28 October 2010
6 reasons you should wait to settle down
by eHarmony
Getting hitched as soon as you can might seem like a good idea when you’re young and in love, but here are 6 reasons why waiting makes sense.
The average age for first-time marriage now stands at 30 for women and 32 for men, according to the Office for National Statistics. In 1961 this was just 23 for women and 25 for men – it seems we’ve become a nation of waiters and daters. There are lots of underlying reasons for this – women are now more independent, with career paths to follow, and overall there’s a belief in life before marriage, or settling down.
And this is no bad thing – not everyone has the desire to be ‘tied down’ from an early age. We’re not saying that if you got married when you were 22 you made a mistake; different things work for different people. But if you’re still looking for ‘the one’, here’s why waiting isn’t such a bad thing after all.
1. Maturity leads to happier marriages
The older you are, the less likely you are to divorce. The maturity that comes with age helps bring life into perspective, and allows you to make better choices. If you’re in your 30s, or older, when you marry you’ve experienced something of life and will have a better perspective on what matters (and what doesn’t) in a relationship.
2. Age doesn’t equal emotional baggage
As we get older we experience more and we get hurt more. But if you can learn from those knocks and mistakes then you become so much more emotionally mature and aware. Baggage doesn’t need to be a bad thing – it can represent everything you’ve learnt about life.
3. You can make better choices
The older you get the better you know what you want from life. This enables you to make better partner choices. Your romantic relationships, friendships and experiences with your family all give you experience in knowing the kind of people you get on with – and the kinds that rub you up the wrong way. That way, you’ll be able to see past the initial attraction when you meet someone new to what really matters.
4. You are a better version of you
Older really does equal wiser. We become much more aware of our own faults, and our own positive traits. Ultimately over time we learn to really like ourselves, and that is very attractive to other people.
5. You know what commitment means
As time goes on you learn to realise how honouring your word really means something. Through education, work and relationships being committed becomes more and more important. After all, who wants to employ someone, or be friends with someone, who doesn’t know the meaning of the word commitment?
6. You have a more secure future
With an established career, savings and maybe even a home, your relationship will start on a better footing. You will hopefully have fewer money worries, which will help you to – if you wish – start a family. Put simply, you’re less likely to blow your pay packet on a ridiculous gadget or some designer shoes when you get older.
There is nothing wrong – and in fact lots right – about waiting to settle down. Sometimes it might feel like your friends are all getting into long-term relationships and leaving you behind. But what matters is that you make the right choice for you, not the quick choice.
1
Jo
27 November 2010 19:22
Hi,
I’ve changed my attitude about waiting. If you meet a great guy at age 25, why put it off, what you gonig to wait for?
Too many times people say, well I am told my age is too young to marry, I need to get a career, make money, get educated and date lots so I know what I am looking for. It can become a trap because you think you got to go out there and get self actualised before you can settle down. Waiting and putting it off can actually cause you to lose discernment on when to ‘settle’. You start to think, well this is a great guy but if I can meet him perhaps I will meet someone better and perhaps when I earn a phd.
Well, no guy is perfect and if you trade a great guy in case you meet someone better, all you are really doing is trading one set of imperfections for another set in a different man. Successful couples realise they might not get all their preferences but are willing to trade them for more important qualities.
While you wait to find success,your body clock is clicking, the good guys you rejected are getting snapped up by younger women coming up behind you.
Listen, if you haven’t got major ‘picking issues’ to work out first i.e. can’t resist the bad boys, and you have met a great guy and you are under 30 or even under 40, just get married. it get’s harder as you get older and you you know what, you can do all the growing up you need with you partner, you can still get an education and will have more return for your hard work becuase you are doing it together. Singles don’t have the luxury of a helper, and God said 2 are better than 1, they get a better return for their labour.
Your man will grow old with you and won’t notice your wrinkles and make an issue about it half as much as men do when you are single and in your 40′s. The men your age at that time are more likely to be looking looking for a bride at 20 – 30 because they want kids! Forget feminism and waiting for self actualisation and financial ‘security’, if you found someone when you are younger, do it together and just get married!
2
historian
28 December 2010 14:01
Ah…if only life were that simple Jo. Unfortunately not everyone’s experience is the same and bad choices can cost dearly…just ask most users of this site… a person’s adherence to feminism or any other ism for that matter wont make the slightest difference.
Based on my own experience, the most difficult thing for a woman today is deciding what constitutes a ‘good man’ and handling disappointment – as is undertaking the personal work that enables a woman to be independant and self-aware. Once that is in place I think that a woman is better equipped to make decisions, having analysed the consequences.
Having said all that, sometimes a person is required to take a risk – I dont think a young person should fail to take risks because of a fear of failure…not everyone wants to sow oats or have a plethora of relationships before settling down.
3
Steph
11 March 2011 11:36
Well I’m 24, I met my ex when we were 18 and we didn’t start dating until we were 21 as I went to university. We supposidly grew together and at 24 decided we would get married as we appeared to have a wonderful and loving relationship. He would tell me he loved me every day and I truly believed him and felt it. I found out before we were due to wed that he had been cheating on me and was a complete player. I’m very glad I didn’t marry him. He was incredibly immature and constantly lied, he became very good at it and his friends covered for him or blamed laco of memory due to alcohol! As you get older you become more responsible, he didn’t. Im now single and am taking my time in rebuilding my life. One day I hope to meet someone else and when I do I will take my time. If it is meant to be then whats the rush? I hope this post encourages others to take their time and not rush into anything with prospective partners.
4
kacki
10 July 2011 11:16
TAKE YOU TIME AND DO NOT RUSH INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP. What may attract you now, will later down the line make you ANGRY. Life is too short, and one bad choice will be a LIFE TIME OF MISERY . I mean people who end up in relationships where their partner promises them the world( no one can give you that), and they lay down and have his child, with no prior agreement that they are even in a relationship. Then you have the women who are fast to trap a FOOLISH-BOY down and get themsleves pregnant, and think that the BOY will stay with them, and all they become are BABY MUMMAS. They feel anger and resistantment toward the whole world, when in fact , they were the ones who got themsleves in this mess, in the first place.
NEVR EVER RUSH INTO ANYTHING MAIN FACT IN LIFE. LOL XOX
5
Steve
27 March 2013 22:35
It’s all down to the person really. One thing I’d advise anyone really young who is married/engaged/thinking of proposing is that if you’re very young, tie the knot, no problem – but wait before having kids. It’s one thing being married when young – you can still go out and enjoy life together, go places, have fun etc. But when you have kids all those opportunities will disappear. Plus all the stresses and money troubles.
I’m 27 and if I met the right woman I’d get married, but I’d want to wait a good while before having kids.
6
Steve
27 March 2013 22:36
It’s all down to the person really. One thing I’d advise anyone really young who is married/engaged/thinking of proposing is that if you’re very young, tie the knot, no problem – but wait before having kids. It’s one thing being married when young – you can still go out and enjoy life together, go places, have fun etc. But when you have kids all those opportunities will disappear. Plus all the stresses and money troubles.
I’m 27 and if I met the right woman I’d get married, but I’d want to wait a good while before having kids, a good couple of years after being married.