Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

We’ve all done it, told ourselves little white lies. We don’t mean to, but we just can’t help ourselves. How many times have you heard yourself saying ‘I’ll get myself back to the gym next week’ or ‘I’m going to make better decisions about my relationships from now on’?

But in reality these are often promises we have little intention of keeping. And the biggest problem with these lies we tell ourselves is that they stop us from succeeding in other areas. They distract us from setting realistic goals we’ll actual stick to, and the effect of breaking these promises creates a downward spiral. We never quite get that positive momentum going that spurs us onto doing even better.

If this sounds like you, it’s time to do something different. Whether you want to change your health, love life, career – whatever – these steps should help you kick start that positive momentum and stop those little lies….

Be realistic
It’s OK to think big – in fact, it’s something everyone should do. But, when we’re talking about making actual, positive changes to your life, it’s time to be realistic. Maybe you want to lose three stone by next month so you look great for that big family wedding, but that isn’t going to happen. By setting yourself unrealistic goals, you’re setting yourself up for failure – and an evening in with a big takeaway and a bottle of wine.

We know it’s boring, but be realistic. You might be able to lose a few pounds by next month, by eating healthily and getting yourself to the gym. It works the same for your dating goals. Don’t tell yourself the next person you’re going to date is going to be your ideal man or woman. Instead, tell yourself you’ll go into it with an open mind, and an expectation that they’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Don’t be vague
Think about it: getting a month by month plan from a gym instructor on how to tone up is going to do you a lot more good than promising yourself you’ll have the body of a supermodel this time next year. By taking it step-by-step, the little improvements you see will give you the positive mind set to keep going. A vague view of ‘I’m going to have the perfect life in twelve months’ might buoy you up for a few days, but without a real idea of how you’re going to get there, your good intentions will soon go out the window.

Take baby steps
This goes hand in hand with being realistic. Aim to exercise twice a week for 30 minutes. Choose to attend one party where you know no-one. Learn to cook one healthy dish. Promise yourself you won’t speak to your ex for a fortnight. These aren’t daunting steps that are going to steer you off your course – in fact they’ll keep you going until you’re ready to set your next – bigger – goal.

Get some support
Most things are easier with the help of a friend. Whether they can join you in working towards your ultimate goal, or they can simply give you the encouragement you need, getting someone on board is a great move. Additionally, if you can, tell people. The more people who know about your plan to lose weight, find love, change career etc. the more support you’ll have.

Don’t punish yourself
Working toward your goal shouldn’t be purgatory. Once you’ve achieved something  – whether that’s been to lose a few pounds, or apply for some new jobs – give yourself a treat. Have an evening out with friends, buy a new outfit or simply have a nice glass of wine.  Life shouldn’t feel like one long chore, and nearly everything in moderation is good for you!

Banish your inner critic
For some reason our worst critics are often ourselves. If you find yourself constantly criticising yourself, try to pick up on that and change it into encouragement. And if you do slip up – for example, find yourself abandoning your diet one night and tucking into a tub of ice cream – don’t see that as the end of your efforts. Simply chalk it up as a blip and carry on the next day. After all, you wouldn’t want all your previous hard work to go to waste, would you?