being single. Why i hear you scream. Do please let me explain.Hopefully after This you’ll appreacte it.
Look people, when your flying solo who havde you got to worry bout. Hmmm lets see noone. You, yourself and Thats it. No, i want this, and hours of worring will he/she like it. That has to be a great thing.
Also ever had a xmas with a person your seeing and you know deep down you wont be spending another xmas with them, I had that feeling in 2004. And let me tell you that was a bad xmas.
When your single at Xmas you can do whatever you want. Go to any parties, see whoever you want to see. Get as drunk as you want without another half looking at you as if your insane.
The point of the above is one word folks. Relax , relax , relax. Chill out , im sure most on here have good friends/family. See them, enjoy your time with them . Do things..
Most successful relationships happen later on life, thats a fact. Less arguing, more mature outlooks and free minds.
Everyone meets their soulmate at some stage. Some at 20 some at 30 heck some at 70. It happens to us all..
Until that day comes, Enjoy being single while it lasts. Live your life. Dance the nights away. Eat well, Enjoy good company..
Theres an eternal saying.. If you cant be happy with your own self how can you be happy with anyone else?
Merry Xmas to all, And a wonderful new year.
Sean
Dublin
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George
21 December 2009 16:14
I see the main problem with xmas being the total stop of normal social activities (work, sport, discussing current affairs, playing music whatever) and their replacement with parties, eating, drinking and “family”.
But parties are boring! It’s all small talk with drunken people who you haven’t got much time for. Too much eating makes you fat and gives you a stomach ache. Etc.
So my solution is try to keep up whatever things I do with other people, which are not parties or “family”. E.g. rambling, gassing about current affairs with my cronies down the pub, cycling, and make a quiet exit when things just get too tediously trivial, mawkish, boring and generally cristmassy.
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Justine
22 December 2009 11:34
I have a wonderful family, the best children in the world – but it won’t stop me feeling lonley this christmas – a christmas kiss – on christmas morning – the one thing I have really missed – a hug – I know I’m loved and blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around me. But missing that ‘someone special’ is a feeling that grows out of all proportion at this time of year more than any other!
Merry Christmas to everyone who can be merry, Happy Christmas to all who can be happy. Have a good Friday for anyone else who wants to forget christmas! x
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Andrea
22 December 2009 21:53
Why on earth isn’t there a series of e-harmony Christmas parties? Such a good idea.
Christmas, like so many things, is what you make of it. Not what people make of you or your circumstances.
Personally, I will be taking the solitude to the max by being happily tipsy from an early hour and reading in bed…accompanied by a plate or two of the very best things from the fridge. There may even be some unintentional shouting at the telly and burning of the festive dinner later on. I couldn’t say.
(I like to think that there is plenty of time the rest of the year round to work on my social skills)
Merry Christmas all. Beware of the power of nostalgia, sentimentality (and M&S Christmas adverts). Those hooks go deeper than you think. Tackle them in whichever way seems best to you.
65
Helene
27 December 2009 21:38
I hate Christmas. I didn’t used to, I remember enjoying it as a child. Now as a divorced 50 something, with few relatives, and no religious beliefs, I dread it. Christmas is for families and loved up couples, so they can make the rest of us feel like we are missing out. Why does everyone think I should enjoy it.
At least it only happens once a year.
66
Scott
21 July 2010 06:08
Xmas is one of the few times I actually WANT the whole family together because i do get lonely. But worse is valentines day when your single. At least at christmas theres common ground for celebration, so getting your mates together and going out on the lash is easy…i got a great group of mates. Its small, but we’re close…and they, more often than not, are more than ready to help out a friend in need
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Steve
28 August 2010 00:41
christmas – great for kids.
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Diane (Glasgow)
23 September 2010 01:34
God if im single for yet another one I think i’ll throw an eharmony party and invite all the other singles to join me for one hell of a bash!!!! Wowsa
69
Ayrshire Girl
11 November 2010 23:02
Diane and Andrea, I completely agree. An eharmony party would be great…there is a website called “solos” which I found which have black tie balls at xmas and throughout the year. Probably a better idea if you’re on your own at Xmas and still fancy a party night. Have a nice one this year everyone, whatever you may be doing
) xx
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Steve, Manchester
16 November 2010 01:35
I’ll be bored! I think it’s a shopping festival which has been hijacked by religion.
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Jane
21 November 2010 11:01
Diane and Andrea, what a fantastic idea, maybe though just for the people who pay, at least they would answer e-mails etc in January
72
Geoff
12 December 2010 18:51
Christmas is just about false sentiment and over commercialisation. For someone like me who is anti-theist, Christmas is nothing. If people who profess to be religious celebrate Christmas and think that it’s all about ‘family and presents’, then they should re-read their religious scripture.
