Dating Advice


Writing a new life script

eHarmony

Our life scripts are often written for us and will be influenced by the social, cultural and economic situation we grew up in but there usually comes a time in most peoples lives when they stop and ask themselves if they are doing what they want to do and if they are happy and fulfilled in their life.  If the answer is no it may be time to set about making some adjustments. It isn’t always easy to change your life especially if you have been cast in roles by family, friends and colleagues but maybe you don’t need to change your whole life, just the script you are living by. We at eHarmony believe that everyone can change and find the love and happiness they want and writing a life script is a useful way of doing this.

What’s the story?

Imagine your life as a novel or play, what would the synopsis be for your life up to the present day? Is it a story filled with adventure, passion and romance or one about a life lived in quiet desperation while never really feeling like you were fulfilling your heart’s desire? Of course there are numerous variations between these extremes. The object of the exercise is to try and sum it up in a few sentences and then ask yourself if this is the story you want to continue or whether you are ready to turn the page and start a new chapter.

What are the roles you are playing?

We all have numerous roles, sibling, parent, colleague, citizen, child, friend etc. Some of these roles we choose for ourselves and others were given to us. The important question is, are you happy with how you are fulfilling each of these roles? Are you the kind of parent you want to be or have you adopted the role your own mother or father had and that you swore you would never be like? For each of the roles write how you would like to be, how you are and what changes you could make so that you start to feel proud of yourself in these roles. This isn’t about becoming ‘good’ it’s about becoming ‘authentic’ so that every area of your life reflects you as you are rather than an inherited belief system.

What can you change?

There are some things in life that we can change and some things we can’t. One of the most powerful things we can change is our perception of the past. We can’t change what happened to us but we can change how we think about it. For example, if someone has had a string of abusive or unhappy relationships they might think things like – ‘Bad things always happen to me’; ‘I will never be able to trust anyone’ or ‘I am not lovable’ – believing these stories will have a huge impact on how this person lives their life not just in relationships but at work and in all their contact with family and friends. They will unconsciously pass these beliefs onto their children and will struggle to enjoy life even when good things do happen because they will always be waiting for it all to go wrong.

Someone with exactly the same history but a more optimistic approach may think things like ‘Bad things have happened but I have learnt from all of them’; ‘I have always had people around to love and support me when things went wrong’ or ‘I am a strong, lovable person who has survived and learnt from my experience’ – it is easy to see how much happier this person will be and more open to a new relationship. What you think about you bring about.

How does it end? Write your own obituary

This might sound like a strange thing to do but is it a really powerful part of your new life script. What would you like others to know about you when they read your epitaph? Life isn’t so much about prestige or achievement but about how we live and how much we love the people around us. As Maya Angelou said ‘people may forget what you do, forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them feel’ Don’t get to the end of your life full of regret wishing you had done things differently, start today making the small changes that can make a big difference to those around you and to how you feel about yourself.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

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