Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

Some men, regardless of looks, can charm women instantly. They have ‘it’, the ‘wow factor’, or what is more commonly known as confidence. It’s about being at ease with yourself, and making everyone around you also feel at ease.

Admittedly, that’s a simplistic answer. Confidence isn’t something that comes naturally to many people – it’s a combination of body language, conversational skills and emotion. But here are five ways to kick start your confidence boost:

1.    If you don’t feel it, fake it
Naturally, we assume other people know more about how we’re feeling than we really are. Because you are nervous about speaking to attractive women, you assume that they know that automatically. In fact this is far from the truth, and even if you don’t feel confident at first, fake it instead.

By at least pretending to be completely at ease with yourself we can tell you that one of the following three things will happen:
•    You’ll still be nervous, which you were going to be anyway
•    You’ll spend the time pretending to be confident
•    You’ll actually become more self-assured as the time goes on, and eventually you won’t be faking it, you will actually be confident

What do you have to lose?

2.    Focus your attentions outwards rather than inwards
How many times have you wanted to speak to a woman, but instead have been overwhelmed by the little voice in your head telling you you’re not smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough…? Unsurprisingly, this is a huge confidence blocker, but the answer is to force your thoughts in the opposite direction.

By assuming that the other person will find you witty, smart, and fascinating you will be able to focus your mental energy on actually engaging in conversation with them – rather than wasting it on doing yourself down.

3.    Use your eyes and smile
Looking someone in the eye is vital when you talk to them – women often say that ‘the eyes’ are one of their most looked for features in a man. There’s nothing more off-putting than trying to talk to someone who won’t look you in the eye. And while you’re looking them in the eye, keep smiling – nerves kill a smile.

4. Treat yourself
At eHarmony, we are all about looking beyond physical appearance, and towards deep rooted compatibility between people. But, looking good is still important – if you think you look attractive, you will exude that all important confidence.

Whether you need a hair cut or a new pair of shoes, treat yourself. You’ll stand taller, receive compliments, and just generally feel good about the world. And that’ll show through. It’s also worth noting that women often cite the way a man carries himself as being crucial, so make sure your posture’s good in those new shoes.

5.    Never apologise
The way you treat yourself informs how other people treat you. If you insist on apologising for the size of your home whenever people come to visit, they’ll soon start to see you in a certain way. Instead of saying ‘I’m sorry there’s not much room in my poky little flat’ say ‘I love my flat, it’s really cosy – I hope you like it too!’

We know it’s probably that you’re not completely satisfied with every aspect of your life, but the more you put a positive spin on things about it to others, the better you’ll begin to think about it all.

Now, it’s time to take these tips and put them to work. Go to a new place, or go out with a group of people you don’t often see, and start to become the confident person you want to be.