Dating and relationship advice you can really believe in.

This comment will really make some people angry but I’m going to say it anyway. What I find so incredibly arrogant (or plain stupid) and mystifying is that the most unattractive, overweight and cerebrally challenged men want and believe they can get, beautiful, slender bright women! It’s never going to happen………..

I have also seen slender-bodied men married to or in love with overweight woman. Although the generally conditioned mindset of shallow folk think in terms of birds of a feather, the “beautiful people” don’t have a monopoly on happiness. It takes more than appearances and money to keep a relationship together, and if a couple appear to be mismatched in appearances, the chances are their relationship is on solid love ground.

I think you are all missing the point here. The article says men want to feel “deeply in love with and attracted to their partner” not “they want to have a thin conventionally attractive partner” whether the woman is fat or thin etc doesnt matter so long as there is chemistry and spark. Different people find different things attractive.

I am short 5′ 4″ and overweight, but I must say that I have never had much problem ‘getting the girl’. I suppose that is because I am highly intelligent, very witty, don’t go too far out of my league, and speak some of this foreign language known only to the female of the species. Plus, of course, looks aren’t everything. Some women really like chubby men.

I think being attractive can be a problem for either sex – it’s something that’s hard to see beyond sometimes, especially for men (sorry guys!) It’s such a powerful and important part of relationships, but it’s not everything.

Frankly, very bemused, those older guys chasing younger ladies, hey only one thing on there mind.I sincerely find the ladies my age far more intriguing than the younger version due to the changing in social dynamics as quite a few are deeply concerned about looks, health,due to changing times. Give me a late 30′s or early forties anyday. PS I am not overweight

Well, I’m with Olga’s daughter. Unattractive and/or dense men just don’t cut it for me, even with the alleged power of Chris Evans and his ilk. To be blunt, yes, I am attractive, solvent and not lacking in brains. I have been amazed by the numbers of utterly incoherent munters who seem to think I might be even slightly interested in them. Get real and punch within your weight. If you think my comment is arrogant, and I’m sure there will be many who do, that’s unfortunate. Maybe you feel that way because you know you’re trying to play outside your league….

Nita, I second that too – also consider myself to be attractive, intelligent and solvent (without that sounding like a brag)! But I do think, from my own personal observations over the years, that there are more attractive women with minger men, the simple reason being that women are often more open-minded and are prepared to look beyond the physical appearance, but I have truly never seen or known a gorgeous guy with a fat/ugly/old/whatever female, it just doesn’t happen – they can’t see further than the face/body, being, ahem, more shallow in their general outlook. Apologies if this offends but I’ve long thought this, it is merely an observation.

I actually find the some of the comments on here morally depraved. Anyone with any tact or social grace would not be saying such cruel things.

Perhaps, many men have preconceptions that no women are really that financially irresponsible, whereas many women might have the preconception that many men can be financially irresponsible. It would be silly to put something as a “must have” or “can’t stand” when you think your partner is higly unlikely to not have / have that quality.

well from experience i can say i have been on both ends of the scales.In 1986 i wieghted 15st.i was never asked out on dates ,never asked to up to dance.Than i dieted and lost 7st in just under a year and recieved 3 marriage proposels and a lot of dates.It,s a sad fact i was treated so different just because i lost weight.I maintained my weight until 1999 than i started to gain weight after i gave up smoking on the 18th march 1999.I am now 17st and acourse no dates in 10 years not even via dating agency as you guys take one look at my attractive young looking fat smiley face and don,t want to know well that won,t be for long because i am dieting again and i will be slim by christmas but i won,t be bothering with any dating agency as i won,t be needing one.I know that for a fact.

I find being rich helps find that tall slim younger eyecandy even if you are fat bald and old.Not that women are shallow of course but bling does seem to have some appeal,Deny it and I’ll believe you!Oh yes there is one other thing.. sitting in the corner alone and licking my eyebrows helps too

o yes i agree eye candy sexy smelling expensive aftershave is the best thing any man can wear.

I agree with the exceptions people mention above but mostly I think that both men and women are motivated by the same need. That need is stress-reduction. Men and women generally have a very different path to achieving it.
Men need sex to reduce stress. To accomplish that men need to be attracted to their mate (not overweight),want to love and be loved(=sex),want a calm-risk taker(won’t raise his stress level),want her to explore sexual desires(more sex). All these being met, results in massive stress reduction for a man.
Women need security (money) which will reduce her stress. To accomplish this they need him not to be angry (he might leave her-no security),not a couch potato(he’s not making money watching tv), he’s to be financially responsible because how else is he going to support the finances and provide security and not throw it away on the horses etc.