73
sarah
12 December 2010 21:15
My 1st christmas without a partner in a very long time, so I am dreading it. I hope with all my heart it will be the last one on my own. Will miss the wondeful feeling on Christmas day, knowing you are loved and wanted for the rest of the year…………..broken hearted lady
Good tips though, shall try and take them on board…
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Nicola
13 December 2010 12:45
Hi,
This will be my first Christmas on my own for many years and I’m not really sure how that’s going to feel. Strange probably. I was raised experiencing big family Christmases, which I loved, but as I’ve got older and that family has diminished I found I was just as happy as spending Christmas with a loved one. So this year it will be me and the two cats, and then I’m going to start cooking Christmas Dinner for my mum, sister and myself. I’m just going to keep myself busy, enjoy the company I have. I’m back at work on Boxing Day anyway so it’s only one day.
75
Erum
14 December 2010 15:03
I can see how Christmas cam be lonely for singletons everywhere, especially if like me you don’t have a huge social circle, I do need to agree with one of the other ladies, eharmony is not sending me enough matches, everytime I go to search myself it says “sorry no matches available” and yet it boasts it has 12 million users are any of these users Pakistani 34 to 39 year olds???
76
Sue
15 December 2010 22:25
hey Ayrshire girl the idea of a black tie do is lovely! the only site called solos i could find is solosholiday??? would this be the same thing as couldnt seem to find anything on parties. thanks
77
Mark
18 December 2010 14:08
Well this is technically my 2nd Christmas alone, but looking back, I can see that I actually spent quite a few “on my own”, even though I was in a relationship!! It’s never easy at times like this. Yes, there’s all the commercialism and such, but the deeper meaning of Christmas is a time for forgiveness, renewal and good will, and inevitably, one’s mind will stray to such thoughts in those quiet moments, and understandably, we end up feeling sorry for ourselves. But ask yourself are these thoughts any different from those that you conjure up during the other 51 weeks of the year? Probably not, it’s just that the season makes them more poignant, more real if you will. My mind isn’t fooled by distractions, life is what it is. But I get out there, shake myself down and explore what life has to offer, and often, so much enjoyment can be gained from the simplest of things. I try to leave my mind and my heart open to the possibilities. Just a thought : If everyone that has posted a comment on here is on their own this Christmas, I take it that you were not matched by the site? So what’s stopping you? LOL! Have a good one everybody!
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Andrian
22 December 2010 10:56
There are so many ways to beat this feeling, and the best part is you know exactly when Christmas is and so can plan well in advance. If you have other single friends, go out for a beer/dinner. Better still, arrange for a quick skiing trip somewhere.
If you don’t have single friends and you get along well enough with your family, go over and spend time with them. Friends and family will be patronising, jsut ignore them.
79
Rosy
23 December 2010 14:55
It can be a sad time when we reflect on our past busy Christmases though it is good not to get too starry eyed about it too as some of these times may have not always been entirely perfect perhaps!
It is best to positive and cheerfulness and optimism attracts and remember there are lots of people in the world who are far worse off than us, with no food, being bombed etc or even people trapped in unhappy relationships who are suffering mentally and/or physcially who dont have the courage to leave or change their lives.
I am going to enjoy the peace, the company of my family and friends and have an optimistic view that there could be someone right out there for me, I will meet, before too long! As time ticks away so quick doesnt it! If not, I will keep very busy and cheerful with my work and artwork
Good luck to everyone and best wishes for Christmas and hope that the new year brings much happiness for everyone and romance perhaps too!
80
Alice
27 December 2010 19:43
I find christmas more and more difficult each year since being on my own, especially when cousins suddenly drop you because you arent immediate family and no matter what people say we all need our family at this time of year.
81
Fran
2 January 2011 15:54
Christmas and New Year is the most difficult time for me being single. No matter how hard you try it is difficult to be jolly around people who are ‘couples’ and have so much planned for the future. Being single means you dont get invited to ‘couple’ things, eg dinners, parties etc. The comment about ‘inviting a friend’ to go with you to parties etc is a joke – if you had a ‘single/unattached’ friend to go out with you would not be lonely in the first place. I think a lot of people think you are ‘happy’ being on your own and they dont think to include you. I am just so relieved when January 2 comes and it is all over for another year.
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SpiralDive
6 January 2011 23:05
OMG: Never have I seen so much negativity.
Stop moaning the lot of you! You’re free, single, got 2 weeks off work, spare time, go out and do something interesting with it.
Thank you’re lucky stars you’re not tied down with a nagging other half & screaming kids this time of year. This is the time of the year when most of the couples wish they were single.
What did I do with my freetime & singledom? Oh, I spend Christmas eve & 2nd Jan, Speed Flying in the Peak District, & I loved it.
http://www.vimeo.com/user1054698/videos
Life is short – come back when you’ve got one!