Going back to the earlier comments reference weight, barring a medical condition being obese or considerably overweight tells the world and opposite sex a couple of things:

1. Your persnal health is not that important to you.

2. You may be percieved as lazy and lacking in confidence.

3. You clearly dont respect yourself, so why should other people respect you?

Sorry to be blunt but wake up and smell the coffee! Humans are geared to make very quick judgements when looking at strangers, its part of our DNA and is biologically hard wired – similar to the fight or flight responce.

So, stop justifying being overweight and pretending its great or its all about intellect, try losing a few pounds, I bset you will be amazed with the results.

You are all talking some sense.However men are selfsigh, self-righteous and arrogrant. Women are too needy, and dependent on the opposite sex. Women in general need to take ownership of themselves, thier lives, happiness, finance, and general well-being. Enjoy life as an independent soul, and someone who derserves you will love you for who you are. Another thing relationships take compromise from bth partners. There are too many BOYs you expect their ladies to be their MOTHER. You all need to get over that fact. I know a guy called YSEN , who is a complete arse whole,who is emotionally weak, in mind, and spirit, and his only achievement will be marrying his cousin , since his religion allows it.

Wow, so much bitterness! I agree that looks are what draws us to each other in the beginning but they never provide a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Being financially responsible is of no interest to me when looking at matches, how my partner manages her finances has nothing to do with me and I would tend to avoid ones that have it as a priority. Well done you know how to budget and save, shouldn’t everyone?

The comment about the expensive aftershave made me laugh. Reminded me of the story of the guy who tried to sue lynx aftershaves as he hadn’t had a date in so many years after the ad told him all he needed was the aftershave. Im sure if your worst nightmare of a male slapped on some stupidly expensive aftershave, you wouldn’t fall into bed with him just because he smelt nice!

Heh, for everyone who sees an attribute as a negative, there will be someone who sees it as the opposite – whether that’s weight, financial status or whatever. Personally, to go back OT, I like men who get angry and shout and rant and rave. Can’t stand meek and mild who seem not to care about anything. Someone else mentioned not liking vain men – personally, the more vain the better! After all, they (hopefully!) know themselves better than anyone, and if they don’t think they’re absolutely fantastic, and enjoy making themselves as beautiful as they can be, then why on earth should I?
Just as well we’re not all after the same thing, or a few folk would be having a great time while the rest of us sat home alone

hmmmm very interesting insights from those telling others how they should or shouldnt be, what they should or shouldnt of written in profiles, dont do this and dont do that or do that and you dont have a brain even though your still single. jeez lol

The only truth about attraction is the Latin phrase ‘Amor Omnia vincit’- Love Conquers all, regardless of size, age, wealth, race etc. At the end of the day true love is what we are all looking for….. right?

There MAY be logic behind the idea that overweight people are lazy and though hard, it is possible to change our weight. But how can people justify judging others on their height, skin tone or the shape of their face (Tall dark and handsome)? None of us choose the body we are born in (not unless we can afford surgery) yet it seems that a lot of people judge a person solely on that. It’s quite sad really.

Personally I don’t go for just looks in a man or how much money or what job he does etc.

I just want a nice, kind man who will treat me right. I have not had a lot of good relationships in the past so want someone who will be decent, loving and kind. Someone who enjoys some of the same interests. I don’t care if he has a small paunch on him, I like a little bit, better than being too skinny.

The most important thing is chemistry.

Many of these comments are not a good advert for a dating agency!. I think there are basically 2 ways to fall for someone, they are physically attractive to you and set your heart pounding or they get more beautiful as you get to know them . But then beauty is in the eye of the beholder and different for everyone how many times do you finish a relationship and think ‘I don’t even find him attractive now’.

The inner feelings that rule the choices in your daily life

What do women want???

Whatever it is, I’m not it, I’ve sadly discovered

Having read all 50 responses above many respondents above have valid points. I like two comments especially, by Emma (no.43) and Andy (no.50) who both make a lot of sense. I am certain that almost all well balanced people – regardless of age, wealth, looks or gender – crave both having someone to love and being loved just as much back. It’s in our genes. We’re all hard-wired and compelled to feel this way.
The issue is that so many people, for whatever reason don’t find or perhaps lose their ideal mate. So many things might not match between one’s desires and the realities found in a partner. Relationships are incredibly complex even at the best of times. As a starting point if you try to take good care of yourself, you are giving yourself the best chance of being attractive to another. Do the right things with them – being caring, fun, showing consideration and never forgetting a partner can be taken for granted, and that they too aren’t there to take liberties with either – you give yourself a great chance of any relationship working well.
My ‘issue’ is that though I tend to find women and have a lot going for me (in terms of the discussion above) but I feel often down fearing I’ll lose my partner and that’s hard on anyone with me. Before being criticized sharply about insecurity I’m talking of bereavements, which are damaging when you lose people you love. I don’t know what the solution is, or even if there is one. If anyone out there has sensible suggestions I’d appreciate reading them.