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Teresa
15 April 2011 00:06
i agree spiraldive i don,t know what everyone is moaning about.I have spend many christmasses alone and i love it there are no screaming kids no arguments no fighting over what to watch on the telly, you eat what and when you like and you do what you please it,s also a little time of work so it,s a nice time to relax,i do usually get invites to join friends at their homes for xmas and i don,t go as a rule but it is nice to know the offer is there if i want to take it up and i know plenty of couples who wished that they were single so cheer up everyone and enjoy this beauiful time of year and by the way i was born in december [the 3rd ] for another reason to enjoy it.LIFE IS TOO SHORT.
84
rolopolo
11 December 2011 11:35
Yes i agree with that comment.That most of the date lines if not all of them when you go to the seek page to find persons that live near you thay always give you persons that live miles away from you.
85
George Bell
11 December 2011 11:53
I love being alone for Christmas and just enjoying some me time.
My wife has been gone for 13 years now, but family members and friends think I am still sitting moping.
Nothing is further from the truth.
I am involved with all the local pension groups, the TUC, and am a volunteer with the local council. any day I can just put my feet up and do nothing is always welcome.
86
Mo
11 December 2011 12:05
Hi
I have read all your comments. I am spending Christmas day with a single girlfriend and will put on a brave face and laugh with her as we always do, but underneath all that we are both sad not to have found loving partners. It seems the older we get, the harder it is to find guys who are not too set in their ways to share their lives with someone. My last partner used to disappear to his mum’s for two weeks every year at Christmas and I could only ever spend a couple of days with him due to work, but have to admit that was better than being alone for all of it. I don’t like Christmas with the family as they are obnoxious and insensitive when they have had a few drinks and make me feel like a failure. However will try and stay positive and have a good week off work with lots of walks, meeting with friends and looking at this site everyday to see if my soulmate is lurking here somewhere.
87
chris
11 December 2011 12:24
Hi I serve in the armed forces and have spent xmas in some of the worst places on earth iraq, afgan ect iv seen mates lose libs, starving children the works, so just think everyone who is writing comments on this subject you are in the top half of the top 1 percent of the people in the world and your xmas will be better than billions of people round the world. Just think 24000 childen will starve to death on xmas day alone and the likely hood is one of my oppos will be killed or mamed in afgan so no matter how crap your xmas is its a picknick compared to any of there’s merry xmas everyone on here many you fine pease love and happyness over xmas xx
88
Paul
11 December 2011 15:45
I agree with Chris. If you feel so lonely this Christmas just give a thought to those really in need or living in dangerous circumstances. Rather than let yourself get down, how about helping others or doing something charitable?
89
NICOLA KING
11 December 2011 15:46
Well Done Sandra No 4 on the comments list. You’ve got it! It’s a bit of a fake time when everyone pretends to be a little bit different.They wish you all this luck and hapiness and then as soon as it is over everything is back to where it was. Let them spend all there money. Being single means as most have said “You can do what you like when you like, and don’t have to ask permission first” GREAT! HAPPY XMAS TO EVERYONE AND I HOPE THE NEW YEAR BRINGS YOU WHAT YOU LOOKING FOR.
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Maz
11 December 2011 16:35
Christmas is about Christ Jesus! Lets not forget that. He came to save us all. He has helped me in many ways. I am not spiritual, just love Christ and his miraculous ways!
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Carol
11 December 2011 17:28
Dear All who have commented above ~ JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!! Why not try going to church to find some LOVE JOY & PEACE in focussing on the reason He came to Earth … to be your Saviour and to bring you into His Family in the Kingdom of GOD!! To be with Him in Eternity!! Blessings to you all at Christmas and Enjoy some fellowship and to worship HIM! EVERY bLESSING for your Future Lives and the forthcoming NEW YEAR!
92
Paul Handley
11 December 2011 19:26
I’ll be working, and that lazy, workshy good for nothing Bob Crachet isn’t getting the day off either. Bah humbug!
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Michele
17 December 2011 19:09
here here Chris #87 ! yes its a bit rubbish being single at Chrimbo, and there are bettr times of the year ! but hey guys ! you’re not in a war zone, you’re not starving, you’re moaning about being single ! theres plenty of parties on ! its chrimbo ! get out there, i find yourself a christmas present ! and chris #87, if you are on an op, be safe. X
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katherine
17 December 2011 19:26
Well, this will be the first Christmas that I have been completely on my own and I am looking forward to it. Many other Christmasses I have been with a (now ex) partner and I just as well might have been on my own because he was in his own world. My family live a way away and often they are hard work, drink too much, eat too much and just sit around most of the time, whilst going through the motions of having a good time, generating huge amounts of greasy washing up and panic over how things are/are not cooked and which dish they should be served on etc…
I find it interesting that people who ask me what I am doing, get more upset than I do about the prospect of my being on my own at Christmas, after regaling me with tales about how they arn’t looking forward to Christmas because of their relatives, cooking, elderly relatives or whatever else…
My plan of action is as follows: I have bought myself a couple of dvd’s I have wanted for a while, got plenty of wood for the fire, got some booze if I feel like it, some food which I may or may not cook and eat, no tree, no decorations (on the basis that having them are more likely to make me feel ‘alone’ if I am actually on my own)I have a couple of good books waiting for me, cats who like to lounge around and some beautiful countryside to walk in if I choose and hopefully a few fun programs on the telly which I can see without getting told off. I can see that for some, it is a painful reminder of good times in the past,and that must be hard, but for some of us, a reason to be honest that a previous partner was actually a pain, so were their mother/father whatever else. And, I have bought myself a few presents too! I wish everyone well and lets look forward to 2012!
95
Sophie
18 December 2011 10:54
Hey there folks!
Why not all meet up and make your own christmas party?!
96
Natalie
18 December 2011 13:30
I have just read this article and everyone’s comments out of curiosity. I was surprised and comforted by what most people have said as I really thought it was just me. It was a shame however to see some rather callous advice from some people largely centring around pulling yourself together. People respond to kindness and understanding, not being made to feel selfish and stupid. Those of us who feel fed up this time of year are often the most sensitive people who would love to spend Christmas with a loved one and are far from selfish or stupid. So let’s be a little less judgemental and a little kinder. I think the eharmony article has the right approach and I feel comforted to hear i am not alone! Thanks. Xx
97
David
18 December 2011 19:59
I have been single for a couple of months, but the run up to Christmas has been great. All those parties to chat and dance with whoever you like. No need to worry about how much my girlfriend has drunk and what she is saying or doing.
It is to me a time for romance, so I look forward to it in the hope I can share a little romance.
However when it gets to boxing day and I am alone I will feel deflated, but pleased for what I have enjoyed.
98
Alan
18 December 2011 20:08
well now, what to do, first time I have been on my own at Christmas. why daughter has come back to the Island for Christmas and is staying with her half sister. I have been invited to about 6 different christmas lunches, perhaps I should just go to all of them in turn. I will definately be starting the day with a swim in the sea with several hundred other mad souls, at least it’s still about 13 degrees celcius. it certainly makes you feel alive. if you want to be with peole then choose the ones who make you feel good about yourself and screw the ones who don’t! new year new opotunities, grab what ever comes your way and give it all you’ve got. love and hugs Alan
99
Sue
21 December 2011 04:17
Thank you everyone! I was feeling quite low until I read all the above posts! Yes, wouldn’t it be great to have a e-harmony party! This is my first Xmas alone after 38 yrs marriage & 5 children all grown up. I love reading all the positive points about not having to please anyone else over Xmas & chill. It would be nice to have a few friends though to enjoy some of those social festivities with & live a bit nearer to family. Very isolated over here (USA). Good Luck & Blessings to everyone for the New Year.
100
barry
21 December 2011 18:07
dreading xmas had my first really close bereavement this year losing my mam 6 days b4 her birthday in july im on a dmp and up to my eyeballs in it and me and the missus are going thru splitting up back at my dads in a box bedroom having therapy as i tried to end it all a few months ago and dont know where to turn feel a complete failure in my forties and nowt to show for it roll on 2012 caant be any worse than 2011
101
brenda
23 December 2011 10:05
I need friends all year round, I hate christmas, and being a jolly person, I dont and cant get used to being alone. So i wold love friends good friends. love to hear from you how??? I dont know. brenda.
102
christine.
25 December 2011 13:02
This is my second xmas without my beloved husband and for the first time in my entire life, iam 63, i woke up on my own on xmas day.
there are lots of people on their own like me and as chris said in the armed forces hes seen such tragedies.
next year iam going to volunteer to do something worthwhile.
103
Aileenvb
7 January 2012 19:51
Well, it’s all over for another year. This has been my 4th Christmas since losing my husband and I’ve tried all sorts.
Filling the house with relatives – disastrous arguments.
Flying off to the Carribean – not bad but expensive.
Inviting an elderly neighbour to share the day in my home – by far the best, we had a super day and my focus was on giving her a lovely day and didn’t have time to think about me.
104
Robert
9 December 2012 11:38
This is my 4 Christmas on my own, but I have my son home for christmas, as he in the army,and been their nearly 3 yrs. It takes about 8 hours to get home from Inverness.We been very close as i brought him up since he was 7yrs old.
105
Yvonne
9 December 2012 16:44
Instead of chatting about the negatives and positives, this should have been broached back in November in a different way. It could have been a start to organising a pub/hotel/restaurant Christmas lunch in towns and cities relevant to us for the ‘big day’. One happy/miserable family of singletons with no family/friend pressures.
I think this could take off!!!! Business plan for next year coming up!
Whatever your thoughts on Christmas, be safe and happy